"And here's your bloody tie back, you bastard, and your cloak, and your everlasting roses, and your other cloak, and your love letters, and your boxers-"
Draco flushed scarlet in embarrassment, before he stood up angrily, bunched all the stuff that she was trying to give back to him and dumped it in back in her arms. "The hell are you doing?"
"I am breaking up with you." Hermione stated, glaring at him.
"Why?" he hissed. "What the hell did I do?"
"WHAT DID YOU DO?" she screamed. "WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU INSULTED THE WARRIOR PRINCESS!"
Draco scrunched his nose up in confusion. "Who?"
"XENA!" Hermione screeched at him, livid. "WE WERE WATCHING MUGGLE TV AT MY APARTMENT LAST NIGHT AND YOU INSULTED XENA THE WARRIOR PRINCESS! I PROMPTLY THREW YOU OUT ON YOUR ASS! OR ARE YOU TOO DAFT TO REMEMBER?"
"Really, Granger? That's why you're mad at me? I insulted some silly muggle show, and you see that as fit reason to leave me?"
"IT'S NOT SOME SILLY LITTLE MUGGLE SHOW!" Hermione threw her hands up. "IT'S XENA!"
Draco put on his best innocent little puppy look. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how much Trina meant to you. Forgive me?"
She shrieked in exasperation, turned on her heel and left.
He followed her around the office all day, begging her forgiveness. He even bought her a gigantic bouquet of roses, tied the stems up with a note that was adorned in sweet cliches, and sent it off by owl with a cupcake from the bakery she loved.
She came to his office.
He looked hopeful.
She slapped the hopeful look off his face.
She left his office.
Harry, who shared an office with Draco, laughed merrily. "Mate, what did you do?"
Draco sighed. "I insulted some stupid muggle show called Xena."
Harry's eye twitched. "You WHAT?" Throwing down his work in a huff, Harry stormed out of the office and went to go high-five Hermione.
When Draco left work at six that evening, he returned to his flat to discover an owl waiting for him patiently. A brown package tied up in string and a note was with it.
Draco,
I figured these would do you some good.
- Harry.
Ripping into the package, Draco discovered the box set for all six seasons of Xena: The Warrior Princess.
Draco thought about how much he valued his sanity.
He thought about how much he loved Hermione Granger.
Hermione won out. He popped in the first season and leaned back. This was going to be a long night.
The next morning, Hermione received a letter by owl.
Hermione,
You are as pretty as any warrior princess. Except, I am much better looking than this other Draco person. Plus, he is a jackass. I am less of a jackass. Please tell the big man that I will not be at work today because I have not slept for twenty-four hours because of the Xena DVDs that Harry oh-so-thoughtfully sent me.
Love,
Draco
Hermione spat out her morning coffee. "He- he- he actually…" she spluttered. She called in both her and Draco's sick days to the Ministry, and threw down a pinch of floo powder, then disappeared into the green flames.
Hermione found herself in front of a snoring Draco sprawled out and drooling on the cushy sofa in his living room, while the ending credits of a Xena episode played. She smiled to herself and paused the tape. She smiled down at her sleeping boyfriend.
Draco groaned and mumbled in his sleep before he opened his eyes. "Hi." he grumbled tiredly, as he grabbed her hands and pulled her on top of him. A small shriek of surprise escaped her lips and he laughed.
"Hi yourself." she smirked at him. "So you watched Xena, huh?"
"I'm not apologising again. I've said I'm sorry plenty of times."
"Well maybe," she bent down and kissed him. "You could apologise in a different way."
"Yeah, okay," he wrapped her arms around her waist. "But you gotta wear one of those flippy leather skirts."
"Shut up."
