A new life

Disclaimer I don't own Attack On Titan or anything else exciting. Of course since Levi is in it has a high rating. There are a ton of spoilers about the Birth of Levi manga. Please read that one first if you like.

Shonen ai, ErwinXLevi, ERURI, Levi-centric fic

Levi felt…The only word that came to mind was numb but it was more than that. It should have been him. If he had stayed; he could have kept the fucking monsters away for Isabel and Farlan to escape. What was the point of it all? This was supposed to be their big chance. They were going to live on the surface.

It was a stupid plan; Levi knew that from the beginning. Why did he go along with it? He knew better... Because Farlan believed in it. Because Isabel was so hopeful…. Because perhaps, Levi wanted to believe also, that they could leave the underground for good. Levi scoffed as he followed the other soldiers. They were so foolish.

The soldiers that made it alive from the titan storm rode back to the castle where they stayed a night previous. Levi took his time tending to his horse. He silently walked inside, following the last of the soldiers up to where they would sleep that night. There was no merriment. Even Hange kept quiet.

Levi dropped his satchel in the same place he had the night before. He told himself that was because they had taken their time scoping out the safest place in the room yesterday. No one could sneak up on them during the night. That night, Levi slept sitting up so that he could guard them. It was all for nothing.

He walked down one of the stone hallways. Levi kept his head down, trying to keep his thoughts at bay. He had to get away from the room of weeping soldiers. He would not blend his loss with theirs.

"Levi? Where are you going?" asked Erwin. Levi looked up and sighed. Of all people, he did not want to see this man. The urge to kill him was still inside Levi, but enough blood had been shed that day. The two men stared at each other for a few moments before Levi spoke.

"To piss."

"We are leaving at sunrise," said Erwin.

Levi waved him off and continued walking. He had to get away. Levi walked up the dark staircase. Out of habit, he drew one of his knives as he walked. Not that it would help him with a was comforting to have the weapon so close; like a child's blanket. Just as he suspected, the stairs led to the highest level of the castle. He'd only been inside the stuffy castle for a few moments but the fresh air still felt so good. Levi walked up to toward the edge.

Just for a few moments, he wanted to remember a happy time. He wanted to remember the night when they were so full of excitement and dreams. The first night the Survey Corps put them up with their own rooms but they shared a room anyway. Levi had sat on the edge and looked up at the stars.

'Which do you think is the best big brother?' Isabel asked him.

Levi's eyes started to burn. He brought his wrist to cover his closed eyes. Perhaps he should have left Isabel's eyes open so that she could always look at the stars. No matter his strength, he couldn't keep back the tears. Streams of hot liquid flowed down his cheeks as he sobbed. Why had he been so cocky? He should have stayed with them. He should have made them come with. They could have ridden away; lied about getting away. Anything. Farlan would have thought of something. He was good at that. All Levi knew how to do was kill. He dropped to his knees as whimpers spilled from his lips. Even if they hadn't made it at least they would be together.

He could hear the man's breath before he heard his steps. Levi rose to his feet. He couldn't let anyone see him like this. No one could see the invincible Levi as a broken sniveling mess. How many lives had he taken on his own? Two more meant nothing in the grand scheme of it all.

"Just because I don't want to kill you doesn't mean I won't hurt you," Levi said into the night sky. To prove his point, he flicked his knife around in hand so that it glistened in the moonlight. The sound of boots creaking against stone let Levi know that Erwin had not headed his warning.

"I came to check on you," Erwin said softly.

"You should start with your soldiers down below. I don't need you," Levi said still looking to the stars. They seemed even more beautiful outside the wall.

"They are used to death," said Erwin. The sound of boots grew closer. Levi closed his eyes. If he wanted he could kill Erwin the wind gave away his position. He smelled of sweat and blood; far too similar to Levi's current scent for his own liking. He could do it. He could kill the man who took away the only people who mattered to him and left him with nothing.

"And I am not?" Levi said offhandedly. "A fucker like you who has it all figured should know better than that."

"Not like this Levi," said Captain Erwin. "It wasn't in the plan for you to lose your subordinates. But I had to gamble it in order to get you."

Levi whipped around blade In hand. Levi swept the tall man's feet from beneath him. Levi straddled his chest. One knee held down Erwin's arm while his foot held down the other. The tip of the blade kissed Erwin's throat. His dark eyes pierced deeper than the dagger.

"What the fuck did you say?" Levi growled.

"I knew you wouldn't come on your own," Captain Erwin's voice calm despite the danger. "We were watching your gang for months. My spies told me how you cared for them. I knew Farlan wouldn't resist an opportunity like this." Tears started to burn Levi's eyes again. Not know; not like this, he told himself. Levi wanted to curse him but didn't trust his voice. He just pressed the blade a little closer so that a slither of red tinted the metal.

"Your reputation doesn't do you justice," Captain Erwin continued.

"You have it all figured out don't you," Levi said through gritted teeth. "If you had, you wouldn't have come up here. Or does your death wish go with or without titans."

"We need you Levi," Erwin's breathing was ragged. He tried to push the smaller man off of him but Levi was too strong.

"Fuck Humanity," Levi spat. "Fuck going outside the wall. Fuck all your big dreams. I didn't need any of it. I lost everything today!"

Suddenly, Levi released his grip on Captain Erwin's arms and rose to his feet. Levi didn't take his eyes off of Captain Erwin as he pulled his handkerchief from his pocket to clean the knife. Erwin sat up slowly, bringing his hand to his throat. He looked down at the red that smudged his hand, and then looked at Levi before rising to his feet.

"When we get back to the wall I am leaving," Levi said firmly. He put away his blade then turned and walked into the castle.