1. Say "You ever thought of being a rapper?? Just a suggestion"

2. Say "Are you afraid of water or something?"

3. Get him a pink bathrobe and flower-patterned shower cap for his birthday.

4. When he gives you a detention, have a hopeful look on your face and ask "Are you gonna be there??"

5. When he begins to raise he voice say "Prof. Epans, it look like you need a time out" You can wag your finger or pat his head while doing this.

6. Say "You ever notince that your name backwards look like the word 'pansy'? Now it all makes sense."

7. Force him to go trick-or-treating dressed as a pink bunny.

8. Dye his hair shocking green or white blonde so that it contrast with his skin.

9. Every time you pass him say" I know all about your little problem" in an eerie voice. You can also say "Im watching you" while shifting your eyes.

10. Follow him around with a camera yelling "PAPARAZZI!! PAPARAZZI!!"

11. Set him up on a blind date with a FAT bald man(only person who'd go on a date with him).

12. Say, "whats up with being a double-agent. cant you just pick a side and get on with your life"

13. When you enter his office at Hogwarts ask "Whered you get those things?? Did you buy them or get them from their owners yourself?"

14. If he gives you a detention, beg to clean his office. If he makes you, search the drawers for anything you can use on him. Publish it all around Hogwarts. When he finds out its you say "if you didnt want everyone to know, why did you leave it in your office?"

15. When he calls you over, say "do i have to?" and whine.

16. Insist on calling him "Snake", "greasy" and "Prof. epans"

17. Tell about the voices in your head named Gwen, Dean and Gerard.

18. Point behind him and say (in a scared voice) "Voldemorts right behind you" See if he gets whiplash.

19. Point at the window and say "whats that!!" When everyones turned ruin out of class.

20. In class, say "Sir, have you ever thought of getting a perm"

20. Say "Sir, want to come to my sleepover. Well be doing each others hair and i really think you should come"

21. Say "Sir, have you ever thought of buying a tanning bed"