Chapter One: Squirrels Aren't Cute?!
"Jounouchi-kun, are you DRUNK?" asked a young teenager with red and black hair and blonde bangs. His purple eyes just stared at his friend with half amazement and half disappointment. He'd never seen Jounouchi like this.
The blonde fell out of his chair and laughed. "What gave you that idea, Yuugi?" he asked. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Jounouchi added, "I just thought it was hilarious that you assumed the bottle of sake in the trashcan was mine!" he blinked. He couldn't tell Yuugi the truth. He couldn't say that this was an empty bottle that was almost thrown at his head.
"Then whose was it?" Yuugi asked.
Jounouchi blinked. "Yuugi! I am surprised you doubt my spectacular responsibility skills!"
"Right. Um, may I ask you a personal question?"
Though he would hate to lie to his best friend, there was just no easy way to do this. "Go ahead..."
"You ARE drunk, aren't you?" Yuugi couldn't resist repeating the statement. After all, Jounouchi completely sidestepped the question he asked.
"If that's what you think, you are a poor poor soul." Jounouchi muttered under his breath.
"You reek of sake, Jounouchi-kun. The bottle has to be yours."
He sighed. Another common misunderstanding. "Listen, Yuug, it's not mine. It's from a hobo down the street."
"Jounouchi-kun, I'm not dumb. I'm the King of Games. I think I earned that title by doing SOMETHING right."
"Are you saying you've never seen a hobo?"
Yuugi face-palmed. "No, I'm SAYING I can tell that you're lying."
"Oh, yea, how?" a confused Jounouchi inquired.
"You're avoiding the question I asked you and there IS no hobo down the street." Yuugi didn't like where this was going, but he wouldn't let his friend be depressed.
"Hmm, Yuugi, have you ever been curious about what you'd be like if you were drunk?" Jounouchi asked his best friend.
"In all honesty, NO." replied Yuugi firmly.
"I have. I've been wondering what I'm like when I'm drunk. I hear really nice people turn into mean drunks. Is that true?"
"Uhh, I don't know Jounouchi-kun."
"Let's try it! Let's start getting drunk every Saturday and experiment!"
Yuugi's eyes widened. "Is that really a good idea?"
"Who cares as long as we have some fun?" Jounouchi wasn't sure if this was intelligent either, but he was curious about what life would be like nonetheless.
Sighing, Yuugi finally gave in. He had to admit curiosity was getting out of control. He wondered what he'd be like as well now that Jounouchi put the thought in his head. "Okay, meet up at the bar at 7 PM on Saturday."
On Saturday at 7 PM, Yuugi arrived at the bar. He sighed. What he was about to do would cost him for the rest of his life. Was this even legal?
Jounouchi walked through the door with a wallet full of money. Oh, yes, finally, one of life's greatest wonders would soon be seen.
"Okay, Jounouchi-kun, buy us some sake." said Yuugi. He sat down at the bar and just stared at his friend while he bought them some sake.
Finally, after minutes of using two fake IDs to convince the bartender that they were 21, Jounouchi slid a bottle of sake down to his friend.
Yuugi stared at it as if it were poisoned. "Well, here it goes."
At the same time, Jounouchi and Yuugi sipped down their sake and washed it down with water. And then...it happened.
"Jounouchi-kun?" he looked around. The tavern's wooden walls were the same, the floorboards still creaked when he moved, and Jounouchi was still beside him. However, on the table behind him was a squirrel with pink fur. "Do you see that?"
"What are you talking about, Yuug?" he asked. He looked where Yuugi was looking, but saw absolutely nothing.
"I want your soul!" came a squeaky voice, undoubtedly from the squirrel.
He narrowed his eyes. "Uh, Jounouchi-kun, please tell me you heard that."
"Nope, sorry, nothing." Jounouchi said regrettably. He didn't know Yuugi would hallucinate when he was drunk. This was a bad idea. "Listen, Yuug, maybe you shouldn't drink any more sake."
The squirrel cackled in a squeaky tone. "You will burn in hell for all eternity, pawn of evil!"
"O-kay." Yuugi walked over to the squirrel. "Do you know why I'm the only one that can see you?"
"STAY BACK! You aren't allowed to see me! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A PSYCHOTIC MUSHROOM!" it screamed and Yuugi plugged his ears.
"Calm down. I didn't mean anything by it. I just wanted to know." Yuugi stared into the dark crimson eyes of the squirrel and was freaked out. He backed away in fear. "Jounouchi-kun, t-t-this thing is..." he stammered. "EVIL! RUN AWAY!"
"You are a lonely human with no sense of direction!" said the squirrel. "You will no longer be able to see your food." It giggled sadistically and Yuugi couldn't help but continue staring at the sickened squirrel. "That's it. Stare at me. Stare at my cuteness. Don't be afraid OF DEATH!"
Yuugi screamed. "Jounouch-kun, I don't think drinking sake was a good idea!"
"Maybe wine would be less evil..." Jounouchi debated.
"How long do drinking effects last?" he asked his best friend.
"It depends on the person." replied Jounouchi.
"Great..."
"I'm surprised so little made you drunk."
Yuugi sighed. "So am I. I didn't realize getting drunk would do this to me."
"Come learn your disastrous future! Come right up and learn what will happen to you!" shouted the squirrel. It giggled again. "Yuugi will fall in a ditch and his spine will break open. Blood will come pouring out. His head will be smashed open with a wrench revealing the contents of his brain. He'll have his stomach ripped into by a tiger. Out will come his lungs and intestines. His beating heart will be squeezed by his murderer, and then eaten raw!"
His eyes widened. "Jounouchi-kun, h-h-h...help me."
"Yug, calm down. I'm sure it isn't that bad."
"IT IS! It's giving me graphic descriptions about my future."
Jounouchi blinked. "No way...have you gone insane?"
"I'm going to give you rabies!" threatened the squirrel giggling.
"QUIT GIGGLING!" Yuugi shouted.
"Are you okay, Yuugi?"
The bartender smiled. "Hallucinating, are we? I heard water can quicken the time it disappears...or did it slow it down. I can't remember."
"WELL REMEMBER FAST. THIS THING IS PSYCHOTIC!" Yuugi shouted. "Oh, I'm so sorry. It's just scaring me. I can't help it."
"Is he always hallucinating or did the sake do this to him?" asked the bartender.
"The sake." Jounouchi replied.
"Yuugi will die a graphic death and lose his next duel, because he's a failure at life!" it giggled. "I challenge Yuugi to a duel! I hope he loses so I can cut him up in ways he can never imagine!"
He sweat-dropped. "Look, you're scaring me, so I'm just going to go now."
"You can't go! You have to duel me!"
"As much as I love dueling, no, I don't. Come on Jounouchi-kun. Lets leave."
The squirrel screamed again. "YOU FOOL. I WON'T LET YOU LEAVE!" It morphed into this large white tiger about his size. He fell onto the floor.
"Yuug! Are you okay?!" Jounouchi tried to help Yuugi up, but he screamed in pain.
"STOP! DON'T! I...can't move."
"Looks like we have a strong case of Delusional Cracker Syndrome." said the bartender.
"No such thing!" said Jounouchi.
"Yes, there is. It's in the book of syndromes!" Out of seemingly nowhere, the bartender pulled out a small, black book that appeared to be some type of journal. There was a piece of paper taped to the front that looked about ready to come off. On the paper read, Syndromes written sloppily in pink ink. "The writer likes pink, okay?!"
Jounouchi seemed transfixed on Yuugi fighting with himself. They were arguing about something that he couldn't quite figure out. He turned his head as he heard the bartender speak his last sentence. "Did you write that?" he asked.
"Absolutely not! It's a real certified book of syndromes!" the bartender looked offended. "I cannot believe you-" he was interrupted by the sound of UFOs. He pulled a pink cellphone out of his pocket. "Yes?" he asked. "No, I didn't leave the stove on. Mom, I'm at work! No, don't eat all my cheese. I need that for my source of calcium!"
With a sigh, Jounouchi turned his attention back to Yuugi. He appeared to be having a sword fight with whatever it is he's seeing. It appeared that Yuugi was on his feet again, but he looked like he was 'holding' something Jounouchi couldn't see.
"You won't win!" said Yuugi. "You won't succeed in your evil plans to dominate Europe!"
"Belgium will be mine!" the tiger cackled. "And then New York!"
New York is in America!"
"That's just what they WANT you to think!" said the tiger.
Yuugi face-palmed. "Look, I go to school, OKAY? I know these things."
The tiger cackled extremely loud. "You are highly misinformed, young individual! I must rip out your brain since you aren't using it! FEEL FREE TO DIE!" It scratched at Yuugi's blue leather jacket and almost tore his black shirt, but its victim backed away.
Hitting the back of a chair, Yuugi realized he was in bad shape. He looked for something he could use as a weapon to defeat this monstrous beast. He heard his name repeatedly and he blinked. "Huh?!"
"Yuugi! It's me!" came a familiar voice.
"Pharaoh? This thing's attacking me! I need something to fight it back with."
"It's a deadly adversary indeed." replied Atemu.
"You can see it too?"
Atemu nodded. "Might I suggest you throw a card at it? A solid object may make it disappear."
Yuugi pulled a card out from the card holder in his belt and threw it at the tiger. It vanished, but its loud cackles could still be heard throughout the room. It seemed louder and more menacing.
"It vanished, Pharaoh, but...I can still hear it."
"I can't help with that."
"What do you mean you can't help with that?!" Yuugi asked.
Atemu sighed. "I'm sorry, Yuugi."
"Yuugi will stab at his eyes until they bleed!" it giggled.
"STOP! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" he pleaded.
Jounouchi drank some more sake. "This is too demented to be sober for." announced the blonde.
"That sure hits the spot, am I right? Am I right?" asked the bartender.
"I already told you, I want your soul." came the same squeaky voice Yuugi had encountered from earlier.
"You and every other person." Yuugi muttered.
"Silence! I want your small intestine for lunch!"
"Well you're not getting it!" protested Yuugi.
Jounouchi laughed at the wall. "You sure know how to make good conversation!"
"WHAT?!" Yuugi's eyes widened at what Jounouchi said. "Are you talking to a WALL?"
"TALK to me and TALK only to ME!" screamed the squeaky voice. "IF YOU DON'T, I RIP OUT YOUR JOINTS!"
"That's it! You want to start something?!"
"Why don't I take over while you sober up?" suggested the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle.
Yuugi nodded. "That may be best, Pharaoh."
A few moments later, Atemu took over, but he wasn't in any better shape.
