A/N: I wrote this years ago, but was finally encouraged to finish it after watching One Breath as part of 201 Days of The X Files marathon. Particular references to Lazarus, One Breath, All Things, DeadAlive. Some feedback will be nice – it's been a while!
Inseparable
She kept staring at the door long after it closed shut behind him. She was disoriented still, but his image now haunted her. He seemed as though he hadn't slept in weeks. She thought of the moment his eyes lit up when they met hers, the instant relief that washed over her, one which was reflected in his eyes as well. It was as if something had clicked back into place. In a strange, indefinable way, she suddenly felt whole again; in a different sense than upon reuniting with her mother or her sister.
"I'd be careful if I were you, Dana."
She was hurt all over, but her sister's statement confused her, and so she turned to face her. "What are you talking about?"
Melissa didn't seem convinced by her obliviousness. "He's good looking, I'll give you that. But you'd better watch yourself."
She should have known, really. She sighed. "Missy – "
"Are you going to tell me it's nothing like that?"
"It is nothing like that! We just work together."
"That's not the vibe I get."
She rolled her eyes. "Do I even want to hear the rest of it?"
"Probably not, but I feel obliged to warn you anyway."
Sometimes she felt as though she was the older sister and Melissa was the younger, more gullible one. She didn't even have the energy to scoff. There were times when Melissa just didn't know when to stop. "Warn me? From Mulder?"
"From whatever it is going on between the two of you."
"There is nothing going on – Mom, will you please tell her to stop it?"
"Melissa, your sister is tired, and frankly…"
"Oh, please, Mom, I know you sensed it too."
Her eyes flew from her sister to her mother, who had the courtesy to look guilty, at least. She glared at her. "Sensed what?"
"Well, honey, he clearly cares for you," came her mother's hesitant reply.
"Of course he cares, Mom. I'm his partner; I care for him too."
"It was more than that, Dana; it was really quite frightening."
"Melissa, I'm really too tired for that kind of talk right now."
"Gosh, Dana, for one so bright, you can be really dense."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Why don't you just be honest with yourself? Be honest with us? You've always been drawn to powerful men, men of authority – "
"And Mulder just oozes authority, of course," she couldn't help sounding sarcastic. Her sister was being her ridiculous self, but she was in no state to be handling with that just now.
"I'm just worried you'll end up getting hurt. Again."
Her heart leapt in her throat in momentary panic as Melissa looked at her pointedly. Her eyes flew to her mother, but she seemed to have missed Melissa's reference. She probably thought her sister meant Jack Willis and the way their relationship ended. Melissa was the only one who knew about Daniel Waterston and she was determined to keep it that way. Her parents' resentment over her decision to join the FBI was still somewhat painful and she had no intention of revealing the cause of her choice to her mother, not now and not ever.
"I'm fine," she insisted, but she didn't need to hear Melissa's bitter chuckle to know how lame it sounded.
"We almost lost you, Dana."
"But you didn't. I'm going to be fine, I'm – "
"Girls."
The sternness in her mother's voice didn't reach her eyes; it never had. Nonetheless, it still had the desired effect. The argument quickly dissolved as she and Melissa both lowered their head. She felt nine years old again.
"Regardless of what I may think, if Dana says nothing is going on, Melissa, then nothing is going on. Fox has been very gracious to me since we learned about her disappearance. He worked tirelessly to find her. He never lost hope, not even when we began to."
She didn't even have a chance to take in what her mother was saying when Melissa cut her off again.
"That's because he feels guilty for putting her in this position in the first place," she argued. There was poison in her voice, which was unusual for one so calm and serene. Her sister's hostility towards Mulder surprised her.
"It's funny, you know? I was sure you two would hit it off. His crazy theories reminded me of you from the moment I met him."
"Maybe we would have, if he hasn't been such a jerk."
"Melissa!"
"What? I'd hardly describe him as gracious. He's hot tempered and paranoid, and what is it about him and last names? Why does he insist on calling you Scully?"
But she had no answer to that, nor could she admit to her sister or to her mother that it made the few times he had referred to her by her first name all the sweeter. "It's just a habit we picked up early in our partnership," she replied, but she knew her answer was feeble even before her sister was rolling her eyes. "He's Mulder, so I'm Scully. It actually isn't as bad as you make it sound."
"It's damn well weird, is what it is."
"Melissa, please."
"Look, I'm sorry, Mom. I know how you feel about him. But I can't ignore my intuition. I can't not worry because of what I feel."
"And what feelings are those, exactly? For the sake of argument."
"There's something very powerful about the two of you, Dana, whether you want to believe it or not. Something that surpasses everything, anything anyone will throw in your way. But as wonderful as such intensity may be, it's also dangerous. It's going to hurt you again and again unless you watch yourself, and possibly even despite that."
"And you think that keeping myself away from Mulder might prevent that? I can't really do that, he's my partner. Even if I could, I don't think I'd want to." She felt herself blush at her confession, and cursed her fair complexion, not for the first time. She knew how it sounded, not she had necessarily meant for it to sound that way.
Melissa shook her head sorrowfully. "I don't think it would help things at all. That's what worries me the most. I don't think you can keep away from him. I don't think you're meant to."
xxx
She opens her eyes and a hospital room comes into view. Not the one she has just left in her mind, but a different one. Up until now she hasn't realized how many times they have kept a vigil at each other's bedsides while the other was mending from one injury or other.
He lies still in bed, looking peaceful. The scars on his face make her cringe, but he doesn't appear to be in pain, and this realization comforts her. It's the little things she draws comfort from now. His peaceful expression, the sound of the monitor, the steady rhythm of his heart, the faint flutter inside her…
She lays her hands on her stomach, rubbing it gently. She smiles at the thought of her baby floating there, his expression resembles that of the man lying in front of her. She is the only one who knows she's carrying a boy. She hasn't told anyone, not even her mother. It's out of a petty insistence, really. She wants him to be the first one to know, having missed out on so much already.
The baby kicks, in wordless agreement it seems. She smiles, pretending he could see her. Maybe they sense it when their mothers smile, she thinks. It won't be long now. She can't help but wonder what he will look like, whom he will take after. It's a safer topic, thinking about her baby rather than fretting for his father.
She thinks about that conversation with Melissa all these years ago. She wonders if Melissa has known back then what she has been saying. When she implied the deep connection between Mulder and herself, was this what she had in mind? Her sister has always been intuitive, so intuitive it was scary sometimes, but could her words that day at the hospital really be so prophetic?
Although the tables are now turned, and it's her waiting for him to regain consciousness at last, theirs is a story as old as time. Over the years both their lives have been in jeopardy, time and time again. Even when he was missing, or she was incapacitated, they have always found each other, saved each other, in the end. At the end of the day, there was no one else. They were inseparable. Just like Melissa has said.
But knowing all she knows now, all these years later, she still isn't afraid. The only emotion more prominent than all others isn't fear, but hope so intense it is almost bursting out of her. Hope for a better future, for calmer times at last, because things can't possibly get worse than what she has been through these past few months.
He will laugh if he ever finds out, but for the first time she too wants to believe – she really does. She wants to believe the darkness will dissipate as soon as he opens his eyes, that this journey they're about to embark on as soon as their son – their son! – is born will be their greatest one yet. She wants to believe her sister was right, that they were inseparable, but only in the best way possible, one that doesn't involve hurt or worry, no more. Of that they both had enough for a lifetime. Now she just wants to regain what has been hers for too short a time. More than anything, she wants to prove Melissa wrong. There is nothing to be afraid of. Not anymore.
