Disclaimer: I do not own nor have I ever owned Dragon ball/Z/GT or any of its characters. They belong to Akira Toriyama. I am making no money from writing this.
Author's Notes: I have decided to try my hand at a humor fic. Be afraid, be very afraid. Let me know how I do. I wrote this fic a while ago and decided to post it. Please review. I have also recently received a new e-mail account (hopefully more reliable then my old one), so if you would like to e-mail me you are more then welcome to.
This story was written for purely humorous reasons and the comments should be taken with a grain of salt.
Warnings: As you can see by the title there will be shounen-ai in this fic. (I hate these stupid warnings.) There will also be a bit of language.
Lessons for the Yaoi/Shounen-ai Writer
By: Raidne the Silent Siren
A boy with spiky black hair stands in front of a classroom. He's talking into a cell phone in a hurried voice. Behind him there is a chalkboard on which someone has written. The scrawling writing and various bubbly letters indicate there were several someones. The sayings and comments include: 'Slash Writers Unite!', 'Truten forever!', and 'If I can't have him no girl will!' In the dead center of the board it says: Lessons for the Yaoi/Shounen-ai Writer.
Goten continues to shout into his cell phone. "Bra! I swear I thought you knew!" He waves his arms over his head dramatically, even though the person on the other end can't see him.
The door to the classroom swings open and in walks a boy with shoulder length black hair and piercing blue eyes. He takes one look at Goten and rolls his eyes. He promptly walks over and pulls the phone out of the bewildered saiyan's hand and turns it off.
Goten just stares at the intruder dumbly for a moment before he explodes. "Why the hell did you do that Juunana?!"
Juunana raises an eyebrow in annoyance, "It's 5:00."
"So?!"
"We were supposed to teach a class on how to be better hentais or something and you haven't started yet," Juunana says in bored tones.
Goten blinks at him. "Ah crap," he said and slaps a hand over his eyes. Then he turns hesitantly to face the classroom. Several faces gaze back. He takes a deep breath, silently curses the author for putting him into this position, before beginning. "As many of you know, I am Son Goten and this is Juunana-gou," he motions to the android who is looking around uninterestedly.
"We will be teaching a class today for Yaoi and Shounen-ai authors," he leans back against the desk at the front of the room as he speaks. "This class is mostly to help inform the novices and a bit of a review for the veterans."
"Yeah, you can reintegrate yourself with slogans such as: 'I'm not sick, I'm special'," Juunana says flatly. He has moved back so he is leaning against a wall beside the chalkboard. He's playing one-handed catch with Goten's kidnapped cell phone at the moment.
"Why exactly are you here?" Goten asks, shooting a glance at the android.
"Because I wrote him into this fic," a voice says. The mysterious voice seems to be coming from the ceiling.
"Who are you?" Goten shouts at an air vent.
"I'm the person who decides if you will end up in an affair with Vegeta, that's who," the voice goes on to say, "Now shut up and get back to the class."
"I shall follow your instructions, oh mutant of the air vent," Goten says still staring at the wondrous metal grid. Everyone in the class sweat drops.
"One lesson every writer has to learn is how to deal with flames," he says as he apparently comes back to himself.
"I've found reducing their home to rubble usually takes care of the problem," Juunana said. The look on his face says he's serious and various students slowly inch away from him deciding the view just isn't worth risking life and limb.
Goten sweat drops. "They should probably try less violent means." Clearing his throat he tries to continue with the lesson plan. "There are several ways to deal with the persistent flamer. One is to just ignore them." Juunana snorts derisively and ignores the glare Goten sends him. "Another is to just laugh them off. Some people find if fun to go through the flame and mock the various spelling errors. You could send a polite reply. It tends to throw them off a little."
"You're forgetting flame wars," Juunana says. Goten turns to speak, probably to scold Juunana again, but is cut off by the high-pitched ringing of his cell phone. His cell phone still happens to be in Juunana's hand. Goten begins trying to snatch the phone back from the android's grip. Juunana quirks an eyebrow and, against Goten's attempts, answers it.
"Hello," he says smoothly. He watches in amusement as Goten's arms fall to his sides in defeat.
"He's a little busy right now," he says after a pause where we can assume the person on the other side has spoken. "Yeah he's in the back getting a lap dance at the moment," Juunana says with a smirk.
Goten's face pales and he makes a grab for the phone. He's unsuccessful. Juunana easily dodges him and keeps his head cocked to the side as he listens to the other person talk. "Uh huh, sure, I'll be happy to tell him. It might be a while though." He then clicks the phone closed and hands it over to a sputtering Goten.
"Trunks said that if you don't meet him at the restaurant, the one you were supposed to be at half an hour ago, within the next ten minutes, you're through," Juunana says. His voice was so monotone he might as well have been reciting a grocery list instead of letting a boy know there was a very good chance he was about to be dumped.
Goten glances at his watch quickly. All the blood has drained from his face. "Crap!" is all that is heard, besides the initial sonic boom, as he runs out of the room in a burst of speed leaving several papers to fly in his wake.
"That was…interesting," Juunana says looking at the door that was pulled from its hinges by an agitated Goten. It takes a few moments for all the strands of his silky black hair to settle back around his face.
"Damn it! I need two people to teach the class."
The dark haired android turns his attention temporarily to the ceiling, "I'm sure someone is free. Try Mirai Trunks."
"Not a bad idea."
Just like that Mirai Trunks materializes at the front of the classroom. It was a bit of shock for everyone. The shock probably wasn't so much from the fact that he had just appeared, rather than he had just appeared wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and another towel that he had been drying his long, lavender hair with. He must have just gotten out of the shower when he had been transported. (A few of the female students were cursing the fact that he hadn't gotten there just a few moments earlier.)
He was still working on his hair when something (probably a draft) alerted him to the fact something was wrong. He cracks one eye open and slowly turns to where he can see the entire class. The other eye opens. He stares in mute horror at all the people who had managed to see him in this state of undress. A furiously red blush works its way up his face and to his lavender hairline.
Since the hungry looks on some of the students' faces was unnerving him so much it was probably for the best that he hadn't turned and seen the look in Juunana's eyes. Juunana was looking Mirai up and down with a predatory gleam in his eyes.
Juunana turned to the classroom, his smirk promised a painful death for anyone who didn't listen to what he was about to say.
"Class dismissed."
The End
Author's Notes: Is it just me or does anyone else think that Mirai is going to be held after school for a private meeting?
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