5/10/09

The End: Chapter One

"Sam!!"

He saw his brother's face every time he closed his eyes, every single time. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had enough sleep to rest his body, to ease his mind. He didn't know how long he had been living in the apocalyptic world: weeks, months, years. He didn't know, but it felt like a lifetime.

He remembered the day it began, burnt forever in his memory and heart. He'd come so close to losing his brother countless times. He often thought that he should have never bought Sam back, he should have left him dead. Flashbacks flood his head: holding Sammy in his arms.

"Look, it's not even that bad, it's not even that bad alright. Sammy. Sam!"

If he hadn't been such a coward he would have done just that, but he didn't know how to live without him. He didn't know how to continue the fight without his brother by his side. Not like he did now. The past few; who knows how long, had been without his brother.

As fires raged: smoke and ash filling the air, buildings fell and body after body littered the streets. Balls of lightening descended from the heavens, destroying everything in their path. All of creation burnt and died. As the demons walked the Earth, the angels fled, leaving the humans to fight the impossible battle alone.

The brothers fort their way to Cas, locked down by countless demons he had helped to send back to hell. By the time they finally reached him, he was bloody and broken. Their last hope in finding God: gone. Dean remembers to look on his brothers face: hopelessness. He knew it was the end.

Back in the present Dean reaches for a precious bottle of whiskey. As the bottle touches his lips he remembers how it had felt when alcohol could numb the pain, could make him forget. He had hit the bottle, using the sweet liquid as his last lifeline. He could feel his brother's eyes on him sometimes, could feel the disappointment and loneliness eminating from him. He wished he could go back, he wished he could be the brother he needed him to be.

After they had lost Castiel, Dean watched Sam slowly break through intoxicated eyes. Dean watched as his brother's faith fade to nothing. His need to save those who were still left vanished, was there even anyone left to save? Dean wanted to say something, do something to give innocence back to his little brother, but he was so far gone the only thing left for them in his eyes was death.

Not long after they had driven through Kansas, non stop because Dean couldn't bare to see the place that was once home. He drove, his eyes never leaving the road, not until they were clear. Sam didn't say a single word. Dean should have been worried but he didn't have it in him. Maybe he had drank so much that alcohol laced the blood pumping in his veins permanently now. Silence hung over them for days, or at least he thought it was days.

Then one morning, as the sun burnt redder than it ever had, Dean woke to find him standing over his brother's body. Dean rubbed his eyes, he'd had this nightmare his eyes again,he was still there. It was then that Dean noticed the pain on Sam's face, the fear.

"He is dead. You could never save him matter how far or fast you ran I was always going to find him. "

His eyes sparkled, his voice heavenly. He really was an angel.

"There is nothing left for you now, no one left to save, no one left to love."

With that he was gone, leaving behind a picture of devastation: a broken man crying over the lifeless body of his brother.

Dean drank more deeply from the half empty bottle. Anger, rage and hurt flooded his body at the vividness of the memory. It felt like yesterday, he could still feel Sam in his arms.

Pulling his brother into his embrace, Dean screamed for salvation. He had won, while he had lost. Sam's blood stained his shirt, leaving one last mark on the world. Tears spilt over the edge, they would not washed away the blood from Sam's face. Dean pulled his brother closer, holding on for as long as he could.

"Sam."

It came out in a whisper.

"Sam..I'm...sorry."

As his endless flow of tears turned to sobs, Dean felt the desperate need to run. They had been running for so long, he knew how to do it so well. But this time he would be alone. With no Cas to guide him, no Sam to ground him. There was only Dean.