Videogame Dev 101
If Kayaba was anything like today's game developers.
By Goa1aso
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Everything seemed alright, at first glance. The game played just like how it did in beta. The not-so-subtle product placement present in beta was still there, even. (Coca-Cola drinks served at bars! Victoria's Secret lady's wear! Dove soap!)
However, one month into the game, the reality of the situation was grim.
"Out of the 800 beta-testers who joined the game, 700 have died?!"
"Yup," «The Rat» replied, with no trace of the usual cheerfulness in her tone. It was understandable really, as the two conversing were former beta-testers themselves. The topic of the conversation struck too close to home. "Besides the beta-testers, 3292 regular players have died as well."
Kirito inhaled sharply, at a loss for words. "T-that's almost half of the players already! In under a month! What the hell changed? What is killing so many players?"
"It's the dreaded «DBA». You and I were lucky to have been annoyed by some minor things and paid a premium price to remove these… abominations."
"D…B…A?"
"Death by ads."
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(Somewhere in Aincrad, as the two talked, another player died while fighting, falling victim to the abomination known as the «Fullscreen Ad»)
(Some say that they see ghosts of dead players, ranting about talking ponies and rainbows)
After clearing the 50th floor, the clearers were in uproar.
"Kayaba you cash-grabbing bastaaaard!"
"Was trapping us in this game not enough? Now you want us to pay even more?"
"I swear, I will find you. And I will kill you."
The cause of their uproar?
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Downloadable Content
The next 25 levels require downloadable content that is not accessible at this time.
You will not be able to access this content unless if you purchase it.
Buy now for $100?
[Yes] [No]
(The clearers lost a good chunk of their forces that day due to a lack of a credit card attached to their account, as they were not old enough to have had owned one)
(Yes, that includes Kirito)
'The past couple floors weren't too bad,' Kirito mused, as he climbed up the stairs towards the next floor after the 63rd boss fight. 'It'd be nice if they kept up this trend.'
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Of course, Fate was listening and was sorely tempted. However, the entity known as 'Akihiko Kayaba' beat it to the punchline.
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The 64th floor was a nightmare for the clearers. The floor itself was an interesting design, with towering castle walls and a vast countryside to explore. However, the problem was with the quests and their design.
The whole floor's lore was centered around an uprising. It wasn't a standard civil-war-type uprising though, it was more along the lines of 'cloak and dagger'.
Some players took to this like fish to water; solo players like Kirito and Argo completely destroyed the quest-line needed to access the floor's dungeon. However, the numbers of the main forces of the clearers were decimated by the floor, over half of them dying to just the quest-line.
Slow-moving tanks with heavy weaponry just wasn't suited for this shit.
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A lone tank stalked through the shadows of the dimly lit corridor, the torches on the walls barely illuminating the path in front of him. A pair of footsteps could barely be heard around the corner in front of him, as he hid in a shadow nearby.
The guard turned the corner and was suddenly ambushed, his neck broken before he had any time to react, his body slumping to the ground without a sound.
'So far so good,' the tank sweated nervously, looking for a place to dispose of the body. (Yes, the bodies did not turn into polygons, only on this floor. Kayaba and his genius ideas.)
He took a step around a corner, corpse slung over his shoulder, and ran as fast as he could down the hallway, to the next safe zone, so that he could avoid the next guard patrol.
He wasn't fast enough. The next guard spotted him before he'd run 10 meters and sounded the alarm.
"NOOooooooo…!" the player sobbed, as the world around him faded to grayscale. Four words hung tauntingly in front of his eyes.
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Mission Failed.
You lose.
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His body burst suddenly into a shower of polygons.
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('Forced stealth? What a sadistic bastard, that Kayaba'was Kirito's thoughts on the matter)
"Wait, wait wait. You're telling me that you bought that sword from a vendor on the FIRST FLOOR?!"
"Yeah, this sword looks so awesome doesn't it?"
"It's EXCALIBUR for crying out loud! It'd better look awesome! WAIT, stop getting me side-tracked. This sword probably could kill anything in the game! Without upgrades!" Kirito ranted, his face getting redder and redder with every word. "What kind of shitty game dev puts an end-game weapon in the starter shop? Wait. How did you even buy it? How much did it cost?"
"It costed $1000… My mommy said I could buy whatever I wanted in this game!" the snot-nosed brat replied with a higher-than-thou smirk.
Kirito choked on air, blinking rapidly, trying to wrap his mind around the implications. "You know what? Screw it. Screw Kayaba and screw this game."
He turned around and walked away, proceeding to lock himself in an inn room and cry for the rest of the game.
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(Sword Art Online was cleared within the month, by a full raid of players geared with legendary items)
(Kirito stayed in his inn-room, refusing to come out, muttering something about 'pay to win' much to Klein's chagrin)
