Do. Not. Ask. It's halloween night and it's two in the morning, so I think I have an excuse to be a wee bit weird. Kai's little episode on the ice, told by a tired, emotional, insane teenager. Little angsty, very weird. Hope ya enjoy, and please review.

Disclaimer: Wait! I know this one! I know this one! (Slight pause in which everyone glares. Grins) NO!

Monster

Does it hurt when you know you're going to die? Does it hurt when your breath picks up so much speed that it's unlikely any oxygen is getting to your lungs? Does it hurt to feel so cold that you can't bring yourself to move? Does it hurt to drown?

No. It doesn't hurt. That's the thing, it doesn't hurt. Not anymore. No pain, no more gaping holes in me. It doesn't hurt anymore.

Numb. I'm numb. The cold, unfeeling monster everyone thinks I am. Numb too the hurt, and numb too the lies, and numb too the icy water. Numb to the lack of oxygen getting through to me. Numb.

Is this what monsters feel like? Are they always free from hurt? Am I do die a monster, free from everything that made my life so worthless? Was I always a monster?

I guess not. Monsters are free, I was always bound. Bound by my emotions, bound by my insecurity, bound by lies. Lies that I fed myself, and the world, in the hope that I could bury the hurt and believe those lies. It never worked, and I jumped from lie to lie in the hopes that I could find one that worked, and make me a monster.

I guess I found it. That lie was life.

Numb, safe inside a monsters heart. No more hurt, no more lies. No more ... love.

But who would love me? They hated the human I was, and they hate the monster I've become. They hate me ... what's left of me.

Hate ... now that's a strong emotion ... can monsters hate? Can I hate someone? No ... no I can't hate anyone. I never could. Hate was always to strong for me ... love was the same.

Hurt. That was all I ever felt. I only ever felt hurt ... and cold. Always so cold. But not anymore. Safe. Safe wrapped in a numb monsters heart. No more hurt.

Hand of friendship, hand meant to strike. Voice of temptation. Willing me back away from my cocoon of numb to live one more lie. Is he speaking lies to me again, does he want the world to hurt me again? Is he a monster too?

No ... no, not a monster. Monsters don't cry. Monsters don't beg you not to die. Monsters are numb. Monsters are like ... am I a monster?

Monsters don't cry, but I am. Monsters don't feel, but I am. It hurts ... it all hurts again. I want to ... to ...

Does it hurt betraying your friends. Does it stop you hurting inside? Does hurting other people help any? Did power help you any?

No. The answer is always no! Always no with me. No, I'm not waek. No, I'm not strong. No, I'm not perfect. No, I'm not a loser. Monsters don't answer no. Monsters don't answer at all.

Why is it always no with me?

xXx

Are their hands warm?

... Yes ...

I don't know what it is with me though, Kai just brings out my inner desire to burst out with emotional rants. Well, besides that, anyone gots anything to say? Reviews mean the world.