Blueberries

Mr. Saru was sitting on his now effective Captain chair on an uneventful day in Space.

There was a Lieutenant that loved his eyes, his occasional bad mood and his sweetness.

And the Threat Ganglia.

Such a turn on.

Oh, Mary Ann, your Mum didn't raise you for that. She raised you to marry a rich, muscular, tad bronzed and who would never go bald man so you would guarantee healthy offspring.

But no. You'd always have to go astray. And not care. Because that's what was Space was: The Final Frontier.

And that Kelpien would go perfectly with your green eyes and straight thick long black hair. Imagine, his eyes were just like gemstones!

Yes, Mary Ann. You would grab him like an Opportunity by your legs.

Now, that was thoughtful.

"Lieutenant. Lieutenant."

She seemed to have awoken from a dream.

"Aye, Captain!"

"You are being summoned in Engineering."

"Oh, sure."

He was looking at her with a strange expression. Bummer. She wanted to run, but maintained her dignity and left.

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It had been a while since Saru had eaten blueberries along the corridors of the ship. For a strange reason, it always made him feel lonely.

"Blueberries!" a cherry voice invaded him in his constant guarded self.

"Lieutenant, you gave me such a fright! Do you want some?"

She wasn't sure anymore of what to do. She flushed.

"Yeah, sure..."

In fact, she didn't even like blueberries.

He shoved her the little plate on the air. It was going all wrong.

"No sir. You first."

"Don't worry. I've had enough." said Saru.

"Please." she was insistent.

"Well..." he got some...

And she licked his finger.

He had never been so scared. Even his Ganglia showed.

"I'm sorry!" she cried, "Could we do it again?"

"What are you playing at? What if someone sees us?"

"Captain, I've wanted you for ages! If being seen with me is the problem, let's go to your room!"

He was perplexed.

"I—We couldn't!"

"Why?"

He scratched his head.

"Lieutenant, you're out of your mind."

But she could see by the bulge on his trousers that Kelpiens and human male anatomy were not that different.

"I can see you find a good idea." she said.

"It may not be what you expect."

"Captain. You? Insecure?" she gave a feisty smile. "Come on. Take me to see the stars."

"This is a bad idea..." he sighed, in spite of himself. He wanted this at the moment too. A primal instinct overpowered him.

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"Geez, your room is big. Not fair."

Both of them then kept staring at each other. He touched her hair.

"Have you ever fantasized about me?" she inquired, caressing his face.

"I've never fantasized about anyone."

She kissed him, awkwardly. Then, they deepened the kiss. Both were new at this.

"But if I were to fantasize, it would be about you." he laid her on the bed. "What do I do now?"

"Whatever you want." she laughed.

He unzipped her uniform and had to muster all the control he had.

"Why do you wear lingerie under your uniform?"

"One never knows... I've been waiting for this moment for so long... How do you know what 'lingerie' is?"

"Let's say... I'm Kelpien, but I'm a man."

When she started taking off his clothes, it was difficult. He wouldn't let.

"Honey," she said, "Even if it is a 'one night stand', you mean a lot to me. I trusted you, now, you have to trust me."

He was so interesting. His skin had ridges and folds and his eyes changed colors according to the light or maybe his humor, like gems. He was so tender, she felt at ease. And she made everything so he would feel comfortable.

He kissed her, touched her, caressed her. She was so soft, smelled so good. Those were sensations he had never explored, experienced and he was sure he wanted to feel again. He felt alive. Very much alive. Especially by the noises and the moans Mary Ann was making. He never thought he was capable of awakening such feelings in another being. He knew what to do then. It was instinct. He was driven to it.

"I don't want to cause you pain, Mary Ann..." he caressed her hair.

"I want you..." she whispered, mesmerized.

There was no pain. They had never been so happy. Blueberries for them would never be the same.

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It had been more than a week.

Mary Ann and Saru exchanged so many sideways glances that the crew realized that there was something amiss.

Especially First Officer Michael Burnham.

"I'm just telling you to be more discreet." she advised Saru in the Turbolift. "After all, you're the Captain. Every one already knows you're in love."

"I'm not in love."

"No? But Lieutenant Mary Ann certainly is. How are you going to explain her that?"

He became silent.

"Come to terms with your feelings, Saru. Don't be afraid to love."

"Computer, halt Turbolift." said Saru.

Michael was puzzled.

"Well, after what you did to Tyler—"

Michael took a deep breath.

"Let's avoid this subject entirely, Saru. End of story. Resume Turbolift."

Her eyes had gotten red-rimmed. Saru knew he had crossed the line.

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After months, Saru and Mary Ann hadn't seen each other anymore. Until Mary Ann's door bell rang and she opened the door wearing a bathrobe.

"Are you insane? My roommate is here!"

"I don't care. I don't care anymore, Mary Ann. I needed to see you."

She ran her hands through her hair.

"Mary Ann. Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"We need to talk." said Mary Ann, sounding concerned. "I'm gonna get dressed."

"Why get dressed?" he smiled. "It's been so long..."

She laughed.

"Why Captain... You? Cracking a joke? Okay, your call."

He caught her like a bride and took her to his room.

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"You can't be serious. This can't be serious, Mary Ann."

She dried the tears from her face with the back of her hands. Everything flooded like a torrent before Saru had any time to say anything.

"Why would I be kidding? I am pregnant! And it's a boy! I'm sorry you feel that way!"

He held her, tight.

"How do you think a Kelpien and a human baby will look like? Not beautiful as you."

"I expect he will look like you. Specially with your eyes."

"You're such a sweetheart, did you know that?" he said, kissing her and taking off her bathrobe.

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It wasn't yet evident Mary Ann was pregnant, but she left the Bridge all the time in the morning to vomit. Saru, despite irritated, pitied her.

He was going to have a son!

How could they have been so careless!

What if there was another war and the child was at risk!

A half-breed!

But he couldn't deny, he was exploding with happiness.

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Mary Ann was dreaming. Someone was killing her baby. Cutting him into pieces. Taking him out of her. She cried them to stop.

When she woke up, the sheets were soaked in blood.

"Saru! Saru!" she shook him, now that they shared the same bed.

The next thing she remembered was Dr. Culber tending her. Saru holding her hand.

"Where is my baby?" she cried.

"You have to calm down, Mary Ann." said Hugh.

She was screaming, until he injected her with the hypospray. And she woke up with pieces of conversation.

" -better not to try again due to differences of species. Humans and Kelpiens may be incompatible, and-"

Then she blacked out again.

They said she stayed like that for days.

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When Mary Ann came back to the Bridge, if Saru could become livid, he would.

"Lieutenant, I had you relieved of duty. Remember?"

"I'm fine, Captain. The Doctor released me. After much insistence."

And she kept doing her work as if nothing had happened.

For weeks, Mary Ann behaved like an automaton. She even excelled. Until...

"Lieutenant, my Ready Room. Now." said Saru.

There they were, again.

"Computer, privacy. Sit. What are you doing?"

"Being a good Starfleet Officer."

He slapped the table and scared the hell out of her.

"You are worse than an android! Why did you exclude me of your life again, Mary Ann? What have I done? Do you blame me?"

She started crying.

"I—I didn't know how to apologize."

"Apologize for what?"

She rose.

"I blame myself! I couldn't... do my part properly! It was my fault. It was my fault! I killed our baby!" she shouted.

He went to her direction and held her tight, like it always calmed her.

"You didn't make this child alone. Dr. Culber said—"

"I heard what Dr. Culber said!"

"Well, then. It could have been yours or mine's responsibility."

An uncomfortable silence installed in the room.

"Am I dismissed?", she asked, on a clipped tone.

"Did I dismiss you?"

"No, Saru. I mean, Captain. You didn't. Which suggests you still have more in mind."

"In another occasion, I unashamedly said I had feelings for you."

Mary Ann smiled.

"I remember. I was wearing a white bathrobe. You said-"

"I remember what I said, Lieutenant."

"You know how I feel. You've always known." she sighed.

Saru didn't seem pleased.

"No. You said you wanted me. And I've never known I could feel like this." Saru sighed heavily. "If you'll have me, I'll do right by you. Unfortunately we can't have children, but you can always lick my blueberry fingers."

She laughed, crying at the same time, moved.

"Are you proposing?"

"No. Not yet. But I want to be by your side."

She ran to his arms.

"And that will do fine, because I still want you."

Love could be strange and confusing. But who would guess blueberries couldn't work a miracle.