When I first started at my job, everybody used to talk to me but Kyra. At first, I thought it was bc I was new until I asked her a general question and she said we weren't friends. Who says that? I know she was giving off cues that she didn't like me, but I never got them. That's why she had to say it, but I felt really slighted by that. I begged her and gave her $$$ for a whole hour on my day off. She became increasingly annoyed. I was frustrated and purposely embarrassed the store by yelling, "If Kyra won't play with me, I want my mommy!" A shift manager's 9 y/o son asked if she was sure I worked there. The next day, the general manager said she can't have me behave like that. If she didn't know the two of us, she's think I'm in love with her, to which I replied, "I'm not a dyke." My coworker said she didn't mean me.
"Do NOT call my friend Kyra a dyke!" I shouted. Then I demanded to be transferred, which my boss agreed to. Somehow, it didn't end up happening.
A coupla days later at work, I sassed a manager. I told her when she brushed against me, it burns and when she talks, my ears hurt. The next day, I got written up and flicked out my boss for doing that. Soon, I began to verbally abuse others regularly, but I was really nice to Kyra. However, I stared at her on my days off just wanting her to talk to me. It turned out later that she had 2 people add me on facebook bc she was afraid I will do something, which I don't plan on. Jenny said Kyra initially hated her for months until she (Jenny) accidentally made coffee wrong and burned a lot of people. Kyra thought it was funny and they became friends. I tried the same tactic and purposely made coffee wrong, burned myself, and Kyra just got disgusted. Every snub Kyra made to me (I.e. not letting me sit at her table) I reported it to the boss. In the case w/ the tables, my boss said to find a different table.
See how frustrating it gets? Especially when no one would allow me to talk about Kyra hurting me at work? I ended up screaming at my boss in front of customers for a rage outlet. I got suspended 2 weeks. I returned to work to ostracism and on-call hours. I quit a few weeks after. All bc Kyra hurt me. And so begins my story.
First entry
Of course, it 's been a year since I quit and despite going through 12 interviews to date, I never got any offers. And it wasn't just Kyra who hurt me. In college, Jessica hurt me the same way Kyra did. I reacted the same way and got kicked out of school. At Wal-Mart, Emily also hurt me the same way, so I went crazy the same way as I listed above. At both these places, they were the only ones not liking me at the beginning. It's still frustrating I couldn't have the one last girl. Did Kyra know she hurt me?
I been in counseling for 3 years now bc Jessica put me there by hurting me bad. My counselor said something about how I never learn from my mistakes. I usually do unless someone don't like me for no reason. And I had tried to bear it when Kyra and Emily don't like me, which was why I kicked ss a lot longer than I woulda, but in the end, I just can't.
At least now, I can accept that cursing people out is unacceptable and there's no excuse for it. I will have consequence regardless of why I did it. What I still can't accept is the fact that Kyra never liked me from the outset. She really had no reason to hate me bc we just met. And it's not just Kyra, it's anyone who don't like me for no reason. Most people don't care if one or two people don't like them, but it bothers me. I still can't get over the hurt Kyra put me through. I've been driving everyone over the edge bc of it. How will I ever get out of it?
