Commander Chakotay, former first officer of the Federation starship Voyager, stood shivering in the harbour. The morning air was heavy with fog and the sun had yet to rise properly. This was precisely the type of experience he had missed while in the Delta Quadrant, forced to breathe nothing but recycled air for weeks or months on end, but the circumstances of this outing were doing nothing to sweeten his bitter mood.
He turned to face the end of the gravel lane as a movement caught his attention. His former commanding officer materialized and bounced along the path toward him, wearing a woollen sweater over a summer dress and leggings, her hair loose and swinging behind her. She looked warm and cheerful. The dark circles that had set up camp under her striking blue eyes during their time on Voyager had vanished. The frown lines around her mouth and eyes had followed suit and she looked bright and young and happy.
"Coffee, Chakotay?"
They were the first words she had spoken to him in months. He felt more than a little off-balance as she smiled her signature half smile and extended a covered mug to him. He gave her a kind of bemused grimace.
"What is this all about, Kathryn?"
She feigned a pout. "Nice to see you too, Chakotay. It's early and damp and I thought you might be cold." She entirely failed to resist the pull on the right side of her mouth. He was in fine form this morning, but even grouchy, his presence was doing wonders for her mood.
He took the mug and sipped. "I meant this meeting. This harbour. I don't hear from you for months and then one afternoon: coordinates, a stardate and a 'See you there.' Also this coffee needs sugar"
"I sweetened your coffee. Is it my fault you've desensitized your taste buds by overindulging your sweet tooth?" Her laugh rang out clearly in the still morning air." I'm so glad you're here, my friend." She took his arm and steered him down the gravel lane that ran along the docks.
"Friend! No 'Would you like to', no 'Please', no 'How are you, Chakotay?' or 'How do you take your coffee these days?'" he ranted, pulling his arm away. "Tell me something, Kathryn. What would you have done if I hadn't shown up?"
"When did you become so crotchety in the morning, Chakotay? Drink that coffee. It'll help." She was relishing in being able to say his name in his presence again and this alone was enough to keep the enigmatic smile plastered to her face. He was glaring at her with his mouth in a sour twist. "Oh, all right. If you hadn't shown up, I would have called you at work, then at home, then I'd call around and if I couldn't find you, I'd organize a search party. I'd have been disappointed, though," she said, her smile snapping back into place. "Because then I wouldn't be able to give you your present."
"If I'm required to freeze my ass off to receive this present, I'd really prefer a card."
"You say that now."
"Now and any day. How do you stand this dampness? I feel like it's trying to take up residence in my bones."
Oddly enough, Chakotay's mood was having no effect on Kathryn's high spirits. If anything, she smiled even more broadly at his bitter tone. "Come on, Chakotay. I promise it will be worth it."
She led him up the steps of an old cabin and into a quaint little general store with a counter. A chime rang out a broken tune as they entered and a tall, dark man who looked to be in his mid-thirties peered out from the back room.
"Oh, good. You made it. Just be a minute." he disappeared again.
Chakotay raised an eyebrow at his companion then sighed and turned to examine the fishing tackle on the wall.
This was torture. He had had a number of former commanding officers in his years of service, but none who had such a hold on him as Kathryn Janeway. She pulled at him, even now when their ties to the ship were cut, and it irritated him. He was as helpless to the singularity of her persona as he had been in the Delta Quadrant. He pictured himself a helpless form caught in her gravity well, orbiting eternally just beyond her event horizon. The thought chafed at his sense of independence.
It would take drastic action on his part to extricate himself from her sphere of influence. He didn't think he could stomach resigning from Starfleet twice in a lifetime. Nor did he have the heart to move back to the border colonies. It seemed every part of his body had succumbed to the inertia of his life as it was, held in a bizarre suspension around which time passed normally for everyone else, while it alternately dragged and raced for him in ways he didn't want it to. Perhaps this was a natural reaction to their return from the Delta Quadrant. Notions of fleeing from the shop and Kathryn's crooked smile warred with a desire to root himself to the ground and shout at her until his voice grew hoarse.
He snorted softly at that thought. What could he possibly say that hadn't already been said? Even if not in words.
Chakotay's thoughts were interrupted when the tall man reappeared from the back of the shop, this time with a shorter stocky man in tow.
"All ready for you Kath, love." The tall man's voice had a sonorous quality to it and his excitement seemed to equal Kathryn's as he handed her a small item, clasped her hands between his and winked at Chakotay.
"Thank you, Allen." She turned to her companion and studied him for a moment, mischief and excitement making her eyes sparkle then handed him a small authorization chip. "Pretend to be intrigued, Chakotay. Allen and Tariq put a great deal of work into this. "
She held the door for him and took his arm as they walked around the outside of the shop. They headed toward a large, secure outbuilding with numerous doors surrounded by scraggly old pine trees. The morning fog was easing as they made their way to a door. Kathryn motioned for him to proceed and he waved the authorization chip over the door panel. With a chirp and a swoosh the door slid open to reveal a dimly lit storage locker.
Chakotay stepped into the storage compartment and the lights flared overhead. There was a shape covered in a tarpaulin, which he pulled away to reveal a boat. It was long and slender and smelled of cedar and varnish. He ran his fingers along the polished gunwales. It was a beautiful craft.
He lifted it by the thwarts to test its heft and was pleased with how light it was. Resting it down, he backed away from his gift, crouched against the wall and stared at the boat.
"It won't bite, you know." Kathryn stood leaning against the door, still smiling.
"Yes, I established that, thank you."
They let the silence hang between them for a moment and then Chakotay rose, his knees popping and offered, "Thank you for my gift, Kathryn. It's beautiful."
"Do you really like it, Chakotay?" She looked genuinely worried.
"Yes." He felt she had knocked the wind out of his sails with this sweet gesture and he hadn't quite reached the end of his anger.
She studied him for a moment and then whirled out the door. The thought that she might not return had only just registered when she reappeared holding paddles, safety gear and a pack. "Will we take it for a spin around the harbour? Then you can decide if you want to keep it. Allen can find it a good home if you don't want it." Her earlier confidence seemed to be eroding.
Not trusting himself to speak, Chakotay nodded and together they carried the canoe to the end of the dock. It was lighter than it looked, and they placed it in the water effortlessly. He noticed she was watching him carefully, perhaps waiting for a more enthusiastic reaction. He lowered himself into the craft and held it steady for her. After a few moments of shifting and shuffling, they cast off, Chakotay settled in the stern and Kathryn toward the bow.
They paddled out some way into the still morning waters of the harbour, remnants of the fog swirling and clinging to their paddles. Songbirds called to one another as the sun struggled through the slowly thinning clouds. Kathryn pointed out a wetland some distance from the harbour and he pointed them toward it, the slender craft turning easily.
They moved silently through the reeds of the sheltered bay, periodically glancing at one another as their movements allowed. Kathryn felt her hair begin to fray as the breeze picked up and cleared the morning mist. She paused and laid her paddle across the runners to push the golden wisps out of her eyes.
Chakotay steered the craft parallel to the shoreline and watched the herons stalking their prey in the still water. He recalled a time when this situation would have brought him nothing but peace. Now, though, he could not escape the turmoil in his mind and the sinking in his gut. The whole scene felt like a mockery of what they had once both wanted: time alone together to explore their world and what might become of them if left to their own devices for long enough without missions or the distractions of their crew and the perils of life in the Delta Quadrant.
"Well Chakotay? Is that enough of a trial run or would you like to keep going? I can arrange a transport upstream of the falls so we can explore the river. "
It was enough. He suddenly felt exposed and even more vulnerable than before, which was the only excuse he had for what he said next. "Actually, Kathryn I've just remembered a meeting I arranged with the Dean at the Academy. I really should be getting back. Thank you, though, for the boat. It's lovely. I'm sure I'll enjoy it a great deal once things have settled down some."
A wave of surprised hurt passed over her features, but receded in an instant to reveal her standard commanding expression of steely resolve. "Of course. Best not to keep the Dean waiting. We'll head back."
The whole way back to the harbour, Chakotay struggled to find a way to take back what he'd said. Here was Kathryn Janeway clearly trying to mend their fractured friendship, and all he could do was invent weak excuses to abandon her. He felt far too ashamed to retract his fabrication. Before he knew it they were docked and Kathryn was bidding him goodbye in clipped tones.
"Great to see you again, Commander. Best of luck with everything. Don't hesitate to contact me if there's anything I can do to help you adjust." She spoke as though he were my other member of their crew. He was certain she had spoken those exact parting words to Gerron or Sam Wildman. No. Come to think of it, she'd have said something warmer, more personal to the majority of their crew because they hadn't hurt her in the way he had.
Myopically seeing no way out of the mess he'd created, Chakotay uttered a "Yes, thanks Kathryn" and marched back up the path to the transporter terminal. At the crest of the hill he turned back to see her staring at him, her eyes piercing. With a minute shake of her head she turned and strode away. Her determination fueled his and he made his way back toward San Francisco, making every effort to feel glad at having excised Kathryn Janeway from his life.
