Sumery: Buffy remembers
Disclaimer: none of these charecters belong to me. They belong to Jos whedon etc....
Authors note: I know that it may apear that Dawn is a new slayer, but she's not. I know there will be no new slayer. I wrote dawn to have strength because of the fact that she was made from Buffys blood.
Please please review!!!!!!
The forgotten memory
part 1:Time lost
Buffy woke up to find herself in the cold yet comforting tight embrace of someone.
She nuzzled her face into the smooth bare chest, breathing in. She could smell an aroma of sweat and a light trace of leather. Oh god! she thought as she slowly remembered the event of the previous night. She opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows. She quickly found her self looking into the intense blue eyes of Spike.
He smiled at her "Hey" he said softly, and brushed a stray stand of hair away from her face.
Buffy quickly jumped back and pulled her knees to her chest to cover her nudity. What have I done, she thought. "Spike listen, about last night- "
"Oh, bloody hell" he interrupted her, "Don tell me your going to make some lousy excuse like 'oh I was upset about giles leaving' because if you were thinking about giles last night then you have some very VERY serious issues" He said, looking away from her. It was quite obvious that he was hurt by her actions.
She bowed down her head, she didn't have any response to that. She felt her eyes beginning to water. Not now, she pleaded with herself, not in front of spike. But the tears came. This was to much. Giles leaving, being raised from the dead, finding out she came back wrong, having sex with spike. It was just to much. How could she make him understand that she was just unstable right now. That she didn't love him, she couldn't love him.
Maybe you do, a tiny little annoying voice said in the back of her mind. She quickly pushed the voice way with all the reasons she couldn't love him. She took a deep breath, trying to regain control, but the tears just came harder. She started shaking and sobbing uncontrollably.
"Oh come now pet, I didn't mean to make you cry" Spike said. He brought over her clothes to her. "here you are, I'll turn the other way and all" He walked away from her and started to put his own clothes on.
Buffy pulled her clothes on and stood up. She smoothed her hair down and wiped the last of her tears away. She didn't feal any better. Spike, now with pants on, walked over to her, putting a hand on each of her shoulders. She looked down, not wanting to face him. She instead found herself perfectly happy starring at his well toned chest.
"Buffy" Spike mumbled quietly. She looked up at the use of her name. He didn't often call her Buffy, it was usually luv, or pet, or most frequently Slayer. "Buffy" he said again, "is it so hard for you to admit to your self that you might just maybe have feelings for me?"
She tried to look down again, but he put his hand under her chin forcing her to look at him. She shifted her eyes, trying to look anywhere but at him. But like a magnet, she was drawn to his eyes. They were so beautiful. They sparkled like the ocean does when the sun shines of of it.
"Spike, I....." She couldn't think of anything to say. She just kept starring into his intense blue eyes.
Spike moved his mouth on to hers, in the smallest, softest of kisses. and pulled his face an inch away from hers. She closed the distance between them needing to have contact with his mouth. his perfect pink pouty mouth, right under his perfectly shaped nose, which was under his beautiful blue eyes, that were located under his eyebrows, one of them having a sexy scar that just made his whole God damned face perfect.
She pulled away shaking her head "No" said "I'm sorry spike, but no, I just cant do this" she walked away from him and ran out of the ruins of the abandoned house, wiping away the tears that still fell from her eyes.
~~~~~~~
Buffy quietly slipped through the door of her house and walked into the living room. Dawn was asleep on the couch, she walked over and sat on the edge brushing her hair from her face, and went into the kitchen.
Ice-cream, she though, I need Ice-cream. "Willow" a familiar voice said as she opened the freezer. "Willow is that you?" Tara came into the kitchen.
"Tara, what are you doing here, did you and willow make up" Buffy asked, slightly thrown off by Taras presence.
"no" she said, "when I brought Dawn home last night, no one was here, so I told Dawn I would wait until someone came home. But nobody did so I stayed the night" She finished. "were you with Spike?"
Buffy panicked, could Tara read her mind? "Spike, No of course not, why would I be with Spike?" She said, sitting down at the table, tub of icecream in one hand, spoon in the other.
"Patrolling, I called Xander to see if you were over there, and he said Spike called wanting to patrol, I figured you probably got held up" Tara said.
"Yeah well, I, I uh... I didn't see him. But wow what a busy night, tons of demons......." Buffy stopped and cleared her throat, "You know what, I think I need a shower, wash away the demon.. demons". She quickly left the room not bothering to put away the icecream.
When Buffy got up stairs she went into the bathroom and turned the hot water on not bothering with the cold. She stripe off her clothes and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water drops pound down on her back.
She remembered the previous night. She had had sex before, but sex with spike was completely different. It shouldn't of happened, it was nice but it shouldn't of happened. It was wrong. It was Spike. She could except him as a friend, but she couldn't possibly love him.
She shook her head trying to rid herself of all spike thoughts, but just brought up another one. The way he had looked at her. He was giving her a chance to back out. They had just stopped, and he looked at her. His eyes were full of love. She could tell it was what he wanted, but only if she had wanted it.
Did I want it? that annoying little voice asked. "No!" she said firmly to herself. It's spike. He's violent, he's evil, he's obscene, the man had made a sex bot, she told herself. He's disgusting but caring an gorgeous, and... "no" she cut herself off from her thoughts. She started shaking her head again. I'm not going to do this, from this moment on, I am going to stop thinking about spike.
She washed her hair, she washed her body, and stepped out of the shower, the whole time only thinking of spike ten times. She put on her robe and walked into her room where dawn was sitting in her bed.
"Hey Dawnie, did Tara leave yet?" She asked casually as she dried her hair.
"yeah, so where were you last night? have you herd from willow?" Dawn asked looking at her suspiciously.
"I was patrolling, it was a busy night. And no I haven't herd from Willow. But you know, she derated Amy" Buffy said "they're probably just having fun. You know? Willows probably filling her in on what's happened the past couple of years."
"Amys been derated?" Dawn asked in disbelief "that's great, now we'll have another person in the scoobie gang. she said excited.
Buffy could just see all the thought going through her head. Poor Amy would be answering questions all day. "Well, I think I'm going to go to the magic shop, see if I can find anything on this ice man bank robbery thing" Buffy said.
"The magic shop" Dawn groaned, "Buffy", she whined, "I don't want to spend another Saturday at the magic shop, cant I just stay home, maybe have a friend over-" She was cut off by Buffy.
"Dawn, last time we left you home alone, you got kidnapped by a dancing demon who wanted to take you to hell and make you his queen" She told dawn.
"Buffy, that was so not my fault. It's was Xanders, remember, he's the one who summoned the demon" she said. "plus, if I had a friend over, I wouldn't be alone" she said.
"Oh yes" Buffy started, "and last time you did something with a friend, you were almost eaten by a vampire" She reminded her.
"Fine" Dawn started with a pout "well if you don't trust me-"
"No" Buffy cut her off again "I don't trust you" she said beginning to usher Dawn out of her room.
"Buffy" she begged, "At least let me go stay with spike. He's never let anything happen to me has he" She said, not bothering to keep the desperate tone out of her voice.
"No, absolutely not under any circumstances" She said. Dawn opened he mouth in protest but Buffy spoke first. "It's not good for you to spend the day in that dark crypt. Your fifteen, you need sunlight" she told her. Excuses, she thought to herself, just excuses, Spikes was probably the safest place for Dawn to be.
"Oh" Dawn said, "and the magic shop is much better" she said. Buffy could tell that if she made dawn come with her she would be mad at her for days.
"Fine" she gave in, you can go to spikes, But I'm not bringing you there" she said. "We'll go to the magic shop and Xander or anya can take you there." she finished.
"Thank you thank you thank you" she said and ran up to Buffy and gave her a hug.
"Your welcome, now go get dressed" she said and kicked dawn out of her room. She walked to her closet looking for something to wear.
She found a pair of dark blue jeans and through them on her bed, and went over to her dresser looking for a shirt. She opened the top drawer and was somewhat shocked to find an old shirt of Rileys siting at the top. She picked it up and held it to her for a moment, giving herself a moment to remember him.
Her small form had fit so perfectly in his strong arms, he was warm. Angel, being dead was never warm. comforting, but not warm. She had come so close to loving Riley, but she couldn't. maybe there's something wrong with me, she thought. I couldn't love Riley, now I cant love spike, and Angel who I could love, couldn't love me.
She shook her head, snapping herself out of it. This whole situation was ridiculous. It was spike. He was a completely different story from Riley. She put Riles shirt back in her drawer and pulled out a black tank top. She quickly got dressed and went down stairs to where Dawn was waiting for her.
She grabbed her jacket off of the chair in the living room and they left, walking the short distance to the magic shop.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy slammed her book shut in frustration, there was just no such thing as a diamond eating freeze monster. Plus Xander was taking an extremely long time to get back from bringing Dawn to spikes.
Almost on que Xander walked in the shop. He's looking at me, she thought. He knows, Spike must of told him, the bastard. Ill kill him. And then I'll kill Xander before he gets a chance to tell anyone. She shook her head for about the one millionth time that day, clearing all thoughts of killing Xander out of her mind, yet allowing some violent spike thoughts remain.
"What took you so long?" She demanded when Xander came an sat down next to her. He looked at her like she was crazy.
"Uh, Buff, I love you and all, and I'm fine with driving Dawn to spikes, but, I cant really handle you getting mad at me for being gone for fifteen minutes" He said.
Buffy through her head back over her chair, "I'm sorry Xander, I've just been kind of stressed lately" she looked at him. "So, spike have any information about this Diamond eating ice demon?" she asked.
"Does Spike ever have any information?" He asked, she knew the answer to that one. No. "Our little neutered vampire was actually quite quiet this morning" He said, looking at Buffy intently. H knows. She thought again, but then reminded herself that if Spike wasn't talking, then he wasn't telling.
"Oh well, That's just Spike for ya" she said, "Xander, do you think you can pick dawn up for me latter?" she asked.
"Not needed, Spike said after sunset he'd walk her home. wait there until somebody got home" Xander said.
"What!?" Buffy said louder then necessary, "he's going to wait, as in wait in my house, for me?" She asked.
"Well that was the general idea" Xander said. "you know, so he wouldn't inconvenience you at all" he looked at her. "Buffy, you've been acting strange today, did something happen?" He asked her.
"No" she said smiling, shaking her head in a bemused way "of course nothing happened" She started laughing hysterically.
"Oh my go" Anya said rushing over to Buffy. "Is she dying?" she looked at Xander worry in her face.
"No Anya, she's laughing. Um, Buff, maybe you should go home. Your actin' a little strange" Xander said.
"Right" Buffy said. "Home. I'll go home. Home is good. Bye" She ran out of the store. Xander and Anya just stared after her. Quite confused, but eventually, Xander went back to reading the demon books, and Anya went back to reading her bridal magazines.
~~~~~~~~~
Spike turned the TV off, Dawn was watching some stupid show that she probably wasn't allowed to watch any ways.
"Hey! I was watching that" Dawn said glaring at him. "Why are you in such a bad mood today?" she asked him.
"Why are you wearing a blue shirt today?" Spike asked her.
"Because it matched these pants" Dawn said.
"Well my bad mood matches these pants so leave me alone." he told her harshly, hoping she would just sit and be quiet for two minutes.
"God" Dawn said, "you sure have a bug up your ass today" she mumbled and sank down in her chair. She crossed her legs and started bobbing her foot up and down. At the moment it was the most annoying thing in the world to spike. She started whistling. Oh god, she was whistling the back street boys, Spike didn't know if he could take this.
He turned the TV back on, "Dawn you can watch what you want, I'm gonna go take a nap. You must remember, this is sleep time for me" He said. Dawn didn't reply, she was already sucked back into the show.
I don't need her Spike thought to himself, only causes me pain, emotional and physical pain. He sat on his bed, disgusted with himself for being such a love sick puppy. For being so much like he was before. Before he was turned.
"Spike!!" Dawn called to him. "Do you have anything to eat?" She asked.
"Sorry luv, unless you fancy blood there nothing here" he said. Teenagers, always thinking with their stomachs.
"I'm gonna go get something then" she said, coming into the space he used as a room.
If she goes, Buffy will kill me. spike got up and walked over to her. he put a hand on her arm, "common niblet, you know I cant let you go, your big sis would kill me" he said. "besides, there's just a half hour till sunset, sit and watch the telly.
"I'm fifteen, I can take care of myself for the five minutes it will take me to walk to the store" she said. She shrugged off spike.
Spike gasped as he flew across the room and looked up at Dawn who stood stunned. "Spike" she rushed over and keeled beside him. "are you OK? I... I didn't mean to.... I just wanted you to let me go....I...I...."
Spike laughed. "well well, look at the lil' bit. The slayer blood finally starting to work ehh?" he said.
Dawn stood up smiling. " I guess so, maybe now Buffy will finally let me have a life" she said. She started laughing with spike, who now was once again standing. She took a step forward, but was overcome with a wave of dizziness, "Spike, I don't-" she couldn't even Finnish her sentence. Spike watched in horror as Dawn, Buffy little sister, his lil' bit fell to the floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy walked in the house and went to the kitchen. She was feeling very dizzy, and decided that some ginger ale might make her feal better. She got out a glass and put it on the counter. She was suddenly struck by a wave of nausea. She put her hands on the counter, trying to prevent herself from passing out, but it was no use. She fell to the floor, her body not even making a sound as it hit the cold tile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Within seconds Spike was at Dawn side feeling her forehead. He put his hand on her cheek. "Common now pet, wake up" he said. Nothing. Her skin felt hot. He picked her up and put her on his bed, then walked over to the window, praying for the sun to set.
He paced for about twenty minutes, watching Dawn come in and out, asking for her mother and Buffy. He checked the small window again. The sun had finally set enough for him to venture out. He went over to Dawn who was once half awake. "how are you Dawn, do you think you can walk?" he asked her.
She attempted to sit up, failed, and then looked at him with a resigned expression. "Where are we going?" she asked him
"I'm taking you home" he said brushing some of the hair out of her face. her eyes shut as she drifted off again. Spike picked her up and left his crypt. Buffy will know what to do. he told himself.
When he got to the Summers household, no one seemed to be there. He walked in and put Dawn down on the couch in the living room. "Buffy" he called. No answer. He went into the kitchen, deciding that a glass of water would do dawn some good.
But when he got into the kitchen, he saw Buffy lying in a heap on the floor. "Buffy" he said as he rushed to her side. He laid his head on her chest listening for a heart beat. She was alive. He felt her forehead, she was hot, like Dawn.
He scooped her up in his arms, she lifted her head up and looked at him. "Spike?" she said, barley loud enough for him to hear.
"What is it luv?" he asked her, as he held her tight against his body.
"Where's Dawn?" she asked.
"She's here" spike told her. Buffy put her head against his chest before going limp in his arms. Spike brought her upstairs and put her in her bed, then did the same with dawn. He put them both in Buffys bed so he could watch them, he also knew that they would want to be together.
He kneeled at the side of Buffys bed, and ran his hand through her hair. She opened her eyes wide and stared at him. "Spike" she said weakly, "Something's wrong".
"I know luv" he whispered, "but I'm gonna take care of it" he kissed her forehead and went down stairs to call the magic shop. He wanted to be the hero, but he knew something was unnatural. The slayer doesn't just get sick. And Dawn doesn't just throw him across rooms. He needed help, and he was going to call the only people he knew who could help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy traced a heart on Angels chest with her finger, reveling at how warm his body felt next to hers. The brief day in the sun had already made his skin several shades darker. She put her head on his chest, and smiled as she herd the steady beat of his heart. As she felt the slow rise and fall of his chest, as he slept peacefully next to her.
She wanted to stay like this forever. He was alive. And not in the way a vampire is alive. He was alive the way a human was. And he wanted to spend his life with her. She would never have to worry if she woke up and he wasn't there, because she knew from now on he would always come back to her.
She had never been so happy. Never experienced such bliss. If she died today, she would die happy. But She wouldn't die today. She had her whole life ahead of her. And she had that life with angel. They would grow old together, watching their children grow, then her grand children, all with Angel. "I love you" she whispered.
"I love you to" he suprised her, She thought he had been asleep. He wrapped his arms around her. She was standing, now fully clothed, wrapped in angels arms. Her happiness and bliss was over. Now only sadness. "I"ll never forget" she chanted over and over again to herself. She felt herself being ripped away from him, and felt herself forgetting it all. She tried desperately to remember, but it was gone.
"No! I wont forget" she screamed as she sat bolt up right in bed. She was wet with sweat. She pulled her legs to her chest, holding on to the dream. It didn't feal like a dream she thought to herself, "It felt like a memory". she tried to even out her breath, but tears were rolling down her cheeks now, and she felt the dream pulling away. She didn't care that it was just a dream. She felt like she had woken up in that dream. Like she had been blind, but could see again. She needed sight, but she felt she was slowly going blind as the dream was ripped away from her. She was left only with the memory of hearing his heart beat.
After a while, she didn't even realize the blindness, forgetting almost everything. But she wouldn't let that one moment go. That one steady sound. It was only a dream, but she needed it.
She looked around the room, taking in her surroundings. She was in her bed, and no one was there with her. She was alone. utterly alone.
The walls moved and she was in a place she knew to be angels room. How do I know this is angels room she asked herself. She had never seen it. But she knew. She was still alone. He had left her while she slept.
She knew where he went. She didn't want to believe it, but she knew. She had to go, she got up and got dressed, looking for Cordilia, hoping she would say he just went to the store or something.
She was in his arms again, chanting she would never forget. She felt herself being torn again.
This time when she woke up, she didn't forget anything. It all came back to her. All of it. After two years she remembered everything she had forgotten. Every touch, every word, every kiss. Every minute. She remembered promising not to forget. And remembered the pain of loosing it. The pain of knowing that she wouldn't grow old with him. The pain of being thrown back , and the pain of knowing that no matter how hard she tried she would forget.
And now, the pain of having him again, and loosing him again.
This time she wasn't alone, Spike was watching her. She realized that she was sitting again, and that an endless stream of tears were falling down her face. She reached out to him, needing comfort from someone, not caring that it was from spike.
He came over, sat on her bed and wrapped his arms around her. "I had him" she said in a pained voice, through her raged tears. "I had everything. Everything I wanted, And I lost it" She put her arms around his neck and smothered her face in shirt. "I lost it all" She just kept on saying it over and over again. She wouldn't forget this time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike held Buffy, not knowing what she was talking about. She just kept on repeating that she had had everything, and lost it all.
At least she doesn't have a fever anymore he thought to himself. Dawn was doing better also. She had woken up an hour earlier, and was now down stairs, watching TV, acting like her normal self.
Willow bust in the room, her hair was messed, her eyes were black. She stumbled over to the bed, and fell to the floor. She crawled over and took one of Buffys hands. She looked like she had just been in a car accident.
"Did it work?" she asked. Her voice barely could be herd it was so dry and scratchy. "did it work Buffy? Did you remember?" she asked panting, struggling to stay conscious.
Buffy looked at her, and nodded. "I needed to give you something" Willow said. "I needed to make up for tearing you away" her body went limp as she passed out, obviously completely worn out from using to much magic. To powerful.
Spike understood now. Buffy and Dawn weren't sick. Willow had cast a spell on Buffy, and Dawn, being literally made from Buffy was affected by it.
Xander and Anya entered. "Willow" Xander said, and rushed over to the pile that was Willow.
"I think she's OK" spike said. "She cast a spell, on Buffy, and it affected both Buffy and Dawn"
Xander and Anya nodded "We know" Xander said, "She told us on our way over here. Did it work? did Buffy remember?" Xander asked, picking Willow up and putting her on the bed.
"I think so" Spike said. He felt left out of some secret. "What did she remember" He looked at them for answers.
Buffy was the one who finally replied "Angel" she said, her voice a mear squeak "she gave me the memory that had been torn away by the deities." She pulled herself out of spikes arm and moved over so she was facing the limp body of willow. She reached out and brushed the hair out of Willows face. "The memory I forgot I had. The memory I swore I'd never forget. She gave it back".
Angel...... She had remembered Angel. Spike felt like his non beating heart had been torn out. Angel, all these tears were of Angel. She had remembered something that would take her away from spike forever. Spike stood up and left the room, going down stairs to check on Dawn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy dialed the number she had almost forgotten. A husky male voice answered. It was angel. what now? Buffy asked herself. She said the first thing that popped into her mind, "I remember" she listened to him gasp for a breath he didn't need.
"Buffy?" he asked "Is that you? what do you remember?" he sounded confused. She hadn't realized how much she missed him until she herd his voice.
"I remember you" she said, feeling tears. "I remember hearing your hear beat" she said, tears now falling down her cheeks. "I remember...." her sobs interrupted her "I remeber....sob..the feal of your breath on my face" she leaned her back against the wall and slid down until she was sitting. "I remember the way your face looked when flushed with color" she gasped for another breath. "The way your body felt warm next to mine while we were eating ice cream in your bed........sob.....I remember it all" she took another deep breath. "I remember telling you I would never forget, and then.......sob.....forgetting it all" Her sobs were uncontrollable now. Her chest burned, begging for the air she couldn't suck in.
"Buffy....How?" he asked. She couldn't answer, She couldn't even breath, how could he expect her to answer. "Buffy, I....I'm coming to see you" She still couldn't answer. "I'll be there tomorrow at sun down" he hung up.
Buffy let go of the phone, and watched as it dropped to the floor. She saw it hit, but didn't hear it. The cheap plastic cover cracked. Willow, now feeling slightly better came into the room and put her hand on her shoulder, but Buffy was oblivious to it. She could feal nothing, hear nothing. She felt like she was watching this from afar. She kept on sending herself back to that blissful moment, when she thought everything would turn out perfectly.
"How did you know about it Will?" she asked as she came back to reality. "I didn't even know, but you did. How?" she looked up at the red headed witch.
"After you died" Willow started. "He came to see you one last time before you were buried. He held one of your hands and began to weep. He told us the whole story. He said you were happier then he had ever seen you in those few days. He wanted do much for you to be able to remember that happiness, but you forgot. And he knew it wouldn't be the same if he told you." she sat down next to Buffy, who laid her head on Willows lap.
"He's coming" she said. "He's coming and he'll be here tomorrow" she closed her eyes. She still felt the pain she had felt when the memory had been pulled away from her.
"Buffy.....I'm sorry. I shouldn't of done the spell. First I tore you out of heaven, And now I've caused you even more pain." she began to cry with Buffy. "I just wanted to make things better. I couldn't make you forget being dead, so I thought if I made you remember being alive-"
She cut Willow off "Don't Willow. Don't apologize for giving me this memory. It's the best gift anyone could ever of given me. You gave me back the happiest moment of my life, never be sorry for that" she sat up trying to compose herself.
"I'm gonna go make some coffee" Willow said. "You can tell me the whole story, or you can just remember it, either way I'll be there for you" she stood up and went into the kitchen.
Once Willow was gone Spike came into the room. "I'm gonna leave now pet" he told her.
She looked up at him, her big green eyes expressionless, miles away. As she stared at him they slowly came back to the now, and softened at him. "I'll see you latter" he started to leave the room.
"Spike wait" Buffy said right as he was about to walk out of the house. "Stay, if not for me for Dawn, but please, just stay" She walked over to him and took his hand in hers. "stay" she said again,"Come have some coffee with me and Will" she released his hand and she walked into the kitchen. Spike being unable to deny her anything followed her.
Willow had the coffee brewing, and suggested that Buffy pick out a movie to watch, or a CD to listen to. Buffy decided that a Movie would be best, she just wasn't ready to talk about it yet.
She looked through her selection of movies, Gone with the wind, Titanic, a monty python and the holy grail nothing interested her. On the top of the TV there was a video case from block busters Dawn must of rented something she thought. She looked in the VCR, City of angels was in Buffy loved that movie. She pressed the rewind button and waited for Willow.
She grabbed the remote and curled up at the arm of the couch. Spike came in and sat down next to her. He wasn't touching her, but he was close. Buffy felt the need to be closer to him. She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. He didn't say anything, but he put his arm around her shoulders. It was nice. Willow came in and Buffy hit the play button on the remote, not making any motion to move away from spike. Willow said nothing.
He smells so good Buffy thought as the movie began. He smelled like soap and leather. Buffy never would of thought of Spike smelling like soap, but he did.
Buffy sat up and moved slightly away from Spike. Partly to drink the cup of Coffee Willow had made for her, and Partly because she decided she was being unfair to him. She didn't want to give him false allusions. She liked him, there was no denying that, but she loved Angel. And if there was ever going to be anything between her and Spike, she needed to figure out the whole Angel thing first.
If there's ever going to be anything between be and Spike, she couldn't even believe she had the thought. The night before had been a mistake. She felt cold and pained again with out Spikes arm around her.
She felt the pain of the memory more then ever now. She couldn't Stop remembering being held tightly in Angel arms, chanting that she would never forget. And she forgot. She felt the raged breath of tears coming on, and leaned up against Spike again closing her eyes, clutching at his Shirt.
"Care to talk about it Luv?" he asked her. She looked up at him, his Eyes were full of comfort. He was gently rubbing her back with his had soothing her.
She looked over to Willow, who Still had nothing to say about her closeness to Spike. "It might make you feal better" Willow said.
Buffy nodded and began to tell the sad story. "I was outside in the bright daylight, I turned around and there he was" She took a few breaths and continued the story. She told them everything. Right down to licking chocolate ice-cream off of angels chest. She told them how she had traced hearts on his stomach with her fingers, and her silly fantasies of having a normal life with him.
She took a deep breath to finish the story, "When he came back, he told me that he had to be a vampire, so he could prefect me. So I wouldn't die. I didn't care, he did though. I only had a minute left and he told me I would for get it all. There wasn't enough time. We didn't get to do all the things I had wanted to do with him. I told him I loved him and I promised I would never forget. I just kept saying it over and over, but........" she let the sentence die. Once again she couldn't breathe through her sobs.
She looked at the TV screen, the movie was almost over now. "Buffy....." Willow couldn't think of anything to say that would comfort her.
"It's gone now. All of it. I talked to him, after time was turned back. I was cold to him. It must of seemed like seconds to him, after holding on to him, and loving him more then ever, just seconds latter I was cold." She clutched to Spike as if by holding onto him she could go back to that moment and remember it all. And be kind instead of cold..
It didn't work. She was still on her couch. And she was holding onto Spike, not Angel. She quickly let go of him and stood up. "I'm gonna go patrol" she said and started to put her shoes on.
"No" spike said. "I'm gonna go patrol and you, luv, are going to sleep" He came over to her, kissed her forehead, and left.
"Goodnight Willow" Buffy said, and went upstairs following Spikes direction. Willow stayed on the couch for a while, trying to figure out what was going on between her best friend and a certain bleached blond vampire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dawn stopped and looked behind her. The dark streets were full of shadows, she was starting to regret sneaking out. But she had to get out. Poor Buffy was all anyone could think. She felt bad for her sister and all, but she had gotten the memory also. And she was not happy about the fact that she now had memories of Buffy and Angel going at it like rabbits in her memory.
She shuddered at the thought of it. She started walking again, and herd something behind her. She turned around again "Hello?" she said. She smiled as she saw the lean figure of a male in a black trench coat pop out from behind a tree.
"Going some where pet?" he asked. He took a cigarette out of his pack and lit it, looking completely sexy. Like a hero from a movie, after he just defeated the bad guy.
Dawn didn't know what was wrong with her sister. The question was not how could you love this vampire, but how could you not. Spike was way better then Angel. Angel was always causing Buffy tears, and Spike was allot more attractive. "Just out for a walk" she said, trying to sound as mature as possible.
"Out for a walk eh?" spike said crossing his arms over his chest. "Now where would one such as yourself be walking to at three in the mornin'" Spike asked her. Dawn had no answer. She stared at her toes as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. "As I thought, why don't you and me take a walk to the magic shop?" he asked her.
"The magic shop" Dawn asked in surprise She had expected him to drag her home and give her a lecture.
"Well" spike said, getting his cocky grin, "Where else is there a slayer equipped training room?" he asked her.
"Really?" Dawn said hopefully. She had thought that he had forgotten about her accidentally throwing him across the room.
Spike walked to her and put his arm around her shoulder in away that was very big brotherish. "Common lil'bit, don't wana keep you from home to long" they walked to the magic shop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: none of these charecters belong to me. They belong to Jos whedon etc....
Authors note: I know that it may apear that Dawn is a new slayer, but she's not. I know there will be no new slayer. I wrote dawn to have strength because of the fact that she was made from Buffys blood.
Please please review!!!!!!
The forgotten memory
part 1:Time lost
Buffy woke up to find herself in the cold yet comforting tight embrace of someone.
She nuzzled her face into the smooth bare chest, breathing in. She could smell an aroma of sweat and a light trace of leather. Oh god! she thought as she slowly remembered the event of the previous night. She opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows. She quickly found her self looking into the intense blue eyes of Spike.
He smiled at her "Hey" he said softly, and brushed a stray stand of hair away from her face.
Buffy quickly jumped back and pulled her knees to her chest to cover her nudity. What have I done, she thought. "Spike listen, about last night- "
"Oh, bloody hell" he interrupted her, "Don tell me your going to make some lousy excuse like 'oh I was upset about giles leaving' because if you were thinking about giles last night then you have some very VERY serious issues" He said, looking away from her. It was quite obvious that he was hurt by her actions.
She bowed down her head, she didn't have any response to that. She felt her eyes beginning to water. Not now, she pleaded with herself, not in front of spike. But the tears came. This was to much. Giles leaving, being raised from the dead, finding out she came back wrong, having sex with spike. It was just to much. How could she make him understand that she was just unstable right now. That she didn't love him, she couldn't love him.
Maybe you do, a tiny little annoying voice said in the back of her mind. She quickly pushed the voice way with all the reasons she couldn't love him. She took a deep breath, trying to regain control, but the tears just came harder. She started shaking and sobbing uncontrollably.
"Oh come now pet, I didn't mean to make you cry" Spike said. He brought over her clothes to her. "here you are, I'll turn the other way and all" He walked away from her and started to put his own clothes on.
Buffy pulled her clothes on and stood up. She smoothed her hair down and wiped the last of her tears away. She didn't feal any better. Spike, now with pants on, walked over to her, putting a hand on each of her shoulders. She looked down, not wanting to face him. She instead found herself perfectly happy starring at his well toned chest.
"Buffy" Spike mumbled quietly. She looked up at the use of her name. He didn't often call her Buffy, it was usually luv, or pet, or most frequently Slayer. "Buffy" he said again, "is it so hard for you to admit to your self that you might just maybe have feelings for me?"
She tried to look down again, but he put his hand under her chin forcing her to look at him. She shifted her eyes, trying to look anywhere but at him. But like a magnet, she was drawn to his eyes. They were so beautiful. They sparkled like the ocean does when the sun shines of of it.
"Spike, I....." She couldn't think of anything to say. She just kept starring into his intense blue eyes.
Spike moved his mouth on to hers, in the smallest, softest of kisses. and pulled his face an inch away from hers. She closed the distance between them needing to have contact with his mouth. his perfect pink pouty mouth, right under his perfectly shaped nose, which was under his beautiful blue eyes, that were located under his eyebrows, one of them having a sexy scar that just made his whole God damned face perfect.
She pulled away shaking her head "No" said "I'm sorry spike, but no, I just cant do this" she walked away from him and ran out of the ruins of the abandoned house, wiping away the tears that still fell from her eyes.
~~~~~~~
Buffy quietly slipped through the door of her house and walked into the living room. Dawn was asleep on the couch, she walked over and sat on the edge brushing her hair from her face, and went into the kitchen.
Ice-cream, she though, I need Ice-cream. "Willow" a familiar voice said as she opened the freezer. "Willow is that you?" Tara came into the kitchen.
"Tara, what are you doing here, did you and willow make up" Buffy asked, slightly thrown off by Taras presence.
"no" she said, "when I brought Dawn home last night, no one was here, so I told Dawn I would wait until someone came home. But nobody did so I stayed the night" She finished. "were you with Spike?"
Buffy panicked, could Tara read her mind? "Spike, No of course not, why would I be with Spike?" She said, sitting down at the table, tub of icecream in one hand, spoon in the other.
"Patrolling, I called Xander to see if you were over there, and he said Spike called wanting to patrol, I figured you probably got held up" Tara said.
"Yeah well, I, I uh... I didn't see him. But wow what a busy night, tons of demons......." Buffy stopped and cleared her throat, "You know what, I think I need a shower, wash away the demon.. demons". She quickly left the room not bothering to put away the icecream.
When Buffy got up stairs she went into the bathroom and turned the hot water on not bothering with the cold. She stripe off her clothes and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water drops pound down on her back.
She remembered the previous night. She had had sex before, but sex with spike was completely different. It shouldn't of happened, it was nice but it shouldn't of happened. It was wrong. It was Spike. She could except him as a friend, but she couldn't possibly love him.
She shook her head trying to rid herself of all spike thoughts, but just brought up another one. The way he had looked at her. He was giving her a chance to back out. They had just stopped, and he looked at her. His eyes were full of love. She could tell it was what he wanted, but only if she had wanted it.
Did I want it? that annoying little voice asked. "No!" she said firmly to herself. It's spike. He's violent, he's evil, he's obscene, the man had made a sex bot, she told herself. He's disgusting but caring an gorgeous, and... "no" she cut herself off from her thoughts. She started shaking her head again. I'm not going to do this, from this moment on, I am going to stop thinking about spike.
She washed her hair, she washed her body, and stepped out of the shower, the whole time only thinking of spike ten times. She put on her robe and walked into her room where dawn was sitting in her bed.
"Hey Dawnie, did Tara leave yet?" She asked casually as she dried her hair.
"yeah, so where were you last night? have you herd from willow?" Dawn asked looking at her suspiciously.
"I was patrolling, it was a busy night. And no I haven't herd from Willow. But you know, she derated Amy" Buffy said "they're probably just having fun. You know? Willows probably filling her in on what's happened the past couple of years."
"Amys been derated?" Dawn asked in disbelief "that's great, now we'll have another person in the scoobie gang. she said excited.
Buffy could just see all the thought going through her head. Poor Amy would be answering questions all day. "Well, I think I'm going to go to the magic shop, see if I can find anything on this ice man bank robbery thing" Buffy said.
"The magic shop" Dawn groaned, "Buffy", she whined, "I don't want to spend another Saturday at the magic shop, cant I just stay home, maybe have a friend over-" She was cut off by Buffy.
"Dawn, last time we left you home alone, you got kidnapped by a dancing demon who wanted to take you to hell and make you his queen" She told dawn.
"Buffy, that was so not my fault. It's was Xanders, remember, he's the one who summoned the demon" she said. "plus, if I had a friend over, I wouldn't be alone" she said.
"Oh yes" Buffy started, "and last time you did something with a friend, you were almost eaten by a vampire" She reminded her.
"Fine" Dawn started with a pout "well if you don't trust me-"
"No" Buffy cut her off again "I don't trust you" she said beginning to usher Dawn out of her room.
"Buffy" she begged, "At least let me go stay with spike. He's never let anything happen to me has he" She said, not bothering to keep the desperate tone out of her voice.
"No, absolutely not under any circumstances" She said. Dawn opened he mouth in protest but Buffy spoke first. "It's not good for you to spend the day in that dark crypt. Your fifteen, you need sunlight" she told her. Excuses, she thought to herself, just excuses, Spikes was probably the safest place for Dawn to be.
"Oh" Dawn said, "and the magic shop is much better" she said. Buffy could tell that if she made dawn come with her she would be mad at her for days.
"Fine" she gave in, you can go to spikes, But I'm not bringing you there" she said. "We'll go to the magic shop and Xander or anya can take you there." she finished.
"Thank you thank you thank you" she said and ran up to Buffy and gave her a hug.
"Your welcome, now go get dressed" she said and kicked dawn out of her room. She walked to her closet looking for something to wear.
She found a pair of dark blue jeans and through them on her bed, and went over to her dresser looking for a shirt. She opened the top drawer and was somewhat shocked to find an old shirt of Rileys siting at the top. She picked it up and held it to her for a moment, giving herself a moment to remember him.
Her small form had fit so perfectly in his strong arms, he was warm. Angel, being dead was never warm. comforting, but not warm. She had come so close to loving Riley, but she couldn't. maybe there's something wrong with me, she thought. I couldn't love Riley, now I cant love spike, and Angel who I could love, couldn't love me.
She shook her head, snapping herself out of it. This whole situation was ridiculous. It was spike. He was a completely different story from Riley. She put Riles shirt back in her drawer and pulled out a black tank top. She quickly got dressed and went down stairs to where Dawn was waiting for her.
She grabbed her jacket off of the chair in the living room and they left, walking the short distance to the magic shop.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy slammed her book shut in frustration, there was just no such thing as a diamond eating freeze monster. Plus Xander was taking an extremely long time to get back from bringing Dawn to spikes.
Almost on que Xander walked in the shop. He's looking at me, she thought. He knows, Spike must of told him, the bastard. Ill kill him. And then I'll kill Xander before he gets a chance to tell anyone. She shook her head for about the one millionth time that day, clearing all thoughts of killing Xander out of her mind, yet allowing some violent spike thoughts remain.
"What took you so long?" She demanded when Xander came an sat down next to her. He looked at her like she was crazy.
"Uh, Buff, I love you and all, and I'm fine with driving Dawn to spikes, but, I cant really handle you getting mad at me for being gone for fifteen minutes" He said.
Buffy through her head back over her chair, "I'm sorry Xander, I've just been kind of stressed lately" she looked at him. "So, spike have any information about this Diamond eating ice demon?" she asked.
"Does Spike ever have any information?" He asked, she knew the answer to that one. No. "Our little neutered vampire was actually quite quiet this morning" He said, looking at Buffy intently. H knows. She thought again, but then reminded herself that if Spike wasn't talking, then he wasn't telling.
"Oh well, That's just Spike for ya" she said, "Xander, do you think you can pick dawn up for me latter?" she asked.
"Not needed, Spike said after sunset he'd walk her home. wait there until somebody got home" Xander said.
"What!?" Buffy said louder then necessary, "he's going to wait, as in wait in my house, for me?" She asked.
"Well that was the general idea" Xander said. "you know, so he wouldn't inconvenience you at all" he looked at her. "Buffy, you've been acting strange today, did something happen?" He asked her.
"No" she said smiling, shaking her head in a bemused way "of course nothing happened" She started laughing hysterically.
"Oh my go" Anya said rushing over to Buffy. "Is she dying?" she looked at Xander worry in her face.
"No Anya, she's laughing. Um, Buff, maybe you should go home. Your actin' a little strange" Xander said.
"Right" Buffy said. "Home. I'll go home. Home is good. Bye" She ran out of the store. Xander and Anya just stared after her. Quite confused, but eventually, Xander went back to reading the demon books, and Anya went back to reading her bridal magazines.
~~~~~~~~~
Spike turned the TV off, Dawn was watching some stupid show that she probably wasn't allowed to watch any ways.
"Hey! I was watching that" Dawn said glaring at him. "Why are you in such a bad mood today?" she asked him.
"Why are you wearing a blue shirt today?" Spike asked her.
"Because it matched these pants" Dawn said.
"Well my bad mood matches these pants so leave me alone." he told her harshly, hoping she would just sit and be quiet for two minutes.
"God" Dawn said, "you sure have a bug up your ass today" she mumbled and sank down in her chair. She crossed her legs and started bobbing her foot up and down. At the moment it was the most annoying thing in the world to spike. She started whistling. Oh god, she was whistling the back street boys, Spike didn't know if he could take this.
He turned the TV back on, "Dawn you can watch what you want, I'm gonna go take a nap. You must remember, this is sleep time for me" He said. Dawn didn't reply, she was already sucked back into the show.
I don't need her Spike thought to himself, only causes me pain, emotional and physical pain. He sat on his bed, disgusted with himself for being such a love sick puppy. For being so much like he was before. Before he was turned.
"Spike!!" Dawn called to him. "Do you have anything to eat?" She asked.
"Sorry luv, unless you fancy blood there nothing here" he said. Teenagers, always thinking with their stomachs.
"I'm gonna go get something then" she said, coming into the space he used as a room.
If she goes, Buffy will kill me. spike got up and walked over to her. he put a hand on her arm, "common niblet, you know I cant let you go, your big sis would kill me" he said. "besides, there's just a half hour till sunset, sit and watch the telly.
"I'm fifteen, I can take care of myself for the five minutes it will take me to walk to the store" she said. She shrugged off spike.
Spike gasped as he flew across the room and looked up at Dawn who stood stunned. "Spike" she rushed over and keeled beside him. "are you OK? I... I didn't mean to.... I just wanted you to let me go....I...I...."
Spike laughed. "well well, look at the lil' bit. The slayer blood finally starting to work ehh?" he said.
Dawn stood up smiling. " I guess so, maybe now Buffy will finally let me have a life" she said. She started laughing with spike, who now was once again standing. She took a step forward, but was overcome with a wave of dizziness, "Spike, I don't-" she couldn't even Finnish her sentence. Spike watched in horror as Dawn, Buffy little sister, his lil' bit fell to the floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy walked in the house and went to the kitchen. She was feeling very dizzy, and decided that some ginger ale might make her feal better. She got out a glass and put it on the counter. She was suddenly struck by a wave of nausea. She put her hands on the counter, trying to prevent herself from passing out, but it was no use. She fell to the floor, her body not even making a sound as it hit the cold tile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Within seconds Spike was at Dawn side feeling her forehead. He put his hand on her cheek. "Common now pet, wake up" he said. Nothing. Her skin felt hot. He picked her up and put her on his bed, then walked over to the window, praying for the sun to set.
He paced for about twenty minutes, watching Dawn come in and out, asking for her mother and Buffy. He checked the small window again. The sun had finally set enough for him to venture out. He went over to Dawn who was once half awake. "how are you Dawn, do you think you can walk?" he asked her.
She attempted to sit up, failed, and then looked at him with a resigned expression. "Where are we going?" she asked him
"I'm taking you home" he said brushing some of the hair out of her face. her eyes shut as she drifted off again. Spike picked her up and left his crypt. Buffy will know what to do. he told himself.
When he got to the Summers household, no one seemed to be there. He walked in and put Dawn down on the couch in the living room. "Buffy" he called. No answer. He went into the kitchen, deciding that a glass of water would do dawn some good.
But when he got into the kitchen, he saw Buffy lying in a heap on the floor. "Buffy" he said as he rushed to her side. He laid his head on her chest listening for a heart beat. She was alive. He felt her forehead, she was hot, like Dawn.
He scooped her up in his arms, she lifted her head up and looked at him. "Spike?" she said, barley loud enough for him to hear.
"What is it luv?" he asked her, as he held her tight against his body.
"Where's Dawn?" she asked.
"She's here" spike told her. Buffy put her head against his chest before going limp in his arms. Spike brought her upstairs and put her in her bed, then did the same with dawn. He put them both in Buffys bed so he could watch them, he also knew that they would want to be together.
He kneeled at the side of Buffys bed, and ran his hand through her hair. She opened her eyes wide and stared at him. "Spike" she said weakly, "Something's wrong".
"I know luv" he whispered, "but I'm gonna take care of it" he kissed her forehead and went down stairs to call the magic shop. He wanted to be the hero, but he knew something was unnatural. The slayer doesn't just get sick. And Dawn doesn't just throw him across rooms. He needed help, and he was going to call the only people he knew who could help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy traced a heart on Angels chest with her finger, reveling at how warm his body felt next to hers. The brief day in the sun had already made his skin several shades darker. She put her head on his chest, and smiled as she herd the steady beat of his heart. As she felt the slow rise and fall of his chest, as he slept peacefully next to her.
She wanted to stay like this forever. He was alive. And not in the way a vampire is alive. He was alive the way a human was. And he wanted to spend his life with her. She would never have to worry if she woke up and he wasn't there, because she knew from now on he would always come back to her.
She had never been so happy. Never experienced such bliss. If she died today, she would die happy. But She wouldn't die today. She had her whole life ahead of her. And she had that life with angel. They would grow old together, watching their children grow, then her grand children, all with Angel. "I love you" she whispered.
"I love you to" he suprised her, She thought he had been asleep. He wrapped his arms around her. She was standing, now fully clothed, wrapped in angels arms. Her happiness and bliss was over. Now only sadness. "I"ll never forget" she chanted over and over again to herself. She felt herself being ripped away from him, and felt herself forgetting it all. She tried desperately to remember, but it was gone.
"No! I wont forget" she screamed as she sat bolt up right in bed. She was wet with sweat. She pulled her legs to her chest, holding on to the dream. It didn't feal like a dream she thought to herself, "It felt like a memory". she tried to even out her breath, but tears were rolling down her cheeks now, and she felt the dream pulling away. She didn't care that it was just a dream. She felt like she had woken up in that dream. Like she had been blind, but could see again. She needed sight, but she felt she was slowly going blind as the dream was ripped away from her. She was left only with the memory of hearing his heart beat.
After a while, she didn't even realize the blindness, forgetting almost everything. But she wouldn't let that one moment go. That one steady sound. It was only a dream, but she needed it.
She looked around the room, taking in her surroundings. She was in her bed, and no one was there with her. She was alone. utterly alone.
The walls moved and she was in a place she knew to be angels room. How do I know this is angels room she asked herself. She had never seen it. But she knew. She was still alone. He had left her while she slept.
She knew where he went. She didn't want to believe it, but she knew. She had to go, she got up and got dressed, looking for Cordilia, hoping she would say he just went to the store or something.
She was in his arms again, chanting she would never forget. She felt herself being torn again.
This time when she woke up, she didn't forget anything. It all came back to her. All of it. After two years she remembered everything she had forgotten. Every touch, every word, every kiss. Every minute. She remembered promising not to forget. And remembered the pain of loosing it. The pain of knowing that she wouldn't grow old with him. The pain of being thrown back , and the pain of knowing that no matter how hard she tried she would forget.
And now, the pain of having him again, and loosing him again.
This time she wasn't alone, Spike was watching her. She realized that she was sitting again, and that an endless stream of tears were falling down her face. She reached out to him, needing comfort from someone, not caring that it was from spike.
He came over, sat on her bed and wrapped his arms around her. "I had him" she said in a pained voice, through her raged tears. "I had everything. Everything I wanted, And I lost it" She put her arms around his neck and smothered her face in shirt. "I lost it all" She just kept on saying it over and over again. She wouldn't forget this time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike held Buffy, not knowing what she was talking about. She just kept on repeating that she had had everything, and lost it all.
At least she doesn't have a fever anymore he thought to himself. Dawn was doing better also. She had woken up an hour earlier, and was now down stairs, watching TV, acting like her normal self.
Willow bust in the room, her hair was messed, her eyes were black. She stumbled over to the bed, and fell to the floor. She crawled over and took one of Buffys hands. She looked like she had just been in a car accident.
"Did it work?" she asked. Her voice barely could be herd it was so dry and scratchy. "did it work Buffy? Did you remember?" she asked panting, struggling to stay conscious.
Buffy looked at her, and nodded. "I needed to give you something" Willow said. "I needed to make up for tearing you away" her body went limp as she passed out, obviously completely worn out from using to much magic. To powerful.
Spike understood now. Buffy and Dawn weren't sick. Willow had cast a spell on Buffy, and Dawn, being literally made from Buffy was affected by it.
Xander and Anya entered. "Willow" Xander said, and rushed over to the pile that was Willow.
"I think she's OK" spike said. "She cast a spell, on Buffy, and it affected both Buffy and Dawn"
Xander and Anya nodded "We know" Xander said, "She told us on our way over here. Did it work? did Buffy remember?" Xander asked, picking Willow up and putting her on the bed.
"I think so" Spike said. He felt left out of some secret. "What did she remember" He looked at them for answers.
Buffy was the one who finally replied "Angel" she said, her voice a mear squeak "she gave me the memory that had been torn away by the deities." She pulled herself out of spikes arm and moved over so she was facing the limp body of willow. She reached out and brushed the hair out of Willows face. "The memory I forgot I had. The memory I swore I'd never forget. She gave it back".
Angel...... She had remembered Angel. Spike felt like his non beating heart had been torn out. Angel, all these tears were of Angel. She had remembered something that would take her away from spike forever. Spike stood up and left the room, going down stairs to check on Dawn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy dialed the number she had almost forgotten. A husky male voice answered. It was angel. what now? Buffy asked herself. She said the first thing that popped into her mind, "I remember" she listened to him gasp for a breath he didn't need.
"Buffy?" he asked "Is that you? what do you remember?" he sounded confused. She hadn't realized how much she missed him until she herd his voice.
"I remember you" she said, feeling tears. "I remember hearing your hear beat" she said, tears now falling down her cheeks. "I remember...." her sobs interrupted her "I remeber....sob..the feal of your breath on my face" she leaned her back against the wall and slid down until she was sitting. "I remember the way your face looked when flushed with color" she gasped for another breath. "The way your body felt warm next to mine while we were eating ice cream in your bed........sob.....I remember it all" she took another deep breath. "I remember telling you I would never forget, and then.......sob.....forgetting it all" Her sobs were uncontrollable now. Her chest burned, begging for the air she couldn't suck in.
"Buffy....How?" he asked. She couldn't answer, She couldn't even breath, how could he expect her to answer. "Buffy, I....I'm coming to see you" She still couldn't answer. "I'll be there tomorrow at sun down" he hung up.
Buffy let go of the phone, and watched as it dropped to the floor. She saw it hit, but didn't hear it. The cheap plastic cover cracked. Willow, now feeling slightly better came into the room and put her hand on her shoulder, but Buffy was oblivious to it. She could feal nothing, hear nothing. She felt like she was watching this from afar. She kept on sending herself back to that blissful moment, when she thought everything would turn out perfectly.
"How did you know about it Will?" she asked as she came back to reality. "I didn't even know, but you did. How?" she looked up at the red headed witch.
"After you died" Willow started. "He came to see you one last time before you were buried. He held one of your hands and began to weep. He told us the whole story. He said you were happier then he had ever seen you in those few days. He wanted do much for you to be able to remember that happiness, but you forgot. And he knew it wouldn't be the same if he told you." she sat down next to Buffy, who laid her head on Willows lap.
"He's coming" she said. "He's coming and he'll be here tomorrow" she closed her eyes. She still felt the pain she had felt when the memory had been pulled away from her.
"Buffy.....I'm sorry. I shouldn't of done the spell. First I tore you out of heaven, And now I've caused you even more pain." she began to cry with Buffy. "I just wanted to make things better. I couldn't make you forget being dead, so I thought if I made you remember being alive-"
She cut Willow off "Don't Willow. Don't apologize for giving me this memory. It's the best gift anyone could ever of given me. You gave me back the happiest moment of my life, never be sorry for that" she sat up trying to compose herself.
"I'm gonna go make some coffee" Willow said. "You can tell me the whole story, or you can just remember it, either way I'll be there for you" she stood up and went into the kitchen.
Once Willow was gone Spike came into the room. "I'm gonna leave now pet" he told her.
She looked up at him, her big green eyes expressionless, miles away. As she stared at him they slowly came back to the now, and softened at him. "I'll see you latter" he started to leave the room.
"Spike wait" Buffy said right as he was about to walk out of the house. "Stay, if not for me for Dawn, but please, just stay" She walked over to him and took his hand in hers. "stay" she said again,"Come have some coffee with me and Will" she released his hand and she walked into the kitchen. Spike being unable to deny her anything followed her.
Willow had the coffee brewing, and suggested that Buffy pick out a movie to watch, or a CD to listen to. Buffy decided that a Movie would be best, she just wasn't ready to talk about it yet.
She looked through her selection of movies, Gone with the wind, Titanic, a monty python and the holy grail nothing interested her. On the top of the TV there was a video case from block busters Dawn must of rented something she thought. She looked in the VCR, City of angels was in Buffy loved that movie. She pressed the rewind button and waited for Willow.
She grabbed the remote and curled up at the arm of the couch. Spike came in and sat down next to her. He wasn't touching her, but he was close. Buffy felt the need to be closer to him. She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. He didn't say anything, but he put his arm around her shoulders. It was nice. Willow came in and Buffy hit the play button on the remote, not making any motion to move away from spike. Willow said nothing.
He smells so good Buffy thought as the movie began. He smelled like soap and leather. Buffy never would of thought of Spike smelling like soap, but he did.
Buffy sat up and moved slightly away from Spike. Partly to drink the cup of Coffee Willow had made for her, and Partly because she decided she was being unfair to him. She didn't want to give him false allusions. She liked him, there was no denying that, but she loved Angel. And if there was ever going to be anything between her and Spike, she needed to figure out the whole Angel thing first.
If there's ever going to be anything between be and Spike, she couldn't even believe she had the thought. The night before had been a mistake. She felt cold and pained again with out Spikes arm around her.
She felt the pain of the memory more then ever now. She couldn't Stop remembering being held tightly in Angel arms, chanting that she would never forget. And she forgot. She felt the raged breath of tears coming on, and leaned up against Spike again closing her eyes, clutching at his Shirt.
"Care to talk about it Luv?" he asked her. She looked up at him, his Eyes were full of comfort. He was gently rubbing her back with his had soothing her.
She looked over to Willow, who Still had nothing to say about her closeness to Spike. "It might make you feal better" Willow said.
Buffy nodded and began to tell the sad story. "I was outside in the bright daylight, I turned around and there he was" She took a few breaths and continued the story. She told them everything. Right down to licking chocolate ice-cream off of angels chest. She told them how she had traced hearts on his stomach with her fingers, and her silly fantasies of having a normal life with him.
She took a deep breath to finish the story, "When he came back, he told me that he had to be a vampire, so he could prefect me. So I wouldn't die. I didn't care, he did though. I only had a minute left and he told me I would for get it all. There wasn't enough time. We didn't get to do all the things I had wanted to do with him. I told him I loved him and I promised I would never forget. I just kept saying it over and over, but........" she let the sentence die. Once again she couldn't breathe through her sobs.
She looked at the TV screen, the movie was almost over now. "Buffy....." Willow couldn't think of anything to say that would comfort her.
"It's gone now. All of it. I talked to him, after time was turned back. I was cold to him. It must of seemed like seconds to him, after holding on to him, and loving him more then ever, just seconds latter I was cold." She clutched to Spike as if by holding onto him she could go back to that moment and remember it all. And be kind instead of cold..
It didn't work. She was still on her couch. And she was holding onto Spike, not Angel. She quickly let go of him and stood up. "I'm gonna go patrol" she said and started to put her shoes on.
"No" spike said. "I'm gonna go patrol and you, luv, are going to sleep" He came over to her, kissed her forehead, and left.
"Goodnight Willow" Buffy said, and went upstairs following Spikes direction. Willow stayed on the couch for a while, trying to figure out what was going on between her best friend and a certain bleached blond vampire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dawn stopped and looked behind her. The dark streets were full of shadows, she was starting to regret sneaking out. But she had to get out. Poor Buffy was all anyone could think. She felt bad for her sister and all, but she had gotten the memory also. And she was not happy about the fact that she now had memories of Buffy and Angel going at it like rabbits in her memory.
She shuddered at the thought of it. She started walking again, and herd something behind her. She turned around again "Hello?" she said. She smiled as she saw the lean figure of a male in a black trench coat pop out from behind a tree.
"Going some where pet?" he asked. He took a cigarette out of his pack and lit it, looking completely sexy. Like a hero from a movie, after he just defeated the bad guy.
Dawn didn't know what was wrong with her sister. The question was not how could you love this vampire, but how could you not. Spike was way better then Angel. Angel was always causing Buffy tears, and Spike was allot more attractive. "Just out for a walk" she said, trying to sound as mature as possible.
"Out for a walk eh?" spike said crossing his arms over his chest. "Now where would one such as yourself be walking to at three in the mornin'" Spike asked her. Dawn had no answer. She stared at her toes as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. "As I thought, why don't you and me take a walk to the magic shop?" he asked her.
"The magic shop" Dawn asked in surprise She had expected him to drag her home and give her a lecture.
"Well" spike said, getting his cocky grin, "Where else is there a slayer equipped training room?" he asked her.
"Really?" Dawn said hopefully. She had thought that he had forgotten about her accidentally throwing him across the room.
Spike walked to her and put his arm around her shoulder in away that was very big brotherish. "Common lil'bit, don't wana keep you from home to long" they walked to the magic shop.
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