Disclaimer: I don't own anything, or I would have had some damn closure for poor Jethro!


Slipped Away


Leroy Jethro Gibbs was working himself to the bone. He hadn't slowed down since she died.

Jenny.

His Jenny, gone from the face of the Earth forever.

All because she was protecting him.

All his fault.

How was he supposed to exist in a place where she didn't? The thought made him sick to his stomach.

He wasn't sure he could handle this kind of loss again.

Someone he loved, ripped away by the murderous hands of someone he could have stopped.

Someone he should have stopped.

If only he had been there.

That particular thought had been running through his mind on a loop, never allowing him to rest.

And even though he couldn't stop working, he had lost the strength to care about what he was doing.

He hadn't even had the strength to fix things and keep his team together. So now he worked cases with a team full of strangers, people he didn't bother to get to know.

People he didn't want to get to know.

Because no one could ever replace what he had lost.


Lost.


As if he looked hard enough, Jenny could be found.

She could be found and he could finally admit to her how he felt.

And she would fall into his arms…

That was another particularly painful thought that ran through his mind.

It happened every time he saw a flash of red hair around the corner, smelled the scent of vanilla and honey, or heard the tinkling of laughter.

For a split second his hope would arise, then it would collapse around him. Engulf his heart and make him sick and would remember. She was gone. Forever.


Closure.


It was something that he wasn't accustomed to getting.

Shannon and Kelly had too been stolen from him without a chance to say goodbye.

But they had known. They had known he loved them.

Had Jenny known? Lying on the cold concrete floor as she faded away, had she known she wasn't alone? That she had never really been alone, that she had always had him.

Or had she lain there, cold and scared, with regrets?

Because he knew a little something about regret.


Regret.


Three years.

Three whole years.

That was how long he had had to tell her everything.

That he still thought of her.

That he still longed for her.

That he still loved her.

And now she would never know.

She would never know because he was too proud.

He wasn't going to be the one to give in first.

What a waste those games were.

Dancing around each other, but never really saying anything.

He sunk to the ground in pain, fleetingly wondered if it would ever go away, but then shook his head at the notion.

Jennifer Shepard had become a part of his soul. An important piece that kept him breathing. An awakening when he thought all was lost.

No, the pain would not be going away.

Even in death Jen was able to pry open his tough exterior and pierce his heart. A feeling that had been so beautiful when she was alive, was certainly going to kill him now that she was gone.


A/N: So yeah, this was kind of a downer, but I wanted to explore what Jethro might be feeling. I hope that they'll do that a little bit in the fall as well, but who knows. Sometimes writers tend to forget important things like, I don't know, giving us poor viewers closure. ONE SCENE!! That's all that I ask. Oh, and that the letter could have said more than "Dear Jethro," because my heart broke along with Gibbs' when I saw that. Sorry, rant over now.