X.x.X.x

Shepard ran as fast as she could down the long ramp, her mind racing with all the different thoughts of what could be happening to her friend right now. She could hear Garrus and Jack running right behind her at full speed, breathing just as heavy as herself.

Since her 'break-up' with the Illusive Man she and the rest of the crew had been on her own before she managed to convince the Alliance and soon after the Council of what she had been saying all along.

Anderson had given her Alenko to 'supervise' her movements and decisions, his mission; being a tattle tail to Alliance and Council members.

Since then, she and her crew had been on their best behavior and did only what was nessacary. Alenko's reports, nothing but good. All missions have been successful and she was nothing but proud of her crew.

Now, the one time she allows Kaiden to come along and he gets himself into trouble.

This mission was a two squad mission. She took Garrus and Jack and Alenko had taken Zaeed and Mordin.

Regretfully, the mission was much like the one on Virmire; one team was required to shut down the transmitters while the other did what they could by holding off enemy forces.

She and her team had just finished shutting the Geth Transmitters and started heading back to the other team when they got a radio call from Zaeed.

"Shepard. We're in a bit of a problem here. We got Geth crawling all over the place, I guess they didn't like you shutting down their transmitters."

"Shit, we're on our way. You think you can hold 'em off?" Shepard had yelled into her earpiece.

"Like we have a choice!" Zaeed had shot back.

Now she was left with the feeling of being too late. The three of them had run into a couple squads of Geth which had slowed them down significantly. She hoped beyond hope that she wasn't too late.

She tried her radio again.

"Alenko, Zaeed, Mordin, come in."

"Shepard!" Alenko's voice came over the eapiece. "We've fallen back but the door's jammed we can't get-"

"Alenko! …. Alenko!" Shepard sped up her pace. "Shit."

They came up to a large door, she tried to press the pad to open it but it was glitched out. The pad was red and blinking on and off fazing in and out.

"NO!" She screamed at the door and pounded on it before trying to use biotics to boost her strength. "Shit!"

On the other side of the door she could hear yells, and orders and gunfire.

"Garrus! Get this door open now!" She ordered pointing at the door.

Garrus nodded and opened up his omnitool, getting to work on the controls.

Shepard growled as she waited impatiently looking like a mix of both Jack and Garrus.

"Reloading!"

"Damnit!"

"Reloading!"

"Cover me!"

Shepard cursed wishing she could do SOMETHING to help her friends who seemed to be in some deep shit.

She prayed that none of them died. She may have not gotten along with Kaiden very well but that doesn't mean she didn't like him. Sure he was an ass 89.5% of the time but he was a good man.

She would never forgive herself if something happened to him, and neither would the Alliance.

"Damnit Garrus!" She barked.

"Working as fast as I can Shepard." Garrus said in a rather calm voice.

"Not fast enough!" She yelled she was about to say something else when a scream erupted from Zaeed.

"I'm hit!"

"DAMNIT!" Kaiden screamed.

"Garrus!"

"GOT IT!" He said and the pad turned green and the large door started to slid open slowly.

The three of them got ready to provide cover fire for the three distressed soldiers and were given the oppurtunity as soon as it was possible to fit someone through the door; Zaeed came in first followed closely by Mordin and Kaiden was on his way.

"Close the door!" She yelled over the gunfire.

Garrus moved to close the door while Mordin and Zaeed found some cover for the Salarian to patch him up.

Jack threw biotic throws left and right while Shepard provided cover fire, Kaiden stopped halfway and hid behind a cement barricade while he caught some of his breath.

"Alenko! Get a move on soldier!" She barked as she continued firing behind him.

Kaiden nodded once at her and started to run towards the door.

He jolted forward as he got hit in the back with a bullet, his shields flashed and she watched in anticipation. He kept running but was hit in the back of the leg, the bullet going right through the shields and into his armor.

"Kaiden!" She screamed.

He kept running though not stopping, tougher than he looks. Jack thought.

He half ran half limped back farther only to get riddled with more bullets, some of them bouncing off the remaining shields others imbedding themselves in his armor, and yet others made it though both.

Kaiden stumbled forwards and fell flat on his face and didn't get back up.

"NO!" Shepard ran into the fire fight and grabbed the back of his neck armor and pulled him back to safety.

Garrus shut the door as soon as they were clear and rejammed the door before he stood up and faced his old comrads. Zaeed was patched up and good to go, 'just a scratch' he said.

Jack stood with her arm crossed and kept a close eye on all the doors to make sure they weren't flanked.

Shepard rolled Kaiden over and cradled his head in the crook of her arm.

"Alenko…" She said quietly and studied his face before looking up and down the rest of his body, he was bleeding all over the place; blood was already coving the entire area they were sitting in. He had blood covering his neck and up his jawline.

She furrowed her brows and put a gentle hand to the side of his face. "Kaiden…" Alenko opened his eyes and looked directly at her.

"Shepard." He croaked, blood spilling from his lips with the effort.

"Oh god Kaiden." She said as she held him closer and wiped the blood away from his lips with her thumb. "Call the Normandy! Get Chakwas down here!" She ordered, Garrus nodded and called it in.

"Kaiden don't die." She said quietly as she stroked his damp hair.

"S-sorry She-Shepard… f-for b-being such an…." He swallowed hard, "ass."

Shepard tried to smile a little. "Don't worry about it…"

Kaiden shook his head. "But I have… ever s-since I s-said those th-things on Horizon." He coughed up some blood and pinched his eyes closed.

"Kaiden… shut up." She gave a little smirk. "Just be still for a moment."

Kaiden nodded and remained still, but kept his gaze on her.

"Shepard." Mordin started and walked up to her.

Shepard nodded and the salarian bent down to inspect the injuries.

He opened his omni tool and scanned it over the wounded Alliance soldier before taking a deep breath and shaking his head at her.

Shepard sighed and looked at Kaiden pathetically. "Oh God Alenko."

"You did good Shepard… the mission was still successful. Just like Virmire was."

Shepard felt a tear slide down her cheek. "I don't call either of those successful." She huffed.

"When you s-stop the bad g-guys… it's successful." He stopped and swallowed hard again. "I n-never should have d-doubted you."

Shepard let out a airy laugh as more tears started to fall at the realization he was dying, his blood covered too much of the floor, and it covered all of her white and blue armor. This was bad.

"Kaiden I'm sorry." She sobbed. She was losing one of her closest friends, she may have been mad at him but it didn't matter any more. None of it did.

Kaiden smiled the best he could, the blood on his lips made it look more scary than anything. He started to cough again, his whole body shaking and jolting with each cough.

"Oh god Kaiden!"

Jack shook her head and looked away. Zaeed bowed his head in respect and Mordin took in a deep breath and stepped away from the two.

Garrus watched from a corner, watching Shepard like this was bad enough but seeing it like this, with Kaiden being the one to die was just awful. He wasn't BEST of friends with the Alliance soldier but he was a friend.

Kaiden stopped coughing and just stared up at his former commanding officer and lover, his body shaking in pain and loss of blood.

"See you on the other side commander…" He said quietly.

Shepard nodded and let out a small sob.

The two of them continued to stare at eachother until Shepard realized he wasn't really looking back anymore.

"Oh Kaiden." She whispered.

Moments later Chakwas came bursting through with a few other crew members.

The good doctor ran up to Shepard and dropped to her knees but one look at her face told the doctor all she needed to know. She was too late.

Chakwas muttered an apology before closing Kaiden's eyes and standing back up and moving away.

Shepard let out a sigh as she lowered Kaiden's head down gently and standing up herself.

"We have to bring him back." She said quietly.

The crewmates that came with Chakwas moved in silently and picked up Alenko's body carefully.

The sound of a large explosion sounded from the large door.

"We gotta move!" Zaeed shouted as he got to his feet as fast as the wounded old man could go and started to run back they way they had come.

Shepard just turned around slowly as Chakwas, Zaeed, Mordin, the three crew mates and Jack all took off.

Shepard stared at the door in anger shooting daggers through the door and straight into the remaining Geth.

"Shepard." The commanding officer jumped at feeling his hand on her shoulder. "We gotta go Commander." He said gently and pulled slightly to guide her in the way of the exit.

Shepard nodded once before turning to walk back with Garrus.

However it turned into a sprint as the door blew up behind them sending pieces all around them. As they ran past the rooms with each individual transmitter she would throw an explosive or two in the room and close the door, attempting to do as much damage to the transmitters as possible.

Kaiden's death wouldn't be in vain.

Garrus and Shepard dove out the exit with the explosion going around them, pieces of debris flying everywhere.

When Shepard looked up her squad members were standing in front of them staring at the two of them.

Shepard looked at her team and then back at the shuttle behind them, Chakwas and the crew members were already inside with Kaiden strapped to the stretcher.

Shepard let out a sigh and started to get up when Garrus' hand came into her line of vision, offering her a hand up.

She took it and used most of his weight to pull herself up, exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Garrus gave her a small pat on the back and escorted her to the shuttle.

X.x.X.x

Shepard had been sitting up in her room for the past 9 hours, not coming down for anything. They were on ntheir way to the Citadel now.

Every now and again EDI would pop up and inquire if she was alright or would relay a message from Kasumi or anybody else who was concerned but she would just shoo the ship AI away.

She was tired but couldn't sleep and she was mourning her lost friend.

Part of her lack of sleep came from trying to figure out what she was going to say to the Alliance… what she would say to the council about Kaiden's death. This in itself was enough to keep her awake.

She was about to lose everything, she had already lost her friend now she was going to lose credibility again.

She sighed and plopped down on her couch, tucking her legs under her and leaning her head against the back of the couch and closing her eyes.

She felt another tear trail down her cheek as the door to her room swished open.

"Kasumi just cause you're invisible doesn't mean I can't hear the door open." She said. "Just go away, I'm fine."

"For some reason I find it hard to believe you." a voice not Kasumi's replied.

Shepard jumped up and faced the tall turian. "Garrus!"

"Hey Shepard." He greeted before holding out a plate with pizza and chips on it, a bottle of water in his other hand. "Figured you should be hungry by now."

Shepard shook her head and waved her hand in the air dismissivly, "Naw I got my fish and Scoundrel to eat if I start to starve."

"Good to see you're still you." Garrus said quietly before moving to the couch and putting the plate and bottle on the table. "How are you?"

"I just lost one of my friends Garrus… because I wasn't good enough. It's Virmire all over again." She said sadly she could feel the tears rise again but she was done crying.

But Garrus' kind eyes and voice made her resolution to not cry come tumbling down.

Garrus sighed a little and moved in close to her and wiped away one of her tears with his knuckle. "Shepard…"

"Garrus how are you so… okay with everything? You lost your whole squad and manage to still be you."

Garrus almost laughed. "That's not what you said before the thing with Sidonis."

Shepard chuckled, "True, but you're still you all around. I'm a wreck."

"You just lost one of your closest friends… someone who just over 2 years ago was much more than that… you're hurting. You just have been given one of the crappiest hand of cards. So yeah… you're gonna be a little more than upset." Garrus said gently before bringing her into a hug. "Just remember I'm always behind you, no matter what."

"Thank Garrus. I love you and your amazing pep talks."

Garrus chuckled and Shepard could feel the deep rumbling deep in his chest which made her feel so close to this loving turian.

"And I love you and your all around amazing-ness." He said with a small twang.

"You know Garrus… that actually made sense." She laughed as she pulled away and looked up at him.

"I've been working an the Earth nature and way of talking." He winked at her making her eyes go wide as a salarian's.

"Obviously." She smiled.

After a moment of silence Shepard looked down and away from Garrus.

"What is it?" Garrus asked worridly.

"I miss him."

Garrus looked away for a moment. "I know Shepard…"

"I just wish that I could hav-"

"Shepard stop. You did what you could. It was just bad circemstances… just like-"

"Virmire." Shepard finished. She just couldn't stop drawing the lines.

She felt terrible about losing Alenko more so than she did Williams and for that she hated herself.

Part of her believes she still loved Kaiden, how much she wasn't sure. But she knew she had to feel something for the Alliance soldier if she was going to have to much pain from being rejected by him and losing him to the Geth.

She missed him plain and simple, she hoped the pain went away soon.

Everybody knew, especially her, that the pain never faded she's lost people before; good people, so she knew it would never go away.

Garrus nodded. "yeah. Shepard I'm sorry."

"Me too…" She whispered.

"Commander?" Jokers voice came from the intercom.

Shepard looked up to adress the pilot, "Joker, were you spying on us?"

"Not at all Ma'am. Just wanted to let you know we were coming into the Citadel."

"Thank you Joker."

"No problem over and out." He said and the line went dead.

Shepard sighed she was not looking forward to this meeting. Breaking the news to anyone let alone Anderson was not going to be easy.

She, Garrus and Tali stood out side the Alliance Embassies Shepard's hand not quite touching the pad yet, afraid to confront the officials and members of both the Alliance Military and the Council. This was not going to be good for anybody, especially her crew.

Shepard felt a hand rest on her right shoulder and almost fell back into his sturdy stature for support, but resisted.

"Shepard. It'll be okay. I'm right behind you." Garrus said quietly.

Shepard nodded and pressed the pad and opened the door.