A/N : This is the second story about Jess and Rory, post Nag Hammadi is where they found the gnostic gospels.
Disclaimer: ow yeah, I don't own GG or the storyline but I do own whatever they think and said that wasn't thought and said on the show. nah!
Love hurts – part 2
Chapter 1 – You had me
Everything was cool, everything was going fine… I was settling in at Yale, studying, becoming more independent… and than he had to show up for that piece of junk one could call a car with loads of imagination. Ever since I saw him asleep in his car something deep inside woke up. I remember that night to be very cold. My mom and I were just walking and talking and than I saw it. The car, his car… I wasn't prepared for this and I certainly wasn't ready. Still, I couldn't help walking over there to affirm what I already knew: that it was Jess's car and he was in it. I couldn't think, I could only stare… I felt empty, and there was a huge, black hole where my heart had been. My mom was talking on the phone to Jason and when she spotted the car she hastily said goodbye. I wish she didn't had done that… I didn't want to talk and whatever she got to say, I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to face it and him, I feared the reactions because I felt to weak to defend me or Jess… I didn't know why I should want to defend Jess, but still… My mom reached my side, and we stood there for a while, in the middle of the street. It was late and Stars Hollow is small, so it wasn't dangerous or anything. 'So… I guess he's back'… My mouth felt dry, I felt my heart stop for a minute while I was staring at his hair, which I ran my fingers through like a million times and his leather jacket which means trouble for all these narrow minded people here. 'yeah, I guess he is…' Suddenly I couldn't be there anymore… I had to get out. I started walking home while saying to my mom: 'I'm going home, I really don't need this right now' She nodded understandingly… I could see in her eyes that she was going to give me all the space I needed. I was glad that for one she didn't say something sarcastic…
While I was walking home, hands in my pocket and shivering, but not only from the cold weather, I thought of Joss Stone…
"You had me
You lost me
You're wasted
You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind"
It was true… it was all true and I definitely didn't want him to be here, messing with my mind. This year had been hard enough… Dean getting married, Yale, roommates, Paris who cheated on Jamie, mom busy with the dragonfly… dealing with Jess, getting over it… was I over it? I didn't know… I certainly didn't feel ready to start something new with someone else... not that there was anyone of interest, but I just couldn't do it yet… I could not put time and energy into someone else, if I really needed it myself.
I reached the house, which was dark and cold. I put on some lights and the heating, took a book to study and sat down on the couch. I couldn't really focus though… Images kept coming up, memories… I felt sad. But this time, I didn't feel tears burning behind my eyes, so maybe I was getting over it? Maybe I was already a little.
When my mom arrived I was staring at the wall. I quickly bend my head and started writing, so it at least appeared like I was studying and not thinking of Jess. She told me that Jess's mom was in town and that she phoned Jess about his car which Luke apparently hid so Jess wouldn't be working at Wal-Mart. A slight feeling of disappointment came over me. So, he wasn't in town to see me… I could slap myself. 'Of course not in town to see you Rory! Not everything is about you!' My sad feeling deepened. I said goodnight to mom and went to bed. I didn't sleep much though…
The next day I kept running into him… I could've stayed nicely and safely at home, but it was my town and I didn't want to be the girl that changes her life just to not run into her ex-boyfriend... I had been many girls I didn't want to be when I was with him and it was over. O-V-E-R. I was a big girl... but whatever my head told me, whenever I saw him I immediately wanted to run of and hide somewhere in a small place, where nobody could see me. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't bare seeing him, I couldn't handle the confrontation…
The first time we bumped into each other was at the bakery. It was not a place I was expecting him, I kinda thought he would've been at Luke's (that's why I went to the bakery). I guess Luke's not to keen on him either. I suppressed the feeling of wanting to run and hide. He wasn't that strong and he got up and left. It's a habit, I suppose...
The second time was at the bookstore. I did have a feeling he would be there, but I had to be there too. And again he went off. I sighed. It was difficult enough to keep running into him, but not even 'hello'?
And our last meeting – well... i just snapped – and before we knew it we were running around like idiots... well, i was running and he was chasing after me. Because he had to tell me something... he better could've said: 'hey, would you mind standing still? I want to drop a bomb on you' ... Because that is really what it felt like... we stood there, gasping for breath, I'm all rambling Rory, as usual and I was like:
"You know, I have actually thought about this moment. A lot. What would Jess say to me I ever saw him again? I mean, he just took off, no note, no call, nothing, how could he explain that? And then a year goes by. No word, nothing, so he couldn't possibly have a good excuse for that, right? I have imagined hundreds of different scenarios with a hundred different great last parting lines, and I have to tell you that I am actually very curious to see which way this is going to go."
I heard myself go on and on, in a dragging voice... his answer was... no answer at all. He said in a forcing kind of way:
"Could we sit down?"
"No. You wanted to talk, so talk. What do you have to say to me?"
There, I said it! I wasn't easy going, I was determined and showed that I didn't let him get to me. I was very proud of myself for saying that, for standing up for myself like that. And than, he dropped the bomb:
"I love you."
Off course, he turns around and leaves me standing there, speechless. Before it sunk in, he left for a third time... and I stood there, staring at his red backlights, disappear into the dark. He loves me... couldn't he have said that a bit earlier? I feel a bit numb… he just said it like that… and then he took off again… I feel like I want to wrap my arms around him, I want to be with him, I want to talk to him, I want to know why…
PS review pleasse? pretty please? puppy eyes?
