A/N: Heyy everyone! This is a story that was inspired as a spin off of my other story Knock You Down. You don't have to have read that story to understand what's going on in this one, but it would make certain parts less confusing. Seth won't come into the story until the next chapter, but this story will be all about his imprint on 25 year old Jenna. This chapter is just Jenna's backround story that i think you (the readers) should know about her. I hope you enjoy it =) please read and review... let me know if you think i should continue!
Until My Next Update
XOXO
Eclipse Babe
PS: I'm looking for a Beta for all three of my stories... shoot me over a PM or write it in your review if you're interested!
PPS: The link for the people I picture as the characters in this story are on my profile.
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold
Michael Jackson
You Are Not Alone
Chapter 1: Jenna's Past
October 3rd 2009
"Logan, baby, I'm tired. Can we please go home now?" I ask my husband, widening my eyes and peering up at him through my eye lashes.
"If you're ready, that's fine with me. Let's say we go home, and give Ryan a bath and put him to bed, then I can give you a bath and put you to bed," he murmurs in my ear.
"I'd like that," I whisper back, turning around to kiss him tenderly.
We walk back to his car hand in hand, and he opens my door for me, helping me in before sauntering over to his side of the car.
He gets in and buckles up before slowly pulling out of the parking space and driving towards the highway.
"I really like this 'date night' thing. I can't wait to do it again next week," he says kissing my hand that he was holding.
When we get on the highway, he's driving cautiously because it's pouring, and the fog on the ground is extremly thick.
We're two exits away from home when suddenly we see headlights flying towards us, seemingly coming from nowhere.
Logan does all he can to get out of the way, but the ground is too slippery, and the driver of the other car doesn't appear to have seen us.
He squeezes my hand as we brace for impact. The car hits us head on, spinning us out of control into the guard rail and deploying our air bags. The impact from the force sends my head flying back, hitting the head rest so hard, I struggle to remain conscious.
"Jenna, Jenna, honey, are you ok?" I hear Logan barely manage to breathe out.
I try to speak, but for some reason I just can't. I squeeze his hand as hard as I can and turn my head just enough to look him in the eye.
Suddenly, from his side, I see headlights coming towards us again, and this time we're hit on his side, hard. Enough to flip or car over, and crush his seat into mine.
I heard Logan cry out in pain just before my head slams back into the headrest in the same place as before causing me to completely black out.
I spent the next few seconds floating in and out, struggling to keep away from the welcoming blackness, waiting to ensconce me in warmth.
The first time I'm able to break away, I feel blood pooling onto me from Logan's body by my side.
The second time, I feel Logan giving my hand a very weak squeeze.
The third time I barely hear him whisper "I love you," followed by the sounds of screaming and sirens.
Then I'm completely sucked into the welcoming arms of blackness.
What feels like minutes later, I hear beeping around me, and feel bright lights hitting me from all directions, not remembering a thing that happened, only wanting Logan to hold me tight in his arms and bring me Ryan.
I feel the throbbing in the back of my head and I remember the first hit, and me hitting my head.
I slowly open my eyes with a groan when I feel a sharp pain on the left side of my ribs and it hurts to breathe.
I look down to see myself in an ugly, generic hospital gown, and I see countless tubes and monitors connected to me, including one coming out of my torso that hurts when I breathe.
Confused, I look out the window and see blackness. Then over on the wall I see a clock, 2:47, must be AM.
I look in the other corner of the room and see my mom sleeping in an uncomfortable looking plastic chair.
I keep looking around me, not noticing anything new, except the empty feeling I have in my gut.
"Mom," I groan out, feeling my tongue thick and throat dry.
Her eyes snap open, and she's sitting on the edge of my bed in a flash. She takes my left hand into hers, and for the first time, I notice my wedding band is missing.
"Oh, sweetie, I'm so glad you're up, you've had us all worried sick. The doctors think you have a concussion, a contusion to the left hip, two fractured ribs, and they fixed a punctured lung," she says, staring at me as if she's not sure if I'm really awake.
"I feel like crap, how long have I been out?" Confusion, I'm sure. etched all over my face.
"Two days," Mom responds, pushing my bangs away from my face, handing me a cup of water.
I take it from her and drink it quickly, wincing as I move my ribs to hand her back the empty cup.
She looks pained, yet relieved at the same time.
"Do you remember what happened?" she asks me, rubbing her thumb in soothing circles on the back of my hand which I notice is bandaged.
"A little, I remember the car hitting us head on, and hitting my head. Then I remember Logan telling me he loves me, then everything's fuzzy from there," I tell her struggling to remember.
She nods slowly and looks away towards the window.
"Mom, how's Logan and where's Ryan?" I feel the panic rising inside of me.
"Ryan's at our house with your dad and Lizzy," she answers half the question.
"And Logan?" I persist.
"Sweetie, I don't know how to tell you this, but Logan," she pauses, taking a deep breath, "Logan didn't make it. He was pronounced DOA when you got here Saturday night," she tells me with a tear slipping down her cheek.
I feel as if someone's punched a hole through my chest where my heart should be.
I go completely numb and just close my eyes, barely registering my heart rate monitor beeping like crazy next to me.
"Jenna, sweetie, please, say something," my mom pleads.
"You're lying, you have to be lying. He can't be dead, he just can't" I say sternly.
"I'm sorry, Jay, you know I wouldn't lie about something like that," she says, smoothing my hair again.
I catch her hand in mine and pull it away from my hair.
"Go, please just go and leave me alone," I say, turning away from her
"Ok, I'll be back in the morning," she says, getting off of my bed, grabbing her jacket and heading towards the closed door.
I hear her walk to the door, before she stops and turns back to the bed, laying something down on the corner.
Once I hear the door click behind her, I open my eyes and look at what she left on the bed.
It's a baggie with all of the jewelry Logan and I were wearing the night of the accident.
I open the baggie slowly and take out my wedding ring, sliding it back onto my ring finger, then I take out Logan's and try to fit it on my finger, but it's even too big on my thumb.
I begin to cry silently, holding his ring tightly in my fist, cursing the god that took away my husband from me.
He was so young, only 26, fresh out of law school, the father of a three month old baby, and now he was gone.
I didn't know if I wanted to go on. I hated myself for not remembering the last moments I shared with my husband. Did he cry, did I cry, did I tell him I loved him?
I threw my aching head back against the pillow and raised the ring up to the light when I remembered that my necklace was still in the baggie.
I took it out and slid Logan's ring on it to lay next to the charm of a baby boy hanging down from it.
With the last piece of jewelry out I crumbled up the bag and threw it off the bed.
I laid back and buzzed the nurse.
She came in a few minutes and checked my vitals and drew blood, before giving me the pain medicine I requested to help the darkness take me away again.
I woke up the next morning completely groggy, hearing talking in my room.
I open my eyes and see a doctor talking to my parents.
The doctor looks at me and excuses himself from talking with my parents to come by my bed and check on me.
"Well, hello, Jenna. How are you feeling? I'm Dr. Cullen," he extends his free hand to me and I shake it politely.
"You gave us all quite a scare, how are you feeling this morning?" He asks.
I shrug my shoulders, "Ok I guess," I answer, turning my head away to face the window.
"That's good, well, I need to check you out, then I'm going to run a few tests, hopefully we can have you home in a few days," he says with a smile, closing the privacy curtain around my bed.
He moves the blanket away from my body and removes the left side of my hospital gown, first examining the huge purple bruise on my hip. He presses his cool fingers softly along the bone.
"Well, the good news is, your hip isn't broken, just badly bruised. I'm going to have the nurses start you on ice therapy for it twice a day," He tells me, shifting his attention to the bandages and the tube around my midsection.
He removes the dressings and takes a look at the bruising and tube sticking out of my body.
"Everything appears to be healing normally," he says with a smile while redressing the wound with new bandages, "How have you been breathing?"
"Alright, it kind of hurts, but it's not unbearable," I tell him.
He helps me back fully into the hospital gown before helping me slowly sit up on my own so he could examine the back of my skull.
He lifts all of my hair and lightly fingers the back of my head and upper neck, then to my bandaged hand, which when he undresses it I discover is a burn.
"Everything looks like it's healing properly," he tells all of us, moving the privacy curtain back so that I can be seen again.
Both of my parents breathe a sigh of relief as Carlisle asks me to look at him and follow his finger as he shines a light in my eyes.
When he shines the light in my eyes, I get a flashback of the second crash and what happened after.
I close my eyes, and tears slip down my face.
My mom rushes over to me and wraps me in a hug. "Shh, it's ok," she whispers, slowly stroking my hair to calm me like she did when I was little.
"Mom, he's really gone," I sob out, feeling my dad come behind me and rub his strong hand up and down my back.
"It'll be ok, Jenna, you're a strong woman, you'll get through this. Ryan needs you to. He needs his Mommy now more than ever," Mom whispers reassuringly.
"I can't, I can't see him right now. He looks too much like his father," I whisper, not able to say his name.
"You're going to have to, sweetie, he's your baby."
"I know, I know. When's the funeral?" I ask my mom, wiping the tears off of my cheeks, hoping desperately she'll let me change the subject.
"The medical examiner's examining his body and gathering all of the information needed for the case against whoever hit you, that is, if you decide to press charges," she tells me, "Then their releasing his body to you since you were listed on all of his legal documents. His parents want it as soon as you get out of the hospital," she tells me.
"I can press charges?" I ask. She nods in response.
"The cops found him and he was two times over the legal limit of alcohol, the second hit stayed with you two until the cops and ambulance came. It was an elderly couple. Nothing was found in their systems so it's completely up to you if you want to go after one or both," My mom tells me.
"No just the first. If it wasn't for that jerk, I'd still have my husband, and my baby would still have a dad," I snap, shaking slightly, followed by a pained yawn.
"Like I said, it's completely up to you. The police have been checking on you since the day of the accident, so I'm sure they'll be here again today," she says, getting up to look out the window, then my dad takes her spot, fully looking at me for the first time since I've been up.
"Hi, Daddy," his face softens and he kisses my forehead.
"Hi, baby. I'm so sorry, about everything," he tells me, squeezing me into a gentile hug.
"Yeah, me too," I breathe out before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.
I dreamed of Logan and me all day, going in and out of sleep, with countless tests and visitors, including Logan's parents.
Later that night, with my eyes closed and not fully asleep, I hear a baby crying and I instinctually open my eyes to see my sister Lizzy standing in the doorway holding Starbucks in one hand, and Ryan in the other.
My eyes widen and I reach out for him, ignoring the pain it causes me, when I see his little arms struggling to get to me.
She puts the drinks on the table next to my bed and puts Ryan into my arms.
"Hello, my love," I coo, kissing Ryan's little blonde head, hugging him close to my body.
"Hey, Jay, I brought your favorite," Lizzy sings, holding up a strawberry banana smoothie.
"Thanks, Liz," I smile, feeling more calm than I thought I would with Ryan in my arms.
"So, how are you feeling, really, from what Mom keeps saying you're a wreck, and I don't see you acting like that so what gives? I get your husband died and everything and you've barely been out of a four day coma for 24 hours, but since when is my big sister a wimp who wants to sleep through everything?" I can always count on Lizzy to give her honest opinion on anything.
I shrug my shoulders, shifting Ryan to my right side and picking up my cup in my left hand.
"I just feel so empty without him, like I have nothing left for me," I look into her eyes, looking for the truth.
"Well, honestly that's dumb. You did lose a major person in your life, but your not alone. I'm standing right here, you still have Mom, Dad, and the rest of our family, not to mention Logan's whole family, hmm and I'm forgetting someone. Oh yeah, that baby in your arms who needs you now more than ever. Not only does he need you to be his Mommy and be strong for him, you're going to have to take over the role of Daddy too. At least until you get someone else in his life for that."
I kiss Ryan's head before I say, "I don't think I can ever love anyone as much as I loved Logan."
She shrugs her shoulders, nodding her head, "So, have you talked to the cops about what happened?" She asks, crossing her legs as she sits on the radiator in the room.
I nod, "Yeah, I told them everything I remembered, and I'm pressing charges on the drunk jerk who hit us in the first place, Logan's partner came to talk to me today also. You know, god forbid the let me ease into this stuff slowly, nope the second I'm up they throw me to the sharks. I still don't even know how he died, or looked at myself in a mirror," I look at her desperately, then down to Ryan who's sleeping peacefully in my arms.
She comes over to the bed and sits down next to me, "I'm so sorry, sis," she looks at me like she wants to help, but doesn't know what to do.
"And I'm sick of hearing that," I gently bounce Ryan, not taking my eyes off of his face that's so much like Logan's.
A nurse comes in with an ice pack after minutes of silence between Liz and I.
She looks at Lizzy first, then at me, then down at Ryan.
"Hi, Mrs. Kinsley, I'm nurse Ramirez, I'm going to be your nurse tonight," she says, coming over to me and placing the ice pack over my contusion.
"And who is this little one?" she asks, looking down at Ryan.
"This is my son, Ryan," I tell her, staring back down at him as he yawns.
"Well, he's just precious. You and your husband are so lucky to have him. How old is he?"
"Three months," I say with a quivering voice, one tear slowly sliding down my cheek.
"Oh, I'm sorry, that was inappropriate of me," she says and I see the blood rushing to her cheeks.
"It's ok, can you just get some information for me please. I've been up all day, and have had so many people in and out of here today, and I still don't know how he died. I know he was pronounced DOA but no one will tell me what was the thing that killed him," I tell her.
"I'll try to find out for you, it might take some snooping though. I'll promise I'll have something for you," she tells me before leaving the room.
Ryan looks up at me and I see him puckering his lips like he does when he gets hungry.
"Did you bring any bottles, Liz?" I ask her, looking for Ryan's diaper bag.
She shakes her head no, and I sigh, "How can you not carry his diaper bag around? He needs to eat, and what if you need to change him?"
She looks at me like I'm crazy, "I have diapers in the car, why? Does he need to be changed?"
I shake my head, "No, but he needs to be fed. You know, a diaper bag can hold bottles too, that's why I carry one, now help me sit up right so I can feed him," I tell her, handing Ryan to her so I can shift my hospital gown to breast feed him before he can start crying and disturb the other patients.
She comes over and sits next to me on my bed, supporting my back with her arm, "You're such a mom, I'm glad I still have you around" she kisses my cheek.
"Yeah, me too, I just wish my husband was around too."
She looks at me with pure confidence in her eyes, "You'll get through this, I know you will. You're the strongest woman I know, don't let this change that, I know it's a lot to get through, but I'm here for you every step of the way. Anything you or Ryan need, I'll be there in a flash," she pulls me into her arms as nurse Ramirez comes back into the room, holding a huge stack of papers, quickly shutting the door behind her.
"Ok, so do you want it quick and fast, or do you want me to leave these with you and let you read them in your own time?" she asks.
"I don't think I'd be able to get through all of that on my own."
"Do you want us to stay?" Lizzy asks me.
I nod and she holds my free hand that I don't have Ryan in.
"Ok, so pretty much all of this says that he had severe blunt trauma to the head, but the blood loss was what ultimately what lead to his death," she says with a grim expression on her face.
"Holy shit," Lizzy exclaims, causing Ryan to start crying.
I'm crying too as I try to quiet him.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Kinsley," Nurse Ramirez says, taking the ice off of my hip.
"Just tell me one thing, was it a quick death?" I ask.
She nods her head, "He was gone before they even got him halfway here."
I sigh, relieved, but continue to cry.
"I'll be back later to check on you, your tests came back pretty well, I think Dr. Cullen's going to take out the chest tube tomorrow, then you can go home after a day or two of observation. That is if we can get you on your feet, walking steady. Has anyone even tried to get you going today?" she asks while at the door.
I shake my head no and wipe my eyes, "No one's even offered."
"Ugh, I swear," she scoffs, "I'll be back in a few minutes to take your catheter out so you can try. It might be a little uncomfortable but I think we can get you walking," she says before leaving the room.
"Why is she worried about you walking? Did you hurt your legs too?"
"No, but I have a huge contusion on my hip and a tube inserted in my lung. I'm just going to be really sore while I walk, especially since I haven't in two days," I wince, moving to change my position.
"How bad is it?" she asks, coming over to the left side of my bed.
I pull up my hospital gown to show her the deep purple blotches of skin.
"Oh my fricking god," she says, reaching out to touch it before quickly stopping herself, "how much does that hurt?"
"Less than my two cracked ribs and punctured lung," I tell her with a laugh void of all emotion, followed by a cough.
"If there's anything I can do," she starts, but I cut hr off.
"Just take care of Ryan until I get out, oh and do you have a mirror with you? I still haven't seen myself since I woke up," I say, trying desperately to stop my hands from shaking as she digs through her purse, finally pulling out her compact.
She hands it to me and takes Ryan from my arms at the same time.
I open it carefully, then gasp when I lock eyes with the girl staring back at me.
I have a deep cut through my left eyebrow with four stiches in it, a bruise on my right cheek, and a cut on the right side of my lower lip.
I quickly close the compact handing it over to Lizzy, "No one is ever going to love me again with these scars."
"You're still beautiful, the right guy for you will be able to look past that," she says with a smile, giving me a small glimmer of hope, "We'll see you tomorrow."
