Title: Turning Dark
Author: Loteva
Written: 5.06 – 17.07.2012
Main Character: Jacen Solo
Warnings: Parody/Horror, spoilers for Dark Nest and LotF, references to Anderson's books
Time: Between "The Unifying Force" and Dark Nest Trilogy
A/N: I'm just so angry at LotF, I had to address a few issues... Totally spontaneous fic, intended to be a parody but my anger took over at some point. It's also an exercise in writing dialogue. Read and review, please!
Standard disclaimer applies.
It was another non-exciting day in life of Jacen Solo, the Hero of the Galaxy Far, Far Away. He was just stopping at a space station in the remote star system unknown for anything but a few mines of iron ore on his journey in search of knowledge about the Force. After buying the supplies for his ship, Jacen decided to go for a walk around the station, maybe grab a bite, play a hand of sabacc – the usual activities of the spacer in transit. And it would go just as usual, if Jacen was any other person than himself. Alas, his Solo trouble-magnet genes worked against him once again. Little did he know, a few malicious individuals wanted to use him for their nefarious plans.
Jacen's danger sense pinged and he came to a halt in the middle of the walkway. He casually stretched himself out and surreptitiously glanced around, yet he didn't detect anything wrong in the vicinity which was even more alarming than a plain old bomb or an assassin lurking in the shadows. Even through the Force Jacen was unable to discern the nature of the threat and that made him extremely wary.
Jacen decided to continue his stroll as standing in one spot and looking like an idiot wasn't going to help him figure out anything. The safest course of action would be to return to his ship and blast off the station but that option was unavailable to him because the ship was still being refueled. Besides, he wasn't a person who ran at the first whiff of trouble. Thus, he headed straight for the local cantina, as according to his earlier plans. The pangs of hunger were impossible to ignore, not to mention the mere thought of eating ration bars sickened him. He needed real food and he needed it fast.
The young Jedi was on edge the entire time in the cantina, ready to spring into action at the slightest provocation, yet no attack came at him. The other patrons minded their business, leaving him alone to mull over the vague sense of danger as he was swallowing huge bites of his bantha burger. He didn't expect in a million years that the lack of proper table manners inherited from his father to his mother's constant despair would be the cause of his undoing.
The sudden bang of the door accompanied by the detonation of several stun grenades had Jacen instinctively rolling down under the table in mid-chew. The forces of gravity worked clearly against him as the large chunk of burger slid into the wrong tube. Jacen choked.
He was still wheezing and coughing in the effort to dislodge the obstacle from his throat when the table was knocked over, leaving him exposed and vulnerable like a space-slug without a shell. Through the black spots flying in his vision he saw the man clad in full green armour standing above him. The blaster in his grasp was a dead giveaway of hostile intentions.
'Get up, Solo,' ordered the man in tinny voice.
Jacen wheezed desperately.
'Oh, for the love of...' the man said in exasperation, holstering his gun and hauled him to his feet. After the heavy back pounding, the piece of burger finally fell out. Jacen gratefully sucked in fresh air.
'Thanks,' he croaked.
'None needed,' replied the man and plunged the syringe with some blue fluid into Jacen's neck.
His eyes rolled back as he blacked out.
Jacen came to much later in an undisclosed location. First thing he did was reach out in the Force, but it was no use as he found himself cut off from it. He tentatively cracked open his eyelids and discovered only velvety darkness obscuring his view. Groggily, he shook his head in the attempt to clear the cobwebs from his memory but instead managed to increase the overpowering headache. He erupted into a harsh cough caused by a dry spell in his mouth.
'You awake, Solo? Good,' he heard the man who captured him.
One feeble light was lit. Squinting, Jacen studied the armour-clad man and finally put two and two together.
'Fett!' he gasped, which caused another uncontrolled fit of coughing.
Fett approached him and unceremoniously jabbed the drink with a straw at him. 'Drink.'
Jacen clamped his mouth shut.
'It's just water. Drink it.'
Unable to connect with the Force, young Jedi couldn't tell if the bounty hunter lied to him. Indecision grabbed him.
'Fine, I won't offer again.'
'Wait...' Jacen relented and drank. The cool water soothed his sore throat.
'What did you do to me?' he asked.
'Ysalamiri.' One word was enough explanation.
'Are we on the space station? Who are you working for?' Jacen continued the barrage of questions.
'Not your business. They'll come soon.'
'Who...' the next question was cut off by Fett threatening to shoot him.
Jacen eyed up his restraints. His arms and legs were cuffed to the metal chair. Without the Force he couldn't open the manacles. He slumped in defeat and awaited what was in store for him. He had a nasty feeling it was going to be highly unpleasant.
The door slid open and three shady-looking individuals stepped inside the room. They wore long, hooded cloaks which concealed their features. Jacen threw them a vicious glare, being certain they were the ones holding Fett's leash.
'Solo is secured. I've fulfilled the terms of our contract,' the bounty hunter said.
'Good, I knew you wouldn't fail us, Bob'ika,' praised him one of the figures in a high-pitched, feminine tone.
'Yes, mistress,' Fett bowed before her to the utter astonishment of the captured Jedi. Since when Boba Fett bowed before anyone? The woman happily gushed and cooed over the Mandalorian battle-hardened leader as if he was sweet and harmless as a baby Umgullian blob.
'Yes, yes, spare us your rainbows and sunshine love for your Mando puppy, Karen,' interjected impatiently the taller of the other two. The other one nodded in agreement but stayed silent.
The first man headed for their captive. 'Jacen, my boy, it's so good to finally see you face to face.'
Jacen regarded him dubiously. The man caught the lack of logic in his statement, as his face was still shadowed due to the hood, and gave a small laugh. 'I don't mean literally face to face, you know.'
'Ohh, Bob'ika, you're such a sweetie, I will never ever let you die of old age! Or die at all!' exclaimed the enthusiastic woman.
'Karen, shut up!' snapped the man, then continued talking to Jacen. 'Perhaps you're wondering why we went to such lengths just to meet you.'
'Maybe you're creepy stalkers?' Jacen risked a guess.
'Hahaha! Good one,' the stranger chuckled as if he's been told a great joke. Jacen would have been pleased in any other case, as people normally thought his jokes were lame, but in this instance he actually wasn't saying it in jest. He didn't even try to. Maybe that's the answer – I shouldn't try to be funny and then I will be funny?, he mused. Before he could give more thought to the new theory on improving the quality of his jokes, he was painfully jolted back to the reality by the intense electric zap.
'As I was just saying,' the creepy stalker number one glowered in irritation for being ignored, 'obviously, we aren't creepy stalkers.'
'Could have fooled me,' whispered Jacen.
'Boba, you have dents in your armour! I should definitely give you a new cool one! I know, I'll just think up the super waterproof, rustproof and lightsaberproof Mandalorian metal so you would be always protected!' the creepy female stalker exclaimed once again.
'My armour is fine, I don't need another,' protested the weary bounty hunter.
'Nonsense! You deserve the best, Bob'ika, and I'll get it for you, just watch!'
The creepy stalker number one looked at the silent creepy stalker number two, who presumably was also male, and nodded in pained manner. The other nodded back, pulled out the thick rope from under his voluminous cloak and with a skill and precision that belied his experience in such matters professionally bound and gagged their irritating companion.
'Well, as you are dying to know our purpose for bringing you here, I have no choice – I'll tell you,' the number one said dramatically. 'We want to discuss your future, Jacen Solo.'
Jacen raised his eyebrow, bewildered.
'Yes, your gloriously perfect future! It's already decided and we've come to get your full cooperation. We don't want any surprises.'
'I'm listening,' Jacen said shortly, mentally categorizing the strangers as insane – and you better don't argue with the insane.
'I knew you would know what's good for you. You're nothing like your contrary brother. He was fighting his destiny all the way. I had to resort to very... unpleasant methods to make him compliant,' the man reminisced.
'You knew Anakin?' Jacen prodded, feeling alarm at that revelation.
'Yes, of course. Why otherwise would he go on that suicidal mission? If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have ever fulfilled his destiny and put you on your path. He truly thought the voxyn could be destroyed differently, I had hard time convincing him to go after them personally.'
'What did you do?' the Jedi asked deceptively calmly, but inside his fury was rising. Only his disbelief kept it at bay.
'I blackmailed him. If he didn't follow my scenario, then his sweet Tahiri would die heroically to destroy this threat. The brat quickly discovered the meaning of obedience and did my bidding like a good little character would,' the man chuckled gleefully, the satisfaction of the task accomplished rolling of him. Jacen could feel it without the Force. It sickened him, how the crazy could be so crude, talking about the living, talking person, Jacen's brother, like he was a commodity, to be exploited and thrown away when it outlives its usefulness.
'You claim that you ordered Anakin to go on the mission to Myrkr. How do I know you're telling the truth? I'm cut off from the Force,' Jacen stated. Perhaps the crazy man was also stupid enough to take away the ysalamiri so he could find counsel in the Force and free himself. However, nothing of the sort happened.
'You don't have to believe me. I have the absolute control over you and this whole universe as I wield the ultimate power of creation. As a matter of fact, I am getting paid for doing just that,' the man pronounced arrogantly.
'Then why all of this? Why did you capture me if you're omnipotent?' Jacen played along.
'Because you're a special case, Jacen Solo. After all that you've gone through you've become something more than you should. Your character developed beyond bounds, because my predecessors paid too much attention to you. Personally, I blame Matthew. As the character gains its independence, it takes a life of its own and when it comes to you, I can't let it happen. My mission is to reign you in, so you would stick to the Plan.'
Jacen sat still, shocked into silence. What do you say to someone who is certified? But the seeds of doubt were sown as he thought he heard the truth ringing through the words of the man. The Jedi longed like never before to touch the Force and verify the laughable, ridiculous, disturbing claims.
The crazy man started pacing the floor while he continued his monologue.
'You Solo brothers are the most problematic. Your parents and uncle were easily shackled and subdued. Why do you think Luke blundered so much? Because he was forced to! Otherwise there would be no Kyp Durron succumbing to the Dark Side and destroying Carida, no romancing with Callista or no you fighting for the first time at age four! No drama! My predecessors didn't give him any chance to rebel against them and these are the results. Most entertaining, I must say. But Anakin and you,' the man stopped in his tracks to point a finger at Jacen, then resumed the pacing, 'are different story. They gave you too much leeway and you broke out from under their control. And now I am to correct their mistake, as I did with Anakin.'
The cold fury was so potent that Jacen's throat clenched. He had to work to swallow and relax it so he could speak again, barely suppressing the rage. He ought to be calm, no matter how much the man insulted his family.
'Anakin was a mistake? And you corrected it... by ordering his death?'
'I didn't say Anakin was a mistake. The mistake was giving him too much freedom. He became uncontrollable. It was impossible to fix so he had to die. At least he served his purpose,' the crazy man explained patiently. Jacen had a violent urge to knock his teeth out.
'You have nothing to worry about, I'm not going to kill you in a long time.' The Jedi couldn't fathom how the man misinterpreted the spark of anger in his eyes for fear. 'Your destiny is the most spectacular I've ever designed. And your death will be truly heart-wrenching and unforgettable!' the crazy man said proudly, in utter enjoyment of his self-praise. 'But first things first, let's discuss your immediate future.'
The lunatic stopped pacing altogether, instead choosing to stand right before the captive Jedi, with his hands splayed on his sides, as if he was going to lecture a petulant child.
'When you get back home, I'm going to improve your love life,' he announced.
'How is that any of your business?' Jacen spluttered in embarrassment and indignation, caught off guard by such a bold statement.
'Believe me, it is.' The man probably intended to assure him, but miserably failed. 'You're going to reunite with the love of your life.'
Jacen desperately tried to remember if there was someone who could be called 'the love of his life' yet no one came to mind. Except...
'Well, I've already been planning on catching up with Danni, but it's to early to call her that...'
'Fool!' roared the lunatic. 'Danni isn't your beloved! She's just some scientist tramp with minuscule Force-potential! She's not even a Jedi! Someone like her isn't worthy your attention! Besides if you'd started the relationship with her, there would have been no drama! No suspense! No danger!' he thrusted his arms into the air.
Jacen didn't deign to give a retort. It's not like he could persuade this maniac hell-bent on spouting drivel to desist the lunacy.
'Tenel Ka! The love of your life is Tenel Ka! It's so obvious I can't understand how you can be so dense!' exclaimed the crazy man in exasperation.
'This is absurd! I had a crush on her but I'm definitely not in love with her nor I ever was!' Jacen broke his resolve to stay silent. Tenel Ka was his friend and he couldn't let the lunatic drag her into this. 'Besides, any past feelings I had don't mean anything right now! My sister had a childhood crush too, on Zekk, and the last time I checked she's dating Jag!'
The crazy man burst out laughing, to Jacen's mounting frustration.
'Another good one! Oh, boy! I'm going to die from laughter! Hahaha!' Only after a good while the man was able to calm down and talk again. Jacen soon wished he didn't. 'Ah, your sister, our sweet Jaina... She was always the easiest to manipulate. We created a female cross of Luke and Han and absolutely no independent thought. A perfect puppet! Her love dilemma will be as confusing and dramatic as the latest episode of The Bold and the Beautiful, I assure you. You've seen nothing yet.' The Jedi could make out an outline of a grin under the deep hood of the man.
'Now, after one night together, you''ll see your beloved a year later... right after she'll give birth to your child!'
Jacen didn't know how to react at that newest revelation – be angry at the insistent including Tenel Ka into such a stupid scenario or amused at its quick descent into idiocy. He finally settled on the small smirk.
'I thought the pregnancy lasts for nine months not a year,' he commented.
'She would extend it so the Hapan nobles would be kept in the dark about you being a father.'
'Extend pregnancy? Is that even possible?' jibed Jacen.
'I'll make it possible!' the crazy man snapped at him. Jacen shrugged, unimpressed.
The man carried on lecturing the Jedi about his so-called 'masterplan' and Jacen let him, unable to to do anything. It got worse and stupider. Jacen learned that he was to follow the Sith tassels telling a prophecy about him. The man even dangled them right in his face – to Jacen they looked like a tacky trinket bought on bazaar for five credits. Why would he believe such an unreliable source of information? Did the lunatic think he was arrogant enough to presume prophecy was about himself? The lack of logic in all of this was both outrageous and pathetic but Jacen had to weather it if he hoped to ever get out of there. He managed to not give away any reactions until the wacky tale the man spun turned into the realm of delusion.
'… and then you would kill Nelani and begin your training to become a Sith Lord!'
Jacen choked, masking a laugh threatening to erupt from him.
'Have faith! You would be a fabulous Sith! I've always dreamt of the moment when you will follow in Vader's footsteps and now I have the means to make my dreams a reality!' The lunatic obviously took Jacen's reaction for disbelief. He decided not to dispel this notion.
'Vader's story so great, everyone loves it, so it would be a shame not to let history repeat itself! I'll make it the same – you having secret relationship with Tenel Ka like Anakin with Padme, forsaking the Jedi for Sith teachings, fighting the Confederacy, turning on your family for the sake of your beloved! And then the final duel, when the Light Side always triumphs!' The man started tearing up from all the emotion. When he calmed down and looked directly at Jacen, the Jedi straightened up in preparation for the worst.
'Are you going to cooperate? Now that you have seen the greatness of the masterpiece I created, would you give me a hand and see to its completion?' The crazy man asked seriously, his eyes sparking with an inner fire. Jacen shuddered; he knew that look. The Yuuzhan Vong had it while talking about their religion. It was a mark of a fanatic.
'Sure,' he lied. It seemed he succeeded as the madman smiled with satisfaction.
'He's lying,' suddenly stated the third hooded figure, who stayed silent to this point and easily faded into background. 'He's fooling you so you would let him go. I told you that he's never going to surrender, it's pointless to try talking him into accepting his fate.'
Jacen cursed in his mind. The other guy has seen right through his ruse.
'You can't blame me for trying. My way is more humane than plan B,' the crazy man argued.
'It had no chance from the beginning. And you know the torture wouldn't yield any results after the number Matthew did on him. To execute the plan we need total, unquestioned obedience and this is the only way we can get it.'
The madman sighed. 'Okay. But let me do that.'
'Why?' asked his companion.
'Because lying to me won't go unpunished,' he said viciously.
The other man shrugged and handed him the small remote control.
Jacen attempted once again to break the manacles, but it was more of a nervous reaction than thought out move on his part. He had no way of freeing himself and no one in the room was inclined to help him. He was doomed.
'Any last words?', the crazy man asked mockingly.
Jacen chose not to respond. Besides, anything he could come up with at the moment would be too embarrassingly dramatic to say out loud. He cast around one last look, taking in the sights of the composed hooded man, Boba Fett standing against the wall and picking at his fingernails with the air of disinterest, the bound and gagged woman laying looking at the bounty hunter with adoration from her spot on the floor and, finally, the madman pointing the remote at him like a blaster and licking his lips in anticipation.
'Say goodbye to your life, Jacen Solo! Full power activation!'
The man pushed a button on the remote and the destructive energy flew instantaneously through the chair and the manacles. The shock was so powerful, Jacen blacked out instantly to never wake up in his right mind.
It was effectively the end of the Hero of the Galaxy Far, Far Away.
The silence reigned for a full minute as a show of respect for the fallen Jedi.
'It is done?' half-said, half-asked the crazy man.
'Yes, his brain is fried. We have complete control over him,' assured him his companion.
'Excellent,' the wide smile split on the man's face.
With the last obstacle removed, the path to resurrection of the Sith and shameless copying Vader's story was cleared.
'Let's go! We have much to write! This time nothing will stop me from fulfilling my plans! Hahaha!' exclaimed the madman who wasn't really mad.
He headed for the door with dramatic flair but indignated squealing and sounds of shuffling stopped him in his tracks.
'Ah, yes, first let's unbind Karen.'
The End
