It was happening again.

It was too hard to breathe, to talk, to think. It was all too hard.

What had she done to deserve this? Why had he chosen her, of all people? Why, why, why?

Grimmauld Place, 4th August

Dear Diary

We stood on the landing around one of Fred and George's extendable ears, listening to the meeting. Apparently Harry and his cousin, Dudley, had been attacked by dementors a couple blocks away from his house, and was in trouble with the ministry (no surprise there, we all knew they hated him). Dumbledore' d just left to try and talk the ministry out of expelling him from Hogwarts. We were all scared (That ministry are a pretty hard bunch to persuade) that we wouldn't get to see him anymore. But a few minutes later Dumbledore came back, wrinkly features serious and unreadable. He told us that Harry was going to a ministry hearing, and that he would be advocate. Then Mad Eye Moody, Tonks, Kingsley Shacklebolt and Professor Lupin went to go and get him. I was worried for him, I'll admit. I know how much Hogwarts means to him. If Harry was expelled there's no telling how far downward he would spiral. I've seen it before. Once that ball starts rolling there's no stopping it. And Harry means so much to me and Ron, and Ginny of course. She can't survive without him. It's a little like twilight, only a one way relationship. For her anyway. I know Harry feels the same, but he made me promise not to tell her, and vice versa. Do they not realise quite how difficult they're being? Ginny will be so lucky to have a guy like him by her side. If he ever asks her that is. Hurry it up Harry, geez.

Grimmauld Place, 5th Aug

Dear Dairy

Ginny knows. I had another nightmare, and when I woke up I went into panic attack mode. So while I was screaming and crying for Kate, struggling to breathe, Ginny pinched my neck and brushed my hair out of my eyes. I didn't give her specifics, but I gave her the basics. When I was ten I was kidnapped, and Kate was there too, but she died. I made her promise not to tell anyone, since she kinda owes me, but she said she had to at least see if Snape had anything for PTSD. He said no, he didn't have anything, but that he would see what he could "conjure up". Trying to make me laugh, apparently, since he didn't usually use language like that. I gave him a small smile, the best I could manage at that point, the image of Kate's demise still fresh in my mind from the nightmare. He knelt down in front of me, an unusually caring gesture for the normally surly professor, and placed his hand on my shoulder. I flinched way from his touch, but it was just instinct. My animal side had kicked in, and he had figured that out, so kept his hold on my shoulder. I didn't mind. He told me that he could give me a couple calming potions, tablet form as so not to arouse suspicion from Harry and Ron and that if i needed to tell anyone what had happened then he (and Ginny, Harry and Ron) and the rest of the order would be there. He didn't ask me what had happened directly, and for that I was grateful. I really didn't want to talk, to push my horror onto someone else so I usually kept quiet, but for some reason I felt strangely at ease, like Jasper Cullen was standing next to me, though I couldn't see him. He sent Ginny to bed and pulled up two chairs in front of the fire, then went to the kitchen and made hot chocolate (with my help) and put a tablet in mine. I sat there the entire night, reluctantly retelling my tale. He sat across from me 'till early morning, listening intently to my story, in the way that only a father, or maybe an uncle, could. I explained to him about my PTSD, about the nightmares and panic attacks, and my misophonia. He told me he would see if he could find a way to help beyond calming droughts, but I didn't care. He understood. I was over the moon. If I flipped out at dinner, someone could keep me under control. No more stress balls under the table, or escaping to bathroom for a good ol' panic party. Now I know someone will be able restrain me and help me calm down, maybe I can begin to relax at meals. I told Ginny earlier this morning too, so she knows that if I hurt her I didn't mean to. I need to go help clean the drawing room with the others, talk later, yeah?