Disclaimer- I don't own Naruto. WARNING- OOCness of Sasuke
Sasuke awoke with a wonderful sense of purpose. It was a beautiful day in Konoha and he was about to go do his favorite thing in the world- train with Naruto (and kick his butt of course). He rolled gingerly out of bed, wincing when it jostled his recently broken left arm, courtesy of Sakura. After eating a protein bar, getting dressed, brushing his teeth, and staring at some unfortunately large heating bills (the Uchiha Mansion took alot to be warmed), he all but kicked himself out the door. Putting his key in the lock, he froze when he heard a strange gurgling coo. He groaned and rolled his eyes. It was about time.
"I'm not Sasuke!" he yelled and whirled around, his hands covering his face from what he expected to be a vicious onslaught of fangirls. There was no one there. He was, however getting a very odd stare from the street sweeper. After a taking a pause to confirm, there were in fact, no fangirls, he sighed and went on his way, almost stepping on a little pink thing.
" GAH!" he exclaimed, immediately on the defensive again. Okay, now the street sweeper was really starting to freak him out. Was that a TONGUE snaking out from his mou- A glance at the thing below him, brought a whole new wave of panic.
" Okay, Sasuke," he made an attempt to calm himself. " I'm sure there's a very good reason why there's a baby on your doorstep. It probably has nothing to do with you. Of course you won't miss your chance to repay Naruto for spreading that rumor that you sing in the shower. Of course you'll still have time to watch the newest episode of CSI: Miami." He squatted down, staring the thing.
" Hmm," he mused. " Maybe it's not real. Maybe Shikamaru found out it was me who told Chouji to tell Kiba to tell Shino to tell deer boy's mom to tell Ino that he likes her. Maybe he wants to get me back... That's it! It's just genjustu!" He continued his walk, almost stepping on the "baby's" toes. It started bawling. Sasuke felt like it, too.
...
" There. That's the last one," Sasuke sighed, tacking the final " Is This Your Baby?" flyer to the last store's corkboard. He wished he had known that Konoha had so many stores. He would have come up with a better plan. Everytime he placed a notice in some Toys R Us, Ein Juroku, or Walmart there appeared some Learning Express, Seigi, or Harris Teeter that was posterless. But needless to say, getting rid of the baby was a top priority. So he kept frantically copying and taping the stupid print outs. He could only pray that no one he knew would see him wheeling around the frilly pink baby carriage he had... erm... " borrowed" from some random expecting mother.
" Sasuke, a voice called him. He winced, telepathically willing whoever it was to GO AWAY! Apparently they didn't get the message.
" Sasuke, I would like to train with you tomorrow aftern-" Neji began. The following silence was thicker than frozen butter. Neji had caught sight of the stroller.
" What. did. you. do. Sasuke? Whose baby is this?" he demanded. Fury was literally rolling off him in waves now; probably he had seen that the baby's eyes were a very familiar shade of lavender.
" Not Hinata sama's? Because you better pray on your pathetic life that the child in your carriage is not her offspring. I will hit every chakra point in your body until you die. So you better start talking. Now."
Now Sasuke was not used to being told that his life was pathetic, excluding words from Naruto. Nor was he used to being threatened to have every chakra point in his body beaten until he died. Naturally this can be unsettling, no matter what a brilliant ninja you are. So, judging from the terrifying look in his eyes, he decided it was better to pacify the angry Hyuuga prodigy first.
" Look, Neji," he said, struggling to keep his tone calm and polite. ( There would be plenty of time to beat Neji to a pulp later.)
" The baby's not Hinata's. Don't you see the hair?" He gestured to the little girl's soft pink tresses. Neji did not de-frown himself.
" And you think it would be okay for it to be Sakura's? I look out for my friends, Sasuke." Sasuke couldn't help himself- he snorted.
" Since when are you "friends" with Sakura? As her friend, I happen to know she's afraid of you."
" As it would seem, you're much more than friends," Neji observed cooly. " However, Sakura and I became friends last year when she healed me after my A rank Sound mission. She doesn't have to tell you everything about her social life. She knows you wouldn't listen anyway." This troubled Sasuke more than it should have. Of course Sakura should tell him everything about her social life. He told her everything about his (nonexistent one). Or did he? He couldn't remember.
" I'm giving you one minute to spill before I wipe the ground with your face, Uchiha. Is it, or is not Sakura Haruno's daughter?"
" WHAT! OUR FLOWER HAS BEEN DEFLOWERED?" Great. Now Bushy Brow was in on the conversation.
" Who did this abomination! He must answer to me, the Green Beast of Konoha. Show yourself, coward. Tremble before my youthful vigor!"
" Ask him who did it, Bushy Brow." Neji pointed to Sasuke.
" Sasuke, my other rival, do you know where this scum of the earth is who hast taken from us a beauty more lovely than the cosmos?" This was just getting worse and worse.
" Lee, no one's... um... "deflowered" your... flower. As far as I know. Believe me, I would have pulverized them long ago. Neji is just freaking out because I'm trying to find out whose baby this is. If he had let me explain, you guys wouldn't have gotten so worked up."
" Oh. Sorry Sasuke. By the way, have you seen Sakura? I wanted to ask her out toni-" A glare from Sasuke immediately silenced the Green Beast of Konoha.
" O-okay. Maybe some other time," Rock Lee rushed.
" Watch yourself, Moron," Neji gave Sasuke a parting warning along with the trademark Hyuuga stare. Very frightening because they don't have pupils.
" Sasuke, in my youthful hurry I forgot my purpose to coming to this glorious abode of serenity. You, my other rival, have been summoned to the Hokage's office for a mission. I'm not sure of the details, but she said its important." He gave Sasuke a thumbs up. " Good luck, my other rival. Perhaps Hokage sama would know where your precious charge comes from."
Lee bent down and tickled the delighted baby's chin. She laughed, a bright tinkling sound. Her arms waved about, trying to grab him with her little fists. He smiled and took a fuzzy brown teddy bear from the shelf, placing it in her tiny hands. He handed a small pile of money to Sasuke.
" Get her a toy. She's a precious little one, she is. Oh, and Sasuke?" he added as he was leaving the store.
" Yeah?"
" You should feed her. I think babies need to eat all time." As if in agreement, the baby burst out into heaving sobs. Sasuke wheeled her out of the store, feeling very much like a first time mother- tired, pressed for time, and wondering if this thing is returnable.
Hey guys!
Hope you thought it was funny! I just have so many ideas buzzing around in my head right now! But I would like your help. Suggestions as to what Sasuke's mission should be are welcomed, but will not necessarily be used. Thank you for reading and look forward to the next chapter!
Uchihaflower14
