So I'm back with a new story! Yay thanks to the awesome responses I got from another fic I posted. So this ones a little on the weird side cold be considered a crack fic I suppose but it will have a serious side too. But one things for sure it will have lots of K-Unit in it. So with out further a do on with the story.

Disclaimer: I don not own Alex Rider, never have and I don't think I ever will.


He should not have woken up that morning. No he should have taken the smell of eggs and bacon as an omen, not a blessing, the smell had been a warning, it meant bad things were ahead. He should have taken it as though Scopia was trying to kill him, and ran for his life. Oh yes he should have feared the egg and bacon smell of goodness.

But no he was Alex Rider and what does Alex Rider do when he sees, smells or hears danger? He goes and pisses it off, and then it tries to kill him. Luckily for him the smell of eggs and bacon couldn't kill him, and he didn't believe he could piss it off either. But when he went down to go and get some of the nice smelling breakfast, which he knew that there was something suspicious going on; after all Jack never cooked much. No she did the whole ten minute food thing, or instance meal where you push a button and food goes ding when it's done.

In fact had turned out to be the work of Fox and Snake, and even more surprisingly no one had died yet, yeah very impressive and there hadn't even been a fire! Even better he could leave to go to Tom's house without worrying about the house going up in smoke.

"Hey Alex, you're up oh great I was thinking for a minute I might have to go and jump on you to wake you up or something but here you are n-"

Oh great Eagle was a morning person, figures...

"-ow and have you tried Snake's and Fox's cooking its really good, the-"

It went on like that for a while with Eagle ranting on and on all the while wanting more bacon cause Wolf had had more than him and that apparently wasn't fair. So Alex had been about to give his share, cause he wasn't that hungry and Eagle just wouldn't shut up, but the phone then decided it would very conveniently be nice and give him a reason to leave room.

"Alex isn't a morning person is he?" Snake asked Fox, who looked blankly after the boy, coffee in hand learning against the sink casually as if to say he so lived there.

"Clearly not" Wolf grumbled while flipping though the local paper browsing for any recent deaths of people he may have known. Yes Wolf was very morbid in the morning and liked to start the day in the very same way, always made him feel as though he was still on the battlefield in some way, without the nasty images.

"Found anyone you hate yet Wolfy?" Eagle chirped grinning at him knowing exactly what he was looking at.

Wolf lowered the paper slightly so Eagle could see his eyes and gave him the "look of death" before answering.

"No not yet but I am waiting for your name to show up one day soon, one day very soon, so I hope you learn to sleep with both eyes open"

"Both eyes? But that means I won't be able to sleep..." Eagle trailed off before turning to Snake as though he had all the answers.

Wolf face palmed himself and began to wonder how the hell Eagle had made it into the army, and why they trusted him with a gun.

Meanwhile Alex was in the hall phone pressed to his ear looking beyond annoyed.

"Ah Mr Rider, we need you to come down to the bank, it's about your account you see..." the ever monotone voice of Alan Blunt spoke as though he was completely unaware of the hidden meaning behind those words. Of cause they both knew they were translated as "Alex, we need you to come and do a mission that involves you nearly dying again" yeah that sounded about right.

"Right, okay and do I have insurance on the problem" in other words "send me a car then that doesn't scream to people the government is in your neighbourhood don't be alarmed".

"Yes you do" and then he hung up leaving Alex to wait for the car that would here in less than 5 minutes for sure.

Jack then came down the stairs in her dressing gown and slippers, hair a mess of red locks that tumbled across her face as she yawned.

"Who was that then?" she asked still half asleep, it showed too, normally she would have already caught on and be yelling in his ears that there was no way in hell he was going back there again. But they both knew that he had too and eventually she would let it go saying he better be careful and come back alive.

"The bank"

In a flash she was awake and no longer held the sleepy dazed look in her eyes it had vanished and was now replaced with a look of upmost fury, her arms folded across her chest a huff of air escaping her lips that were pursed together in a tight grim line that spelled trouble for him.

"I don't think so Alex, you're not going and that's the end of that, there's no way I'm letting them abuse you like that again!" she was yelling at him now and it hadn't been the first time she had got like this over it, it was beginning to become a chore whenever the bank rung.

Eagle popped his head round the corner and frowned at them fighting over it; Wolf then grabbed the back of his collar, and pulled him back in the kitchen.

"Stop ear wigging on them it's none of your business what their yelling about" Wolf scolded him while sipping his coffee, he couldn't go without coffee in the morning, no seriously he couldn't, he had to threaten the cook at Beacon Beckons to make him a one before they went out for training. After that no one ever questioned him when he came in and said the word coffee. No they ran for their life's while Wolf beat the crap out of the unfortunate soul who decided they wanted to be a cook.

"But Jack this is important, I need to go now, their sending a car and everything, do you want to go back to America that bad, am I that hard to handle?" he fumed, she had to learnt to just let him go there was no way she would be able to fight Blunt and the whole of MI6 off by herself.

"No Alex it's not that and you know it's not, it's just I don't want you coming back in a state or worse you might not even come back at all" she said while shaking her head at him sternly.

Behind him Alex heard a car pull up, its brakes screeching and a horn sounding giving him the signal to give his goodbyes and leave. But before he could the phone went again and Alex swiftly moved to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Ah Mr. Rider would you mind if you bring the unit too?" okay what the hell was Blunt on about, the unit? What was that code for?

"Excuse me?"

"The K-Unit papers?" he said trying to jolt Alex's memory.

Alex then went rigid as a thought crosses his mind, the air went stiff and he glared at the source of all his problems with a glare that would even make Wolf stop in his tracks (for a seconds or two maybe) the phone. Yes the phone was the source of all this mess after all no phone, no way to contact him right?

"Is that completely necessary?" he asked the hope in his voice faint almost begging. He did not want K-Unit with him the very idea made him inwardly wreath in agony.

"Why yes Mr. Rider I believe it is, after all they are the payments that you still owe am I right, and without the paper's how can we discuss what to do, we need the information" why couldn't he just get to the point and tell him what was going on, what were the odds of someone intercepting the call at that very moment in time.

"Fine" he said abruptly then slammed down the phone and stormed into the kitchen.

"Move, now, bank" was all he said as Eagle about had a heart attack at the sharpness of his tone, and fell off his chair and managed to spill all of his tea down him.

"Where, why and when are we going?" Eagle asked rapidly looking about him like someone had broken in.

"We're going to "the bank" to sort out my finances" was all he said tone harsh before walking out the room, the others saw this as a sign to follow and left sharpish.

"Isn't he a bit young to be having finances?"

After a brief car ride and many obscene questions from Eagle that ranged from asking where the milk was to why Alex had decided on today of all days to go to the bank, and why he didn't just do internet banking, Alex didn't have the time nor patience to deal with Eagle ongoing obliviousness. It seemed the others had caught on and knew where they were going, Fox had known ever since Alex had said the word "bank" it had all made sense from there however Eagle had not been blessed with the gift of foresight and had yet to figure everything out.

Though that didn't take long, as soon as Alex had strolled up to the reception and asked to see Mr Blunt Eagle twigged and yelled out...

"Oh! That's why we're here, your day job right?" Alex faced palmed himself but said nothing.

"I'm sorry but a Mr Blunt doesn't work here. Is there anything else I can help you with?" the lady at the reception asked in a overly hyper voice, a huge "I've just won the lottery smile" plastered on her face that seemed to say "I'm trying to hard".

"Right, well you see Scorpia-"

At the very mention of Scorpia she picked up the phone and slammed in numbers faster than Alex could even register.

"Mr Blunt one Alex Rider is here to see you, right I'll send him then... Oh I see I'll tell him, yes sir have a nice day!" all of this was done in the time space of ten seconds, and by the time she had finished she was back smiling again, it left Alex wondering if her face hurt yet. "Mrs Jones will be right down with you in a moment please have a seat" she told them gesturing to less than comfy looking seats shoved in the corner.

"We'll stand" Snake told her with a small smile of his own.

But she was true to word and Mrs Jones appeared moments later rushing them into the elevator hurriedly, it was like she didn't have all day, which she did. With a small ding the doors opened on the right floor and she walked out without a word indicating that they should do the same. Wolf gave a grunt of displeasure at her lack of hospitality and moved out his Unit following closely behind.

Upon reaching the door she held it open and allowed them in before she too briskly walked in and moved over to the desk and stood facing them at its side. The chair at the highly polished desk swivelled round to face them revealing Alan Blunt in all his stony glory.

His met Alex gaze and gestured to the seat in front of the desk which Alex took smirked as he saw that K-Unit and Fox would have to stand during the meeting, which he had a feeling Blunt would make quick and to the point, he wasn't a man who like to dodge things, he'd tell it like was and hoped you'd take it for the best. Or if you were like Alex then he'd let you have your rant and blow off steam and then act like nothing happened and carry on, either way he got what he wanted.

"Alex" like he'd said straight to the point. "Do you remember that mission we were talking about before?"

Well there's something he hadn't been expecting, time to play dumb.

"Ermm, no? Should I?" if he's going to be a git then he should too.

"The one I spoke about in my letter to you, you did receive it didn't you?" his stern eyes scrolled over the men behind him a faint accusation in his dark eyes flashed but then quickly returned to Alex.

"Don't worry we gave it to him" Fox quickly said holding his hands in some kind of twisted defeat, catching the glare Alex shot him.

"Oh you did did you?" Blunt then did a rare thing that Alex didn't see too often, he smiled, a sick psychotic smile that slithered over his face in some kind of sick amusement. Yeah, that was something he didn't ever want to see again.

"Okay, okay I saw it, and you don't stand a chance in hell of me ever going" he snapped, arms folding in defence.

"Well all I can say is poor Miss Starbright, I've never known you to be so selfish Alex" Blunt drawled taking a sip from his coffee.

"What! Since when is saving the entire world and nearly being killed doing it selfish?" he fumed angrily he had every right to turn this down, did they really think they were going to get him in a skirt, and make him wear a blonde wig, walk around some girls school snooping about? No way, that was all he was saying.

If that was so then why was K-Unit laughing themselves stupid right now as they made their way down to Smither's room?


Okay well I really need help with something I'm not sure whether to have Alex dress as a girl for this or have him changed into a girl physically by a drug that Smithers is going to conveniently make. Please give me your thoughts on this cause I'm really stuck. Also I'm looking for a Beta reader too as i know this is probably riddled with mistakes and that.