"If Only"
If only you knew, Elphaba.
You seem to know everything; you can name every reactive element, declare when every war occurred and what started it, and meticulously point out the flaws in the arguments of those against the Animals.
Yet, when it comes to people, you seem to be so… lost. You are a scholar who cannot touch the realm of feelings, and it's there that I so desperately want to take your hand and guide you.
But I cannot.
What am I to you?
I sit here, watching you from afar. You are sitting at your desk, staring absent-mindedly out the window, tapping your delicate pen against your lips, deep in thought. You always look so focused, so concentrated, when you are around our peers. But in here, in our room, with me, you don't. You look effortless. You find no trouble in the topics and subjects that would split my head in two if I ever attempted them.
If only you knew how much I strive to be like you. I always have, ever since I first locked my eyes on your lanky, green body.
I hate you, you know. I hate your intelligence. I hate your body. I hate your hair.
I hate your voice and I hate your eyes.
They remind me too much of what I cannot have.
I realize I must be looking for too long, because you turn around and catch my gaze with your dark, intense eyes. I look away, feeling my cheeks ignite with embarrassed fire.
"What is it, Galinda?"
I bite my full, pink lip, and keep my gaze averted.
"Nothing, Elphie."
You go back to your work without skipping a beat. It's as though you don't even sense the mounting distraught and restlessness building up inside me. To me, it feels as though it's flooding out of my mouth, pouring into the room, filling it up with unspoken words and uneasy tension. It seems to me as though the unspoken feelings mounting in me are the spark that has ignited the wick, quickly burning up the ticking time bomb that might burst at any given moment. But of course, you being typical Elphie, there is no bomb, there is no fuse. There is only you and your logic, and I don't belong in that world.
In my world, I would have you. I would tell you I didn't mean any of those cruel words I ever said, and I would beg for forgiveness. I wouldn't stop until you knew just how much you meant to me. I would fight for you until my bones crumbled and my blood turned to dust, and even then it wouldn't matter.
You are the wind, and I am earth. Constantly meeting, but never mixing, never changing, never yielding. You are free, and I am rooted to the spot. And that's why I could never have you.
The sun tints off your verdigris, and I am, as usual, enthralled. I am pulled into your sea, gently rocked in your ever-moving currents, and it is impossible to escape, impossible to pull away. I will surely drown if this continues; I don't particularily mind. But Elphie, of course you wouldn't notice. Your tiny, fragile glasses slip down your angled nose, and I sigh.
Oh, if only you knew.
Nothing terribly special, just a late night rambling one-shot to get back into the swing of writing. No editing, just one, quick little run through. I shall get something good done though!
