The fight is over. I kneel, holding her in my arms, cradling her head in my lap.
Ramirez writhes and lets out his final screams, whilst you suffer your pain in silence. If only I had thought ahead, I could have changed something, anything, so that neither of us would have to feel this pain.
I remember it all so clearly. That last
night, do you remember, too?
Neither of us could sleep. But I
came and found you. Listening to that tune you were singing, stood
staring at the moon from where you were hiding, thinking. The song
made me forget my worries, my troubles. It made me feel at peace. You
said it was a lullaby your mother taught you. You said it was called
Final Rest, didn't you?
If only I had done something different
that night, followed my instincts, followed my heart. Instead of
hurting myself. Instead of hurting you like I did.
If I could have that last night over again, this is how it would have gone...
We stood next to each other, looking up at the red
moon, chatting, trying to pretend as though neither of us were
scared, as though this were any other night. Until you told me you
were afraid.
Afraid of getting hurt, of dying. Afraid of losing
me, afraid of losing anyone, for that matter. You told me how I was
like a substitute to the family that you lost, and how you were
afraid that the upcoming day would change it all.
I was scared
too. I was terrified. So why didn't I say so, why did I tease you
like I did? Why did I act like such a jerk? At any rate, you seemed a
little cheered up by it all. Then it happened.
Without realising,
we were both so close to each other, we could get no closer,
physically and emotionally. Then you turned around, reached up, and
kissed me.
I stood there, unable to move, to speak. I felt my
cheeks burn, and as I looked at you, you stopped smiling. Instead you
looked embarrassed, upset and, well… heart broken.
"I...have
to go." You mumbled, turned and ran off.
Why didn't I call
you back? Why didn't I hold you to me, kiss you back, return the
feelings that were churning inside me, like my heart was screaming at
me to do? I only wish that I had acted differently. Even if it had
only been one night together, we would still have had that much. Why?
If I loved you so badly, why did I not take the plunge, tell you,
open my heart to you?
I prop you into a sitting position, and
you lean against my shoulder, one tiny slender hand in mine, the
other clutching the gaping hole in your stomach. Tears fall down your
cheeks, yet you still look up at me, murmuring your apologies over
and over again.
Kissing your forehead, I ask you to sing the
lullaby one more time.
You smile weakly and oblige. The song
fills me with a kind of warmth I know I'll never feel again, and I
realise that tears are streaking down my face too. Half sitting, you
lean against me, the haunting melody echoing across the ship,
soothing, yet wordless. Just a tune, yet it reminds me of you. Of
us.
You close your eyes, and I somehow know that they'll never
open again. Your hand falls limp in mine, and the tears make slower
tracks down your cold cheeks.
I hold you against me, burying my
face in your long red hair, breathing in that scent one more time.
Your Final lullaby. Your Final Rest.
