Anything Better Than You

They are at it again. What will come to their bickering? Especially when a couple of trolls are secretly commenting on the side. Spitfire galore. Inspired highly by song, I Can Do Anything Better Than You, originally from Annie Get Your Gun.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or the song. I only use them for entertainment purposes.


"Are you kidding me?! Who would ever be gullible enough to believe that?!"

"Well, it's true… and they're not gullible!"

Artemis let out a taunting laugh, "Could've fooled me,"

Connor rolled his eyes as he took Wolf out on a walk. Kaldur rubbed his temples and sighed as he tried to focus on some reading. M'gann gave up in the kitchen from a new recipe and went to her room for some peace and quiet. The two were at it again. Zatanna and Robin sat on the couch and watched the bickering pair, unnoticed, with interest. Between the mischievous duo was stationed a notebook and a pen for each. From the way things were going already, the youngest teammates knew this bickering battle was going to be epic. Zatanna wrote a large A on her side for Artemis and Robin a W to give points on the winners of the mini debates.

Zatanna suppressed a giggle as she put down a point for Artemis. "Who knew this would be so entertaining,"

Robin grinned and held out a bag between them. "Popcorn," He offered before stuffing his mouth with the lightly salted snack.

"It's like you read my mind," Zatanna smirked and grabbed a handful before shifting her attention back to the bickering pair.

"Wallman. You are so not better than me."

"Miss Thing, I am greater than you and you know it."

"Greater? Ha! All you do is eat several platefuls and pick up dust as you run in circles. You can't do anything worthy to be called talent like say, shoot a sparrow a hundred yards away."

Zatanna instantly drew a line on her side of the paper as Wally let out an irritated huff and folded his arms as he quickly boasted, "Well, I can go with only eating bread and cheese."

"Only that?" Wally grinned triumphantly as he eagerly nodded. Artemis smirked. "Might as well be a rat."

Zatanna smiled wide and moved her pen as Rob had to control his cackling threatening to burst. "I'm holding that one for a long time against Wally."

Artemis put her hands on her hips. "You would never be able to sneak into any room with that loud mouth of yours."

Wally glared at her. "Well, I can be quieter than you,"

Artemis lightly laughed before her voice grew softer to emphasize, "No you can't,"

Wally matched her game, "Yes I can," They continued going quieter and narrowing their eyes in threats. A frustrated Artemis snapped, her voice louder, "You can't stay quiet for long so it doesn't matter,"

Wally smirked and replied in barely a whisper, "It seems that I can better than you,"

Artemis turned away, highly annoyed and arms folded in front of her, not answering. Robin cocked his head to the side, stunned, as he gave a point to Wally.

"Ha! I can open any safe," Wally said with high confidence. He didn't take notice of Artemis raising an eyebrow as a large smirk plastered across her face.

"Without being caught?" She asked innocently.

Wally kept his eyes close as he raised his head high. "You bet," The speedster did not expect the young archer's response, snapping his eyes open, "That's what I thought, you crook."

Robin quickly covered his mouth so not to spoil their entertainment with his fits of laughter. Zatanna looked over at her companion with curiosity. "Why was that so funny?"

The boy wonder struggled to cease his laughs. His expression was still playfully bright as he answered and reached over to give a point to Artemis, "Maybe it's not since you don't get it," The young magician gestured for him to continue, but was out rightly ignored as he turned back and munched on another handful of popcorn.

"Alright Blondie," Wally continued, "Let's just say you and I were in a some kind of singing contest—"

She cut him off, "Why in the world would you be part of a singing contest? Anyone listening would be gone once you open your mouth." Her face was scrunched together in disgust.

Wally rolled his eyes and ignored her comment. "The point is, you wouldn't be able to hold a note long."

Artemis scoffed, shaking her head. "Yes I can. I'd like to see you try."

Wally narrowed his eyes and grew louder, holding out the last word, "No you can't…"

Artemis took in a deep breath and held out her statement, "Yes I…"

Kaldur looked up from his book, a little surprised by how long Artemis was able to hold out that note. From inside her room, M'gann pressed pause on her show as she laid down her electronic pad and looked towards her closed door with curiosity. Connor and Wolf both stopped mid-walk as they caught on the noise from inside the cave, the Super cleaning out his ear in confusion. Red Tornado momentarily stopped from his research on the Cave's computer as he listened. "Black Canary would be impressed," The android merely replied to himself before sifting through files again.

"Can!" Artemis finally ended with a relieved breath.

Wally sputtered, "Where do you keep all that air?" Artemis just gave the ginger a look.

"Wow," Zatanna replied, highly awed as she debated giving Artemis multiple points. "You have to give her at least 500 points for that one." Rob merely rolled his eyes in response.

Wally's moment of silence and mouth agape was enough for Artemis to give a smirk of confidence. As the trolling pair on the side began to wonder if the bickering war was ended for the time being, Wally perked up as an idea must have come to his head.

"Okay Artemis, but you do know that anything you say, I can faster."

The blonde boldly took up that offer with confidence. "I can say anything faster than you,"

Eyebrows rose from the observers on the sofa as they looked at each other while the spitfire couple sped up their words to outdo the other. Robin shook his head in disbelief that Artemis would even attempt to go against the talkative speedster as he gave a bolded point to Wally. As expected, Artemis clenched her fists as she threw down her arms at her sides in frustration. Wally grinned in triumph for winning that round.

Feeling his ego boosting, Wally added quickly, "I can do just about anything,"

Artemis asked the first random thing that came to mind, "Well, can-can you bake a pie?"

Wally froze and dropped his shoulders. "No," He finally admitted.

"Oh," Artemis' face fell as she thought about it. "Neither can I."

"I can," Zee added in a quiet sing-song voice. She cheerfully wrote a letter Z at the bottom of the page, giving herself a point. Rob raised an obvious eyebrow behind his shades. "What?" The magician retorted, "You don't remember when I brought in that peach… Oh, never mind." She waved it off and focused her attention back to the pair who started back up to a new topic.

"You think you're so full of it, trying to swoon all the girls. Please, they'll never fall for your antics." Artemis tried her best to look disgusted as Wally attempted to make a suave move toward her.

"If it works on you, I think my chances are high."

Zatanna and Robin intently looked back and forth between the two as the distance between them closed in. Artemis kept firm as she glared at Wally who stared down at her. "Is that the best you can do?" Artemis replied above a whisper. It was dead silent for a long moment. Even Zee and Rob held their breaths at the scene.

"No," Wally breathed. Without warning, their lips crashed with intense force against each other. Zatanna widened her eyes in surprise, holding back a squeal of delight as she held her hands together. "Finally," With wide eyes, she turned to Robin, "Please tell me you got that recorded…"

Robin smirked. He had gotten a hold of their security cameras long ago with sound equipped. His grin widened as thoughts of showing this eventually at their wedding as their obvious best man… that was if they didn't kill him and hide the body by then. "The entire thing,"


Had this idea long ago and came across it recently. My gears decided to run wild and I was bored. Thank you all for reading. Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to review! And I do like suggestions for potential one-shot works that I'd prefer in a PM. :D