The Ill-Fated Betrothal

One day while scavenging for food in the dumpsters behind Timothy's Ditch Diner (in that it's a ditch outside a diner and the dumpsters are where Timothy relieves himself), little Taylor Porter-Pridelander received an incoming message via carrier pigeon. The pigeon (really a plastic bag being carried by the wind) held a receipt from Macy's where Jane and Nala had their wedding registry.

"Yay!" Taylor said with a pensive crease forming on his little brow. He didn't realize his parents were renewing their vows so soon. What on earth could he get for them to celebrate their 50 long weeks together?

And then a light bulb appeared over Taylor's head! …And it smacked him hard. Some guy from the second floor of the diner was throwing trash out his window. The concussion gave Taylor a great idea. "Yay!" he screamed as he climbed out of the ditch (after paying Timothy a usage fee) and ran wild through the streets. Now two-teeth and a toenail shorter, Taylor made his way to the nearest department store (read: city dump) and commenced the search for a wedding gift.

The Wonderland Dump had some really fun, neat things such as plutonium, uranium, and some mysterious green ooze that glowed in the dark. While swimming through a pond of ooze, Taylor came across some weird mushrooms. "Yay!" he thought as his stomach grumbled. He ate some mushrooms and continued swimming until he grew tired. To dry off, he found some old, discarded dresses in a pile and put on a light blue one with a white apron.

Now clothed for the first time in his natural life, Taylor frolicked around the dump and had the time of his life. But as he frolicked, a young girl carrying a basket of mushrooms came and frolicked beside him. The two frolicked together to see who could frolick the nicest. The girl ultimately won because Taylor fell into another ditch. Timothy had tracked him down because Taylor had cheated him out of a hangnail.

Not able to pay because he had shared all of his hangnails with some friends (his stomach and guts), Taylor instead bartered off the frolicking little girl. Timothy accepted, but only because the girl came with free mushrooms. The girl subsequently was pulled into the ditch and carried away to become Frankenstein's bride after he rescued her from the diner. But she left her mushrooms behind in Taylor's mouth, and after having eaten so many mushrooms, Taylor did what all little boys do when saturated with weird shrooms: he grew long, blond hair.

"Yay!" said Taylor, who now sported a nametag that read: "Hello! I'm Alice!" He found it glued to his shoe and figured it accessorized well with his new dress.

Little Taylor (read: Alice) then picked up the nearby basket and frolicked some more straight into a vat of acid. The super powerful acid disintegrated all of his hair and his pretty new dress and nametag. Taylor said "Yay!" and climbed out of the vat, running naked past Alice (not to be confused with Hello!). Then Dumbo made goo-goo eyes and Ed killed/ate everyone.

Taylor somehow wandered onto a major interstate highway where he was towed away because he was idle in a no parking zone. His arresting officer smacked him on the head with a Pooh stick which Roo had leant him on the way to returning said Pooh stick to the Fellowship of the Pooh.

The end.