Introducing: a humorous version of the Hunger Games. Got ideas for who to cast as tributes? You should definitely leave a review.

Chapter 1: The Death Games

"Guess what?" Uzura asked. "Reapings are today, zura. That's bad, isn't it, zura?"

"It is bad." Ahiru said, yawning as she stretched in her bed. "But there's no chance they'll pick you. Your name's only been in there once. Well, they might pick you anyway. But I wouldn't bet on it."

Her younger sister blinked her wide eyes and smiled. "There is one part that I like."

"What?" Ahiru asked curiously.

"I get to see who's lovey-dovey, zura." Uzura answered. "You can always tell."

"I see." Ahiru said, swinging her legs out of bed with her usual enthusiasm despite the grim day before her. "I've got to go," she said, giving Uzura an affectionate pat on the head. "I'll see you later."

She dressed quickly in unnoticeable, green-and-brown clothes. As much as she loved wearing bright yellow and white, that wasn't really the best outfit to wear when planning illegal activities.

Ahiru ran to her familiar fence, ducked under easily, and took soft steps through the grassy woods. After a while, she came to a clearing, where a familiar boy was perched on a log.

"Hi there!" Ahiru said, sitting down next to him. "How are ya?"

"Fine." Mytho said. "Bamboo can grow up to three feet in twenty-four hours."

Silence.

Tension hovered in the air as Ahiru tried to figure out how to bring up the Reaping, and the unnervingly high likelihood that she-or he-would be chosen. "Ah..." Ahiru shifted her weight before finally blurting, "The Games are stupid, aren't they?"

"Did you know that bone is five times stronger than steel?" Mytho asked.

"That's pretty cool!" Ahiru nodded.

"And the Games are stupid." Mytho added. "You know where I'd like to live? Districts 1 and 2. Practically everyone wants to be a tribute, so even if you do get selected, you just wait for someone to volunteer for you."

"If you get selected here..." Ahiru chuckled, "you can practically hear the crickets chirping when they call for volunteers. Do you want to go look for berries or something?"

"Sure." Mytho replied contentedly. "It's not really like I ever learned how to hunt, so..."

Ahiru shuddered. The thought of killing another human being or animal was thoroughly repulsive to her. Ahiru might not have known how to hunt, but she did possess an extensive knowledge of edible plants and berries, just like Mytho."Not that I'd want to hunt, anyway. Let's go find some plants!"

"Yay! Oh, Ahiru, can you do that trick again? The one where you, like, look like a flying squirrel?"

"Sure!" Like a monkey, Ahiru scrambled up the nearest tree and proceeded to leap from tree to tree. "It's too bad you can't!" She called cheerily. "There's lots of interesting stuff up here!"

While Mytho was busy gathering berries and plants to eat, Ahiru made friends with the birds she found among the trees. "Hi there!" She said, and the birds clustered around her, hiding her from view. "Hey! That tickles!"

"Ahiru? You done yet? You should probably get ready for the Reaping?"

"Wait, the Reaping?" Ahiru murmured to herself. "Oh, snap!"

"Also, did you know that if you ate too many carrots, you'd turn orange?" Mytho asked from below.

"No, I didn't." Ahiru landed lightly on the ground with a circle of twigs and leaves in her hair. Mytho gently dusted them away. "Be careful, Ahiru. You wouldn't want to get caught, would you?"

"Right." Ahiru said. "Of course I wouldn't want to be caught. I want to live!"


"Uzura Arima!" The scary blonde announcer said loudly.

For a moment the air was frozen as Ahiru tried to breathe. She saw the woman's gaze fasten on her sister, standing next to her.

Uzura turned to Ahiru with a devilish smile. "I volunteer as tribute!" Ahiru's eyes widened, for the words hadn't come from her mouth. Uzura gave her a childish hug, and then tilted her head brightly. "Thank you, sis!"

"I didn't say that!" Ahiru protested, as armored guards roughly grabbed her by the upper arms and dragged her to the podium. "Wait. I didn't..wait, what?"

"All right! Who volunteered as tribute? Is this her older sister? Your name?"

Ahiru looked indignantly at Uzura, who gave her a small wave. Thanks, little sis, for sending me to the Death Games. Ahiru shook her head and folded her arms, but answered the announcer. "Ahiru Arima."

"All right!" The woman seemed way too cheery to be conducting a lottery where the winners had a survival rate of near 0%.

I will get you for this, Ahiru mouthed at Uzura.

Doubt it, Uzura mouthed back smugly. Ahiru realized that Uzura was right; the odds were that Ahiru wouldn't survive the week.

"Now let's select the male tribute!"