Disclaimer: Don't own'em

A/N: Not meant to be deep, so don't read deep. I just needed to write as a form of stress relief, so this is me going out on a lark, having a bit of fun, and wading knee-deep into AU waters. You will have to suspend a lot of disbelief for the original setup, and I just arbitrarily extracted a lot of complicatedness from the situation and discarded it. Now that you know, you can decide if you want to read on or not. And, of course, this isn't some grand deviation away from H/M pairing. I wouldn't do that. I even divided the chapters in a way that minimized the already minimal angst.

--

Home 1/4

Harm walked into the bullpen. Back after two years away. He grinned at the sight of the hustle and bustle of late morning. It felt so damn good to be back. A quick stop by Mac's office before reporting to the admiral couldn't hurt. He knew she was still here – he always knew where she was, he grinned, feeling an arrogance that had been a stranger these past months.

He stopped by her office and was poised to knock when his eyes fell on his once best friend. He hadn't seen her in just over two years, and now there she was, sitting at her desk, head bent over a file. It was like he'd never left. Her hair was slightly longer, and there was something different about her ... He'd forgotten how beautiful she was. That realization saddened him, even as the familiar sight of her had him smiling.

He lifted his hand to knock, when he heard Harriet's enthusiastic call.

"Commander!"

Mac's head shot up, just as Harm turned to greet Harriet.

"Harriet. It's so great to see you!"

"You too, Sir!" Harriet was grinning widely. "Bud will be so disappointed he missed you; he's at Norfolk conducting interviews."

"I'm sorry I missed him, Harriet. How's AJ?"

"I told him you were back in DC, and he's ecstatic to see you." Harriet's enthusiasm was bubbling over, rushing into her words. "Would you be able to come by sometime this weekend? You must be busy unpacking and settling in, but even a few minutes—"

Harm laughed. It was good to be back. "Harriet! Take a breath. I'd be glad to. It'll give me a chance to see Bud before Monday as well. Name a time."

Before Harriet could answer, Harm heard her voice, a voice he sometimes worried he'd never hear again.

"Harm."

He turned at the sound of Mac saying his name. She was standing in her doorway, looking up at him, smiling a warm smile ... He was helpless to do anything but respond in kind. It had been so long since he'd heard that voice. His heart expanded, overcome by a sudden sensation of ... of ... hell, he didn't know what to call it. But if felt so damn good.

"Hey, Mac." His grin widened at saying her name. There was definitely something different about her. She looked more ... settled; reminding him somehow of the rustle of autumn leaves drifting on cool grass. Although he thought he could see a sadness lurking deep in her eyes. He wondered what had happened these past two years.

"Ma'am." Harriet's voice broke their silent exchange. They both turned to look at her. "I was just telling the Commander to come by tomorrow afternoon. We can make a barbeque out of it. You have to come as well; AJ's been asking after Jacob; he wants to show him his new swing set."

Jacob? Harm's ears perked up at the mention of that name. The rest of him was put on guard when he noticed how Mac's face transformed at the mention of this stranger's name. Her eyes lit up, the sadness all of but gone, and the smile she'd been directing at Harm magnified tenfold.

So this Jacob was the reason Mac seemed so ... content. That was the word. Content.

The word registered with a pang of regret in the centre of his heart, and thoughts of opportunities lost and the road not taken shuffled through his mind's eye. Although he couldn't understand why he should be disappointed. He'd loved his time flying, and if he hadn't been grounded he would've happily spent his career in a cockpit. Going back a second time was great while it lasted, but even he had to face that he'd be capping his career by not changing his designator back to JAG. If only he'd been reassigned to HQ, instead of having to spend the last 18 months in San Diego. It had been a terrible 18 months, even though he had spent some of that time reconnecting with his mother – she wouldn't have let it be otherwise.

It just wasn't what he wanted. He hadn't been flying and he was no longer at JAG HQ. And he'd been constantly shadowed by the feeling that something else was missing. Sometimes – ever since he'd found his father's resting place, really, or maybe even before that – he wondered if there would always be a missing piece, if he'd always be searching for it. At least he'd finally gotten sent back to Falls Church. There was comfort in that, even though he was again wishing things had been different.

And looking at Mac, at how her eyes sparkled and her smile shone, he couldn't stop the feeling from intensifying; that empty part of him gaping even deeper, darker. Nostalgia, he told himself. He'd chalk it up to nostalgia. After all, he had been dating another woman before he left to fly. It wasn't as though there was anything between him and Mac, that he could regret its disappearance.

"Harm," Mac was saying, bringing his attention back to reality. "You'll get to meet Jacob!" She was very excited, almost in perfect measure to how weary Harm suddenly felt. He didn't want to have to meet the man who made Mac so happy. "You'll love him."

He wasn't so sure, and he was about to say so when Harriet cut in.

"So, Sir: You'll come tomorrow? Around 1300?" She asked.

"Count on it." He turned to her and smiled, the prospect of seeing little AJ again definitely heartening. All else aside.

"That's wonderful. If you'll excuse me, Sir," She gave him a guilty smile, "I put a General on hold for you."

"Of course." Harm grinned.

Harm turned to Mac, but before he could say anything she led him into her office, then turned and looked at him, studying his face.

"You look good, Harm."

God, so did she. He hadn't even realized how much he'd missed her. Just being in the same room with her was doing good things for him.

"So do you. The years have been good to you."

She gave a deprecating smile. "Not that good."

He frowned, unsure what that meant, but before he could ask she stepped up to him.

"How about a hug for an old friend?"

He was sure his face would split in two from the force of his grin. He held out his arms for her, "Right here."

She laughed, and slipped into his embrace, her arms around his waist. He closed his eyes and held her, relishing how it felt to feel her against him once again. Yes, it was good to be back.

She pulled back. "You start on Monday?"

He nodded. He was about to ask who Jacob was – he couldn't help but notice that she wasn't wearing any kind of ring, wedding or engagement, on her left hand – when Mac's phone rang.

She stepped out of his arms with an apologetic look, and answered the phone.

"MacKenzie."

"Sir. Yes, Sir." She nodded into the receiver. "I'll tell him."

She hung up. "Admiral says to save the greetings for after your meeting with him."

He laughed. Some things didn't change.

"I'll find you when I'm done." He said, turning to leave her office.

She nodded, a soft smile lingering in her eyes.

--

The next day

He hadn't had a chance to see her after his meeting with the admiral, since she'd been in court by the time he was done with his once-again CO. But he was here now, at Bud and Harriet's, about to see her again and be introduced to Jacob. He was very curious about who this man was. He knocked on the front door, with a gift for AJ tucked under his arm.

The door opened, and there stood Mac looking so pretty in a white sundress printed with red flowers. He grinned.

"Hey." He couldn't help it when his hand reached out, his fingers tugging on a long lock of hair. "This looks good on you."

She laughed, swatting his hand away in teasing, and moved aside to let him in. "Everyone's out back." A stunning grin overran her features as she grabbed his wrist. "Come meet Jacob."

She led him to the backyard, with Harm telling himself the entire way to be civil. Whoever Jacob was, he made Mac happy, even though the thought upset Harm more than he thought it could.

"I didn't have a chance to tell you yesterday," Mac was saying, and Harm made himself pay attention to her as they stepped onto the deck. "But a lot happened in the last two years." She took a deep. "I ... well ..."

Instinctively, he didn't like where this was going.

She stopped at the bottom of the deck stairs, and searched his face intently. "Harm—"

"Mama!" A high pitched squeal came in the form of a toddler – a boy if his clothes were anything to go by – speedily crawling his way over to Mac with a dandelion in his hand.

Mac turned, laughing at the sight of the boy. "Is that for me?"

Harm could only stare. What the hell was happening here. That was Mac's kid? He was convinced he'd misheard or misunderstood what was going on, but when the boy broke into a grin at the sound of Mac's laughter, all Harm could see in the boy's shining eyes and sparkling smile was Mac. He was an exact replica.

Mac had a son. With another man.

"Jay!" The boy yelped. He pushed himself up to standing position, but excitement made him unsteady on his feet, and he promptly fell back onto the grass.

Harm could not even begin to process this. Not only did she have some guy named Jacob making her smile like he'd handed her the stars on a silver platter, but she and Jacob had a kid?

Mac crouched down to the boy's level. "Did AJ help you pick that out?"

"Jay! Mama!" The boy babbled, his words not able to keep up with his excitement. Mac took the dandelion, kissed the boy on the nose, and scooped him into her arms as she stood up.

Harm thought his brain may just have shut down. He also knew he should re-engage his brain and quick, or he'd make a fool of himself.

"Jacob," Mac said to the little boy. "This is Uncle Harm," She pointed to Harm. "He's mommy's friend. Want to say hi?"

The toddler glanced at Harm from the corner of his eye, then covertly up at Mac. He made a big show of being engrossed with the necklace Mac was wearing, trying very hard not to look at Harm.

Harm grinned, his initial surprise fading at the sight of the boy – Jacob – sitting comfortably in Mac's embrace. That was one adorable kid. He wondered if Mac had also had wavy, unruly hair as a kid. Or was that from the father.

"Jacob," Mac cajoled, grinning herself. She tweaked the boy's nose. "Are you being funny?"

Jacob was trying very hard not to smile. Harm found himself laughing at the kid's efforts, which made Jacob giggle though he still didn't look away from Mac's necklace.

"You know, Jacob." Mac said, like she was sharing a big secret. "Uncle Harm makes the best pasketti Mommy has ever tasted."

That seemed to do the trick. Jacob's eyes flew to Mac's. He giggled excitedly and clapped his hands. "Ketti!"

Harm watched mesmerized by how naturally Mac was interacting with the kid. Something stirred inside him, but he couldn't understand it. And he was hell bent on ignoring it; it was always easier to ignore it.

"First say hello to Uncle Harm." Mac instructed.

"Ketti!" Jacob clapped and launched himself at Harm.

Harm's arms shot out just as Jacob leapt into him and. Dropping AJ's gaily wrapped gift, he awkwardly held the child just under his armpits, letting him dangle in front of him.

Mac laughed. "It's better if you hold him like this." She placed Harm's arm under Jacob's bottom, the other around his back.

"Ketti!" Jacob repeated to Harm, having no qualms about being handled by his mother and an apparent stranger.

Harm frowned, confused as to what pasketti was.

"Spaghetti," Mac explained, apparently still able to read his thoughts.

Harm couldn't help himself at just how excited Jacob was. "He definitely has your love of food, Mac." He observed, amused.

Mac rolled her eyes, but she was laughing.

"I guess you want me to cook you dinner, huh buddy?" Harm turned his attention back to the toddler.

Jacob grinned up at Harm, his tiny body happily bouncing away. Harm smiled back, more than a little taken in by this little boy who looked just like his mother. Mother. Harm studied the boy, wondering who his father was.

He looked at Mac, about to ask her that very question, but there was something in the way Mac was smiling at him and Jacob that made the question die on his tongue. Instead, he grinned at her.

"He's beautiful."

Mac nodded, pride shining through every part her. "He's amazing," She agreed.

They shared a smile, until Harm heard his own name being squealed out, and felt a three year old slam into his legs.

"Uncle Harm! Did you fly planes? And go to the beach! Daddy says you did!" AJ's eyes caught the bright gift lying by Harm's feet. "What's that?"

Mac took Jacob from Harm, so he could bend down to reacquaint himself with his godson.

--

They were leaning against the deck, watching AJ and Jacob as they played with the new swing set, the rest of the guests raucously mingling in the yard.

Harm hadn't seen any guy hanging around Mac, no one in attendance whom Jacob had called daddy. He didn't quite know how to broach the topic, but he was dying of curiosity.

"Your son is amazing." He said, genuinely meaning it. The boy was adorable, had personality and a sense of humour, and was greatly entertaining. He also kept Mac on her toes, which was quite an accomplishment in Harm's book.

"Thank you." She watched Jacob as he followed AJ around the slide. "I guess you want to hear the story."

"Only if you want to tell it." Please, please, he silently begged. Curiosity was eating away at him.

"You remember Mic Brumby?"

"Yeah." Harm didn't like where this was going.

"We were engaged to be married when I got pregnant with Jacob." There was a sadness in her voice.

Harm definitely didn't like this story. He turned on the railing to give his full attention to Mac, even though he was silently cursing his last 18 months in San Diego. The look in her eyes was troubling, however, and it made him withhold judgment.

"I didn't want to walk down the aisle in maternity wear, and I didn't want to rush it either, so I told Mic I'd only marry him after Jacob was born." She smiled then, soft and sweet. "He would do just about anything for me, so he agreed." She laughed, sadness skirting the edges of the lilt in her voice. "It was a wonderful time. We agreed that when Jacob was six months – that was when I was sure I'd fit into the dress I had my heart set on – we'd get married." She stared at her hands, where they rested on the railing. "When Jake was just over two months old, a diplomat's son had too much to drink and went for a joyride in a Hummer, of all things, and drove right into the driver's side of Mic's car. Mic died at the hospital." She swallowed heavily, blinked back the tears in her eyes.

Harm could only stare, shocked. He hadn't known any of this. Why hadn't anyone told him?

"I'm sorry, Mac. I didn't know." He should've kept in touch. She had to go through that alone. Why hadn't anyone tracked him down?

She shrugged, dismissing his apology as unnecessary with that one gesture. "It was – is – hard, but Harriet and Bud and the admiral were amazing. They are so supportive." She glanced at him from the corner of her eye much as Jacob had done earlier, looking slightly shy, slightly tentative. "I missed you. I really wanted to just ... talk to you. See you."

He was surprised by her honesty.

"I didn't know," He repeated, feeling wholly inadequate.

"How could you." She studied his face, her hands tightening their hold on the wooden railing. "We were pretty bad at keeping in touch."

He wanted to give her the hug she so desperately looked like she needed.

"But it's so great to see you now, Harm." She grinned, her sadness dissipating somewhat, though not retreating. "We have a lot to catch up on. You know about my life; you need to fill me in on yours."

He was about to give in to his need to hug her, when AJ called out from the swing set.

"Aunt Mac! Look!" He called from the top of the slide. He was perched on the precipice, with Jacob between his legs. "Jake's going to slide like a big boy! But he's littler than me!"

Jacob for his part was squirming with delight, trying to get out of AJ's grip so he could start sliding.

"Crap. How the hell did he get up there." Mac muttered, rushing towards the two boys. She added more loudly. "Wait, AJ! Let me come closer, I'm too far away here, I can't see properly." She looked for all the world like she was working very hard to resist the urge to vault over the banister, and forcing herself to use the stairs instead.

Harm laughed at her lightening quick reaction, thoroughly enjoying how mischievous and unconcerned for his personal safety Jacob was.

"Okay, Aunt Mac! Wait, Jake." AJ berated the little boy who was squirming madly in his grasp.

Mac stopped at the foot of the slide. "Alright AJ, Jake. Show me."

AJ let the boy go, and quickly followed after. Jacob slid down the slide until he reached Mac's waiting arms. She quickly caught him, and threw him up once in the air, much to Jacob and AJ's delight.

"Wow, you two! That was amazing!" She congratulated them.

The boys laughed excitedly, AJ jumping up and down at Mac's feet.

Harm smiled at the scene, feeling a strange warmth in his gut, a tingle of anticipation in the tips of his fingers. He couldn't explain it.

--

The afternoon had ended much too soon for Harm's liking. He didn't want to have to wait a day to see Mac again at work, and god knows how long to see little Jacob. He walked them out of the house, and to Mac's car.

"Drive safe, Mac."

She smiled at his concern. "I will. Don't worry."

Harm turned his attention to the boy sitting impatiently in the car seat.

"Bye, Jacob." He tickled his chin.

Jacob grinned up at Harm, reaching his arms towards him and babbling incomprehensibly.

"He likes you," Mac translated.

Now he really didn't want to wait however long to see the little guy again.

"If your mommy says it's okay, do you want to come to my house for dinner tomorrow night, buddy? I can make you pasketti?"

Jacob squealed in delight, "Ketti!"

Harm laughed, and turned to Mac. "What do you say? Want to come over for a bowl of pasta?"

She looked apologetic. "I'd love to, but he has to be in bed at 1930, or he'll just be a handful of trouble on Monday morning."

He was more disappointed than he thought he'd be. He tried to find a loophole.

"No worries. How about I come over to your place at 1700, and cook for you two?" He put in his best attempt at swaying her, having been out of practice for the past two years. "Come on, Mac. We haven't seen each other in two years."

One look at Jacob's smiling face had her relenting. "Alright." She then turned a teasing smile on Harm. "Are you still always late?"

"Five minutes do not make me late." He protested. "Everyone knows there's a ten minute grace period."

She rolled her eyes. "I'll take that as a yes."

--

The following evening

Harm waited, arms filled with groceries, for Mac to open the door. He'd made a point of showing up exactly five minutes past five.

"Harm!" She said, sounding harried when she swung the door open. The front of her shirt was wet, and she holding a very sweet smelling Jacob in her arms. "I'm running a bit late—"

"Aya!" Jacob squealed at the sight of Harm.

"Wow," Mac marveled, stopping in mid-sentence and looking at Jacob. "I guess he remembers you from yesterday. He must really like you."

Jacob babbled excitedly, clapping his hands. Harm thought he could read the signs based on yesterday's experience, so he quickly set the groceries down, managing to do so just in time for Jacob to launch himself towards him. Apparently, the kid liked to fly.

"Hey there, Jake. I think I see a pilot in the making." He adjusted the boy in his arms, wondering how old Jake would have to be before Mac would let him go up for a ride in Sarah. He then remembered what Mac had just said, and looked at her. "Wait, did you say you were running late?" He couldn't quite believe so much would change in just a couple of years. "Doesn't that violate one of the laws of the universe?"

She ignored him, as she'd tended to do when he teased her about her sense of timing and it felt just like old times.

"Jake was being stubborn about taking a bath." She indicated her wet shirt. "I'm going to change. Could you keep an eye on him?" She headed to her room without waiting for an answer.

Harm laughed. The kid kept her on her toes and could make her run late. This was just too much fun. He looked from Mac's retreating to form to Jacob's expectant face. "Looks like it's you and me, kiddo."

Jacob giggled, and Harm kissed the top of his downy head, surprised by how naturally his affection for the toddler came. He wondered if it had to do with how much of Mac he saw in the little boy.

Ten minutes later, Mac emerged from her bedroom in fresh clothes and her hair shining smooth. Harm looked up at her from his prone position on the floor, enjoying how pretty she looked.

His silent admiration was interrupted by tiny hands grabbing his ears. Jacob had crawled on top Harm, and started to sing an incoherent song.

"This little guy has been trained by a SEAL." Harm said with some difficulty, as Jacob bounced on top of his chest. "He took me down in one move."

Mac winked at Jacob, "The admiral has taken a great liking to horsing around with Jake. Isn't that right, kid?"

Jake looked at his mother, garbling what he no doubt thought was a very sensible response.

Mac and Harm both laughed, and Harm proceeded to tickle the boy, delighting in the responding squeals. He hadn't had this much fun in a while.

"Harm," Mac said, a smile on her face as one of Jacob's tiny feet narrowly missed kicking Harm in the chin. "You need to start cooking or dinner will never be ready on time."

"Oh, right." Harm said sheepishly. He stood up, bringing Jake with him. "What do you say, big guy? Want to help me cook spaghetti?"

"Ketti!" Jacob answered.

"He's very excited." Mac explained as she picked up the grocery bags. "It's his favourite food."

--

Jake was settled in his high chair as Harm stirred his homemade marinara sauce and Mac sliced a crisp baguette Harm had brought with him.

"That smells yummy, doesn't it Jacob?"

Jacob looked up from the blocks he was playing with, and answered Mac with an incoherent string of syllables. She grinned in response, before turning to Harm.

"I've dreamt about your sauce, Harm." She told him. "I actually craved the stuff when I was pregnant. There's this gourmet brand sold at a store 12 miles from here that came the closest." She laughed. "Mic ended up buying an entire crate from them so I'd stop sending him out at random hours."

Harm's culinary arrogance went up several notches at the praise – she'd craved his cooking. "I made some extra, so you can freeze it for Jacob to eat later." He informed her.

She didn't respond, so he turned to look at her. He found her staring at him with a look of wonder.

"What?" He asked, unsure as to why her eyes held so much emotion.

She shook her head quickly. "Nothing. It's just ... Thank you."

He found a smile for her, though he was busy building up a fair idea of how hard the past year at least had to have been for her, that a normal act of kindness from him had her speechless. In his mind, his friendship with Mac was one of those he knew he'd be able to count on decades down the road, through time and distance. She, perhaps, had not felt the same.

He stepped up to her, wooden spoon in hand, "Want to taste?"

She smiled, her eyes lit up at the offer. She tasted the sauce from the spoon he was holding, and he watched her eyes fall shut, a look of pleasure transforming her face.

"Wow." She sighed. "That tastes exactly as I remember it, except better."

Harm chuckled, pleased. Before he could return to the stove, Mac took some sauce on her finger and offered it to Jacob.

"Want some of Uncle Harm's sauce, Jake?"

Harm watched with bated breath as Jacob tasted the sauce. To his great amusement, the boy bounced excitedly in his chair in approval.

"You like the sauce?" She emphasized the last word. Harm spooned an extra-generous amount of sauce into Jake's bowl with some pasta. If the kid liked marinara sauce, who was he to deny him?

"Tauce!" Jacob answered.

"A definite winner," Mac informed Harm, and Harm silently vowed to make this dish weekly for Jacob. He blew on the sauce in Jacob's bowl to cool it down.

"It's good, huh, baby?" She tapped Jake's chin and kissed his nose. "Are you hungry?"

"Mum mum." The kid nodded.

"Say thank you to Uncle Harm," Mac pointed to Harm. "He made pasketti and sauce for dinner just for you."

"Ketti!" Jacob clapped and looked up at Harm, smiling what Harm decided to call his Mac-smile.

"That's right. Say thank you." She repeated, fastening a bib around Jacob's neck.

"Kyou!" Jacob exclaimed, obviously very, very excited.

Harm laughed as he placed a bowl of spaghetti with his now famous marinara sauce in front of Jacob.

"Here you go."

Before Mac could do anything, Jake grabbed the bowl in a lightening fast move and slammed it into his face, his mouth wide open, eyes full of mischievous excitement. The bowl slipped from Jacob's grasp and fell onto the highchair table with a plastic clang.

"Jake!" Mac exclaimed as the spaghetti and red sauce dripped down the boy's face and neck, and onto his clean clothes. "Oh, Jacob." Mac sighed.

Harm tried really hard not to laugh, but it was no use. "He eats just like you too, Mac!"

She slapped his arm in warning, but it was too late, and Jacob responded to Harm's laughter by giggling and grabbing handfuls of pasta. He offered one fistful of food to Harm, still laughing.

"You're only encouraging him!" Mac berated. She took the bowl away from Jacob and started cleaning up the pasta. "You're supposed to give him a bowl of dry pasta to feed himself with, and you're supposed to feed him the pasta with sauce yourself. Now I have to give him another bath." She said as she started wiping the excess sauce from the boy's face.

Harm was appropriately chastised. "Sorry."

"Kyou!" Jacob helpfully added, smacking his lips loudly.

Mac sighed, and much to Harm's relief gave him an amused, forgiving smile. "No, it's alright. I should've warned you." She gave Jake a quick appraisal. "Alright, kid. We obviously have to work on your table manners. How about first we eat dinner and then I can give you a bath while Uncle Harm cleans up the mess you guys made on my floor."

"Ketti!" Jacob answered, trying valiently to lick his face.

Harm winked at Jacob as Mac plated another bowl of pasta. Jacob grinned in response, happily kicking his legs in his high chair.

--

Jacob was asleep, after Mac had tucked him in and Harm had cleaned up after dinner. The sudden quiet Jacob left in his wake found the two of them making their way to the couch, steaming mugs of tea and a plate of cookies in hand.

"So, what about you?" She asked as they settled down on the couch.

"What about me?"

"Seeing anyone?" She elaborated

He laughed at that. It was the last thing he'd wanted to do in the last two years. He'd been too busy being down about life. "No. Wasn't in the right frame or place for it."

"It was that bad?" Her tone was sympathetic, and he knew she'd be one of the few people who would understand. He felt the unfamiliar urge to talk about it.

He shrugged. "I kept feeling ... displaced. Like I wasn't home." He sighed. "Coming back here, though, seeing Bud and Harriet and little AJ, seeing you, I realized I should've kept in touch."

"I should have too." She responded quietly. He could hear her guilt, but that was the last thing he wanted. Especially after hearing about how the last year had been for her.

"No, Mac. I just," He again felt the need to explain. "I just felt lost ... like I was drifting. Does that make sense? I wanted to fly, but even I knew I could only go so far in that career path. And after I put in to transfer back to JAG, I was sent to San Diego when what I wanted was to come back here. I hated it there, and I didn't want to dwell on what I was missing, on the decisions I'd made. I didn't know if I regretted it. I mean, I love to fly, I loved flying. But that was five months. The rest of the last two years..." He trailed off when he felt her hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry I wasn't such a great friend to you, Harm. I didn't do much to keep in touch either. I was, well, I guess I was pretty involved in what was going on in my life. I wanted to call you when I heard you'd be in San Diego, but I didn't know what the circumstances were, and I just talked myself out of it. It was easier." She looked him in the eye as she said this, and he saw that her decision had really bothered her.

His hand covered hers, again surprised by her honesty. "Hey, don't worry."

"But I am sorry. I should've been there for you."

"Don't worry," He repeated. "We're here now."

They shared a smile, and the years apart seemed to simply fade away. He had to work very hard not to lean down and touch his lips to hers. Apparently time had done nothing to abate his attraction for her.

"Tell me about Brumby." He said to distract himself. It had barely been a year since her fiancée had died, just over a year since she'd become a mother, and here he was ready to make a move on her. Nostalgia, he reminded himself. He was being nostalgic.

She sighed. "He was called back to Australia. On his last night here we got to talking. We had a pretty good partnership going. He'd made it clear that he was interested." She laughed suddenly. "Actually, he was pretty much relentless. I'd never had a guy invest so much in trying to convince me to go out on a date with him."

"You hadn't dated before then?" He had been certain of the opposite, convinced that Brumby would wear down her defenses before that much time had passed.

"No. I didn't want to. I was fine on my own, no need to complicate things. I agreed to a few platonic dinners, but that was it. But on his last night here, he blew me away with ... well, he was quite romantic. I didn't want a long distance relationship, but I was surprised to find myself feeling regretful that he was leaving, feeling sad. I told him so, and he actually proposed. Had a ring and everything."

"What?" He exclaimed, turning fully to face her on the couch.

She laughed at his expression. "That was pretty much my reaction."

He watched her drift away into memory, grow distant.

"It was something else. He was something else. He wasn't perfect, but he had a kind heart, he was good to me. And I felt my feelings for him deepening..." She shook herself out of her thoughts. "Anyways, he was insistent on keeping in touch when he left. Then I was sent to Australia for a case. It was the first time we saw each other in person since he'd left. After the case was over, I took some time off and stayed in Sydney. It was fantastic. My last night, he proposed again, and he showed me his letter of resignation from the RAN. I was absolutely terrified of taking such a big step, but he made me feel ... so wonderful, so wanted. So I agreed. For the next six weeks, I just kept pinching myself, thinking I'd wake up any minute. We were planning the wedding when I found out I was pregnant. We were both shocked." Again, that stunning smile she wore when she spoke of her son swept over her features. "And happy, so happy. I didn't want to get married in maternity wear, and he readily agreed. Anything I wanted. He was on his way to the caterer's to meet me for a sampling when he was in the collision."

She took a breath, and in it he could hear the weight of emotion pressing her into the ground. "God, Harm. I didn't know what to do. Jacob was so tiny and I was solely responsible for him, and all I could think looking at my little boy was that he would never know his father. He'd grow up without that. I kept thinking of how hard it had been for you, and I just ... I wished I could talk to you but I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone and dial because talking to you meant saying all my fears out loud and if you told me how hard it was going to be..." She took another deep breath, her voice now shaking. "It was just too much to handle. I needed to be strong for Jacob, he would feel my distress..." She trailed off to wipe the tears in her eyes, looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I don't usually do this."

He pulled her into a hug, no longer able to keep his distance as she spoke. "Hey, it's alright. Maybe you need to do this." He tightened his hold on her when she wrapped her arms around his waist, her face settled in his shoulder. He could feel her crying.

"I'm right here." He soothed. "It won't be easy, Mac, but it won't always be hard either. The admiral, Bud, they'll all fill that space for him. And I will, too. He's already loved by all these people, and love is all kids need to be healthy and happy."

"I know, I know." She sniffed, holding him closer. "I just, I guess I just need to hear it from time to time. Thank you."

"Don't worry about it." He ran his hand along her back in steady strokes. "Feel better?"

"Mm," She nodded into his shoulder, and then gave a short laugh. "See, this is exactly why I should've called you."

He laughed, silently thinking to himself that this was why he should've called her, too. This was why.