Just Breathe

By Dan'yu

Chapter One: My Fears I Feel When I'm With You

Kisses, touches…ravaging lips…seeking hands…burning body heat…irresistible passion. Shelby moaned softly as Scott leaned further into her, his fingers tangling through her hair as he sought her lips in another kiss. She opened to him immediately, falling into the heady ecstasy she could never seem to deny whenever he touched her, ignoring the way the bark of the tree they hid behind bit into her back as he pressed into her. Instead, she savored the new proximity, overwhelmed by the feel of his body against hers.

It was incredible, really, the way he could make her feel, in those moments when she became oblivious to anything but him, feeling nothing more than Scott all around her, filling her senses; his lips, his hands, his body, his scent, the husky whisper of his voice in her ear. It was him, all him, only him.

They parted reluctantly only at the need to breathe, and Scott whispered her name as he trailed his mouth downward in a trail of light, feathery kisses, reaching a particularly sensitive spot just above her collarbone, guaranteed to have her weak in the knees. He gently bit down, and then ran his tongue over the tender flesh, feeling her tremble against him. He leaned further into her, angling his body to lie fully over hers, and Shelby gasped, startled, as she felt the hard evidence of his want press against the apex of her legs.

"S-Scott," she barely managed to moan his name before his mouth clamped over hers once more, his tongue sweeping into her mouth, demanding but gentle. She linked her arms around his neck, locking her legs around his waist as she levered herself upward to come closer, even closer, and the feel of him pressed intimately against her sent pinpricks of pleasure coursing through her body.

They broke apart once more and his lips were at her ear, something oddly sensual about his hot, panting puffs of breath brushing against her skin. "Shelby, I want you."

The words had the same effect as a sudden dousing of ice-cold water, as she jerked away from him, her eyes wide, fearful; as she pushed him back with all the strength she could muster. Scott stumbled back, staring at her with bewilderment. "Shelby?"

"C'mon baby, I'll pay any price. You know I want you."

Shelby shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. on out, baby. Where're you hiding? You know I want you, kitten. I'm not in the mood for games."

She squeezed her eyes shut, taking in a deep breath in hopes of regaining some composure. She opened them once more, the lines between past and present blurred before her eyes, and she forced herself to focus on Scott's face, Scott's hurt but understanding face. Her rejection might hurt him, but her distance he understood. Her heart hurt at the soft, sympathetic, lost look in his blue eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, "I got carried away. Are you okay?"

She nodded her head, not trusting herself to speak.

He stared at her, torn emotions blanketing his face, for he was always the readable one these days, the one who wore his heart on his sleeve, the one whose face served as a mural to his inside workings. She was the stonewall, the cold one, the distant one. Even with all the barriers she had allowed him to tear down, so many more remained between them.

He reached out to her, intending to take her hand, and then he hesitated, unsure whether he could touch her or not. "Are you sure? You don't look okay? Want to talk about it?"

Scott. He was Scott. The Scott she loved, the Scott who loved her, the same Scott who wanted to touch her because of that love, who wanted to feel her, to be with her, because of that love. Scott, not Walt, not one if those nameless, filthy pigs she let touch her so long ago to ensure she could eat. Scott. Her Scott. Her Scott who loved her, really loved her. Scott.

She shook her head, reaching out to catch his hand, their fingers tightly enlacing. She tried to smile at him, though the expression came out forced and wan. "Nah, that's alright. It's just me, freaking out. I'm good, really."

Scott eyed her dubiously. "You don't want to talk, that's fine. But you shouldn't pretend just for me. Not with me, Shel. You and me, we're honest, right? That's the way it should be between us."

Her sweet golden boy. Her smile, this time, was a little more genuine, taking on a seductive edge, sauntering toward him once more, breathing in his clean, masculine scent as it wrapped around her as surely as his embrace the more she closed the distance between them. "Hey, I'm sorry I freaked. You don't have to worry about me, cowboy. I'm a big girl."

The familiar nickname earned a faint smile from him, fading quickly as a strangled sound, somewhere a protest and a groan, tore from his throat when she boldly cupped her hand over the bulge in his jeans. "S-Shelby!"

She smiled sweetly, squeezing him gently, earning a ragged moan. "I shouldn't leave you high and dry, now should I, cowboy? We ought to do something about that."

Every word that escaped her mouth, every gesture and suggestive smile made her feel even more detached, distant from herself, even as the faint thought that she wanted to please him entered her mind. She had felt this before, the floating, detached sensation that felt like she separated from herself, letting her body work on automatic. She had felt it every time a man touched her more than innocently, every time Walt took her, every time she turned a trick. She had never felt that way with Scott before, always felt right there whenever he touched her.

Revulsion turned her stomach, but she quickly pushed the sensation away. It wasn't Scott's fault she was freaking out so badly, it wasn't his fault she wasn't just like any other teenage girl. God, she was pathetic, a wimp who couldn't get even be with her boyfriend because her bastard of a stepfather used to touch her the wrong way. God, she was a mess.

Scott's mind went into overdrive, clouded and reeling, only dimly aware as she knelt before him, felt the heat left by her touch as she smoothed her hands up his legs, stroking his thighs in light, teasing caresses. It wasn't until she reached for the button of his jeans that he saw the look in her eyes. Empty. Distant. Pained.

He reacted instantly, reaching down to grab her wrists, jerking her upward to her feet to pull her into his arms. Initially, instinctually, she fought against him, pummeling his chest, landing a well-aimed kick to his groin that had him grunting and wanting to double over in pain, but he held her securely, and eventually her struggles faded into shaking, the bitter oaths she muttered under her breath changing into sobs.

They hit the ground, his knees buckling under him, but he held her tightly as he took the brunt of the impact, pulling her into his lap, cradling her against his body. She suddenly felt so small in his arms, trembling as she cried, soaking his shirt through with salt of her tears. He stroked her hair, murmuring in her ear, all the reassurances he could muster.

"Shel, it's okay, I'm here. I'm here with you. I'm not going anywhere." He pressed a light kiss to her temple, gently rocking her. With time, the convulsions quieted, and she lay almost limply against him, still and silent as the heavy warmth of the summer afternoon around them. She stirred, and he tightened his arms around her even more, if that was possible, brushing away the hair shielding her eyes, kissing away the moisture remaining on her beautiful, tear-soaked face. He held her face in his hands, tilting her head to face him. "Shelby, don't lose yourself for me. Not like that. If you're not ready, we're not ready. There's no need to push, alright?"

She nodded, hesitantly opened her eyes to look up at him, her eyes vulnerable but her smile tinged with a hint of her old sass. "Thanks, cowboy, for knowing what I need."

He smiled quietly, kissing her forehead. "Anytime. Just returning the favor."

She laughed softly and smiled, placing her hands over his as she kissed him gently, leaning her forehead against his. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"Just being yourself, Shel. Just being yourself."

End Chapter One