Yankee White

Don't own characters, or make money so please don't sue.

Thank you everyone for your reviews on The Life of Bert, you made me want to write this!


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I make funny noises, it makes some people laugh, throw their heads back and laugh making their bellies jiggle, and I like it. Some people frown; pull their faces into lines, large lines that go on and on and on… They mumble and lift their noses high, clicking their heels as they turn on their way out.

I like making the noises around them, the faster they leave is fine by me.

Some people look around confused, I like that reaction most. Like it's a big mystery and they can't figure out what is going on. They never work out that it's me, why would a hippo make a noise so… amusing. So instead they look around for the next possible source, then shrug it off thinking whoever it was has left already.

Silly humans, they do make me laugh.


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I live in the Lab, its cool, has lots of shiny clean surfaces that sparkle and gleam, with lots of big mechanicals that hum from an unseen force, electrickery. My owner Gothy lives here, most of the time. I think she also spends some time in another Lab or something, but I think she prefers it here, with me and my noises.

Gothy has friends, I like them, they visit me sometimes, the one who comes the most is Italian Man, he make funny noises too sometimes, mostly when Boss Man hits him across the head, like a squeaking toy, he makes noises a lot, funny man, nice man.

Boss Man visits too, he brings gifts to Gothy that makes her lively. She drinks from the long stick a lot, and it makes her talk really really fast and move speedily around the Lab.

The Quack comes down sometimes to see us but not that much usually he sends his assistant Gerbil, I like him a bit, he doesn't stay very long but I know he is a good human.

The Lab also is the heart of everything here; I feel the heartbeat when Gothy comes in and turns all the mechanicals on. It moves through me, the beat strong and consuming, it changes slightly throughout the day but it still beats until Gothy leaves.


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Today Gothy comes in dressed really cool, she slides on her white coat and sets to work with a small hand held mechanical object that sends out a blue light. She moves it over a white uniform. Italian Man comes in carrying lots of boxes with clear force fields around them holding them in place.

On the force fields are words, letters, initials, I think they call them ever-dense… Italian Man stubbles slightly as I let out my funny noise, but then he calls Gothy and they go to look at the ever-dense, I think that's what they call them, yes it must be. They talk for a while, I think Italian Man said 'curse you' to Gothy and she laughed, he now is pulling out something, and lying down.

He makes funny noise eventually, and Gothy smiles as she carries on working with the mechanicals that hum and gleam in the Lab.

Sooner or later Italian Man gets up to leave and then after a little while longer Gothy leaves as well, she looks excited, I think she and the mechanicals have found something, I let out a funny noise in victory.


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Gothy sounds down, like she knows she's missing something, she's talking to The Quack, and they both seem slightly confused. I don't think they have found their ever-dense to solve the case. Around the Lab I've heard snippets of conversation, I think the case is on a plain, or is plain…

I'm not so sure but if it's the first I imagine it to be big, as humans go on it. I also think it would be shiny, a cousin of the mechanicals, so it would hum with the electrickery. It would have shiny gleaming feathers and wings that flapped to keep it up, and it would have many eyes at the front so it could see where to go.

I think I'd like the plain. Gothy mentioned the pressed-dint, I don't know why anyone would press something to dint it but if it's been mentioned it must be important.


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Abby sighs as the mechanicals let out a negative sound; she moves to load yet another small glass vile into the mouth of one of them.

She waits spinning sharp shiny sis-oars; the mechanical again lets out a negative noise. Waiting again, the mechanical eventually makes a funny noise that has Gothy jumping up and down, I think she has found her ever-dense and I let out a funny noise to tell her I'm proud, she smiles and pats my head before moving to a plastic communicator.

She is talking about venom; I think I hear the Boss Man and The Quack, I hear Italian Man say Gothy would have found it sooner if he hadn't been carrying all those force fields with shiny objects.

Poor Italian Man, I'll make two funny noises to make him smile the next time he visits.

The communicator goes dead, and Abby starts to turn the heartbeat up, dancing and jumping, I sway slightly to the heartbeat, it tickles my legs.


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There's a new person, she's called Cake. I do like Cake.

Sweet things are for happy occasions, and I like happy occasions, I let out another funny noise in the Lab, the heartbeat has gone for the day.


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Okay so what do you all think?