Three little words, three tiny words!

Three words, eight letters …HOW CAN HE NOT SAY THEM!!

Ernst can say those god damned words to him. In fact the first time he said them to him he used ten words and thirty-eight letters…thirty-eight and he couldn't even say three words with eight letters! He let his mind wander for just a few moments to the memory of him and Ernst in the vine yard….

'I am such a jerk' he whispered to himself

He only now just now realised that when Ernst told Hanschen he loved him he said…'and so you should…AND SO YOU SHOULD…I AM SUCH A….!'

'HANSCHEN RILOW, IF YOU DON'T QUIETEN DOWN I WILL COME UP THERE AND PERSONALLY GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO SHOUT ABOUT!'

His father's voice rang though his ears.... "Give you something to shout about"…not something he would like very much…he didn't doubt.

But then it dawned on him…its his fathers fault he always told him that REAL men didn't love, didn't show emotion and with what Hanschen's father did to him,Hanschen never allowed himself to show emotion anyway.

And as he thought about it, the only person he would have ever let see the weaker side of him would be Ernst ….SO WHY CAN'T HE SAY TO ERNST THAT HE LOV-V-V…

'Oh great now I can't even think about it!'

Earlier that day in a spur of the moment kind of thing Hanschen asked Ernst to meet him at the big tree in the vine yard (which Ernst liked to call their tree) at midnight so they wouldn't get caught, and of course Ernst being sweet, loving Ernst said yes immediately, and now it was eleven thirty and he could faintly here the sound of his parents retreating into their bedroom, so he quietly opened his bedroom window and jump out.

All the time making the journey to the vineyard he was having a subconscious battle.

'But what am I going to say to him…the only reason I asked him to meet me was to tell him my true feelings but if I can't even think those three words…..I'm screwed!'

'Just think, it's Ernst Robel, Ernst, and I lov...lov…'

'See I can't say it'

'When we see him…we will be able too…'

As Hanschen wondered whether the optimistic part of his conscious was right he heard a twig snap behind him.

He spun round and looked at the slight, black hair boy but something wasn't right, he had uncontrollable tears running down his face, and not asking what was wrong Hanschen pull the boy into his arms and kissed his forehead...And right then Hanschen knew he absolutely loved Ernst Robel…he could scream it to the heavens he loved Ernst and he was just about to tell him when he realised that Ernst was actually crying for something that was unknown to him. He pulled back and asked him…

'Ernst, what's wrong?'

'Mm-my mo-mother found our let-ters Han-han-hansi…And…And sh-she sh-showed my we are moving'

Even though Ernst's voice broke so many times during that explanation Hanschen knew what he said

'Moving!'Hanschen said so loudly that Ernst flinched in his arms 'No...No you can't'

'Hansi if I don't go with out fuss they will tell and we would both be shunned from the village'

'But'

'I love you Hansi and even though you don't love me I will always love you'

'But I d-'

Ernst silenced Hanschen with a full on kiss that for the first time Ernst took the lead with. It tasted of salty tears and Ernst's favourite chocolate, Hanschen wanted to remember the taste forever .After Ernst pulled away he looked into Hanschen's eyes placed a small kiss on the tip of his nose as he seemed like he would be unresponsive if he try to say anything to him and with that he ran as fast as he could in the direction of his house.

Hanschen stood there unknowing what to do…by trying to interfere with the decision as Ernst said would just make his parents tell people about them.

They could try and run away together …but Hanschen loved Ernst to much to condemn him to a life on the run.

Huh, love …an hour ago he couldn't even think it …..But now…

And then Hanschen got angry…really angry..

'This wasn't suppose to happen…I finally get the courage to say "I love you Ernst" and now we can't be together…well that's it…maybe…father was right...love doesn't get you anywhere…'

Hanschen ran back to his own house climb the tree to reach his window, trying not to think about how many times he climbed up Ernst's tree in the middle of the night for him and Ernst to have "alone" time. He climbed though the wooden frame and closed the window behind him; he looked around and found his bed, jumped on to it, buried his face into his pillow and swore he'd never love again.