Hey ya'll! Going in for a much needed editing of this story before I start writing new material again. Hopefully this wont send out emails as a new chapter being posted for those that have followed, but I will definitely be posting some new stuff soon. Sorry for the wait! Much love 3

Chapter 1

The sun had yet to break the horizon. The sky was slowing lighting itself, but a chill was still strong in the air. She was already awake, had been for a few hours. The nightmares had her eyes flying open long before the sun would have, and she would spend the time until dawn trying to forget the horrors that plagued her mind while asleep. Pushing it all away and trying to relock the doors to her mind before the memories could try to seep out.

That's how Beth Greene spent her time now, stuck in her mind. Closing doors, reinforcing locks, nailing down wooden slabs. Every day, those doors grew stronger, sealing inside everything she once was. Her memories, her hopes, her dreams for the future, the desires she had kept hidden, the fears that made had her weak. Everything and anything, she pushed behinds those doors, keeping out only the bare minimum. Survival skills she had learned, instincts she had sharpened. Any other part of her was locked away, with a wall around it that any community today would envy.

Without a sound, she pushed back the tarp and crawled from the hammock. Sitting with one leg on either side of the tree limb, she disassembled her makeshift bed, rolling up the tarp with the blanket inside and releasing the hammock from the branch. Sleeping in the trees was her only option without another person to keep watch. Attaching her bed-gear to the outside of the pack she had leaning up against the trunk, she pulls out her black baseball hat. She twists her long hair into a knot on the top of her head and covers it with the hat. Throwing her bag over her shoulder, she carefully and quietly makes her way down, scanning the woods for any potential threats.

Her feet hit the soil and she starts walking. No direction in mind, but she keeps her ears open for the sound of running water. She had an almost full bottle in her pack, but she would need to stop today to refill. She couldn't afford to stay near any water (not that she stayed in the same place anyways), as it only increased the chances of running into others. People and animals alike would set up permanent homes near any source of water and she didn't want to be anywhere near the former. Deep in the woods, run-ins with humans or walkers were rare, but not impossible. Nowadays, she avoided humans more than walkers.

Ears open for water and eyes open for tracks, she wandered around the forest. When the brightness of the day hits her, she risks a look up at the sky and immediately regrets it.

Blue. That stupid fucking color. Without fail, the color would always trigger a violent reaction, bringing forth the one memory she couldn't control. No matter how strong her walls or how tightly she sealed that door, there was no containing that blue. It was a ghost that could pass through any barrier or obstacle she created and could creep up on her without warning or reason. Just a stupid color had her freezing in her tracks while the emotions that followed threatened to strangle her.

Beth had thrown all her emotions behind that door also, knowing they would only get her killed. Could only make her weak. But when that blue filled her eyes, a cold, icy hand tightened in her chest, stealing her breath. It was just a color! But it latched onto her and refused to let go, refused to be imprisoned behind her frosty demeanor. And when that color cracked her defenses, the lingering sadness would crash through her, chasing away the numbness she held onto so dearly with a memory she hated to recall.

While any shade of blue could summon her demons, the true color attached to her memories was unique, unlike any other. Similar to right before night actually falls, when the sky turns a beautiful blue. Not the bright, clear, sky blue that comes with sunshine and happiness. No, this blue is darker, deeper. It holds secrets and mysteries, anticipation of the dangers that unfold in the night. After the sun dies down below the horizon, there are those moments before blackness takes over the sky, before the hope and happiness is entirely extinguished. The last flickers of light illuminate the sky to reach its deepest shade, before the darkness invalids and remains, keeping the world cast in night long enough to wonder if the sun will ever return again.

It was that shade of blue, the dark and deep color that bled into her every struggled breath, which kept her human instead of animal. She wanted to forget, wanted to lock it behind that door and bury it all. Bury it so deep that eventually she would forget that it had ever existed at all. Finally let the inner animal take over entirely and rely only on instinct.

But that damn ghost wouldn't let her. And every so often, it would come back to remind her how very human she was. That just the memory of a color could nearly bring her to her knees.

The color of his eyes. And who those eyes belonged to, his name, his face, everything about him stayed locked away. Those memories behaving and following the rules, just like everything else she refused to think of.

Only the vibrant color of his eyes, a blue so unique it was silly to think it could ever be forgotten, haunted her.

Squeezing her eyes shut and taking a few breaths, she let the waves crash over her until they died down. And when her mind could finally think of anything besides that blue and the pain it brought, she forced it all back behind the walls. Filling its place with numbness, she cleared the haze from her vision and pushed on. Not thinking about what just happened, or what has happened for the past 19 years of her life, she pushes on.