Guilt
How is it you don't even realise?
I cant take any more of these back stabbing lies
And I know it's not my fault
But you see no more can I hide
All this guilt built up inside
Why can't you stop all this pain?
Let the sun come out a dry up all the rain
Clear away the clouds and start new again
I watched them, both of them. They were holding hands, they were smiling, they were happy. I watched as he caressed her cheek so softly, I watched as she turned her head so slightly as a blush appeared on her face. If only she knew, if only I would let it slip. I watched him as he gave her a sweet smile and moved his face closer to hers, I watched as she looked at him with that same blush. No he would never tell her, I would never tell her. I watched as she closed her eyes as his face came closer to hers, I watched as they shared a chaste kiss. How could they share so much happiness like that? How is it that I was over-welled by this site? How could I not be. I watched as he pulled his head back and smiled at her, I watched as she pulled his hand and walked in my direction. I turn my head and stare at my lunch. Was I obsessed? Of course I was. I didn't watch as they sat next to me under my tree, but I listened as she spoke to me.
I can't take this guilt inside of me
And its you that's done it don't you see
Why can't you be truthful?
Why can't you be the man I loved?
Is it simply not meant to be this way?
Is this the end as we say goodbye cause you can not stay?
Are you just going to get up and walk away?
And I still can't take this guilt
He pushed me against the wall and held me there. I stared at him. He started to attack my neck with kisses as he held me arms to the side. I looked away; I looked to the sky. He said my name in between kisses to my neck and mumbled other things that popped into his head. I stared to the heavens hoping to be forgiven for my sins, I closed my eyes. He made his way to my mouth and kissed my lips. I made silent prayers as I tried not to enjoy it. He let go of my lips. I opened my eyes. He put his lips right next to my ear and whispered. I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. He smiled and stared into my eyes. I stared right back into those eyes of his. He pecked me on the lips and strode away. I watched his retreating back as a sigh escaped my now parted lips. I pushed of the wall as he disappeared from my site and I walked away so slowly.
Please don't leave me now I still love you
But you just can't see what you're doing to me
You're ripping apart my heart
And I just want all of this to end
I can't bear to her smiling face again
As we act like nothings happened
But that's another lie we tell to them
They believe it all no matter what we say
It's such a shame things have worked out this way
I see him watching me, from the corner of my eye as I read my book. She comes along and kisses him on the cheek and greets me with a warm smile. I glance up from my book to see her turn away from me and sit down next to him. He smiles warmly at her as she starts up a conversation. I look back down at my book, still watching from the corner of my eye as they talk away. He takes her hand gently strokes it in a caring way as she smiles and continues what she is saying. I continue to watch them from the corner of my eye as someone else comes over. She takes her attention away from him as she sees another friend. I hear her start a new conversation as she turns her back to him and he begins his glancing towards me. She giggles and says her goodbyes and turns back round with a 'now where was I' attitude. I let out a silent sigh as his gaze is back on her. She stars up the conversation where she left off.
I can't take this guilt inside of me
And its you that's done it don't you see
Why can't you be truthful?
Why can't you be the man I loved?
Is it simply not meant to be this way?
Is this the end as we say goodbye cause you can not stay?
Are you just going to get up and walk away?
And I still can't take this guilt
He slips his arms around my waist, stopping me in my tracks. I don't move not really knowing how to respond. He rests his head in the crook of my neck and breaths ever so slightly. His breath tickles my neck as I just stand there. He whispers things in my ear; he lets me know what he thinks. I just continue to breathe, as he whispers not really listening to it. He gives me his opinions and tells me what he thinks of me. Is this the only way he can talk to me, hardly a word uttered to me when she is there. He gives me a little kiss on my neck and continues his sweet nothings into my ear. That's all they are really, nothings, am I really getting bored of all this? He takes no heed to my non-response and continues talking about the future and more mushy crap. Is this it starting to kick in? But I love him don't I? He turns me round and stares into my eyes and gives me a peck on the lips. I have to think, I give my goodbye and walk away from him, II don't feel the same any moreā¦I think.
I'm so fucked up inside I still cant think
My feelings are so jumbled and my heart starts to sink
Did you really love her did you really love me
Or were we just on show for everyone else to see
But you say you loved us both
And that's why you cheated
And I'm also to blame
Cause it will never be the same
All cause I love you
The same routine. She comes over and talks and he gives her his undivided attention. I sit there listening to my music as I see her laughing face; bad feelings take over my body. She talks and he listens, that's how it always is, but that's the way they like it. They just think this is the way I always am, quiet and observing, but I'm not, it's just the way he's made me. He makes comments here and there as she is the one that always has something to say, but if he is telling her something she will listen deeply. I don't understand how I can do this and not feel bad, oh wait I do feel bad, but why did I start all this? He starts up a new subject as he finds something he actually wants to say this is a rare event so she chooses to 'cherish' it. I didn't start this, he did, and I was just the fool that thought she loved him, but that was just make-believe.
I can't take this guilt inside of me
And its you that's done it don't you see
Why can't you be truthful?
Why can't you be the man I loved?
Is it simply not meant to be this way?
Is this the end as we say goodbye cause you can not stay?
Are you just going to get up and walk away?
And I still can't take this guilt
He shouts my name as he runs up to me. I stop as he spins me round and I stare into his eyes. He questions me about how I feel and pulls me into a hug. I stand still, my doesn't move. He then holds me at arms length noticing how I don't respond. This is it, he did start all this from the beginning. His eyebrow raises and he asks what is wrong and goes to give me a kiss. I push him away. He shakes his head in shock and looks at me in confusion. I smile and tell him its over, he may have started this but I am finishing it. The confused look doesn't leave his face as he heard the end of what I say. A weight suddenly lifts from my shoulders as I leave him there confused and alone.
I know I still love you
But I'll give you away
And there you will go
And by her side you will stay
She needs you more than I could ever dream
And you love her so it would seem
But the feeling I still fell will never got away
All that guilt I wish would just wash away
How could I ever hurt her like that? I watch her, her usual happy self-chatting away. She didn't even know I had hurt her and she certainly did not deserve it. The girls around her laugh at whatever funny thing she had just said and she still continues to smile. One of my closest friends, and I do something stupid that could jeopardise our friendship. He walks up to the group and her smile only seems to get bigger. It certainly wasn't jealousy that provoked me. The groups of girls smile more and giggle a little as the couple stare at each other for a minute or so. It was him that did it to me, but I take almost full blame for it. Goodbyes were spoken amongst the group and the group of girls left the couple. All I want from now on is for her happiness. The couple walk towards me. I will never hurt my friends like that again.
"You coming Sakura?" She asks me
"Here I'm coming Ino, Sasuke"
They wait for me as I walk towards them. I never want to feel the way I felt when I hurt her cause guilt can really fuck up your head.
Well there you go lol my first One shot song fic lol tell me what you think please.
BrOKeN dArK ANgeL
