Just as the summery said, this is basically a remake of the series as a whole. Some parts will be completely different, others practically the same, the same goes for some of the characters, but those won't be changed that much. I might exclude some arcs, or include some of my own, I might not. Now I'll shut up and let you enjoy XD

Oh, I kinda gave Oga a little perverted side...not much, but at least I made it clear that he's into chicks. I own nothing, except for the one or two OC's that'll be appearing.

1:

What? I picked up the demon king?!

(Oga)

I thought that my parents kicking me out of the house was the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

I was wrong. Dead fucking wrong.

I sat in the couch, frustrated, annoyed. The only thing that could possibly make me feel a little better was probably to smack the crap out of someone, anyone.

"Oi, Furuichi!" I called to my roommate/annoying friend, "You almost done over there?" I heard the idiot muttering curses under his breath as he carried what I guess was supposed to be lunch.

"Here," he muttered, placing a cold glass of water in the small table in front of me. I snatched one of the plates away from him and quickly began to eat, earning a dark look from him (or a least an attempt at one). "Hope you choke on it." He said, sitting down opposite to me on the carpet. I simply ignored his threat and continued to stuff my face with food.

"So what's this "amazing" story you're dying to tell me?" Stupichi asked, faking excitement.

I ate the last of my sandwich, gulping down my glass of water before letting out a satisfied belch. I leaned back, trying to figure out how to explain what happened to a simple moron like my roommate. When it came to me, I snapped my fingers, grinning to myself, then, after a long while of just grinning to myself, I began my tale.

"Once upon a time, there lived a smart, generous, and handsome young man, whom everyone wanted to be."

"Wait, wait, wait, hold up," Annoyichi interrupted, waving his hands in front of my face. "Who's smart and handsome again?" I gave him the usual look I do when he says something stupid, which is every other word that comes out of his mouth. "Bullshit!" he practically spat in my face, "I call bullshit on that!"

I grabbed the moron in a headlock, knocking down the table along with the plates and cups to the floor.

"Interrupt me again and I will break your neck!" I growled, feeling the tension I held earlier literally melt away. "Now tap out!" I demanded, letting go once he obeyed and taking my seat back on the coach.

"Now, where was I…." I muttered to myself, "Hmm…Now I remember! The kind and handsome man decided to do some…..laundry, down by the river. When lo and behold, he spotted a really big dude floating down the river-"

"STOP, STOP, STOP! What's "big dude" supposed to mean?"

"What?" I demanded, "he was a big dude, what did you think I meant, idiot?" he stood there with his mouth open like the moron that he was.

"ANYWAYS," I continued, shooting him a warning glare, "Everyone else that was there with him ran away in panic,"

"That's what a normal person would do in that sort of situation you idiot!"

"But the handsome young man showed no fear, in fact, he lifted the big guy out of the river, all by himself, to demonstrate his generosity. Suddenly, the old man split in two-"

"Wait, what?!"

"And out came a spirited and vigorous baby boy."

"That's it," idiotichi stated with a stupid look on his face, attempting to leave before I finished with my epic tale "I'm done with this."

Quickly, I pinned him to the ground with another headlock. "Then," I continued, unwilling to let go so easily, "the kind man said, "Oh, what a handsome baby!", remaining calm and acting as an independent adult should. He told him, "Get lost!" when he wouldn't stop following him."

"WHAT?!"

"And so," I finished, releasing him and rising off the carpet, "That's what happened, what can I say I couldn't get the kid off my back." I watched my roommate rub his thin neck in pain.

"You do realize no one's going to believe this crazy story of yours, right?" He told me with a glare.

"Ok then," I told the silver haired moron in front of me, matching his glare, "What should I do, idiot, lie?"

He stared at me like a retard again, "Did you not just make this whole thing up?!"

"Does it sound like it?"

"Yes!" He replied, sighing angrily, "Ok, let's pretend for a second you were telling the truth, could you even describe this "baby" you supposedly found?"

I sighed, what did he think I was, stupid? "He was around this high," I said, bringing my hand practically to the ground, "had green eyes, green hair….oh and he was naked."

"Naked?"

"Yes you idiot, naked, as in, his di…..you get the point." I finished shaking my head. Closing my eyes, I let myself fall back on the awaiting coach.

"O-Oga!" I heard the idiot cry in fear, opening my eyes, I saw that he had backed away to the farthest corner of the room. "That, uh, baby you mentioned…" he asked me nervously, "it-it wouldn't happen to be standing right beside you, would it?!"

I followed his shaking finger towards the end of the couch, and before I could ask what the hell was wrong with him, I spotted what he was looking at. "Yup," I told him, jerking my thumb towards the nude baby, "see, I told you I was-Oi, brat! I thought I told you to get lost!"

"I must be dreaming…." Stupidichi repeated to himself, I had half the urge to beat him seanslessly.

"No, you're not!" I insisted, trying to shoo the baby away at the same time. The little bastard tackled me to the floor, practically choking me in a death hug.

"GET OFF ME!"

….

(Hilda)

So this is the human world, not too shabby. It's almost a shame that the young master will one day burn it to the ground, almost.

"This is the place," I reassured myself, "He's here somewhere…."

"So, who is it we're looking for again?" I sighed mentally, glancing quickly at the other "passenger" behind me. His hands were behind his head, and his feet dangled from Ak-Baba loosely, in other words, he couldn't look idler even if he tried.

'He'll never change.' I thought to myself, shaking my head. "You of all people should know." I told him, my eyes still locked on him.

"Oi, this is the first I've seen you guys in years," he argued, not bothering to take his gaze from the sky, his tone was still neutral, despite the ever present scowled on his concealed face. "And besides, I've never even met the kid to begin with."

"This "kid" as you call him," I replied harshly, glaring murderously at my companion, "is next in line to inherit the throne, I'd be more respectful if I were you."

I heard him click his tongue, "He's still a kid." I heard him mutter under his breath.

I sighed, rubbing my temple, there was no point in arguing with the likes of him. "You never change."

He scoffed, "Look who's talking."

"You should feel honored, it is a privilege to serve under the master. Count yourself lucky that I choose you out of the entire castle to accompany me on this expedition." I heard him sigh deeply, dropping whatever he had to say.

"So," he finally replied after a short silence, "where do we start our search?"

"I don't know," I told him honestly, "he could be anywhere."

"It's a big city," he whined, quickly looking down at the buildings below us, "we'll be lucky if we even find him in this mess….and how the hell am I supposed to know who I'm looking for anyways?"

"Start looking or I'll push you off." I warned, my patience growing thin.

My threat seemed to work. With a low growl, he repositioned himself on his feet and glared downward as Ak-Baba descended from clouds with an earsplitting shriek.

(Oga)

I stared at the now asleep child on Furuichi's bed, watching him like a hawk.

"Finally, you got him off you," I heard Furuichi lean in and whisper, for fear of waking him up, "now what?"

"Now, we just have to take him back to the old man," I replied in a quiet voice, never taking my eyes off the kid. "Hopefully, he's still split in half."

"We?" the idiot asked, pointing two fingers at himself, "Sorry but I want zero part in-"

"Don't give me that crap!" I silently scram at him, "you became a part of this when you heard what happened!"

"Oh, like I had a choice!" he replied rolling his eyes at me, I was two seconds away from smashing his head into the ground, when I remembered the damn kid.

"Just shut up and open the damn door!" I told him, slowly creeping towards the sleeping child and gently picking him. My heart skipped a beat when I felt him moving in my arms, I breathed once I saw him stop.

"Oga, what are you doing? Hurry up!"

"Furuichi," I grinned from ear to ear, dragging him back to the rolling chair with my free hand, "I've got something that might benefit you, my friend…." He didn't even bother running away this time.

"Once upon a time, there was a generous young lumberjack."

"I already know where this is going….."

"One day, the young man threw his rusty axe in the lake, the spirit of the lake suddenly appeared, and asked, "Was it this old axe you threw in my lake, or was it this golden baby?""

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Here," I said thrusting the sleeping bastard towards him, "have a golden baby!"

"Hell no!" he shouted, shoving him back, "why do I have to take him when he followed you here?"

"Because!" I growled back.

"What are my parents ganna say when they come back from their vacation?!"

"Make something up!"

The fact that I was on the ground getting suffocated again was enough to tell me that the brat had woken up. "Great," I muttered to myself, "just what I needed, a crazy green haired baby that's totally attached to me…"

That's when the temperature suddenly dropped to cold as fuck. The only warning I got before my life went to total shit. That, and the two weirdoes that stepped through Furuichi's open window.

"Attached to you?" A woman with the BIGGEST pair of boobs I've ever seen repeated, looking directly at me as she walked inside like she owned the place, her black high heeled boots thumping as she marched towards us. Come to think of it, almost everything she had on was black.

Everything about her, from her military boots to her revealing dress, seemed to scream out, "Goth".

"You must be delusional. The master would never take a liking to gutter-trash such as yourself." She continued, crossing her arms and narrowing her green eyes.

Not ganna lie, while she was rambled on, I kept staring at her large tits. 'Damn, how much do those things weigh?' I mentally asked myself.

Then, the other guy came in, and he was…downright creepy; and coming from me, that's saying something. His face was completely covered by a hood, even if the weather outside was like a hundred fucking degrees. All you could really see were two blood red eyes and teeth that looked like they belonged to a damn shark. Everything else was literally covered up, save for his feet which were bare.

In other words, he made Furuichi look bad.

'Well, there goes my boner…' I thought to myself.

"That's him?" the creepy dude asked, pointing towards the little bastard on my shoulder, suddenly jumping down towards us. At this point, my silver haired friend began freaking out. "This is the future of our realm?" He turned towards the woman, thankfully, stepping back a bit "He's a little short…."

"Gutter-trash!" the woman snapped, forcing me to pay attention, "Are you deaf or something? I repeat, hand over the young master this instant."

"Oi! Who you calling gutter-trash?" I asked, waving aside the glares she was throwing, "And I would if the brat wasn't stuck to me like superglue! And who the hell do you think you are, breaking into my house like this?!"

"Um…THIS IS MY HOUSE!" The idiot Furuichi shouted, making us all look at him, "AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TWO ANYWAYS?!"

The woman walked over towards us, muttering something under her breath. "Come now master," she said sweetly, outstretching her arms towards the brat, "Hilda has come to take you home."

The damn kid didn't look the least interested in her, I wanted to pry him off my damn neck, but that only made him hold on tighter. With hurt clear in her eyes, she tried again.

"Master," she began to tug on the kids legs, but the bastard held on, "It's time to go!"

"Oga, just give her back the kid already!"

"Master, let go of him!"

"Furuichi!"

"Hang on, I've got this!"

The idiot and I sat side-by-side, both fried golden brown. In front of us, the two weirdoes and that…baby, I'm going to call it, sat calmly, as if we all hadn't gotten shock therapy a few seconds ago.

Furuichi and I looked at each other, wondering how a baby shoots lightning, freakin lightning.

"I apologize." The woman, Hilda, finally said, although she didn't sound the least bit sorry.

"Alright, so who the hell are you guys," I asked, cutting straight to the point, "and what the hell's up with that kid?"

The creep and Hilda looked at each other, shrugging. "You want to know who we are?" she straightened, glaring at us with narrowed eyes. "Fair enough. I am the demon maidservant, Hildegarde, and the demon beside me," she jerked her thumb towards the other dude, "is Raejin."

I blinked, actually surprised by what she said.

Furuichi meekly raised up his hand, trembling, "Excuse me, did-did you just say you two were….d-d-de-"

"Demons? Yes."

"And-and the baby?"

"His name is Kaiser de Emperana Beelzebub IV," she replied, toying with the kid, "and he is the heir to the Demon World's throne. In other words, he is the king of us demons."

I literally fell back. "Demon king?!" 'That little squirt?! No fucking way!'

"And as my title implies," she continued, "I serve him and cater to his every desire. Raejin, on the other hand, is a distant relative to the young master."

I beamed at the mention of the word "relative", almost pouncing on Red Eyes, "Wait a sec, you're this kid's family member?"

"It's not that-" I cut him off before he could finish, shaking him restlessly, there might be hope for me yet….

"You can take him back with you, right? I mean, you're his, what, brother? Cousin? Uncle?"

"Two words," he replied, holding two fingers up to my face, "Distant. Relative. It's not that simple." That said, he pushed me back to my place. "And besides," he sighed, plucking the child away from Hilda, who shot him an angry look, "even if I wanted to, I can't."

"Come on!" I groaned, facepalming.

"Um…" I heard Furuichi mutter beside me, "Hilda-san, Raejin-san, was it?"

"Just Jin." The creepy demon called to him, watching the child curiously hold a lock of his dark hair in his tiny palm.

"Right, uh…so why can't you take him back? Is there like a special reason or…?"

"Actually, there is," I heard the woman sigh, almost gagging as the words came out of her mouth. "It seems that the master has indeed taken a liking to this…..loathsome creature." She glared at me hatefully, which I was more than happy to return. "Which could only mean one thing, he's been chosen."

"Chosen?" I asked, getting a bad feeling in my gut, "chosen for what?"

"Isn't it obvious," the red eyed demon asked, he and the baby were apparently playing an intense game of patty cake, "you've just become the proud papa of the next Demon King."

"…"

"…have a nice life Oga."

"Oh no you don't!" I jumped on the fleeing idiot as soon as his hand touched the doorknob, "Sit your ass back down!" I dragged him back towards the three demons by the shirt; if I had to put up with this shit, he had to put up with this shit.

"Oi, Hilda," I saw red eyes smirk, turning to the other demon practically laughing, "these two make decent entertainment, don't you think?" She just shook her head and glared at us coldly. The baby began to make excited noises, jumping on his relative's lap.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did.

"I knew it! I knew my eyes did not lie!"

Oh great, first the Demon king brat latches on to me, then his bitch of a maid and creepy-ass family member come barging in, and now, a half-naked Freddy Mercury walks into the room. Is this it or are we also inviting a murderer for dinner?

"Someone please tell me what the hell is going on…." I muttered to myself, slowly looking at all the intruders, seriously, you try saying a comeback in this situation.

"My apologizes," he told us, bowing, "I am the Transdimensional demon, Alaindelon, at your service."

"Transdi-wha….?" I looked at the idiot for answers.

Behind us, I could hear the maid sigh in annoyance, "A Trasdimensional demon is just what the name says," she explained rolling her visible eye, "a demon that can transfer people or things between dimensions at will." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"In order for me to transport the master into the human world, I had to travel down the river, and I saw a magnificent sight. I saw you laughing heartily as the humans trembled with fear and groveled before you! I was convinced then, if anyone was to become lord Beelzebub's human father, it would be you."

"So….that's why?"

"Hmm…..nope, your name's a mouthful, kid," I half heard red eyes tell the brat, "…..how about, just Kaiser, or…..maybe Beel…..yeah, lil' baby Beel." at that last name, I heard the kid cheer for joy while the demon maid muttered something under her breath.

"No….." I blurted out suddenly, causing the demons to glare at me simultaneously, "I'm not ganna do it," I stood up, opening the door to Furuichi's room, "Take the damn kid and leave."

Hilda raised a brow, clutching her parasol in her right hand, "In other words…..you refuse?"

"No shit, go bother someone else, cuz I'm not interested!"

"I see," she sighed standing up, holding the umbrella with both hands. "Then you leave me no choice."

'Honestly lady, what are you ganna do with-'

"Die."

Next thing I know, I'm on the front lawn staring at the now destroyed wall.

"Shit! They really are demons!"

"Forget that! She totally wreaked my house! My parents will kill me once they get back!"

Just then, an energy blast straight out of an anime came from Furuichi's bedroom and practically hit us dead on.

"Fuck the house you idiot!" I yelled, just barely dodging another energy blast, "You'll be lucky if you survive this!"

…..

(Hilda)

The fools. I saw them running until they were nothing but a speck on the horizon. Did they honestly believe they could escape? It makes no difference.

"Raejin," I called out, watching him join me on the edge of the structure. I gestured towards the direction in which the humans fled, "Immobilize them in any way you please, but don't you dare raise a fist." He shot me an unreadable look.

"Once again, you never let me have any fun." he replied, "Are you really that hell-bent on killing them yourself?"

I sighed, "Raejin, you know what happens when-"

"I get it, no fighting under any circumstances." He cut me off, clearly not wanting me to lecture him about the topic again. "So, immobilize only?" I nodded, "Alright, if you say so, Hilda-chan."

I blinked, "What did you just-", I began, but quickly found myself speaking to no one. Shaking my head, I followed, reminded of the task at hand.

(Oga)

"Ak-Baba!"

I was just about to pry the damn kid off me, who I swear just magically appeared on my back, when I heard the demon's voice behind us.

"OGA WATCH OUT!" Before I had time to ask why the idiot stopped dead in his tracks, something that looked half lizard, half bird (For the record, I'm not making any of this shit up) swooped down in front of us.

I don't know what came over me, but next thing I know, my foot was implanted on that thing's face, sending it crashing down.

"You. Kicked. A. Demon."

"It's important to hit 'em first! Now come on you idiot!" We were just about to turn towards the next street when Red Eyes, literally, appeared out of thin air.

Well, fuck.

"Turn around! Turn around!"

"I got it already!"

With nowhere else to turn to, I did what any levelheaded person would do. Grabbing Furuichi by the collar, I jumped straight down towards the river I found the brat in, just barely missing a blast from the maid.

As if my day hadn't been shitty enough, a couple of idiots from my school were obviously looking to get in a fight with me. Again.

If you can't picture this scene, just know that everyone except Furuichi wants me dead right now. Can you see it now? I pretty much screwed myself here.

While the idiots in front of me spat death threats, I saw the woman casually walking towards us, sword in hand.

Wait, when the fuck did she get a sword?!

"I envy you," she told me, pressing the edge to my face, "not only have you succeeded in staying alive, but you also refused the Demon King's offer. We demons are particularly picky about contracts you see."

I winced, feeling warm blood dripping down my face. I heard the demon baby whimper suddenly, causing Hilda to step back a bit. Turning my head, I saw his small eyes begin to water as he touched the small drop of blood that landed on his cheek.

…..

"CRAP!"

'Wait…..where am I?' I felt the sheets around me and realized I was back at Furuichi's house, the rays of sunshine hitting my face.

"So….that was all just a dream?" I asked myself, looking down at my hands, "just a crazy, fucked up dream?"

But it felt so real….

"Phew! Man! I was one step away from becoming the Demon King's parent! Wait'll I tell Furu-"

"Oi, Hilda! The human's not dead!"

"…."

"Finally," I turned, screaming once I saw the three demons at my bedside. "You've been out for three days, and I've gotten tired of waiting."

'Three days?!'

I pointed a shaky finger at the woman, still hoping I was still asleep, "You!…..You! You can't be real!"

"Are you still surprised?" she asked me, rolling her eyes, "You are the parent of the Demon King now, in time, nothing will surprise you."

"….."

"Well, say something, sewer rat."

"That's a new one, what it's not gutter-trash anymore?" she rolled her eyes again. "Ok…..so, I'm the kid's father, now what happens?"

"Now? Together, we'll raise a fine Demon King that will one day destroy life as you know it."

"You can't be serious!" I panicked, backing away as the future damnation of mankind crawled over towards me.

"Of course she's serious," Red Eyes (seriously, I can't remember this bastard's name) said, "I doubt there's been a time where she's joked around."

I gulped, "And-and the humans, what happens to them?"

"Oh them? Let's see, they'll be killed, enslaved, or have other horrible things done to them."

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WITH A STRIGHT FACE?!"

"Oh, don't worry, you and your idiot friend will be spared, if we like you enough that is." Yeah, that's real reassuring…..

Hilda shook her head, "I wouldn't give them false hope if I were you, Raejin."

"Hey, just trying to help..."

"Dabu!" the baby cried, jumping onto my lap.

"Heh, whatdaya know," Red Eyes crossed his arms, "baby Beel actually does like you." I groaned, falling back.

And I thought I had it bad before…..something tells me, it only gets worse from here.