Hey my lovelies! Well I'm back yet again with a new story. I swear I need to finish one before I start another lol. But this plot bunny wouldn't go away no matter how hard I tried to make it go away. This was intended to be a one shot but with some bribery and such from my WC and Twitter girls, you know who you are, I had to post it and make it multi chapter. I don't know how many chapters this story will be. I'll possibly update every two weeks or so. But at the moment Obsessed is finally cooperating with me and I'm writing like a maniac for it. So be sure to check that one out between updates for this. I would like to thank my beta, Jenasys Loveless Lovecraft, for cleaning up my mess and for being a fuck awesome wifey.
Disclaimer: I don't own, that is all.
Chapter 1: Walk on Water
JASPER'S POV
May 2009
"Dude, you're going to Laurens party," Peter said grabbing me by the shoulders.
I scoffed, "I'm not going." I rolled my eyes at him and went back to watching the cheesy horror movie that we'd been making fun of.
"Yes, you are," he persisted, relentless bastard.
"You know I don't do parties Peter. I'm socially awkward," I responded grabbing a hand full of popcorn and shoving it in my mouth.
"Hell, that's the truth, but dude you were personally invited," he stated.
"As the school freak," I said. "Lauren doesn't want me there, she wants a fucking puppet and I'm not gonna go and that's final," I said with an air of finality, refusing to take my eyes off the screen.
"You're such a kill joy Jazzy," he said I could hear the pout in his voice.
"Fuck you Petey," I said growling out his much hated nickname. I hated when he fucking called me Jazzy.
"You wish Jasper," he said rolling his eyes. Peter had known I was gay for the past three years and when he found out I had expected him to cringe and run for the hills, but he didn't. He stayed by my side even going as far as to say: 'You wish you could fuck me', 'You're not my type' and my personal favorite 'I'm not going gay for you no matter how much you want me.' In all honesty I found nothing attractive about Peter but I didn't want to deflate his ego and hurt his feeling by telling him he wasn't my type, so I let him continue to think he was the hottest thing since sliced bread.
I was about to start in on him again when my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the number.
"Who is it?" he asked stuffing popcorn in his mouth.
"How the hell am I supposed to know butt plug? I haven't answered it yet," I stated rolling my eyes at him. I chuckled at his annoyed expression as I pressed accept. "Hello" I said as the person on the other end took a deep breath.
"Jazz, you need to come home immediately."
I recognized the voice immediately; it was my mom and dad's best friend Alec from down the street. They had known each other since college and just so just happens they moved into the same neighborhood.
"What's going on Alec?" I asked him as Peter gave me a questioning look. A sob escaped him.
"It's your parents…"
That's all he had to say before the phone fell from my hand and I sat staring at the TV in utter and complete shock. I faintly heard Peter talking to Alec saying that he would get me home as soon as possible. I don't remember Peter pulling on my jacket or him putting me in his car or even arriving at my house. I was catatonic, only breathing and blinking my eyes when I needed to. I knew deep down in my soul that something was wrong because why would Alec be crying and telling me to get home as soon as I could. I figured that my parents were probably in a minor accident or maybe the house was broken into but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when Peter pulled onto my street.
Police cars were everywhere, red and blue lights flashing off the slick pavement. I knew something was extremely wrong when I saw my mom's Lexus and dad's Mercedes in the driveway; they were supposed to be going out to dinner tonight. Peter pulled along the sidewalk and I slowly opened the door and got out. As I stood next to Peter's car, I looked on frozen in my spot. The neighbors were all outside; holding their hands over their mouths and some were crying. Others looked in pity for the situation and me. I faintly saw Alec's dark hair walking towards me; his face stained with tears, his eyes red and puffy from crying. My heart sped up; my breathing ragged. I backed away from him as he extended his arms out to me and called out my name.
"Jazz."
The tears fell and they didn't stop as I collapsed into a heap on the ground.
"No…No…No," I cried out as Alec and Peter wrapped their arms around me. I looked up to the sky through teary eyes and yelled, "NO!" My parents couldn't be gone; they couldn't leave me here by myself. This had to be some sick joke but just as I thought that I saw something that will forever be ingrained in my brain. I watched as the paramedics wheeled out two bodies on gurneys. A strangled cry wrestled its way from my throat as I beat the ground with my fist until my palms bled. Alec held me tighter as I cried and brought in shallow breaths.
I don't know how long I stayed on the ground crying but I knew my throat was hurting from all the screaming I did. I woke up and opened my eyes not to be met with my dark blue walls but to white walls. I wasn't in my bed either. A tortured cry left my throat as I recalled all the events that happened last night.
Hanging with Peter talking about Laurens party.
Laughing.
The phone call.
Crying.
Red and white lights.
Police cars.
Paramedics.
Two body bags.
Me, collapsing on the ground and screaming.
Pain.
Emptiness.
Silence.
My face was tight from all the tears I had cried. I hugged the pillow tighter to my face and let out a scream releasing all the pain and grief I had felt in the past 24 hours. As I screamed into the pillow, I felt a soft touch rubbing circles along my back. I felt a pull in my heart as it began to beat widely in my chest.
"Mom?" I asked chocking back a sob. The hand on my back stilled. I knew that my mother wasn't there but I prayed that this was all just some horrible dream that I would wake up from and everything would be back to normal if I could just open my damn eyes and face reality. If this was a dream I would open my eyes and we'd be the fun loving family we were before. Everything would be back to normal. But I knew that was never gonna happen not ever again.
"Jazz," a voice whispered. I buried my face deeper into the pillows. I was too caught up in my emotions and thoughts that I didn't care whom it was that was trying to get my attention. Whoever it was continued to rub soothing circles on my back as if they could rub away the pain I'd experienced in the past 24 hours. As if they could fight the demons that threatened to break down the barrier that I had built around myself.
My world had officially crashed and burned. I had no family left in Texas to look after me and even though I could take care of myself I had to finish school and actually grow up. My shoulders silently shook as sob after sob racked my body.
Why would you do this to me mom? You fucking promised you'd be by my side, you and dad. You both left me.
Did you both ever love me?
I didn't realize I had said it out loud until a slightly angry voice rang out, "You know you're parents loved you Jasper. Don't you for one second think they didn't. They would do anything for you. I never want to hear that come out of your mouth again." Alec quietly yelled as the tears re-pooled in his eyes.
I felt like a dick for even assuming that my parents died because they didn't love me. But I knew my parents loved me; it was the stress finally taking over. I looked at Alec and muttered an apology. He looked at me and pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back and we just sat on the bed crying for the people that we had lost. After two long days, I woke up to the night sky and the stars outside the window. I slowly got out of bed and stretched my sore and stiff muscles. I immediately noticed that I was in Alec's guest room at his house. Alec was being completely supportive, he held me when I broke down, and he talked to me when I questioned what I had done wrong for this to happen. He even had started to arrange all the burial details. I couldn't bring myself to say such a final goodbye; buying the casket, more so than seeing them made this nightmare a reality. I couldn't do it, I didn't want to say goodbye to them. I couldn't let them go.
I was sitting in the living room with my arms wrapped around my legs watching the TV when a breaking news announcement broke through the boring sitcom. A dark haired girl came on the screen
In other news after the bodies of Jennifer and Adam Whitlock were found two days ago in their home in Austin brutally stabbed no suspect has come forward. The police are still doing a full investigation and promise to find who murdered these two well-known people. No new evidence has presented itself as to what the motive was for the death of these two people. Dr. Jennifer Whitlock worked at Austin general as the head of the cardiology department and Mr. Whitlock worked at the law firm Whitlock and Associates If you have any information or tips please call the number at the bottom of the screen and if you would like to participate in the service for these two lovely people you may do so at their respective places of work.
In other news an accident has backed up traffic….
I cut the TV off as I sat in darkness. It hurt me to my core to see the reporter telling people to pay their respects to my parents. It made everything seem so final. I wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet and I know their funerals weren't for a couple more days but my mind was weighed down over who would be there and who would be the next person to show pity for me. I had lost all the family I had.
I was all alone.
I pulled my knees closer to my chest and blew out a puff of air. Alec came in a few minutes later with a bowl of something and a drink balanced in his hands.
"Jazz, you have to eat something," he pled.
I look up at him and saw his eyes dull and haggard.
"I'm not hungry," I replied in a monotone voice I didn't recognize. I continued to stare at the blank television screen.
"Come on Jasper your mom-" he started but stopped when he realized his mistake. I looked at him as tears came to my eyes. The hole in my chest opened up once again.
"Jasper I'm-"
I got up off the couch and ran for the upstairs bathroom. I could faintly hear him cursing under his breath but I couldn't bring myself to care about him or his feelings right now. I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door before locking it and falling against it as the sobs racked my body. I leaned my head back against the door and letting the tears fall I relived the whole scene over again.
Police cars
Paramedics
Two body bags
Me collapsing on the ground and screaming
Pain
I could hear Alec outside the door pleading for me to come out and saying how sorry he was. I just shook my head willing him to stop but I knew he couldn't see it. So I just told him to please leave me alone. I heard him lay his hand against the door and say
"I'll be here when you come out Jasper; I promise I'm not leaving you," he whispered and he walked away from the door probably to his bedroom. I continued to let the tears fall as I rocked back and forth on the bathroom floor. After I had cried myself out I slowly stood up and walked over to the sink. I gripped the counter top with everything that I had until my knuckles were turning white. I let out a sigh and pulled my head up to look at myself in the mirror.
You could end all the pain right now, with one simple cut
You could feel free
You wouldn't be alone
You'd finally be with your parents.
You wouldn't have to see the pity in the eyes of the people you've known your entire life.
Come on one little slice.
I looked down and noticed Alec's razor sitting on the bathroom sink; gleaming in the light. All I had to do was make one little cut and all the pain would go away.
"Jasper, don't do this." I heard a voice say in my head.
I grabbed my hair willing all the demons away. I picked the razor up off the sink and popped the blade out, holding it in my hand. I placed the blade above the throbbing vein in my wrist.
"Jasper, you have got to live your life. Don't do this, please," the voice said. Flashes of my life ran across my eyes at lightning fast speeds.
My first baseball game when I was 7.
Mom and dad celebrating their anniversary.
Mom and Dad bringing out a cake to celebrate my sixteenth birthday.
I had so much to live for. I couldn't give up everything that my parents had worked so hard to instill in me. I put the blade back in the razor and looked in the mirror. What the hell had just happened?
My normally vibrant green eyes were dull and lifeless, surrounded by a rim of red. My dark brown hair was sticking up in all direction and the circles underneath my eyes betrayed the fact that I hadn't gotten any sleep in the past day. The scruff on my face had gotten out of hand and needed trimming.
I should probably care how I looked but honestly right now I didn't. I just wanted to get away from everything. I needed an escape. I needed to leave this house. I knew Alec wouldn't let me leave without him. He thought I was in a sensitive state and that I required a babysitter twenty four seven. The only thing I needed to do was go somewhere to think. I glanced at my watch and saw that it was almost 6:00 I had been in the bathroom for three hours. Wow time really had flown. I wasn't the least bit surprised that Alec hadn't tried to knock down the door to see if I was all right. I took one final look in the mirror before splashing some cold water on my face and opening the door slowly. I silently walked out and make a beeline to my make shift bedroom to grab my wallet and keys but Alec stopped me.
"Jasper, what are you doing?" he asked from somewhere behind me. I didn't feel like lying to him so I thought that the truth was the best policy. I slowly turned around and looked at him. Putting my hands in the pockets of my jeans I began to speak.
"Alec I appreciate everything you've done for me since my parents," I paused, "bodies were found. You will never know how much I appreciate it. But right now I need to be alone. I need time to think about what's going on and I need to fully come to terms that my parents are gone," I finished and looked up at him. I couldn't make out the look on his face it was a mixture of pain, fear and understanding.
"I understand you need some time to yourself Jasper but you can't go shutting everybody out and trying to handle this on your own. You have to learn to let people help you let your friends help you," he said.
I knew he was talking about Peter. Alec had told me that Peter had been over a couple of times to check on me and each time I had turned down his invitation to see him. I just wanted to be left alone and I knew I had hurt his feelings by not letting him in. He was…is my best friend for fuck's sake. He just wanted to help me through a tough time. I had been a complete douche to him and I would have to apologize even if my behavior was due to the circumstances.
"I know Alec; I need to go see Peter," I said. "I need to let him know that I'm somewhat normal," I said chuckling softly. Alec only nodded.
"Do you think I could go out for a bit?" I asked hoping that he would say yes and not ask to go with me. He hesitated before answering. "Yeah, Jasper you can go out for a little while but please don't stay out too late okay," he requested I merely nodded my head.
After Alec finally relented and trusted me enough to go out by myself, I went to my room to grab my black hoodie, wallet, and keys. I was walking back out to the living room when Alec stopped me again.
"I went by Peter's house and picked up your bike; it's in the driveway," he said giving me a sad smile. I mumbled a 'thanks' and walked out of the door into the afternoon breeze.
Ok, that's chapter one. I seriously wanted to hug Jasper for what he's going through. The first couple of chapter's will be in Jasper's POV; pretty much reliving all that he's going through up until the funeral and when he says his final goodbye.
Let me know what you think!
~LGDIB xoxo
