A/N: I have a darling friend and Kilbo shipper who is currently writing the fic Manadh. What you are about to read is a bundle of utter nonsense brought about by a conversation from Tumblr. I have no regrets except for those who might read this expecting quality above sheer bastardizations of their favorite characters. Ahem—yolo. I welcome you to put on some of The Pipettes and enjoy!


"I did not drink enough last night to be hungover…" Maria muttered to herself as she woke up. Everything ached, and it both smelled and felt like she had slept in a bush. "Whelp. That's what I get for going to a movie marathon with guys."

She rolled over and the knot of a root jabbed her in the ribs when her hand slipped on the slick rock that had been her pillow. For a moment she just laid her head in a patch of wet earth and tried to figure out where in her tiny college town she might have spent the night. Definitely nowhere on campus—too many trees. Nowhere in town—the air smelled too fresh and prepacked-perfect clean. She hoped it wasn't the suburbs—people were crazy around Christmas time, and she didn't want to have to knock on someone's door for help looking like she'd slept in a bush.

"Okay, up we go," she said, bringing herself to all fours and looking around. A half a dozen biology classes hadn't been worth a single damn as far as her health choices went, but one introduction to dentistry class and she couldn't stand the teeth in her mouth right now until she found a toothbrush.

Finding a toothbrush would be problematic, however, since there wasn't a single building for miles. To her left, endless and authentically fairy-tale forest. In front of her, it started to look a bit rocky and swampy. To her other side, it looked like the trees thinned out a bit for short grassed hills making where she was the lowland.

Considering her precious and quaint college town was in "Where God tested out the planing tool" Kansas-Oklahoma border, where the environmental clubs lobbied in the same numbers for more trees to be planted that the feminist clubs lobbied against date rape on campus and a certain other club lobbied for girls not to be such sluts so they wouldn't get raped so often, Maria Susan Schmidt honestly did not believe she was in Kansas anymore.

"Well… fuck, then," she said right before a whippy little sled pulled by about nine giant rabbits ramped off of a rock and barely cleared her screaming head.

There was a brief time as Mary-Sue reacquainted herself with the beautiful sensation of solid, mushy ground while there was some deal of high-pitched, shaky yelling and thumping rabbit feet accompanied with rushing and snapping of vegetation in the forest.

A smallish, shaky man who looked a few steps removed from Mary-Sue's most militantly organic vegan acquaintance approached Mary-Sue as she finally got herself standing upright.

"A-ah, ah are you all right, miss?" he said. It looked like he had some kind of tree sap crusted on the side of his face.

"Yeah, just peachy. Was that a sled pulled by rabbits?" she asked.

"Why yes," the man answered, beaming for a moment. "Rhosgobel rabbits! Fastest you'll find in all of Middle Earth!"

"That's nice—would you mind telling me where I am?" Mary-Sue asked, and something clicked in her mind. "Excuse me, did you just say 'Middle Earth'?"