It was a normal afternoon in camp. Like most afternoons, Eddy had set up a new scam, this one being a library scam. Calvin and Hobbes waited intently outside.
(Sung to the tune of "Opening Night")
Calvin and
Hobbes: Eddy's new scam
It's Eddy's new scam
Once
again they've set up a booth
Is it real or not the truth?
The
kids are taking their final looks
Regretting their money that Eddy
took
They're walking out now, they're on their way...
Let's
hear what they have to say!
(The kids stomp out)
Kids: He's
done it again
He's done it again
Looks like Eddy has done it
again!
We can't believe it
You can't
conceive it...
Charlie Brown: How'd he achieve it?
Kids:
It's the worst scam he's done!
We walked
through sighing
Groaning and crying
There's no denying
It's
the worst scam (not fun!)
Girls:
Oh, we wanted to stand up and hiss...
Boys: We've
seen junk...
Kids: But never like this!
Yes, that
Eddy has done it again!
The price was rotten
The books were
stinkin'
What he did to reading
Booth did to Lincoln!
Rolf kicked over a sign advertizing the scam. "In Rolf's old country, we have a saying for this...BAD! If Rolf's Nana knew he fell for this 'reading hole' you have, she would put Rolf through the meat grater!"
Kids:
We couldn't leave faster...
Calvin and Hobbes: What
a disaster!
Kids: So much for money
Nazz:
I feel bad for Double D
Kids: 'Cause this
scam was made by that jerk Eddy!
What a bum!
Their song finished, the kids started to walk to the pool. Calvin and Hobbes lingered behind and met the Eds.
"Sorry about that, guys," said Hobbes. "Did they take your money?"
"All of it," sighed Eddy. "What losers!"
"Really, Eddy," reasoned Edd, "you can't blame them for being disappointed by what we've done. I mean, all you did was scribble on some paper and try to then pass it off as a book! You didn't even write words!"
"Eh, I was rushed."
"I liked their song!" cried Ed.
"Who asked you?" snapped Eddy. Ed looked sad and walked away.
Calvin looked slightly sympahetic. "Well, all I can say is...I'm glad I'm not you guys! Ha ha!" Calvin and Hobbes ran away. Edd and Eddy followed them, heading for the pool with the other kids.
"You know what I always wanted to do?" smiled Edd. "A musical! It would be so much fun to be a Broadway producer! Picking the play, the director, the actors, raising the money..."
Eddy suddenly became interested. "What was that?"
"The money! You get people to give you money for the show!"
"You GET people to GIVE you money!" Eddy could barely believe what he was hearing!
"But you must be careful," continued Edd. "Say you raised twenty dollars and only used ten, you would have ten dollars left."
"So?"
"That would be illegal, and you could be arrested. Of course, I doubt anyone would care about a few dollars. No, to do that kind of thing right, you would have to make an awful play no one would be interested in, and raise lots of money...and only use a tiny bit."
Eddy's brain clicked into action. "So for this scam to work, we need to put on a guaranteed flop!"
"Scam?"
"Yeah! We raise the money, put on a bad play, and keep the rest! You're a genius, Double D!"
"I appreciate that, but I had no plan. It was all hypothetical."
"Oh, come on!" Eddy broke into song:
We can do
it, we can do it
We can do it, me and you
We can do it, we can
do it
We can make our dreams come true
A simple fraud on
Broadway
Is all I wanna make
A really bad play, why, we could
do it today
Just roll some dice, and do it nice
They won't
know it's fake
Edd: No!
Eddy: Hey! Here me out!
(They are now outside in the line of kids. Edd runs down the block, followed by Eddy)
Eddy: We
can do it, we can do it
This will be our grand-slam
We can do
it, you won't rue itNo one will think of us as ham
The kids will
be mad, and that'll be bad
So we'll soon be on the lam
But
we can do it, we can do it
We'll pull off the perfect scam!
What
do you say, Double D?
Edd: What
do I say
Finally a chance to be a Broadway producer
What do I
say?
Finally a chance to make my dreams come true, sir
What do
I say, what do I say
Here's what I say to you, sir...
I can't
do it, I can't do it
I can't do it, that's not me
The kids will
get us, and I'll bet us
They'll beat us real easy
When it
comes to rigging stage shows
There's a few things that I lack
My
body is filled with a whole lot of guilt
The kids will come, and
I'll feel dumb
And we'll
get attacked!
"Oh, come on!" insisted Eddy as they
entered the pool building. "I can't pull this off without you! I
don't know a thing about the stage! All I know is cash equals
jawbreakers...and I want them now!"
(Edd runs through the locker room, still being chased)
Eddy: We
can do it
We can do it
We can grab that holy grail!
We can
do it
We can do it
True, the
kids will be on our tail
Oh, Double D
Why can't you see
Edd: You see candy, but we'll get nailed
(Edd
jumps onto a flotation device in the pool and frantically paddles
away. Eddy follows him, riding on Ed)
Eddy: We can do it!
Edd: I can't do it!
Eddy: We can
do it!
Edd: I can't do it!
Eddy:
We can do it!
Edd: I can't do it!
Eddy:
We can do it!
Edd: I can't do it!
Eddy: We can...
Edd: I cannot, cannot, cannot do it
For I know it's sure to fail
"Fail? How can it fail? You're the only guy who knows about this whole raising money thing!"
Edd ignored Eddy and walked back into the locker room. "I won't do it!"
Eddy: We can do it
I know...
Edd: It's sure to fail!
Eddy sat down in disgust. "Aww...why does this always happen to me?" He looked into the sky and screamed in anguish. "I WANT THAT MONEY!"
