I See
I see the way you look,
at the people on the streets.
Trying to be cavalier,
you still wish to be them.
To be loved by someone,
cherished, adored.
Even though you say no,
I see it in your face, your eyes.
I hear it in your voice,
the sound of a jaguar in a cello.
When we first met,
I saw these things,
though you don't think I can.
Now when I walk in the room,
I see.
I see the smile that I put on your face.
I hear the love pour into your words.
I see the eye crinkles that you get when you're happy.
I see the progress in your work when I am there.
I see the pain in your eyes when I leave.
I see the loneliness in your heart.
Now…
I saw the fall you took for me,
for us all.
You were gone.
I saw your body on the ground,
blood running down your face.
I saw them take you to the morgue,
I needed to see if it was for real.
I saw the people at the funeral,
Shocked, bewildered.
They saw me, heartbroken,
alone, a left behind soul mate.
After a month,
I went back.
Finally had enough courage,
to see you.
I felt my heart break,
for a second time.
I didn't move for hours,
she had to come and get me,
another person you left behind.
After forever it seemed,
I got back into the rhythm of things.
I won't go back to that place,
Our place.
It stays empty,
I pay the rent to keep it as is.
I don't know why I do it,
it just feels wrong to touch your things.
I met another,
she makes me feel almost normal.
She sees me getting better,
becoming whole once more.
Moving on.
Three years,
it has been.
I visit your grave,
on the anniversary of the Fall.
My fiancé wants to take me out.
I refuse. I just want to be alone today.
She sees that,
but insists.
We go to a new restaurant,
symbolic for a new start.
We got wine,
a delicious dinner.
Our check,
I see the hand that holds onto the book.
It reminds me of you.
I sigh,
repressing memories.
The waiter stands patiently,
I hand over the book.
"Thank you.",
That is your voice.
My head snaps up,
shock in my eyes.
I see your face,
smiling sadly.
My heart breaks again,
I know you are dead.
I grab for Mary,
we leave.
I look back once more,
you look hurt, broken.
It is you.
I see you again.
I see us again.
I see everything.
But most importantly,
I see me.
