AN: I'm back after about three years! And how many great new ShikaNejiShika authors come to join the fun!

But anyway, I had this delightfully cracky idea after texting with MrsPaper the other night. And my plot bunnies ran with it. This is loosely based on that one episode of Family Guy in which Peter creates his own line of tacky erotic novels, called Peterotica. So I had to do a ShikaNeji one, naturally.

I have a few other references in here from other places, all of them are not mine and I disclaim and such.

Shikamaru,Neji,Hidan, Kidomaru c) Kishimoto Masashi

Peter Griffin/Peterrotica c) Seth McFarlane/Twentieth Centry Fox, etc.


I remember one time I went on a mission with this one guy who looked like a really hot chick. He looked like a chick because he had really long brown hair that came down to his apple bottom ass. But I knew that he was a guy because he had a huge package. Like, twelve to thirteen inches. Swear to God, it looked like he stole a bratwurst and was hiding it in his pants. I was like, "Aww, sweet."

I can't remember the mission exactly but I do remember asking this dude why he had cataracts. He got really pissed and said that his eyes were really pale and that he could see perfectly. I told him that I could replace the stick in his ass with something more substantial. I winked. He looked away. "It'd be fun to do it with a blind chick," I thought.

So then later on we ended up fighting some badass ninja dudes. I mean, what good erotica story doesn't include fighting some badass ninja dudes?

One guy was beheaded and he carried his head in one hand. I was all, "No way!" but then I remembered that I beheaded the pussy some time earlier. I figured he must've been using some God-mode cheat to stay alive. But I didn't give a shit; I just tried to kill him again. I don't remember if he actually died this time but for the sake of the story I'll just say he did. Cause I'm awesome like that.

Meanwhile there was another evil dude fighting that hot guy I wanted to totally do. This other guy had, like, six arms! But the guy who seemed to be a blind chick took him down. As that freakshow guy died, he let out a scream of "Gahh! Gahh!" Then he totally kicked the bucket.

That hot guy, who seemed to be influenced by spider-guy's death screech, told me, sexily by the way, that he wanted my Bad Romance.

And so we totally did it.

And it was hot.

You might say that it was gay, but I assure you that our balls did not touch, therefore it was NOT gay. (Even so, I do feel like listening to Coldplay now.)

The End