"Don't overthink it, Daniel," Charlotte said lightly, winking at him. "It's just coffee. I promise not to ravage you."
Dan really didn't know which angle Charlotte was playing with him. She had used him before to get information about a client to use in court. And he was still hurt about that. But then again, she was a really attractive woman and she seemed to like him – had even said so. And he liked her. Not to mention that the sex was great. Truly amazing. That woman was a wild animal in the sack and she kept coming back for more. So why should he not indulge in a little fun?
Charlotte had intercepted him at the precinct, just as he was about to call it a day, and now they were standing near the interrogation rooms talking quietly about their chosen café while his remaining colleagues watched with hawk-eyes. Charlotte Richards was a real looker and he could feel the envy of about every single male specimen in the room. He also noticed Lucifer lurking suspiciously nearby. It was very unlike the man to hang around after hours if he didn't have an ulterior motive. The revelation about Charlotte being Lucifer's stepmom had come as quite a surprise. But as he'd told Chloe: it did make a weird amount of sense. Lucifer's awkward behaviour around her, the way he attacked him when he first heard that they'd had sex, Amenadiel and Lucifer's competing over her. Although it was weird to hear them call her 'mom' (or in Lucifer's case 'mum' in that annoyingly British accent) since she couldn't be much older than the both of them.
Suddenly noticing that he hadn't answered the woman in front of him and that she was still looking at him expectantly, he finally nodded and was about to give a verbal response as well, when he was shoved aside none-to-gently.
"Can I talk to you for a second, Mother? – You'll excuse us, Douche," Lucifer interrupted in an annoyed voice. His tone instantly had Dan's blood boiling – a sentiment that had become regular whenever Chloe's partner was around. But this time it wasn't because Lucifer was once again throwing insults at him (which was bad enough all in itself but he had somehow got used to it), but at the way he looked at Charlotte. He bit back the insult that was already at the tip of his tongue with some difficulty. He would try to be the adult in their little spar since it probably wouldn't win him any brownie points with Charlotte if he offended her stepson.
"That is a very rude way to butt into a conversation, son. Daniel and I were just about to leave and get some coffee," Charlotte chided softly while noticing with dismay the resentful look on Lucifer's face. She knew exactly what her son wanted; they'd had several arguments about it already, but she had thought that he had given up. Apparently she was wrong.
Lucifer however did not pay his Mother's chiding tone any mind. He had more pressing matters to attend to: preventing the budding liaison between Mum and Detective Douche. Of all the men she could have chosen, she chose him. It almost seemed as if she was actively looking for ways to make Lucifer's life miserable. Well, he was about to put a stop to that.
"Yes, well, I'm about to save you – and me – from a very unpleasant experience," he stated. "You may thank me later." Dan snorted loudly, but refrained from getting in the middle of that argument. Lucifer turned his scorching gaze upon Dan for a few short moments before redirecting it to his mother, who returned it with a raised eyebrow.
"We've had this conversation before," Charlotte said coldly. "And I seem to recall that I made myself quite clear on the matter." A less stubborn – or smarter – man would probably back down at the look on her face, though Lucifer didn't seem to be any of the above. Other than a slight blush, he showed no signs of being affected by his mother's words.
"Mh-mh, but there are new developments that I think you should take into consideration," he declared with conviction.
"Although you are free to express your opinion, son, it will not change my mind," Charlotte said sternly. "This matter is closed, as I told you not 24 hours ago. And I told you what would happen, if you did not drop it. Whatever it is that you wish to express now, it will have to wait." There was a finality and firmness in her tone that impressed Dan. He had never heard anyone talk to their pain-in-the-ass civilian consultant like that and he was curious to see how this conversation would pan out.
Truth be told, they had had this conversation before and she had outlined the possible consequences – incredibly unjust consequences they were – but Lucifer didn't believe that she would actually follow through with it – at least not in public. And he planned to take full advantage of that fact.
"But it's bloody madness," Lucifer growled through clenched teeth. He really couldn't understand his mother's infatuation with someone as blatantly dull as Dan Espinoza. He knew that they had been having naked fun before, but somehow knowing that Dan knew that they were related made it a lot worse. He had tried several times to convince her of his point of view; had even had Amenadiel try his luck – but to no avail. (Although he suspected that his brother had been too much of a coward to confront her at all.) Their mother was adamant – no, stubborn! Well, it was just her misfortune that he could be equally stubborn. As some silly human idiom about a tree and an apple hinted at. "It seems this quest you are on is causing you to lose what was left of your admittedly small amount of good judgement."
"Watch your mouth," Charlotte warned. "I will not be insulted by one of my children." She regarded him sternly. The countless arguments with Lucifer over the last few days were starting to seriously grate on her nerves.
"But I'm right," Lucifer exclaimed loudly and Dan had to marvel at his display of courage – or stupidity. He was still indecisive which one was more fitting. However, he did not like the way the club owner was talking to Charlotte. "Frankly I'm baffled by your horrible taste in the opposite sex. First Dad, now him. I admit I have no plausible explanation for Dad, but I presume Dan's constant proximity is affecting your common sense somehow. Although I fail to understand why you started seeing him in the first place! – Which reveals shocking parallels to your first marriage."
"You really shouldn't talk to your Mother like that," Dan advised carefully, unable to stay out of the dispute any longer. He had been rather content being a silent observer, but as Charlotte's eyes flared at Lucifer's disrespect, he felt inclined to interfere – for whose sake, he couldn't decide yet. Lucifer was clearly taking it a step too far. His body language displayed anger and resentment, and having been a witness to his outbursts before, Dan had become wary of his moods. Charlotte on the other hand looked as if she was no stranger to her stepson's behaviour and would not shy away from giving him a piece of her mind – in no uncertain terms; so he also felt apprehensive for his safety. Because they were partners and Chloe would be sad – certainly not because he cared.
"Don't you have anything productive to do? Paperwork perhaps?" Lucifer shot back angrily, diverting his gaze to Dan for a few seconds. His displeasure at the unwanted interruption was plainly visible on his face, but Dan refused to be intimidated. Lucifer's demeanour did nothing to invoke Dan's sympathy and help to get him out of this scrap with his Mother.
"That's enough," Charlotte's sharp order interrupted their stand-off, as Lucifer's eyes snapped back to his Mother and if Dan hadn't been watching him with hawk-eyes, he might have missed the flash of worry in the other man's eyes. "I've heard enough of your rudeness. You do not tell me with whom I shall or shall not go out, son. It's just coffee and there will be no more arguments about this. – Do I make myself perfectly clear?" Charlotte said. Dan could only watch anxiously. He didn't like the look on Lucifer's face one bit and he really hoped that he could control his temper. Charlotte on the other hand looked even more ravishing as she put her stepson in line – something few people were able to do.
"You're right," Lucifer agreed. "There won't be because you're not going. – I won't allow it – nay, I forbid it." Dan almost choked on his own saliva. He was pretty sure that his mother would have marched him to the nearest restroom for a mouthful of soap if he'd dared to talk to her this way. The look on Charlotte's face was foretelling a very gloomy future for Lucifer however, so he had little doubt that she could put him in his place – and was about to do so.
Lucifer felt something akin to dread pooling in the pit of his stomach as his Mother regarded him with barely concealed anger. If he hadn't made a habit of refusing to thank his Father for small mercies, he would throw Him a quick thank-you that they were in public right about now. With some difficulty he suppressed the urge to squirm and channelled his nervous energy into his fury about her silliness instead. It worked quite well, if he dared say so himself.
"Excuse us, please, Daniel," she said throwing him a quick apologetic smile. "I need to have a word in private with my son." Her eyes fell back onto said son; the expression on her face so furious, he wondered how Lucifer could remain so incredibly hard-headed and disrespectful. "Lucifer, in here." She motioned for him to step into an empty interrogation room, but Lucifer stubbornly remained where he was.
"No. – It's not right. I refuse to let you go out with him. I'm protecting you from another terrible mistake. Can't you see that?" Also he really didn't want to lose the relative safety of witnesses around.
"I really don't want to embarrass you in front of your colleagues because for some reason you seem to seek their approval," Charlotte declared with a tranquillity that Dan wouldn't have thought possible since she looked about one step away from reeling her son into the room. "But if you don't stop embarrassing me, I will assume that their opinion isn't really that important to you and deal with you right here in front of them. – Now, for the last time, get in here!" Astonished Dan watched as Lucifer's ears turned red, the only indication that his Mother's threat was hitting home, and with a dark look on his face he stalked past her. "This will only take a few minutes," Charlotte reassured him with a smile before following her son and closing the door firmly behind her.
Taking a deep breath, Charlotte watched her son with mixed feelings. Certainly she was furious with him for his display. She did not condone that sort of tantrum and had made certain her children had no doubts about what she'd do if they indulged in this behaviour. But then again, Lucifer had been without parental guidance for a long time, having been cast out of Heaven when he had been the celestial equivalent to a teenager. And apparently he had not mastered his emotions very well on his own. Charlotte blamed herself for that. Well herself and of course Lucifer's Father.
Right now her son was seething. He whirled around to look at her, his expression full of pent-up anger. Charlotte wondered where it stemmed from. He'd been obstinate all week. She studied him carefully for a few moments, noticing with dismay that the dark lines under his eyes had got darker still and the strain in his facial muscles was more pronounced, combined with his overall haggard complexion, it did not make for a reassuring picture. He hadn't been taking proper care of himself; and since Lucifer had difficulties reining in his temper on a good day, it was only magnified considerably whenever he felt tired – or hungry; a nasty side-effect of living on earth. She decided that it was time for Mother to step in and help. She needed him at the top of his game for their quest to return to Heaven – but first she'd address his attitude.
"You might as well have dragged me in here by my ear!" Lucifer exploded glaring at her. He had only wanted to nib this amorous affair in the bud because he despised the thought of his Mother being with Detective Douche. It made him shudder. But of course Mum had to get difficult! Even going so far as to scold him in front of everyone! Talk about taking a blow to his reputation.
"I will drag you out of here that way, if I have to remind you once more to watch your tone," Charlotte retorted icily and Lucifer felt his face heating up in an enormous blush that stemmed from a mixture of both anger and embarrassment. He scowled at his Mother but his eyes kept darting to the door hoping that no-one could overhear his debasement. He hated his Mother's ability to reduce him to a quivering child whenever she was cross with him. It did not suit his devil persona. But still here he was, fighting to remain stoic and not back down because his Mummy was giving him a scolding.
Dan knew that he shouldn't eavesdrop, but his legs just wouldn't move. He tried convincing himself that he wanted to stay close in case Lucifer lost control of his temper – maybe Charlotte would need his help. Then it would be better if he stayed close by. Yes, right, who are you trying to kid here? It was morbid fascination, plain and simple. He was mesmerised by the woman who was able to have the arrogant club owner bow to her will. Sure, Chloe could handle Lucifer and he listened to her – most of the time. But this was something else entirely. So he stood rooted to the spot, staring at a door and straining his ears to hear what was being said. They argued quite loudly. He could clearly make out Lucifer's angry voice, but no words. His worry about Charlotte increased again.
"I heard them all the way over there in my lab." Startled Dan whirled around only to come face to face with Ella. "It was like an accident. I just couldn't look away. – Man, if I'd talked to my parents like that, I'd get more than an earful."
"Yeah, same here," Dan mumbled, but his attention was elsewhere. "Think he'll hurt her?" Ella looked at him barely able to hide a smirk. Dan couldn't see any humour in this. He was worried about Charlotte. Lucifer was freakishly strong.
"No, I don't think he'll hurt her," Ella appeased him. They leant back against a desk, looking at the door in companionable silence listening to the faint voices without really understanding what was being said.
"Now, when's the last time you slept, son?" Charlotte inquired, keeping her voice low. Despite outwards appearances she did not want to embarrass her son in front of these humans whose approval was for some strange reason important to him.
"We're not here to talk about my sleeping habits," Lucifer replied, but his Mother's query did take the wind out of his sails somewhat. He had prepared himself for a shouting match, not her concern towards his health.
"When did you eat last?"
"How is that helping to prevent you from going out with Detective Douche?" he sneered and watched nervously as his Mother's eyes narrowed.
"It doesn't," she answered finally. "It will however help me to decide if you need a proper meal and a good night's sleep or if you're being difficult just for the sake of it. In which case a trip over my knee will surely snap you out of this tantrum." Lucifer couldn't help fidgeting slightly and his stomach did a funny little nose-dive, but he made up for it by throwing Charlotte a scorching look. "Right now, I'm leaning towards the latter. – Answer my questions."
"It's none of your business," Lucifer countered. He should probably mind his tone now that there weren't any prying eyes around, but he was far too angry to care. Although he didn't know where this anger stemmed from; it had been building up constantly throughout the week – only magnified by his Mother's mulishness concerning Detective Douche and her constant nagging about her ridiculous plan to return to Heaven. "I can assure you that I am quite capable of taking care of myself. – I've been doing it for a long time."
"The dark circles under your eyes beg to differ," she remarked advancing on her son to get a closer look. "You've lost weight as well. Both of which are clear signs of stress, or so I've read."
"Please don't embarrass yourself by pretending to care," Lucifer scoffed rolling his eyes, although he knew how much his Mother hated it – or precisely because she hated it. It had been a sure way to get a clip around the ear back in the Silver City, if he remembered correctly. Truth be told, he was tired ... and hungry. But he wasn't about to admit that to his Mother of all people. She would just insist to take him home and force him to eat and sleep. He was an adult and could handle his bodily needs quite well without Mum's interference. Thank you very much.
"Lucifer," Charlotte said calmly. "I am your Mother. Of course I care. – And don't roll your eyes at me," she added with a frown. "What is the matter with you today? You're in an awful mood." She took another step closer until she was standing right in front of her son, looking at him feeling both concern and exasperation. She didn't try to comfort him with a touch; she knew he wouldn't allow it right now.
"And as I've mentioned before," Lucifer replied stonily. "My mood is not of your concern. – We were talking about your crush on Detective Douche."
"No, we were not," Charlotte shot back, her patience nearing its end. "We are talking about your childish conduct out there and if I do not see a change in both your behaviour and your tone, I will start smacking you." She hoped that Lucifer would come to his senses and be contrite, but to her great sorrow, her son rolled his eyes at her a second time for today and was about to turn away in a childish display of rebellion.
Being quite fed up with his temper tantrum and very certain that she would not accomplish anything by continuing to talk to him calmly, she took his angled body to her advantage and grabbed his upper arm in a firm grip while she brought her other hand down in an exceptionally gratifying whack on his rear end. His outraged "Mum" did as little to curb her exasperation at his demeanour as his attempt to twist his butt away did to save him from a second equally sharp smack in exactly the same spot.
"Bloody hell, Mother!" Lucifer exclaimed shocked, eyes going wide. "We're in public!"
"And I gave you fair warning that this would happen, if you did not stop this tantrum. Didn't I?" Charlotte replied, delivering a third stinging smack, before spinning her son around to face her, noticing with satisfaction that his resentment had taken a step back. Maybe now they could talk reasonably.
"I didn't think you'd follow through with it!" he replied in indignation, trying to dislodge her grip, but she held him fast. He'd quite clearly underestimated her and wanted to get as much distance between them as the tiny room allowed, lest she decided he needed another reminder to behave.
"You should be grateful that I'm granting you the privacy of this room. Quite frankly it's more than you deserve." His face and ears blushed so brightly, Lucifer was fairly certain it lit up the room considerably.
Outside Dan jump up from his perched position in alarm. That had suspiciously sounded like someone hitting something – or someone! Twice! He was about to barge in there, when Ella held him back with a surprisingly strong grip on his arm. He whirred back to look at her.
"Let me go," he demanded, but she held fast, even managing to pull him back.
"You really shouldn't go in there."
"But what if he hurt her? – You heard that, didn't you?" The same sound rang out again and he looked at the door frantically, waiting for someone to... what? Come bursting out?
"I think you're worrying about the wrong person, dude," Ella drawled with a grin, drawing his attention back to her. He looked at her smirking face for a moment trying to make sense of what she'd just said. Worrying about the wrong person?
"Only Charlotte and Lucifer are in there," he said slowly. "Who should I worry about if not Charlotte?"
"It'll come to you in a minute," Ella said, speaking with barely contained humour.
"What will come to me?" he retorted, feeling slightly annoyed. "Just tell ... oh!" And with a flash it dawned on him. Ella was right! It wasn't Charlotte, he should worry about! It was Lucifer! Staring dumbfounded first at Ella then at the door before his eyes locked with Ella's again, he could only gape. Could it really be true? Chloe'd said that she was his stepmom – not his real mom... but still. It did sound suspiciously like a smack – or rather three. "You think she's," he made a vague gesture with his hand, "him?"
"Do you have another plausible explanation?" Ella asked. He didn't. Now that Ella had pointed it out. He sank back against the desk, thinking the whole situation through. He couldn't believe that anyone would dare to do that to Lucifer of all people. Sure, he had a way to get Dan's blood boiling in no time and he would be lying if he hadn't thought that a good whooping would do the man a load of good – but for someone to actually do it? He needed time to process that. But then again, maybe he'd misinterpreted the sound. It really could have been anything what with the doors containing most of the noise. Maybe one of them fell down? 'Three times?' a small voice at the back of his head asked timidly, as he absent-mindedly waved Ella goodbye.
"Now, we will walk through these doors, you will apologise to Detective Espinoza –," Lucifer opened his mouth to argue, but she was not about to let him get a word in between. Her patience had reached its end. "And you had better make it believable. - Then you'll go home, where you will eat and sleep."
"This is ridiculous, Mother."
"And let me warn you, son," Charlotte continued as if he hadn't spoken. "If I see any more of this despicable behaviour once we're through these doors, I will not care who is watching." He cursed his Mother in several languages – only in his head of course, he wasn't that stupid – for her obstinacy concerning her blasted infatuation with Dan and for the wicked sting her right hand had left on his rear. How could one hold a serious discussion if her go-to argument was inflicting pain on his poor bum? But he vowed that this particular debate was far from over. He'd find a way to sabotage their coffee date. He just needed to change his tactics because apparently his Mother couldn't be trusted not to smack him in semi-public. He would be apologetic, for now; there was a reputation to uphold after all.
The door of interrogation 3 suddenly opened and Charlotte gracefully entered the bullpen followed by a sullen Lucifer. Dan straightened immediately, scanning them quickly for any obvious injuries or other clues for what had taken place behind closed doors. He couldn't detect any – not even a red cheek from a slap in the face. Which made him wonder where exactly Charlotte had slapped Lucifer – if she had slapped him at all.
Lucifer narrowed his eyes at him, but kept his mouth firmly shut. He'd realised that his Mother didn't make idle threats and he had no desire to be humiliated in front of a whole bunch of lawmen. Nevertheless he could not keep the scowl off his face as it was quite obvious that Dan had been listening the whole time. He just hoped that the heavy doors had muffled any sounds.
"Excuse that, please, Daniel," Charlotte said with a smile and Dan nodded shortly his eyes darting between Charlotte and Lucifer.
"No harm done," he said trying to lighten the mood.
"Lucifer," Charlotte prompted looking at her son in expectation, one eyebrow raised in clear warning. Fortunately Lucifer did heed the earlier warning and, albeit with ill grace, said, "I was out of line. – Satisfied?" He turned to his Mother with a sneer on his face.
"It'll suffice," Charlotte declared without waiting for Dan's reply. "Now, Daniel, are you ready?" Dan nodded slowly, watching Lucifer's furious expression from the corner of his eye. He somehow doubted that this conversation would be over.
"Yes, sure," he replied. "Let's go."
"Bye, son," Charlotte said, looking back at Lucifer with a stern gaze. "Remember my words."
Lucifer for his part forced a smile onto his face and watched them leave the precinct, anger boiling in the pit of his stomach. Altering his original plan (again), he suddenly felt a craving for a nice cup of coffee and some cake.
