Its that one feeling that hurts the most. The knowing that you can't do anything about it. Watching Carol wince in pain as that one walker that one walker started ripping at her flesh. That feeling knowing I failed her. I promised her I would never ever do that to her. She screamed but I couldn't hear her. I seemed so far away but I was right next to her. She kept yelling for me to look at her. I never want to see her in pain. I stared at the wall on the other side of the room. Walkers were tearing out my flesh. Carol needed me to look at her to see that I was ok, to hold my gaze one more time. I couldnt, I didnt look at her. I failed her twice. Letting the walkers rip me apart, I couldnt even feel that pain. No, I felt the failure, I lost her, while she trusted me. Trying to protect her when the herd came through I kept her behind me, getting our backs against a wall. I tried to kill all of those walkers coming at us. And she got bit first. I failed her three times. She was gripping my hand trying to stay standing. Still screaming for me. I couldnt hear her over the thoughts in my head. I couldnt feel the burn of blood flowing out of my vains, down my arms and onto the ground into a neat little puddle. I couldnt feel the pain of rotten death because of the pain of knowing I let her down. I caused her to be screaming right now. I told her again and again that I would always be there to protect her no matter what, no matter what and I got her killed. She was still trying so hard to get my attention as she was slipping to the floor. I was waiting to feel even more pain by watching my life before my eyes. It made it all even worse than it already was. Seeing Sophia in the barn again. Thinking about how I told her I would find her. Even if it killed me. I failed her four times. All I've done to her was break promises. I still love her. She doesnt deserve me, she deserves better. Someone who keeps their promises. I would die without her. But I love her too much. I would be willing to let her leave me, when I told her I wouldnt let her, she promised she wouldnt, but I would let her in the end. I would let her tell me she hates me. I would let her kill me herself. I love her that much. Her hand was still in mine as she was softly calling my name. A man like me in this kind of world only cries once. One time is the last time. Or not at all. I couldnt help her. It was killing me. I barely felt the tears streaming down my face. I wanted so badly to squeeze her hand in return. The only way I could say sorry. But I lost feeling from the elbow down. I failed her five times. I wanted to call to her but I dont think I would be able to bear it, even if I could speak right now. I know it would hurt her to hear it, I already basicly killed her, so I kept it to myself. Her hand was slipping from mine, whispering "I love you", I tried so hard to grab her hand, to bring her back. But all I could do was stand there. Walkers were still biting off every inch of flesh I had left. Why wasn't I dead yet? Why wont this kill me? I have nothing left anyway. She's gone. I have nothing. Nothing to gain and nothing to lose. I want her back. I would do anything. I love her. I hope for the best for her. I want her to be happy. I know this world isnt the best way to live, but I still want her alive. I would try to keep it as normal as possible for her. I want her happy, And safe. And alive. I want her to get up and walk it off. Say she was kidding and pull off fake bite marks even though I really was bit. Yeah it would hurt me, but I would be thankful that shes alive. She could go on fo the both of us. I love her that much. I need her to be ok. Even though I know shes dead. I want to hope for her life when she grabs my arm again. I cant bring myself to think that shes ok. I know that shes not and that theres no chance. But I want her to be alive and well so badly, I would do anything. Anything for her life. I want so bad for her to be happy. For her to back to her normal life. With no fear of being eaten. I want her to have life. I would give her mine, but that wouldn't do her any good now. I love her and would do anything for her. So when she starts ripping at my flesh...I lover her enough, more than enough, more than anything...I let her.
