Author's Notes: I don't write fanfics ever ololololololol. I've just become so entranced by the world of Gensokyo that this popped into my head and I had to write it. It's probably crap, I've probably got the characters wrong, yadda yadda. It was fun to write regardless. It was mostly written at 3am so it probably needs proof reading for englishfail. Also please remember the wonderful thing about Touhou is the canon is very loose, so there is a lot of room for artistic licence with the characters. This does mean that the way I portray them may be different to the way you personally see them. However that's all it is, my interpretation, so please don't misconstrue it as me dictating what the characters are like.
EDIT: I have no idea how to fix the line spacing. Sometimes it works how I typed it, others it doesn't. Apologies.

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Ran Yakumo blinked open her eyes and instantly knew something was wrong. Her first clue was that the sight above her was not that of the ceiling, but a pale blue sky with wispy clouds streaked across it. Indeed, this was not where she had been when she had gone to sleep. She heaved herself up into a sitting position, rubbed one of her eyes, and used the other to survey her alien surroundings. The landscape was mostly featureless; she was on a circle of barren burnt-orange sandstone with a diameter of perhaps twelve strides, clearly elevated above ground level. Below the rocky platform were endless caverns, hills, and plains all of the same stone, devoid of life, water, or in fact any evidence that anything had ever been only sight worthy of any notice was that of her master, Yukari, sitting at the edge of the stone circle. Yukari had her back to Ran, her parasol raised to protect her from the faint morning sun. Her hair had been allowed to fall loosely down her back this day, though was still tied at the end with a multitude of red ribbons as always.

Ran was slightly reassured by Yukari's presence, though the fact she was awake during daylight unnerved her. Even so, wanting answers, she flicked strands of fringe from her face, straightened her cap, and greeted her master.

"Lady Yukari?"
"Good morning Ran."

From her voice alone, one would assume this was a perfectly normal day. She didn't turn to face Ran and seemed entirely unconcerned with their location. Both were silent for a few moments.

"...Where are we?" Ran finally asked.

"I have no idea," Yukari said, still showing no distress.

Ran walked over to stand next to her master, and looked out over the land as Yukari was doing. Still finding nothing worth looking at, she questioned Yukari, mentally bracing herself for the possible backlash from doing so. "There's nothing here. Can't you just Gap us back home?"

"I could, but since I'm the one who brought us here in the first place, that would be rather counter-productive."

"You... why here?"

"I wanted to talk to you in private away from interruptions. I was going to take you to Hakugyokorou, but then I remembered Yuyuko once told me 'nowhere is better than Hakugyokorou for a private chat' so I brought us Nowhere instead."

"Eh... you're so weird..." Ran blinked any notion of trying to understand from her mind. "You could at least have waited for me to be awake. Well then..." she straightened up and changed the tone of her voice to sound more professional. "What did you wish to speak with me about, My Lady?"

Yukari looked thoughtful for a few seconds, still refusing to look at Ran. "Who is the strongest in Gensokyo?" she finally asked.

Ran smiled inwardly. It was a test, and an easy one at that. "You are, miss," she answered confidently.

"Ahh... who taught you to be such a sycophant?" Yukari asked with a smile, looking at Ran for the first time.

"You did, miss. At least that's what I gathered from the regular beatings any time I wasn't so."

"Well well. I will ask again, though I shall phrase it slightly differently. Who do you think is the strongest in Gensokyo?"

Ran was not to be fooled. 900 years of service meant she was used to her masters unusual methods. That didn't make them any easier to deal with, but she at least had experience to draw from. "You are," she repeated, still confident that she would pass this time.

"Ehh, determined to stick with that answer are you?" Yukari said with disappointment. "Fine." She stood up with the assistance of a gap, and covered her face with her fan. "Who, besides me, do you consider the strongest in Gensokyo?"

Ran's eyes widened. Perhaps this wasn't a test after all? From anyone else, it would be a perfectly innocent question, but with Yukari it was never possible to know for certain. She thought carefully for a moment how best to answer. "Well..." she began tentatively, "To start with, there's those three humans who came to see us during the missing spring incident- especially that shrine maiden you're so fond of. Anyone who can best you, even when you've only just awoken, must surely be among the strongest-"

"Sycophaaaant," Yukari sang with a smile.

"Um. Besides them, those of Eientei seem to hold considerable power. And that phoenix girl you told Chen of, if she's real, then I suppose eternal life means she'll outlive us all."

"She is real. I still have the burns to prove it. Would you like to see?"
"Ah, no my lady, thank you. The gods on the mountain must be powerful too, since that's what a god is. The Yamaxanadu is one I wouldn't trifle with, either. And if knowledge is power then the librarian at Scarlet Devil Mansion must be fearsome." Ran nodded to indicate she had finished.

"They are all the strongest? Please choose one."

Ran thought for a moment which answer would best please her master. "Reimu," she finally decided. "Reimu is the-"

"Wrong," Yukari said, again in singsong.

"...Yes, Lady Yukari." She braced herself again for what was to come.

"The correct answer is me."

"I- what?"

"You should have said me. Or at the very least, said yourself, for having me as a master."

"But you said-"

"Hm?"
"You told me not-"

"Are you implying I am wrong, Ran?"

"Y- No, my lady," she despaired. "I never would..."

"I'm disappointed, Ran. To you, none are stronger than I. As far as you are concerned, none hold more power than I. Seems the beatings aren't enough."

Ran stifled a sob as Yukari folded her parasol.

-

"Well, I'm exhausted, and you have plenty of work to be doing. Let's return home. Remind me next time I'm awake, to tell Yuyuko that Nowhere is more boring than Hakugyokorou."
"Yes, Lady Yukari," Ran said woefully, not wanting to raise Yukari's ire again by telling her Yuyuko probably wouldn't appreciate being told that.

"One more thing, Ran."
"Yes, my lady?"
"Call me weird again, and I'll feed you to the Scarlet sisters."

"U-understood..."