Chapter One: The Happening (Here Goes Nothing)
Anko thought she was sick. She really did. She was a ninja and she was still too stupid to connect the dots.
To be fair, so was Kakashi. They were still teenagers and teenagers didn't think much about pregnancies, not even accidental ones.
He was cooking breakfast and she was sitting at the kitchen table one morning that summer… when all of a sudden the usually pleasant smell of breakfast wafted over to her as a sharp stench that overwhelmed her nostrils. She choked and felt bile rise up in her throat.
Kakashi looked around and frowned as Anko sprinted to the bathroom, knelt, and threw up into the toilet. He turned off the stove and walked quickly and calmly over to the bathroom. "Sick?" he asked, leaning in the doorway.
"Yeah, I think so. You go ahead to ANBU squad training. I'll just stay home today; I'll be fine," Anko forced out, still bowing over the porcelain goddess.
"Are you sure? I can stay home with you and take care of you," said Kakashi, looking slightly concerned.
Anko looked up and grinned, her face still a bit clammy and pale. "Relax. I was stabbed in the leg last mission without you there and I turned out fine then. I'm a big girl; I can handle it."
"Well I know you can handle it," said Kakashi irritably. "I was just offering -"
"I know." Anko's smile and her eyes softened. "And thanks. But come on. You can't cut ANBU training every time your girlfriend gets sick. It would set a bad precedent."
"That's true…" Kakashi admitted slowly. "Have you had any other symptoms?"
"Besides the random vomiting? I'm tired as fuck and I've been peeing like crazy," said Anko with typical blunt, flat crassness. "It sucks. I saw some pink spotting on my underwear a few days ago? If I'm coming down with some sort of kidney infection I swear I'm going to lose my shit."
Kakashi definitely looked concerned now, more openly than a few minutes ago. "And… you're sure you don't want me to stay home?"
"Positive," said Anko, flushing the toilet and getting up off her knees.
"... I'm coming back over here on my lunch break. And you're not going on a mission until you feel better," Kakashi decided. Anko opened her mouth furiously, and Kakashi smiled. "Doctor's orders."
Anko blushed but ducked her head sullenly and shyly. "Kay," she muttered; they said their goodbyes and Kakashi left.
Over the next few days, Anko stayed home, impatient and bored, but nothing more out of the ordinary happened. Weirdly? None of her established symptoms went away either.
It took an embarrassingly long time for her to figure it out.
She was looking over her calendar at the house one morning after Kakashi had left, shifting from one foot to the other. "Man, my periods usually run like clockwork," she muttered to herself, looking over her calendar. "It's my second day of missed period and -"
And she paused. And paled.
She thought back over it all in her mind frantically, wanting to dismiss the idea. It couldn't be, could it? But she supposed it was possible… sometimes they used protection and other times they just didn't…
That was when her weirdest recent symptom of all came to her mind, one she hadn't thought had anything to do with being sick at all - something she'd just written off as a kind of weird, temporary happening.
Her breasts and nipples were unusually tender and sore, the areolas darker and wider than was usual.
It couldn't be. But that was it. It was time to put this weird little irrational fear to rest.
No one ever had to know she had done this on this afternoon alone at home, she told herself. She'd hide the test from the nin-dogs on the way to and from the bathroom. She'd throw the test outback in the bin right after it came back negative. Set fire to it. Do whatever she had to do so that nobody ever knew.
She grabbed one of the cheap budget brand basic home pregnancy tests off of a drugstore shelf, grabbed about five packs of Twizzlers, and dumped the entire lot on the drugstore counter, glaring. She was daring, silently, for the clerk to say something. Almost hoping for the fight to pick because she was so damned nervous.
But the clerk gave her a single glance after seeing the home pregnancy test, then gave her everything and let her pay, his face neutral and his eyes stoically downward.
Back at home, she read the directions and did as they asked. Sit down on the toilet, start peeing, stop in midflow, put the stick down there, pee on the stick. Easy enough.
She waited for that reassuring negative and promised herself she'd never have unprotected sex again.
But the universe didn't care about her damn promises, apparently. Because for a moment all the breath seemed to leave her as she stared at the stick. A faint positive line appeared - and then it stayed faint. Almost unseeable.
But it definitely wasn't a negative.
"... What the fuck does that mean?!" she shrieked in the middle of the bathroom, irrationally infuriated.
The nin-dogs came sprinting into the room. "Anko, what's going on -?!" Pakkun, the head of Kakashi's nin-dogs, froze when he saw the home pregnancy test, the rest of the pack behind him. "Oh, fuck," said Pakkun distinctly, seeing the positive result.
"We were wondering why she smelled different," one of the other nin-dogs muttered.
"Please don't tell him. Wait for me to tell him," Anko begged desperately from her pathetic place on the toilet. "More than that, wait for me to be sure."
"You smell different. I don't know how much more sure you can be," said Pakkun skeptically, and he sounded annoyingly like Kakashi in that moment.
"The line's too faint! I have to check with someone!" Anko snapped defensively.
"Okay," said Pakkun, as if throwing up his hands in defeat. "But look, our ultimate loyalty is to Kakashi, so you've got forty-eight hours to figure this out and break the news."
Anko stretched back in her mind. Who would know? Only the girls, she unconsciously assumed. But Yugao and Kurenai had never been pregnant! They were both teenagers, her age!
Kushina-sama, she realized. Kushina-sama would know.
She leaped across rooftops to the small, humble home Kushina and the Fourth Hokage had chosen to live in. She knocked and rang the doorbell, jumping nervously on the balls of her feet.
Kushina opened the door and smiled warmly. "Anko! How nice to see y -!" She frowned, more perceptive than she acted. "What's wrong?" she asked immediately.
"Can I - come in?" Anko asked, wincing. Kushina immediately stepped aside to let her through. To Anko's relief, the house behind Kushina was empty.
Anko refused tea, to Kushina's enormous surprise. Instead, taking a deep, bracing breath, she sat right down in an armchair - Kushina took the sofa across the coffee table - and told the whole story, getting right to the point.
Kushina looked surprised and somber as Anko finished.
"I did as I promised myself - I burned the test into ashes and threw the ashes out back in the bin under a big pile of other trash. Then I cleaned the place of any smoke smell and came here," said Anko anxiously. "No one knows I'm here except the nin-dogs.
"Because Kushina-sama, it can't be true, can it? I mean - I'm too young to be pregnant! We even used protection some of the time! And the line was too faint - surely a faint line means it's just a mistake, right? That it's not a definite thing?"
Anko was practically begging for this all to be true.
"Oh, Anko, you are definitely old enough to get pregnant," said Kushina, her eyes wide and concerned. "Once you've hit your periods, you're old enough. And protection some of the time doesn't always cut it. In fact, a few percent of the time, protection all the time doesn't always cut it - protection all the time just decreases your chances as much as anything humanly possible can.
"Oh, Anko, we assumed - I mean, you two are usually so good when it comes to sex education. I guess we should have asked. You are still teenagers."
"But the line - it was faint!"
"Yes, well," said Kushina, becoming calmer, as if finally taking in and accepting this information, "some, more expensive tests give stronger readings than the inexpensive models."
Anko lowered her head sheepishly, remembering grabbing a budget brand basic and five packs of Twizzlers off of a drugstore shelf.
"But even a very faintly positive home pregnancy test is a positive pregnancy," said Kushina, concerned and maternal to the end. "I know, because Minato and I are going to try and have a kid ourselves this coming year - theoretically, the same year as your kid."
The words hit Anko's stomach like a ton of bricks. Your kid.
"So I've been doing some reading," Kushina finished carefully. "... Do you… want me to help you calculate the due date?"
"Can we even if I'm not even certain when it… happened?" Anko asked tentatively.
"Of course. Almost no one knows exactly when their child was conceived. That's ridiculous," said Kushina, no-nonsense and matter of fact.
And she took up a piece of paper and a pencil and she showed Anko the correct mathematical calculations involved in figuring out a theoretical due date. The date they got: February 18th.
Anko became dizzy with fear and nervousness, staring down at the threatening date on the piece of paper atop the coffee table. Your kid. Due date: February 18th.
Shit.
"Kakashi would be seventeen… and you would be sixteen… assuming the baby is born and you decide to keep it," Kushina finished gently.
Anko felt like the biggest fuck-up and the largest idiot on the face of the planet. Just when she'd thought she finally had it all together… Fuck. She was now involved in an accidental teenage pregnancy that had been conceived in a way consisting of Gothic outfits and kinky BDSM sex.
That just fucking figured.
At least she'd conceived the kid with a loving, established boyfriend and a healthy, committed relationship. Not that she was sure that would last anymore at this point, she thought dully. Really, how many young relationships survived accidental pregnancies?
"Anko." Anko looked up, wide-eyed and panicked. "You have to tell him," said Kushina, gentle but firm. "Before his summons do. You have to tell Kakashi, and the two of you should figure out what to do from there together.
"You owe him that. It's his kid, too."
"But Kushina-sama… he's going to be furious with me," said Anko in dread.
"He shouldn't be anymore furious with you than you are with yourself," said Kushina firmly. "It takes two to have accidental, unprotected sex. From the sounds of it, you've both been dumb.
"This isn't just on you, Anko. It's on him, too. That's the only reason he gets a say," said Kushina seriously. "Because we're assuming he takes it on equally as his responsibility."
Anko sat very still, shoulders hunched in, as she heard the keys turn in the lock, as she heard Kakashi get home from work. Kakashi walked in - Anko was just sitting there, looking timid, the house dark around her. All his summons looked somber.
"Okay," was the first thing he said, "if you aren't dying, I am going to call this overreacting."
Anko laughed uneasily. "Keep that in mind," she said weakly.
Hearing her laugh and joke a little, Kakashi assumed all was well and he walked into the house's kitchenette -
"I'm pregnant."
Kakashi froze.
"And you're the only person I've been having sex with… obviously," said Anko uneasily. "I took a home pregnancy test and then went to see Kushina-sama today. The test was positive, which Kushina-sama says means it's a definite thing. We managed to calculate the due date… it's in mid February. February 18th.
"Kushina-sama and your Sensei are thinking of having a baby this same year. That's how she knew…"
Kakashi just stood there, frozen.
"Please say something," said Anko quietly.
"I'm not… I'm just… going back over it… fuck," he realized, grabbing a kitchen chair and sitting slowly down. He went through it all frantically in his head. Was it -? Yes, he realized distantly, it was possible.
"I am literally the stupidest person I have ever met," he finally said slowly.
Anko smiled uneasily. "I've been thinking the same thing all day…" she admitted.
Kakashi sat back. "What the hell do we do?" he said, as if to himself, bewildered and still in shock.
"I've been thinking about it all day… and I don't like the idea of getting an abortion," Anko admitted. Kakashi's head shot up. Anko bit her lip. "I mean, I know I seem like the type of girl who should be all gung ho, but -"
"Of course," said Kakashi sharply, "the kid's not getting aborted unless you really feel you need it," and Anko relaxed. "I meant… do we give it up for adoption?" he finally finished uneasily.
"I…" Anko took a deep breath, "would like to raise it. The kid. I want to be a mother if I'm going to have a kid. And I understand if you don't want to stay and do that, and I won't judge you for that at all, and -?"
"Who exactly do you take me for?"
Anko looked up. Kakashi sounded and looked… genuinely hurt.
"I'm not giving up my child and my child's mother," he said slowly. "No. Not an option. Responsibility? That, I'm good at. It was always the more spontaneous parts that got me."
"I just…" Anko picked at her sleeves. "I just didn't want you to resent me… or anything…"
Kakashi had put a hand over hers. Warily, Anko looked up.
"Everything will be okay," he said with a small smile. Anko relaxed - scrubbed childishly at the tears in her eyes and nodded.
"So - not a kidney infection," she said at last, and they both laughed weakly, incredulously, sitting back.
Kakashi began thinking out loud. "Marriage isn't legal until both are age eighteen," he mused. "And we would only be seventeen and sixteen at birth… but we do live together. And anyone can apply to start a clan at under eighteen. The kid could get both our surnames, hyphenated. It could work," he mused, calculating.
Anko realized Kakashi really was like the dogs he summoned. That kind of automatic loyalty and duty - that was what this was for him, it was what came naturally. She was very lucky and blessed, she realized in amazement.
"Hatake-Mitarashi. I like that," she said, her tone purposefully light. "Thanks for not just assuming we'll take your name."
"I wouldn't dare," said Kakashi wryly, "not with you," and they shared a brief, amused smile.
"You know… when we apply for clan status, the whole village will know," she added quietly.
"Yeah, well, fuck them. None of them liked us anyway," said Kakashi flatly, unusually Anko for a moment.
Anko snorted and smirked. "True," she admitted. "I'll have to be taken off of active-duty and all missions until after the kid's born. That'll suck."
"It's necessary," said Kakashi sharply, protectiveness already entering his voice.
"Yeah. That's why it'll suck," said Anko bluntly. "... What about you?"
"... ANBU isn't an option," said Kakashi grimly. "Too many high-class missions. Too much chance of death. And I'll have to take Jounin-level missions more sparingly, too.
"Fuck," he said, putting his head in his hand, suddenly tired. "... We have to tell people," he suddenly realized, his eyes widening. "And not just the village. We have to tell our friends."
"Yeah." Anko winced. "I've been thinking about that, too."
There was somberness in the little house for a moment.
"Guest room'll be the nursery," Anko ventured at last. "... Do you think we'll ever get used to the idea? Grow to care for the kid? Stop feeling shocked - or like we can't breathe?"
"I don't know," Kakashi admitted. "God I hope so. Neither of us had great parenting models to work off of. We'll have to try to be better than the people who raised us - not take our own shit out on our kid.
"We can't punish them. This isn't their fault. But our parenting figures sucked."
"I know. Scares the shit out of me," said Anko softly, her eyes distant. "Here goes nothing."
