The Making of the Phoenix

(being set at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, circa 1976)

Chapter One

Christmas Holiday

"Skiing in Hogsmead?" the girl made a face. Sirius grinned. All she had to do was reveal that pink slip of tongue. It made the snooty, mysterious aura of Ravenclaw fall away. Now she looked like a normal person-undignified and flattering.

"Sure. Just me, James, Pete and Remus. You wanna come along, Fina?" Her dark hair, turned up at the ends like rolled paper, went along for the ride as she shook her head.

No thanks. Gravity and I don't get along. Being strapped to a couple of sticks on an incline doesn't help."

"Maybe not, but it makes for some grand photos."

"I'm definitely not going."

"Oh, c'mon! I can teach you to ski. What else are you going to do over holiday?" She bristled, each hand finding the crook of her arms. 'No wonder Lily gets frustrated around these boys. They can't take 'no' for an answer.'

She turned away from Sirius and gleaned a Slythern across the Great Hall. His food remained neatly stacked and untouched on his plate. A book was propped against a pitcher of pumpkin juice. His black hair had fallen over his eyes.

'That guy's unreal.' An excuse jumped into her head.

"I'm using the holiday to study Potions."

"Come again?"

"My grade in Potions is abysmal, Sirius. I need to pull it up in order to pass my N.E.W.T.S next year." Sirius tracked her gaze and frowned. He downed his pumpkin juice, wound his scarf around his neck and stood up.

"Your loss."

"Have fun." Fina watched Sirius exit the Great Hall, then glanced at Severus Snape again.

'Does he ever eat?' She didn't notice Lily Evans sit down beside her.

"Sirius passed me grumbling something about you not going with the boys on holiday." Fina shrugged.

"Trapped in a cabin with a bunch of guys drowning in over-active hormones is not my idea of a good time, Lil. Besides, I really need to get better marks in Potions. Professor Slughorn's giving me the Evil Eye." Lily giggled.

"He only does that if he likes you."

"Come off it," Fina shoved Lily, "he favors everyone but me. That's why you're all in that ruddy club of his. "

"The Slug Club's not so bad," Lily poured herself a glass of juice, "I can tutor you after holiday if you want." Fina scratched a dry patch on her arm.

"Fine by me."

"In the meantime, never mind Slughorn. He's the only decent Slythern the school has."

"Rubbish. He may have charmed you, but he's head of Slythern house," her eyes wandered over to Snape, "they're brilliant at hiding things about themselves." Lily rolled her eyes and drank her juice.

"You're starting to sound like Potter."

"You take that back," Fina poked at her half eaten breakfast, "I want to get into the Ministry. I'm so desperate I'm ready to ask Snape for help if it gets me a passing mark in Potions."

"Bloody serious, this one," Lily nudged her.

"Don't you have a trunk to pack?" Lily set her half drained glass on the table and gathered her books and knapsack.

"Have a nice Christmas, Fina."

"You too, Lil." Snape had closed his book. He left his cold breakfast and headed for the hallway. Fina swore he glared at her as he left.

Hogwarts was swallowed in silence the next day. Only a dozen students stayed behind.

Earlier that week, her father had sent her a note. He would be away on business and couldn't see her during the holidays. This came as no surprise. He was unsure of how to treat her ever since the first letter from Hogwarts arrived. Besides, he used Christmas as a reason to hit the eggnog frequently. She hated hearing about the absent woman in her life. The abandonment ate a hole in both their hearts. Christmas had become, over the years, just another day to them.

Fina decided to raid the library of every potions volume. She needed all the help she could get. The door to the library was propped open. Fina strolled in and walked through the isles, past the reference desk. Madam Pince was gone. Argus Filch was in her place, overfilling the inkbottles. Madam Pince had ears that could hear a book become overdue, but Filch wouldn't know if the roof fell on his head unless his cat told him first. She could peruse the Restricted Section all she liked. Fina slipped into the shadows of the Restricted Section, trailing her fingers over the spines. A couple of titles looked promising. She began to pull them away from the shelf. The rustle of pages gave her reason to pause. She wasn't the only one taking advantage of the Restricted Section. Fina left the books and glanced between the shelves.

She spied Snape at a table in the back corner. How predictable. She had to work at the same table in Potions class with him. He was always completely absorbed and utterly humorless.

Fina reached for one of the Potions books. Was it her imagination, or did it suddenly grow warmer in the Restricted Section? All this worrying over her marks was overtaxing her. Fina shook her head. The shelves spun. That was a rotten idea. Was she coming down with something? Fina touched her hand to her head and suddenly whipped it away. She stuck her fingers in her mouth. She had burned them on her forehead!

'That can't be good. I've got to get to the Infirmary.' Her body disagreed, and her knees folded under her. Books tilted up past her head. Something cleared in her mind for a moment before she hit the bookshelves. She steadied herself, but her hand couldn't bear her weight and she slumped back into the shelves…

"Please be so kind as to fetch another towel. I think this time it will only get singed." With a lot of effort, Fina opened her eyes. A fuzzy Professor Dumbledore sat beside her. She heard the sound of footsteps. Someone was going to the supply cabinet. On the table by her bed were the remains of several washcloths, burned and crumbling, and a bowl of mint green liquid.

"Professor, don't touch my head. It…"

"Can roast marshmallows, my dear. I took the precaution," he held up his hands, which were covered by oven mitts. Fina smiled. She realized her burned hand was wrapped in a bandage. Footsteps approached them and Severus Snape handed Dumbledore a fresh cloth.

"Severus heard you collapse and brought you here. Since Madam Ringworm is on holiday and Mistress Pomfry is in Hogsmede this morning, we took it upon ourselves to remedy your fever. How do you feel?"

"Not as warm as I was in the library. " Dumbledore soaked the towel in the green drink and placed it on her head, oven mitts paused in curiosity. Snape leaned forward. Fina felt like a very interesting bug in a jar.

"What are you doing-waiting for it to burst into flame?"

"Precisely," Snape muttered. When it didn't, they both relaxed.

"The Mint Arctic Salve is something Severus whipped up. Apparently, it helps to pour it all over yourself just before a volcano explodes, to decrease the heat."

"They still have yet to find someone who survived that theory," Snape said in the closest voice to amusement.

"We're lucky to have had you on hand, Severus. Your diligent study of Potions helped a great deal," Dumbledore sounded casual, but Fina could see the gratitude in his eyes. Snape shrugged.

"Bugger luck. He's the top of our class," Fina was shocked to hear the words tumble from her own mouth. Snape glanced at her, then looked at the wall, unimpressed. Dumbledore flipped the towel over.

"Ah, that's right. You both are in the same Potions class. How are you getting along, Fina?"

"Terminally, Professor."

"It's your timing," Snape interjected, "you wait too little or too long." Fina didn't think she had any more heat left in her face. She was wrong. Dumbledore put his oven mitt back on.

"Perhaps you would benefit from a tutor?"

"Got that covered, Professor. Lily Evans already volunteered."

"Do you want to learn Potions or swap gossip?" Fina glared. Was there no filter on this guy?

"I need to pass Potions."

"Then you need a real tutor."

"Perhaps you could use a tutor in communication skills," she rolled her eyes, "Or would that infringe on you busy social life?" She reached up to remove the towel. Snape pushed her hand away.

"I'll volunteer to tutor her, Professor. It would give me a chance to brush up on the basics before the N.E.W.T.S. " Snape stood up.

"Are you well enough to begin tomorrow?" Fina performed a roll call on her body. It was on the mend.

"Yes."

"Potions lab. Twelve noon. Bring all your notes and ingredients." He left the Infirmary, robe billowing out behind him.

"Does he come with an 'off' switch?"

"Severus is a fiercely devoted student, Fina. You'll benefit a great deal under his tutelage." Fina felt the towel lift from her head. Dumbledore removed his oven mitts and touched her forehead.

"Ah, much better. Warm enough to keep an apple pie tasty, but not too hot to burn it."

Christmas Eve day found Fina walking downstairs to the dungeon that was the Potions classroom. It was frigid in the castle. She could see her breath.

"Where's that fever when I need it?" The heavy wood door to the Potions room was closed. She pulled up the latch and let herself in. Did she actually beat Snape here?

Snape was already set up, a fire burning under his cauldron. He didn't turn to look at her.

"Tempus fugit." Fina set her books down and assembled her cauldron perch.

"I can only hope time flies," Fina muttered. Snape pulled a ribbon from his textbook and opened it.

"Potions is not learned in a day. It's not a 'wiggle your fingers' Charms class or 'ominous chanting' Transfiguration class…"

"There's no chanting in Transfig." Snape looked at her as if pitying her for doubting him, "Well, there isn't. The Ministry looks down on chanting."

"And you would know that because…"

"I'm hoping to work in the Beast Division."

"If that miracle occurs, you will need a very good mark in Potions to achieve it," Snape sneered. Fina struck her flint and an angry spark caught under her cauldron.

"We'll start with last week's lesson-the Tundra-Blood Potion." They worked in silence. Metal scales pinged a beat to their procedure. A few minutes later, Snape's potion was a frosty blue. Fina's was a brown sludge.

"I measured correctly. What happened?"

"Did you add the tundra fish scales before or after boiling the polar beetle blood?"

"After. Just as the book says."

"How long after?"

"Immediately after. Why does it matter?" Snape sighed and shoved her aside. He flicked his wand at the contents in Fina's cauldron and muttered 'Evanesco'. They vanished.

"You have to wait for a polar beetle's blood to cool while boiling or the potion will not work."

" 'Cool while boiling'? I suppose next I'll be teaching cats to bark and basilisks to fly?" Snape stirred a cup of polar beetle blood into her cauldron.

"Potions are a subtle art. It's not like boiling tea. You have to know the background of your ingredients in order for it to work." Fina fought the urge to make an insulting face. He was right. The liquid began to boil.

"Now watch." Fina waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"Watch what?" Snape never moved his eyes from the cauldron. Fina sighed and stared at the potion. At least it wasn't brown. The mixture turned dark blue, then boiled away a layer of color. Soon it was the icy hue she had seen in Snape's cauldron. She moved to add the fish scales.

"NOT YET," he snapped. Fina gritted her teeth. Who needed Tundra Blood potion when she had Severus Snape? A thin layer of ice began to grow over the boiling mixture.

"Now add the scales." Fina slid a paper sheaf of tundra pike scales into her cauldron. They crumbled through the thin ice skin on top. The boiling stopped. She could hear frost popping.

"You have successfully produced a batch of Tundra Blood," Snape muttered. He began to pour his potion into bottles. Fina fumed, but forced herself to swallow her pride. Clearly, she was doomed if she couldn't even get this simple potion right.

"Could we try another?" Snape corked and labeled each vial.

"I told you-potions cannot be mastered in a day."

"Point taken, but I've got all day and I need to learn this."

"Well, I don't have all day," Snape shot her a look. She lowered her gaze. He signed.

"We can meet here tomorrow at noon."

"On Christmas day?"

"You have a prior engagement?"

"Would I be here if I did?" He tossed his hair out of his eyes.

"It's just another day, Hawkins." She stopped cleaning her cauldron.

"Finally, something we agree on. " Snape left, closing the door to the classroom behind him.

After dinner, Fina walked out to the lawn surrounding the Gamekeeper's cabin with her backpack and folded-up easel. She needed a place to channel her frustration. She set the easel in the snow, lined up dabs of paint on her pallet and got to work outlining the blue and violet shadows in the snow. Her aim was to capture the touches and smells of the land around the Gamekeeper's cabin: frost, smoked wood, worn clay brick. Luminous tangerine and golden wheat light from the setting sun threw shadows everywhere. Fina rubbed a stroke of purple away and gave it more blue.

'Potions can't be learned in a day.' She snorted. He needed a Bludger bashed upside the head. She had to endure Sirius's snarky attitude and now she had Snape. 'Personally, I'm spent on patience.'

'Well,' she chided herself, 'what if someone learning to paint tossed down his brush in disgust and whined 'I followed the directions, now what?'

"Painting's different. Everyone can learn to paint a tree or a house. Some people have more passion about it than others."

'Anyone can toss ingredients into a pot. Not everyone can make a potion,' the gentle voice in her head replied.

"Sure they can," Fina whispered to herself, "as long as they get it close to what the potion should be."

'Like your brown mud that was close to the Tundra Blood potion?'

"I'll thank you to never mention that again."

'Would you settle for a painting that was close to what it could be?' Fina scowled. She knew the answer to that.

'Potions is no more predictable than painting. What inspires a potions master to create new mixtures? Certainly not the empty cauldron in front of them! It's the process of creation. Just as you're doing now.' Fina captured a nearby pine tree on the canvas. Inside the elbow crook of each branch lay a cupful of snow.

"I'm starting to lecture myself like Snape."

'Bite your tongue!'

Fina left the lawns in front of Hogwarts as the clock tower chimed eight. She flexed the cold cramps from her shoulders. Snow was falling from the frozen sky. Fina wondered how Lily was getting on. She half regretted staying at the school. She walked up the steps and into the castle. As she approached Professor Dumbledore's office, she slowed to a stop. The door was open. She knocked.

"Come in, Fina. Care for a cup of spiced cider?" Fina nodded, propped her drying canvas against the door and sat down across from Dumbledore. Even though Professor Flitwick was head of Ravenclaw, she had always felt a kinship with the head of Gryffindor House.

"Beautiful shadows." He nodded at the canvas.

"Thank you. How come you're here during the holidays, Professor?" Dumbledore handed her a mug.

"Most of my family travels during the winter. Besides, the quiet of the castle gives me time to reflect and, in some cases, forage on." Fina sipped the cider. It was tart and delicious.

"How was your tutoring session?" Fina scowled.

"Put it this way, Professor: I'd rather swallow a mouse and cram starving cats up my…"

"That will do," Dumbledore chuckled, "I know Severus's manners can be a little rough, but he knows more about Potions than most anyone. I daresay he could give Professor Slughorn a run for his Sickles."

"Potions is like an art to him. He's dead serious about it."

"As you are about painting, I'm sure." Fina put her cup to her lips. 'Touché, Dumbledore.'

"Does he have any family?"

"An excellent question to ask him next session." 'He knows,' she thought. She waved away Dumbledore's offer of a refill.

"How can I talk to him if all he does is spout sarcastic comments and treat me like I've half a brain?" Dumbledore sat back in his chair.

"It simply starts with a word. You will either find a way to endure his company or you won't."

"I wish people like James Potter and Sirius Black didn't harass him so much. It's making my job a lot harder." Dumbledore tapped his nose.

"Exactly. Keep that in mind, Miss Hawkins, and I have no doubt you will solve your problem." Fina drained her cup.

"Merry Christmas, Professor."

"Merry Christmas, Fina. Oh, before you leave," Dumbledore removed his glasses, "We need to discuss your fever…"

Fina pulled the covers over her head. She had seen the daylight. She had seen the elegant gifts at the foot of her bed. Presents were not an adequate substitute for family.

She crawled out of bed and threw on her clothes, ran a comb through her hair, made a horrid face at the mirror and left for the Great Hall. Her mood was so sour, she didn't notice she had chosen the seat across from Snape until she pulled away the pitcher his book was propped against.

"Sorry." Snape glared, but said nothing. Fina poked at her eggs. Stupid parents. Stupid Snape. Stupid everything. She pounded her eyelids together to keep the tears from leaking out.

"That's very irritating, you know," Snape nodded at her fork-jabbed eggs.

"You know what's more irritating? Someone who reads books all day long instead of having real friends!" Fina stood up and stormed out of the Great Hall. She walked out into the snow-dipped courtyard, hot tears rolling down her cheeks. Brilliant. Now she was no better than Sirius or James.

At a quarter to noon, Fina gathered her potions supplies and left the Ravenclaw common room. She wondered if Snape would even be there. She hoped he would show. She wouldn't mind having a go at him. Enough years around her Auror uncles hadn't exactly made her lithe and cunning during a duel, but she had practiced enough to feel confident.

She found the door to the classroom closed. Fina decided to forget being timid. She tore open the door.

The room was empty. No Snape. Fina relaxed a little. She set up her ingredients, lit a fire, hung her cauldron…and jumped a foot when the door banged open. Snape strode to the front of the room, lighting each torch along the way until the classroom was incandescent and stifling. He slammed his cauldron and books on the table and ignited a fire with his wand. Fina stared at him, trying hard to look indifferent. Anger clotted his eyes.

"The Polyjuice Potion."

"But I didn't bring a hair to…"

"BEGIN!" Snape shouted. Fina scanned her book and began to mix together the ingredients. Snape circled her desk as she worked.

"Since you fancy Transfiguration, you should be able to create this without any trouble," he sneered. Fina fought the urge to grab her wand. Instead, she concentrated on her ingredients. Lacefly wings need to be stirred, but which way? 'They come from Australia and the southern hemisphere flows clockwise.' She stirred the potion thirty-seven times. She flicked through a plant manual for fluxweed, calculated, went back to the book, corrected the math, and added a bit to her scales. Soon, she had but one step left: add the hair of whomever she wanted to take the visage of. She hesitated. 'I don't have a hair for the potion.'

"There are two of us in this room, Hawkins. Use one." She looked at him in surprise. 'Did he just answer the question I didn't ask?' Snape continued to frown at her.

"Could you…"

"I'm not about to do your work for you," Snape spat. Fina snatched up her paring knife. 'Steady, girl.' She reached out and pulled a dark lock of hair from Snape's temple. She hesitated.

"Something the matter, Hawkins? You look as if you don't want to become a friendless freak." Fina glared at the knife. There was no way she was as mean as Sirius. She felt the scrap of hair fall into her hands. Snape watched her add it to the Polyjuice potion.

"It will have to sit for a few days."

"Look, Severus, I…"

"Take care of the potion, Hawkins. Hate to see all your clockwise stirring go to waste." Fina snorted.

"You noticed that?"

"I noticed my efforts haven't been completely for nothing." Fina took care of the potion and disassembled her lab. Snape was still there when she was ready to leave. A bizarre idea crossed her mind.

"Feel up to a walk after supper, Severus? He jerked his head up from his book.

"You must be joking." She felt something stir briefly behind her eyes. 'So, that's his story.'

"Castle fever. Just once around the courtyard. If you don't want to, don't. "Fina left before Snape could say anything more. She walked into the deserted Ravenclaw common room, tossed her bag and books in a chair and went upstairs to her bed. The gifts from her father lay unopened. She sat on her trunk and ran her hands over her face. What had she just done? 'I've become less like Potter and Black, that's what.'

Fina found her appetite in pedigree form at supper. She cleared her plate with room for seconds on dessert. During forkfuls, she scanned the faces at the one long table everyone sat at. Snape was not among them.

Fina tossed her scarf over her shoulder and left the Great Hall. The arched veranda that wrapped around the courtyard cast scallops of light on the snow. The torches burned low. Everyone else was eating. 'Even if he doesn't show,' she thought, 'it's still a decent way to end the day.'

"I can't believe you want to walk out here. It's frigid." Snape pulled away from a pillar.

"Anyone who's a skilled Legilimens can make himself warmer," Fina said. Snape's stride never missed a beat.

"I thought I smelled Aurors." Fina was glad he wasn't trying to find out who the Aurors were. Her uncles' occupations depended on complete confidentiality and she had no formal training in Occulemency. Snape kept his head down, hands in the pockets of his robe.

"Do you always stay here during holiday?" Snape shrugged.

"Beats packing and unpacking."

"Doesn't your family miss you?"

"Does yours?" So much for the direct approach. The guy could use Ligilimency. It was a good bet he knew how to use Occulemency also. He had practically trained himself to keep people out. They walked a lap around the courtyard. Fina started to head inside.

"You dragged us out here. It seems stupid to just walk it once," Snape said.

"I'm game if you are." They copied their previous footsteps.

"I'm surprised you're not with your boyfriend."

"Excuse me?"

"He must be heartbroken," Snape sneered.

"You want to clue me in on this?"

"Black."

"Not bloody likely. He's an annoyance, not an acquaintance."

"I don't see the difference between him and your friend Evans. They're both irritating." Fina frowned at the sidewalk, where the snow chalked the hems of their robes,

"Lily's the closest thing to family I've ever had. She's kin. Sirius is not." He noticed her tone bordered on the arctic and abandoned the subject.

"If you hate Black so much, why sit in close quarters with him and his fan club?"

"I don't. They come to us. Lily and I find it's easier to just let them hang around than drive them away. Don't get me wrong-they're a bunch of gits. If it wasn't for Remus, I'd write the lot of 'em off."

"Lupin garners an exception?" Fina stared up at the moon.

"He doesn't harass people like James and Sirius. Even Peter laughs with them. Remus isn't cruel." Snape frowned.

"Apathy is the same as harassment." Fina stopped walking.

"And that's why I wanted to apologize. I can't act as if I didn't say anything at breakfast. I was angry at someone else and took it out on you." Snape grunted, shifting his weight. He looked uncomfortable.

"I don't relish telling Lily I've started tutoring without her. She's quite brilliant at Potions." Snape snorted.

"Mediocre at best." Fina rolled her eyes.

"I take back that apology."

"Good." They finished their walk and entered the castle. The Great Hall was empty. Snape stopped before the hall to the Ravenclaw dorm. He dug into his robes.

"Here." He handed Fina a plain notebook. She opened it.

"Severus, are these your Potions notes?"

"It's a copy for your reference." Fina then realized why he wasn't at supper.

"How long did this take?"

"Does it matter?" Fina closed the notebook.

"Thank you." Snape nodded.

"I don't have anything for you."

"This isn't a gift exchange, Hawkins."

"Oh."

"Goodnight."

" 'Night." He left, his robe a whirling black curtain in the growing dark. Fina returned to the Common Room. She pulled a massive tome titled "Uncommon Spells for Unusual Circumstances" into her lap and flipped to the index. Next session, she would have a special request ready for Severus. Hopefully, he wouldn't try to find out the reason behind it. The explanation was worth an Unbreakable Vow.