Hi all! Hope you like this.
Note to readers: this is a Youko/shuiichixoc
It might not seem like it right now but they'll get together later on.
Disclaimer: I do not own YuYuhakusho.
I hadn't meant for it to come to this.
I loved him, I really did, but I just couldn't handle it anymore. Too many nights and days of staying awake worried, in a frenzy to know he still lived. Too many hours spent on pacing back and forth across my living room floor, wondering if he'll come back this time.
I really loved him, but this just wasn't the life I wanted. I didn't want to but I had to say good-bye, to everything. Everything we had and everything we knew.
I had to leave everything behind.
The home we shared, my friends and his, my job, and Him.
I had to…leave my love behind.
I 'had to' to a lot of things. I'd made up my mind; I couldn't go on living like this. I don't want to see his bloodied clothes, or his wounds, the bruises when it was a close fight to the death anymore. I don't want to get out of the room as fast as I could just to cry by myself. I didn't want to bare this pain alone, or to have it for that matter, of seeing him hurting and not knowing if this would be the last time I saw him.
I didn't want to think of someone someday bringing his body back, pale and lifeless. His beauty forever engraved upon death.
I was going insane, out of my mind.
No, I couldn't. Maybe, if it hadn't been every week or two that he had to go on a mission, but maybe a month or three apart it would've been fine. But it wasn't. I was slowly falling into despair, cracking up fake smiles around him. I needed, not wanted, out.
It may be selfishness on my part, because I know he'll be hurt, terribly, for the action I'm taking, but he won't be the only one suffering. I will too, 'cause after all I'm still madly in love.
But….I hope he'll understand.
I'll leave…Kurama behind and make a new life.
I have to forget him.
No matter how much time it takes; I have to forget him if I want to get rid of this agony.
I'll leave now when he's on a mission. A simple one this time, destroy some lower class demons on human territory.
I have to leave now because I just know, once I see him I won't be able to leave. For who can leave a wonderful guy like him? Apparently me.
I've left him a letter explaining what I'm going to do and why. As one last 'gift' I wrote, that on some deep part of me I'll always love him.
But for now my train is waiting for me and I have to go….
To start my new life, alone.
Do you guys think i should continue? Or not? =/
