Disclaimer: This whole Story, the Potterverse and everything awesome does not belong to me. It belongs to that lucky little JK Rowling. Who I wish I could be.
Ah, Other Character: Other characters are hot. As in, Paris Hilton Hawt. nods I've said it many times, Paris Hilton is a skank bag, and I like it… not like that. And by not like that I mean, not as in the non-sexual way. Meaning, I don't like her, I like her sexual-ness. I'm just going to shut up and actually start, you know, writing a fan fiction.
Lily/James. Because we all love a story where we know how it ends but not how it got there.
This fic will take turns, UH, yay? From one person to the other person and all kinds of strange Voyeuristic in-betweens.
THEME SONGS ARE FUN.
This theme song - Charlie by Sophie Koh
Beta-read by Trapped Rabbit - Hottest thing since Paris Hilton was mentioned in the last paragraph.
Welcome to the world of Sirius Black:
"Wake Up James-y. Rise and shine!"
My God. I am an off tune wanker. James was right – time to get that checked out; my vocal chords really shouldn't sound so distorted.
"Sunshine: Hello, you look wonderful! Darling James-y, yeah!"
Doesn't matter, though, because I don't listen to anything James says anyway.
Especially: "Go AWAY!" through fits of refusing-to-get-up-ness. Because, James, that is pathetic.
"Augmenti"
Insert Maniacal Laughter Here, Maestro.
"Fuck off Sirius. AND STOP LAUGHING MANICALLY," screeched James as he jumped up, trying to get the water off his carefully tousled hair. Even while he slept he played with it.
I could have sworn I was laughing manically in my head.
Poor Bugger, had a relatively rough night, though. In a total of 2 hours James was turned down by Lily Evans 263 times. I think he may have been suicidal.
"Come on James up you get," you always have to speak to James as though speaking to a small child, early in the morning, which is the way everyone talks to me, "Put on your shirt, and here's your tie."
Nodding slowly, I hoped he wouldn't decide to be difficult. I wasn't in a spanking mood.
Moony was already dressed and gone to Transfiguration and he was the one who usually did the reasoning with James.
I hate my job.
Seriously. I hate it.
Laughter?
Laughter is not good as you enter a room.
Certainly not good.
"Potter!" bellowed Lily. "Where in the name of Merlin's hairy trousers are your pants?"
"Damn!" He muttered, low enough so only I could hear, "I did this for you, Evans."
James had fat thighs. I'm just saying.
"What? You forgot your pants for me?" asked Lily shooting a revolted glance at the boxers covered in tiny golden snitches. That moved. The snitches, I mean. Not the… boxers.
"Umm. Sure? And you know if you'll go out with me, I'ma gunna let ya see a lot more of this," said James, raising his eyebrows at Lily. Who looked like she was going to jump on top of him… Not in a sexual way, more in an 'I'ma gunna tear your face off' way.
"Come on, James. We have to go now." I nudged him in his ribs to save his face.
"Farewell, my favourite red-headed concubine," he yelled as he magicked on his pants and I dragged him across the room.
Lily's face went red. I turned to James, "You idiot. Do you even know what 'concubine' means?"
"It means… Pretty," he said, nodding knowledgably, "I know how to use words to drive the ladies crazy."
I glanced back, to where Lily was hexing a first year into oblivion.
"Um… Yeah," I agreed uncertainly.
Well, what I mean is, that was just how I wake up. Marauders are always covered with controversy: James and his Lily obsession, Remus and his 'Furry little problem' and me and being a Black in Gryffindor.
--
Leaning back on the legs of my chair, I was trying my best to listen to McGonagall. By the wrinkled degree of her face, I was sure she was talking about something very important.
But it was no use. I couldn't concentrate with that… new one sitting at the end of the row. What was her name? Someone had told me. Bev? Eva? Bernadette, maybe?
A million notes I could write her crossed through my mind, each as provocative as the next, James calls it a one track mind, I call it being Sirius-ly (ha) good-looking, being a ladies-man was part of that curse.
She just stared up at McGonagall with this strange look on her face, until I also looked at McGonagall, who had just transformed into a cat, it was as though it was, you know, amazing or something.
Blondie,
It's Hogsmeade this weekend, did you want to go out or something?
- Sirius
It was short but sweet I smiled as I reviewed the letter that never failed to gain me an attractive female companion for the weekend.
James was in a Lily daze, you know, the kind you get when you feel kinda dead. Nonetheless, I tried my luck. "James-y, pass this to Blondie down the end of the row. Hey James who is she anyway?" I asked him. But to no prevail, just as I was about to ask Peter, she raised her hand, so I would have forget it and try to listen to McGonagall.
"Professor, I was just wondering whether you chose what to become or does it just happen?"
I yawned, quite loudly too, I learned all about animagi in grade five, you know, when I became one.
"Mr. Black," Said McGonagall wryly, her lips pursed into a tiny little line that would do nothing to slow down the ageing process for her. "Since you seem to find this subject so boring perhaps you could tell the class?"
"Sure." I said, trying to look unfazed and debonair by the obvious point to which I hadn't been listening to. "You don't choose Blondie. It chooses you. You, I would see, would be a bird of Paradise or something very attractive."
"That's not for you to comment on Mr. Black."
McGonagall was glaring daggers at me enough for Lily and herself.
I tried Peter, who was sitting next to Lily. Ah Peter, of course he knew to pass the note PAST Lily. And, it looked as though he would do as such, until he realized that his short little arms couldn't reach past Lily and then figured that he would just ask the devil woman to pass it along.
STUPID, STUPID BOY.
attacks self and crawls into little ball '
Lily wrote back -
Bite me.
Um, Gladly?
"Sirius, what did Lily write to you? Is it about getting me to go to Hogsmeade with her this weekend? Do you think she likes me?" He said, spindly fingers trying to grab the note from my hand.
James didn't function until after 10 am.
At which time he was on almost equal normal par with me. Until then, however, he was a walking monkey.. I mean, do monkeys walk? Or… brain hurt Ow. Okay.
"Hmm… Let's think." I said in mock thoughtfulness. Mock thoughtfulness was a strong point of mine. "She hexed you until you had Loser written on you face, Was the only Gryffindor who laughed at you when you fell off your broom during our match against Slytherin, and who Could forget the fiasco in 5th grade where she said she wouldn't date you straight after you stood up for her and I told you that she you thought were conceited. I really think you've got a chance."
"Really?"
"No."
"Well moony," asked James "Do you agree with Padfoot, international arsehole?"
"Yes, actually, I do." Said Remus quietly, looking down at the cover of his transfiguration book.
"Ha!" I yelled at James, a little too loudly for class "Moony's the smart one and he agrees with ME!"
"Sirius, stop it." He swatted me. "But, Moony she was looking back at me."
"Was it glaring?" Moony asked cynically.
"Maybe," Said James unable to look Moony in the eye. "Well it was still looking back right?"
"Sure," said Moony sarcastically.
Please, hold your Applause for Eveleen Draconis, who really doesn't deserve such applause because you are simply implying that then you would be watching her, and that would be creepy.
Outside the classroom was a good feeling. It was freedom bottled and put into to tiny bottles of general all round awesome-icity… or whatever.
However, it was cold at Hogwarts, and I was walking from the classroom ALONE. Lily had rushed off to study for NEWTs; whatever they were… leaving me completely lost in the middle of a castle I had been at for a total of one whole day.
I had a map somewhere, and then.
Please cue the horror music:
…
Uh, now?
dun, dun, dun
Thank you.
I peeked inside the bag and "Shit. I have ink all over my books." I muttered as I tried to wriggle free my wand from the mess of ink without having it everywhere on my hands.
Not that having ink on my book wasn't bad enough I had to drop my bag on some one's toe. I stooped down to pick up the books, covered in ink from the ground and so did the person who I dropped my bag on. He was tall, with black hair, deep gray eyes, and a scowl on his brow that made my heart flutter.
"And Blondie, Who, might I ask, the hell are you?"
"Eveleen Draconis…" I said. I was hardly ever one to be embarrassed. But I sure was now. "And who, may I ask, are you?" I asked as coolly as possible as someone that had just dropped a bag splattered with ink onto someone who I would possibly have to see for the rest of my schooling career.
"Sirius, Sirius Black." He said as though I ought to know this. "I thought my reputation preceded me?" He said haughtily, though it had, this was the boy Lily had asked m to stay away from. So, he knew who I was and I knew who he was.
"I'm new." I explained.
"Oh well, would you like a guide?" He asked.
Answer him: Fuck off.
"No I have Lily Evans thank you."
Damn manners.
"I don't see her anywhere." He said looking around, in mock thoughtfulness, which was actually quite adorable.
I couldn't argue with that.
"Fine then." I scowled.
Because Murder Mystery Comic style introductions are fun, please let me introduce James Potter's segment in such a way:
Meanwhile, skipping past the library…
Skipping is fun.
Not as fun as Quidditch, but nonetheless, fun.
Until Sirius sees me and then hits me and tells me to stop being a prat, which should all of a sudden happen if I am really skipping through halls because, in all honesty, things like that happen to me all the time.
"Potter!"
Hark, the voice of an angel saying my name, last name.
Saying? Shouting…
"Yes, my dear Lili-kins?"
Oh dear, she hadn't approved pet names.
Prepare for Death glare.
"Were you skipping?"
YES.
"Uh, no?"
She made this adorable little disgusted noise in the back of her throat that sounded like: muchkahapa.
"Why does it matter to you if I was skipping, anyway?" I asked.
Nice play Potter, nice play.
"It matters because I will not have my fellow head boy skipping around like a lunatic."
Oh.
And just for the record, I know exactly what Sirius would say if he was here.
"Are you sure it's not because you fancy me Evans?" Not that Sirius would say that, but that's all I can think right now.
"Can't we have ONE conversation where that little obsession of yours is NOT bought up?"
My obsession? Lily?
Of course it has to be bought up if I'm talking to my obsession.
"Sure. What else do you want to talk about?"
Normal response Potter. Well Done.
YEAH!
"Why did you just 'yeah'?"
Way to ruin it.
"Oh, look, a Snarglepuff!"
Run.
Please also remind me to never use get away lines from people such as Xenophilius
Lovegood.
Please Review. Actual PLOT WILL START NEXT CHAPTER.
Promise.
xx
