A/N: Happy Birthday Beef-Eff!
This story is in an A/U and... well, I don't even know who would have clicked on it, so enter at your own risk.
"Hey Messer, what's doin'?"
Austin Messer chuckled and prodded the dog with her toe, urging him to get off the end of the couch so she could stretch out a little more.
"Just droppin' the g's off the end of my words like the rest of my homies."
"Word up. So I just called as a courtesy because normally I would have just dropped in but I wanted to tell you to be ready to go in five minutes."
"Go where? Lindsay I haven't brushed my hair today."
"Then grab a comb."
"But… I have to make Danny dinner."
"Danny is being taken care of, and I'm sorry but like you can even cook anyway."
"Ouch, that was low."
"C'mon, don't be a stick in the mud. Shoes and a jacket and please brush your teeth."
"How did you know?"
"It's your day off Austin."
"Okay, I'll be ready in five."
Austin clicked off the phone and stood up from the couch, stretching a little and letting her hand run over her stomach.
"First rule of life little fetus: Your aunt Lindsay is crazy. Second rule: It is much easier to go with what she says than to argue with her. Third rule: She tells her fetus the same thing about me."
Elvis hopped off the couch as if she'd been talking to him, and followed her into the bathroom. She took a few minutes to wash her face and brush her teeth while the dog watched her closely, standing next to her and leaning against her leg, which had been his habit since she'd returned from California. It was the longest they'd ever been apart and though she wouldn't admit it to anyone, she'd missed him more than she'd missed anyone else.
"C'mon baby, I bet Linds won't be able to say no to your face. Want to go for a ride?"
He ran a circle around her and jumped up, pressing his paws to her shoulders, almost nodding in excitement.
"Okay, hop down so I can put your leash on."
He obeyed her and stood patiently while she got the stubborn latch working, then grabbed her keys and some cash and headed downstairs. Her feet had just hit the sidewalk when Lindsay pulled up in Adam's jeep with the top down.
"Get in loser, we're going shopping," she called.
Austin chuckled and shook her head, opening the back door.
"Elvis is coming."
"Okay. C'mon Elv."
The greyhound jumped into the back seat and tried to find a comfortable spot, turning around a few times before crumpling himself up on the floor and resting his head on the console between the two front seats.
"So where are we going?" Austin asked, buckling her seat belt and fighting her hair into the elastic band she'd brought.
"Driving."
"Driving. That's a good plan when you have to pee every five minutes. By the way you've gotten bigger since I saw you last."
"Thanks for the observation."
"You sound a little bitter, Linds."
"Adam did an impression of the way I waddle when I first wake up. I banished him to the couch, but that backfired because I can't sleep without him."
"You guys are so funny," Austin said, shaking her head. "Do you ever get anything done or do you just sit around laughing all the time?"
"Usually the laughing. So don't come over right now, the apartment is a disaster."
"Noted. Did you want to talk or can I turn the radio on?"
"iPod is in the box."
Austin dug out the device and looked at it carefully.
"Is this yours or Adam's?"
"What does it matter?"
"On yours I have to wade through a bunch of country to get to actual music."
"I'mma kick you outta the car and steal your dog."
"And therein lies the first stanza of every country song ever."
"I tolerate you."
Austin giggled and scrolled through the music, settling on XTC's The Man Who Murdered Love. Lindsay rolled her eyes but sang along when the song started. Elvis lifted his head and looked from one of them to the other before letting out a little sigh and moving completely into the back seat, laying down and closing his eyes.
"He doesn't find us amusing," Austin chuckled.
"At least we do."
"Yeah. So why are we doing this?"
"What, driving? Because walking is too slow."
"Linds."
"I just thought that I'm going to be getting bigger and then giving birth and you're following in my footsteps soon after and this might be one of the last times we get to do anything without kids in tow."
"Good thinking. Are you getting nervous?"
"Yes. I'm really afraid about how much it's going to hurt. How many mistakes I might make. How much sleep I can function on. And a whole host of other things like what if I'm the suckiest mom in the world and what if this kid is way smarter than us and if it's a boy how do I even begin to potty-train him?"
"You won't be the suckiest mom in the world."
"How do you know?"
"Because I know you. That should be reason enough."
"I don't think I'll ever stop being scared. Not until this kid is 18 and moved out and then I'll be worried about all the adult problems he or she will be facing and that's just another can of worms isn't it?"
"You get ahead of yourself."
"I like plans."
"Well maybe you should plan to chill out. If you're all freaked out then I'm all freaked out and then what?"
"Disaster. Okay, for tonight at least I am not going to freak out. Tonight we are two ladies out on the town."
"Seriously?"
"Well okay maybe not quite but we can pretend we are!"
"Oh Linds…"
Austin sighed a little and ripped open the plastic bag of beef jerky, putting a piece in her mouth and giving a happy grunt.
"So we're sitting on the hood of the jeep, eating beef jerky and sour patch kids and drinking Slurpees, smelling the dang Hudson river and you are so big and pregnant that it took you ten minutes to even get up here."
"And?" Lindsay sighed, rubbing her knee where she'd smacked it on the side of the jeep trying to get up.
"I just needed to make a comment on the situation. Switch me Slurpees, I'm tired of cherry."
"Okay. It's really cold out here. Why are we drinking frozen sugar water?"
"Because it was a buck o'nine and who are we to turn down a deal?"
"Valid point."
"So."
"So."
"So are we finally the friends that don't have to talk or are we just too lazy to conjure up a conversation?"
"I don't know Aust. A little of both maybe? You know what I really hate is the fact that I think of things to tell you and then I forget seconds later, but I can still recite all of the states and their capitals."
"When you were first pregnant did you find yourself irritated with every single thing that Adam did?"
"Um… I don't think so. He used to say the wrong thing quite a lot. Why?"
"I love Danny dearly. I've put up with him for 22 years and I want to be with him for the rest of my life but there is something about the way he breathes that makes me want to kill him."
"That's fairly normal. I mean if you want to kill him in one fell swoop. Kinda scary if you're thinking of putting a drop of arsenic into his morning coffee every day."
"That would make it premeditation, but if I just beat him over the head with that stupid nursing breast pump that I had to get, I could plead insanity and say that his long sighs drove me mad."
"I'd totally back you up. I don't want to have to visit you in the clink."
"But you would if you had to, right?"
"Every day. I want a fudgesicle."
"You're so strange."
"This morning Adam walked by me and said "I like your new curves, Beyonce," then pinched my butt twice and was confused when I smacked him."
"What the heck?"
"I think he's trying to make me feel good about being a whale right now, but he's going a little overboard. He got himself into trouble saying he liked my boobs now that they're getting bigger and I pretended to be offended that he didn't like them before and he started talking about how it's like Disneyland vs. Disneyworld and I couldn't keep up the charade anymore."
"Why don't you have your own sitcom?"
"I don't know, I think we're hilarious."
"Danny and I got into a fight about how to arrange our CD's. He wanted alphabetical and I wanted by genre because sometimes you're just in a mood and you know what you want but not who, and he said he always knows who. By the end of the whole thing we just threw them in a pile and made out on the couch."
"How come all of your fight stories end with you making out on the couch?"
"Because I make sure they're rated PG before I tell you."
"Oh brother."
"What, you really want to hear about how your partner carried me into the bedroom and tore my clothes off then-"
"No, not really. Although congratulations."
Austin chuckled and shook her head.
"I never would have said that to anyone else."
"Yeah, well I can take it."
"Hey."
"What?"
"Love you."
"Love you too."
"You seem cranky."
"Not cranky, just uncomfortable. Breathing isn't so easy right now."
"Baby using your lungs as a pillow?"
"Yes."
"I'm not looking forward to that."
"It's not fun, but the random kicks during the day aren't so bad."
They fell into silence as the night grew colder and Elvis snored in the car.
"I'm glad we can do stuff like this," Austin mused after a while.
"Me too."
"I know you had friends growing up but… I never really did. I wasn't ever close to anyone. It wasn't their fault, it was me. But I'm glad I have it now."
"I like how effortless the whole thing is. I don't feel like I have to talk to you every day to keep you happy and I don't have to watch what I say because it might bug you or anything like that."
"So I'm easy."
"Well…"
"I know what you mean. I feel like we just kind of happened. Like one day we were colleagues and the next day we were spending two hours getting coffee because we couldn't stop thinking of things to talk about."
"Danny's face when we came back was priceless."
"I know. Like a deer in headlights. Poor guy. That night he kept telling me that it was a conflict of interest and I couldn't be friends with you."
"He did?"
"Yeah. He said that either you would be a good influence on me or I would be a bad influence on you, but life would never be the same and he couldn't handle it."
"It probably creeped him out that you had a friend besides him."
"Accurate."
"He doesn't mind it now, does he?"
Austin shrugged and finished the last of her Slurpee.
"I don't think so. He doesn't get it, I know that."
"Yeah, but that's okay. I don't get it either."
"Don't tell Adam I let you drive," Lindsay sighed, rubbing her hand over her stomach.
"He's protective of his car?"
"He barely lets me drive it. He loves this car."
"Well I won't wreck it."
"Thanks for coming tonight. Sometimes I need to get out of the house."
"I probably did too. Although I am kind of sad that this might be our last night to do something before you pop that kid out."
"Yeah. We still have two months, but we're both always so busy… Maybe we'll do something on New Years if you guys are off. I'll be about ready to bust, but maybe we can all watch a movie or something."
"I'll plan on it," Austin said, pulling up outside the apartment building. "And maybe I'll bring Slurpees."
"Excellent."
"C'mon Elvis, let's go."
The dog looked at her and whimpered a little, then settled back down against the seat.
"Elvis, come on."
He ignored her and nudged the console with his nose. Lindsay chuckled and opened it, handing him a dog treat.
"Um, how long have those been in there?"
"I think since we went to the lake that time."
"Elvis are you happy now?"
He jumped out of the car and nudged her hand while she took ahold of his collar and rolled her eyes.
"Dogs and men."
"That's true. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Night Linds. Drive safe."
"I will. Love you."
"Love you too."
