Trigger warning: creys may occur and you may feel depressed. I don't know where this came from but while reading you may want to listen to "Who's That Girl" by Hilary Duff. (But don't start reading until the lyrics start.)
Nick slammed the door shut and fell to the ground, a few tears slipping from his face. Blaine looked up worriedly.
"Nick?"
"Jeff has a girlfriend," he stated, staring straight ahead.
Blaine blinked. "Well, you know they aren't really together, just friends with benefits."
"You knew?" Nick looked up, feeling betrayed and broken.
"I thought you would be the first to know…Nick, I'm sorry-"
"No," Nick said, voice breaking. "It's fine. It wasn't your fault." There was a pause. "Were you, you know…going to tell me?"
Blaine swallowed. "He…he told me not to."
"Of…of course."
"Nick…" Blaine made to get up and move towards the crumpled brunet, but Nick just stood up and moved to the bathroom.
"Leave me alone," he whispered, slamming the door and curling into a ball on the ground.
Jeff shoved Santana away from him. "What the hell-"
"I didn't like the way that girly-boy was looking at you."
"Wha-Nick? Santana, he's my best friend-"
"-and obviously capital-G gay." Santana popped her hip. "You don't need to have a best friend who's in love with you."
"First you had to spread the shitty 'friends with benefits' story, then you had to give me a handjob?"
"Yes."
"But this is a public elevator!"
"In a private school."
"Santana!"
"It's wanky." Santana shoved Jeff up against the wall. "Look, I saved you from having to deal with an awkward situation. So why aren't you thanking me?"
Jeff stepped forward, making Santana step back. "Because maybe," he said quietly and dangerously, "I feel the same way."
Nick finally pulled himself into a sitting position, still sniffling quietly. He had to do something to make the pain go away.
Absentmindedly, he started scratching at the cuts running up and down his arms. Each cut stood for something he'd wanted to say to Jeff but never had the guts to. And now they started spilling out with the blood running down his arms.
"I love your eyes and the way they sparkle when you laugh.
"I love your laugh.
"I love your smile.
"I love your hair.
"I love that you're my best friend." I thought.
"I love that I'm the only one who knows your secrets." I thought.
"I love how you're the only one I can really trust." I thought.
"I love-"
Nick choked.
"I love you, Jeff Sterling." And I thought you did too.
Jeff started pounding on the door until Blaine opened it. "Jeff?" Blaine asked, keeping his voice low.
"Where's Nick?" Jeff asked, breathing hard.
"In the bathroom." Blaine stepped in front of Jeff, preventing him from coming inside.
"Blaine, you have to let me in, I need to see him."
"I honestly doubt he wants to see you."
"Blaine, you don't understand-I love him-"
There was a sudden cry from inside the bathroom.
Nick had forgotten how good it felt to have the cold metal against his skin. He let out another, quieter grunt as he slashed through the cuts one more time. And again. And again.
Jeff threw himself at the door and started screaming, tears pouring down his face, "NICK!"
Nick was so lost in his own world he didn't even hear Jeff. He finally pried the blade out of the razor with bloody fingers.
"NICK!"
The blade was poised directly over his heart. Just a few flicks of the muscle and Nick could end it. Nick could end it all. The pain. The suffering. The…the everything.
He could end it. But looking up, he saw a better way than just a razor.
"NICKY! PLEASE, OPEN UP!"
"Jeff, I don't think-"
"He has to. I know how he gets. NICK!"
The door was locked and Nick stood in front of the mirror, pill bottle in one hand and a glass of water in the other.
Images of Jeff and Santana clouded his mind and the next thing he knew, he had an entire pill bottle down his throat and the glass of water was completely gone.
Jeff finally heard the door splinter under the weight of both he and Blaine ramming it together.
Nick's eyes traveled to the door as he felt his legs give way.
Jeff ran to catch Nick's body as it hurtled toward the floor. "No," he whispered, reaching for Nick's neck. "Come on, Nicky, you can't give up on me now, please…"
Thadump. Thadump. Tha…dump.
"Nick…" Jeff whispered brokenly. "No. You promised…"
Nick coughed, opening his eyes. "Who…who was she?" he asked, nearly inaudible.
"Santana, it was Santana, but Nick, I'm gay! I promise, she just-"
Nick's eyes slipped shut. "Oh…"
Tha…dump…tha…dump…
"Nicky? I felt your pulse, come on, open your eyes again. Come on, Nicky, please, don't leave me…I love you…"
Tha…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Two Years Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jeff pushed the gate open and walked up the long cobblestone pathway to the door. He pulled out the key and made sure the gift didn't fall as he opened the door. Everything was just how it had been when he left yesterday.
"Nick?" Jeff said, his voice echoing off the marble floor and ceiling. "Hey, it's Jeff."
"Jeff," a familiar voice called. "Good to see you again, buddy."
"Wes," Jeff nodded, a small smile appearing on his face.
The Asian smiled back, noting the ring gracing the blonde's ring finger. "He's lucky," Wes said, motioning to the ring.
Jeff smiled again. "Yeah…I love him and he loves me. It's perfect." After a pause, he amended, "He's perfect."
"What's in the box?"
Jeff looked down. "Nick's birthday present."
"That game he wanted."
Jeff nodded.
"He's in the same place as usual."
Jeff looked beyond Wes's shoulder. "I can see."
He walked forward in a daze. "Hey, Nick." He set the box down. "It's been a while, you know? Things have just…gotten in the way." He frowned. "We're halfway through college now. Well, at least, I am. And that guy, Sebastian? The one from my dance class? He's my husband now. So as of yesterday, I'm Jeff Smythe-Sterling." He paused, swallowing back a sob. "But I'd still rather be Jeff Duval-Sterling. I still love you. It's been two years since Santana and the elevator... But I still wanted you there at the wedding. So Sebastian let me put a picture of you in the front row. And Santana ended up being a lesbian anyways. So it was all for nothing. You…the pills…"
The marble headstone in the morgue stared back at him. Just out of habit, he read it again, even though he knew it by heart.
Nicholas Curt Duval
Beloved friend, son, and best friend.
You will be dearly missed.
RIP
And the engraving that Jeff carved the day after his best friend and entire world was put in:
He held my heart. I miss you so much.
Love, Jeffie
Agent 6
"I'm sorry, Nick. I'm sorry I couldn't save you."
Wes put a hand on Jeff's shoulder. "No one could."
