It had been a week since Timothy awoke in the hospital. One week since the postponed wedding. Patrick's heart ached as he watched Shelagh, being happy with his son, playing and joking with him beside his hospital bed. Things should not have been like this, but they were, and he should not be selfish, his son was recovering incredibly fast, and soon there would be time to get married. However, he still felt bad. Shelagh left her life for him, and he could not even give her a decent wedding.
For that reason, since a couple of days, he decided to try to spend time with her, give her the courtship she deserved and not the rush they seemed to live. After all, maybe postponing the wedding was a good thing, because they hardly knew each other and the time together they almost always spent with Timothy. Now, with more time and while he could and his patients allowed him, he wanted to give her every free moment he had, and also, a date every night: drink a coffee, go for a walk, or take her from the hospital to dinner somewhere away from the curious glances of Poplar, or a quiet chat and dinner in his flat. Hopefully they could dance or sing together, something he discovered that Shelagh enjoyed enormously.
So while he watched how she taught Scottish humorous words to his son and Timothy laughed with a healthy guffaw, he mentally prepared what to do tonight. The best would be his flat, he was a bit tired, and she sure would be too, after spending the whole afternoon chatting with her son and some children of the same Timothy´s room who, of course, adored her.
He left without saying anything, and neither she nor Timothy realized his absence. As the hospital was well located, finding good food was easy. When he had it, he came back and stood in front of his son's bed.
"What is it that smells so good?" the boy asked.
"Dinner for Shelagh and me."
"And why should I eat pumpkin?"
"Patrick, don´t be cruel, invite him something" Shelagh laughed.
"I'm sorry, young man, but the orders of your doctor and all the nurses are that you shouldn´t eat anything that is not made in this hospital. But tomorrow I´ll bring you chocolate, because I´m your doctor too. What do you think?"
Timothy nodded grudgingly.
"So, dinner at home?" said Shelagh as they went out. Patrick smiled, since a few days she started to say "home" and not "your home".
"Unless you want to have dinner at the Ritz..."
"How extravagant you are," she laughed, "I'd rather eat at home, I'm tired."
He warmed up the meal and had dinner quietly, talking about Timothy's progress, the patients, the sisters. Patrick asked her about the Scottish words she taught Tim, taking it as an opportunity to learn more about her. He delighted to see her mischievous smile and learn more about her anecdotes and things when she was a child and teenager. Shelagh was young and beautiful and he could not imagine her even younger and more beautiful, but he was envious of those who knew her in that time. He felt inside the desire to someday see a little girl like her, running and doing her same mischiefs.
"Are you listening to me?" she said, pulling him out of his thoughts.
"Sorry, I was distracted" he immediately regretted to say that, because her happy look turned sad, "My love, forgive me, I wasn´t thinking of anything else while you were talking to me. I was thinking about you."
"Were you thinking about me?" she said in surprise.
"Yes, I was thinking in I wish I knew you when you were a child."
"You wouldn´t have been interested in me. When I was a child, you were old enough."
"Sorry? Are you mentioning that I'm an old man?" he simulated to be offended.
She laughed and then took a sip of water without leaving her mischievous gaze.
"I'm just telling the truth" she replied with malice. He could not help smile like a fool but he was marveled again, because in public Shelagh was more than shy, she was not like he knew her, when she was Sister Bernadette, so independent and even severe, but with her fun touches. But, when she was so relaxed with him, she was much more than all that. She was an incredible woman. He took her hand and kissed it. She calmed her giggle and looked at him sharply. Then she cleared her throat.
"I´m going to clean the table and wash all this" she stood up.
"Leave it, I will. Why don´t you look for a record? I want to dance. If you want, of course."
"Patrick, I always want."
Something in that sentence, or in her tone of voice, or in her look that grew darker, made him restless. Once more she was surprising him with something different, once more he was discovering something he did not know she had inside. He lifted the dishes quickly as she searched through the records and commented him something about Trixie and a new record store in the West End with the latest music and a great price.
He did not stack the dishes or wash them, he needed to get back to her. He took her by the waist and she did a little cry. She turned and looked at him with a smile. She seemed innocent again and she blushed and looked down when he took her to start dancing. He did not say anything, just looked at her, while she looked at her feet, claiming she did not want to step on him. He insisted on looking at her until she lifted her head. Shelagh was still blushing, but he lowered his head to her lips. It was just a touch, something he knew she liked. She pressed herself against his body when he separated his mouth from her. He gave her another small kiss, and he felt her smile. Then another more, and then he took her lip between his own. He felt her hands tightening on his shoulders and then one of them running into his hair as he repeated the same kiss again. Her breathing changed, he could feel it. Again he kissed her and heard a slight gasp. She pulled away and looked into his eyes. She was blushing but her gaze was not innocent.
"I love you" she sighed. And he was paralyzed. Until that day she had not said it, it was not necessary to say that because they had it written on their faces every time they looked at each other. And now she had just told him, and in a way he felt he would drive him crazy. It had been a sigh, a nearly moan that turned into a kiss that she gave him and he took care of deepen. He tightened his grip on her waist when he felt her legs falter as he ran his tongue over the seam of her lips. Her mouth opened for him and his other hand made the way to her well-combed hair and he felt some locks loose. He loved her hair down and the silk sensation between his fingers made him feel more lost. The pleasure of her hair between his fingers combined with the pleasure of feeling Shelagh's hand in his own hair, and her hand climbing between his vest and his shirt, burning his back. He demanded more with the kiss, and she answered him firmly, pressing more against his body and her taste and attitude began to make him delirious. It was very short time that he had taught Shelagh how to kiss, and she was embarrassed and very shy at first, but now, like everything else tonight, she was surprising him. Shelagh was his best student and he was delighted to be his teacher. Slowly, he moved his hand from her waist to her belly and she let out a moan and immediately separated. She looked at him almost frightened, her face and lips red.
"I´m sorry" Patrick said not knowing why he was apologizing and trying to guess what he did wrong.
"Don´t, I´m sorry" she looked at the floor again and lowered her hand from his head and the hand on his back quickly left its place.
He dropped his hand on her waist, and only held one on her cheek. He cursed, he sure did something wrong, he crossed the line making her feel uncomfortable. He was blinded with the new Shelagh he discovered every day, forgetting who she was just a few weeks ago. He felt like a primitive.
"Shelagh, I´m sorry. I made you uncomfortable."
"Is not that" she shook her head, but still looking at the floor.
"So what is it?" he stroked her cheek, still thinking he might frighten her more.
"I´m stupid" she said it so low that he thought she said anything.
"Dear, did you say you're stupid? Why?"
She took a deep breath, and he knew that talking required a lot of courage for her. Patrick wondered when he would banish her fears, he did not want her to suffer, let alone with him. She saw as she stepped on the tip of her shoe with the other's heel, as she was a little girl who feels guilty.
"I...I don´t know what happened to me. I wanted to continue this but I was scared and I don´t know why."
"Did you like this?"
She nodded several times.
"I like to be with you. But...I think I'm scared that I like it. I told you, I'm stupid, what I say doesn´t make sense."
He heard a sob and he was alarmed, so he took her head in his hands and looked at her. Her eyes were wet.
"My love, don't cry."
"You deserve a real woman, not me" she looked anywhere but him, "I'm not a girl, but still I know nothing and you should teach me everything, it seems that I am...I don´t know…your daughter. And I'm afraid because I´m not a woman enough for you."
He could not believe what he heard. Shelagh, the woman of his dreams, she was here, saying that he deserved someone else and that she was not a woman. For Christ´s sake, she was the perfect woman for him. He was despaired, he could not think of anything to tell her to calm her down and take her fears. So he took her by the shoulders and led her to the sofa. When they sat down, he took her hands.
"Shelagh, look at me" she was reticent, looked at him barely for half a second, then looked away. He followed her with his head, intercepting her eyes to where she wanted to see, until she surrendered with a smile "Shelagh, listen to me. You are the woman of my dreams. You are a woman, I don´t want you to say that you aren´t because you are more woman than anyone I know. You are brave, and strong, and full of love for the whole world. That makes you the most beautiful woman in my eyes, and in the eyes of everyone."
She lowered her head again. He took her chin to force her to look at him again.
"I don´t mind teaching you everything, on the contrary, I'm delighted and I want you to tell me continually how you feel, if you feel uncomfortable, if you want to learn something or not, if one day you don´t want me close to you...whatever. I want you to tell me, because you're not learning alone, I'm learning too, about you. We´re getting married, I want you to trust me."
"Yes, we´re getting married, and I don´t know anything, Patrick" now she looked into his eyes, with a worried look, "I don´t know anything about... you know what. And any younger girl than me knows everything. I feel like…"
"How? Like a nun?"
She could not help but laugh at his question and at his funny look.
"You're immature" she laughed.
He laughed too, feeling relieved to see her smile again. Then he got serious, stroking her cheek.
"Shelagh, is logic you don´t know, so what? What does it matter if others know it and you don´t? Stop worrying about that. And never say again that you´re stupid. Nothing further from you than that, do you understand?"
"Yes" she turned to look at him, smiling.
"Now tell me, do you feel bad because you like it?"
"Yes. I guess it's because I'm not used to it" she looked down and played with her ring, something Patrick already recognized as a gesture of nervousness.
He looked at her closely, so long that she lifted her eyes and raised her eyebrows questioning his silence.
"I think I know why you got scared."
She blushed and closed her eyes, shaking her head.
"I should have told you."
"I hope you'll tell me next time. I was kissing you and I moved my hand and you moaned."
She blushed furiously and lowered her eyes again.
"I was scared when I heard myself do that. I didn´t recognize myself."
He saw her biting her bottom lip in anguish and took her chin again.
"Dear, if you did it was because you liked it, there is no harm. Don´t think badly about yourself. You liked it, that's all. And I'm sorry if I pushed you, or if I made you feel uncomfortable."
"I'm always comfortable when I'm with you" she made a big smile, "It's all so strange...but I want to get used to everything, I want you to show me and I want to tell you. I want to feel no guilt. This is taking time, I think."
"I'm not in a hurry, my love" he smiled. He could not help it, so he planted a small kiss at the corner of her mouth. She smiled and cupped his face in both hands and planted a proper kiss on his mouth, "Well, well, Miss Mannion, I'm learning that you have sudden mood swings."
She giggled and kissed him again, and moved quickly away. He kissed her back and they spent a few minutes stealing and returning quick kisses as if they were competing for who gave more. Patrick was delighted with her laughter again, until he realized something: they were playing. They never played anything, and now they were here, on the couch, playing between kisses and giggles as if they were school children.
"I love you" he said, another first time of words, and she smiled with her smile and with her eyes. She ran her hand down his cheek and stroked his hair that fell on his forehead, which seemed to enchant her. Then she got close to him and gave him a real kiss, looking for his tongue. He let her try, they were in this same dance of hands and rapid breathings again. He felt her hand searching for his neck and shivered. Then he felt her take one of his hands and put it on her hip. He smiled to himself and moved his hand again to the point where he had made her moan. He did it so slowly, circling her hip, until with the heel of his hand grazed her belly. And a moan again. Only this time there was no separation, on the contrary, Shelagh pressed her mouth more to his and pressed her hand on his shoulder. He felt lucky so he climbed his hand and then turned it to her side, barely touching the profile of her breast. Another moan, louder this time. He pulled away slowly, and saw that she was not very convinced. He saw her blue eyes darker again, and he knew she desire him. God, he did not know how he would wait until the wedding.
Slowly he moved closer to her mouth again to give her a soft kiss and then turned to her jaw and neck. He felt himself in the glory, he never ventured to go there and only he knew how much he wanted to savor her soft skin. He heard another moan and her hand on his head, urging him to stay there, as she threw her neck back and arched her back. His hand was now on her leg and climbed a few inches also taking the edge of her skirt, but not daring to do more. His other hand played with her hair. He barely bit her neck.
"Patrick."
If he ever thought he was in heaven, to hear her say his name in that form, the most sensual form he had ever heard, simply made him believe dead. It was his name, sighed and mixed with a moan of the person he loved and desired most. He parted from her neck and returned to her mouth, and Shelagh tried to wrap her arm around his back in an attempt to move him closer to her. He felt her breasts against him and this time it was he who could not help a moan and then another when he felt her smile beneath his mouth. Evidently she liked him to respond to her in the same way. He climbed a few inches over her leg and heard a sigh again. He lowered his hand from her hair to her back and slowly found the edge of her blouse. He pulled away slowly, resting his forehead against hers.
"Are you ok?" he asked breathlessly.
"Yes. Very good" she said with a half smile.
He took a deep breath, wanted to do something, but he knew that before he should ask her, because things were progressing a lot tonight and he did not want to frighten her again.
"May I…?" he said with the edge of her blouse in his fingers. Shelagh only closed her eyes.
"I want you to teach me more" he swallowed, did not expect an answer like that, just a "no" or a "yes" with little conviction. He felt her fingers tremble as they traveled slowly beneath the blouse. She gasped as his fingers found the bristling skin on her back. He approached and kissed her slowly, enjoying in the softest softness he had ever touched. He turned his mouth to her neck and encircled her waist and climbed his hand a little more because he did not want to touch the bra. It was what he wanted most but he knew that if he did it would bother her and worse, he could no longer control himself. She let out another low and long moan, an expression of pleasure that he never thought he would ever hear coming from her but that he had allowed himself to dream more than once. After hearing her chorus of gasps and moans he knew that until that night, Shelagh was repressed, because now he knew that any place where he touched her made her shudder. He moved his hand and pulled away.
He smiled at her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She was flushed but with a bright smile as well as her eyes. He wondered how Shelagh doubted his desire to teach her, when it was a delight to show her every one of the ways to make her feel good and beautiful, and loved. Crossed his mind that in a short time he could teach her more than that, he could show her the places of her own body that would make her enjoy. He swallowed, not the right moment to think that.
"Darling, I should take you home" he said to distract himself from his own thoughts and desires.
"Yes, it´s time" she looked at her watch and agreed reluctantly.
He took her hand and kissed her ring. Then he stood up and led her to the door.
