Authors' Notes

This story began with a challenge from a friend to see if it was, in fact, possible to write a Lucius x Ron story, the least likely coupling that my friend and I could come up with. It turned into a monstrosity of a story that shows no sign of quitting and contains several other couples that you'll have to read to find out about. I've rated it "R" because of some questionable humor, although I'm not entirely sure that it deserves such a high rating.

Of course, no copyright infringement is intended, and none of the characters or settings belong to me. Everything related to Harry Potter was created by J.K. Rowling and is copyrighted by her and various companies. This is merely a story that grew out of my love for her works.

Please, review if you enjoy!



1. In which things seem Ridiculously Simple

It promised to be one of the strangest holidays of Ron's life. His parents were once again
visiting Charlie in Romania - that wasn't strange. Ron was perfectly happy to stay at
Hogwarts over the Christmas break with his friends Harry and Hermione. His sister
Ginny was staying at school as well, and as usual was fawning over Harry and breaking
into blushes whenever he entered a room. Hermione spent a good deal of her time in the
Gryffindor common room, perusing old thick books as Harry and Ron played Wizard's
Chess. The Christmas feast had been much the same as always, consisting of pumpkin
juice and breads and a thousand kinds of pie.

No, everything was perfectly normal except for one thing. Somebody was trying to kill
Harry, and Ron had decided to do something about it.

Ron was a bit tired of being "Ron Weasley, friend of Harry Potter, defeater of Extremely
Dark Wizards, Witch Weekly's Most Eligible Bachelor, etc etc etc." He certainly didn't
begrudge Harry his fame. After all, Harry had seen more adversity in his seventeen years
than most did in a lifetime. Ron simply wanted to do more than sit back and watch Harry
defeat foe after foe while Ron stood on the sidelines cheering. He felt it was both for
Harry's sake and his own that he did what he did.


Two days earlier...

"Now," Hermione explained, "there are three lemon drops in this bowl. We're each going
to grab one, and whoever is holding the enchanted one that turns black gets to go."

Harry looked at her like she had gone mad. Hermione scowled.

"It makes perfect sense, Harry," she pronounced. "Get along with it, then."

Ron, Harry, and Hermione each plucked a lemon drop from the porcelain bowl. Ron had
to agree with Harry that Hermione had concocted a very odd way of choosing who was
"it," but when Hermione found a strange spell that she wanted to use, she did so. Besides,
this would make his task easier.

Ron concentrated on the candy in his hand. They had all agreed not to cheat, but Ron
figured that sometimes you just had to. He mumbled a spell as quietly as he could, and
watched as his lemon drop became gray and cloudy, then blackened and broke into two
jagged pieces. Thanks to his spell, the other two candies remained normal.

Harry stood up, frusterated. "I don't understand why you guys just can't just let me go!
It's my head on the chopping block here, not Ron's. There's no reason for you to get
involved. I can't believe I ever agreed to this stupid drawing lots scheme."

"Stuff it, Harry," Ron answered. "Fair is fair. It's not like I'm doing anything dangerous,
anyway."

"Morphing yourself into Draco's girlfriend and infiltrating his house so you can
eavesdrop on Death Eater meetings isn't dangerous?!"

"Well," said Hermione, "It'll be okay. We haven't been able to come up with any better
plans, and he'll be out of there in a day or so."

"There has to be a better way," Harry grumbled.







So here I am, Ron mused, the day after Christmas, ready to gulp down an extended
Polyjuice Potion that will turn me into Blaise Zabini. The idea was a bit repugnant, but at
least he wasn't turning into Draco himself. He wasn't sure that even Harry would be
worth that humiliation.

Hermione, in her vast and eclectic reading material, had found a way to alter the
Polyjuice Potion. Instead of wearing off in a matter of hours, the addition of a few (highly
illegal) ingredients would cease the re-transformation until the drinker wished it.
Thankfully Professor Snape could always be counted on to have contraband ingredients
like essence of brimstone and bottled kappa venom in his (not-so-secret) secret closet.
Invisibility Cloaks were handy for such errands.

The illegal items also had the useful side effect of cutting the brewing time for the usually
lengthy potion down to twelve hours. As soon as the trio had heard that Blaise, who was
remaining at school as well while her parents were taking a second honeymoon, intended
to visit Draco at Malfoy Manor for a few days, the plan just fell into place. One of them
would take on the form of Ms. Zabini, travel to Draco's house, and place a magical
amplifier in the great hall that would allow those back at Hogwarts to listen through the
companion amplifier. It seemed ridiculously simple, but none of them had been willing to
actually infiltrate a Death Eater's home before. Sirius had warned Harry of a new threat
to his life but refused to say more, and that had alerted them that Voldemort's current
plan had to be much worse than they could imagine.

Hermione ladled the thick, soupy liquid into a glass and handed it to Ron, attempting not
to smell it. Ron gagged. Somehow the potion smelled even worse than it had when he and
Harry turned into Crabbe and Goyle in their second year. Hermione looked vaguely
queasy as well, and Ron surmised that she was probably trying her best not to think about
her unfortunate experience being a member of the feline species.

A bubble popped in the glass, spewing gray-green potion upwards into Ron's face. He
wrinkled his nose and tossed it back, gulping as quickly as he possibly could. Harry and
Hermione watched as Ron's hands flew to his throat. He made a strangled sort of noise
and fell to the ground, grimacing. Ron thought he could feel his very bones shortening
and rearranging themselves, his skin lightening and his hair lengthening. A sickening
pain emanated from his stomach down to his toes. A short moment later that felt like an
eternity, he stood up in his new form.

"Umm...Ron..." Harry began.

Ron glanced down. His clothes hung off him at odd angles, but he could still see the
shape of his body. His curvy, female body. His curvy, drop-dead hot, toned and rounded-
in-all-the-right-places female body. Ron gulped. This was getting weirder and weirder,
and he wasn't sure if he disliked the circumstances nearly as much as he should.

Ron stopped staring at himself and straightened. Unable to resist, he turned about.
"Well, how to I look?"

"Like you need to change into these clothes I brought," said Hermione, suddenly
peevish. "It's almost eight and Draco is set to pick Blaise up at nine"

Harry just gurgled a little before turning and hurrying out of the room muttering
something about keeping watch.