A Matter of Control
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with anything remotely 'Merlin' related – not a bean!
Note: just a little angsty drabble
For all of his lofty ideas, all of his high-minded intentions, he could not escape the harsh reality of the situation. She simply did not meet his father's exacting standards and nothing in this world would change that. He knew he should fight for her, fight for them but he stopped himself. Perhaps it was because he didn't feel grown-up enough, perhaps he wasn't ready to sacrifice everything for her – not yet anyway.
That he loved her, there was no denial. He just didn't know if he loved her enough to claim her for his own and the consequences be damned.
Morgana's plea had simply given him a good excuse to go to her rescue but he had already decided his course of action.
Then he had turned up. He couldn't bring himself to say his name aloud. Only with his arrival did his own feelings become clear but by then it was too late. Both he and Merlin had witnessed the emotion and meaning in that brief handhold. It had spoken volumes and now he shied away from any further thoughts demonstrating his feelings for her, preferring to hide behind the bravado and flippant remarks that came so easily to him.
His presence had immediately changed things forever, he was not just any rival for her affections. He was a rival with a real chance, a rival who had already gained a hold on her heart.
He had woken to find him gone, Merlin shuffling around the hastily made camp with a shrug of the shoulders the only explanation for his absence.
It had torn his heart to see how upset she was, her body shaking with heavy sobs as she struggled to control the tears. But still he could not go to her, could not let himself drop the business-like façade that had served him so well for so long.
They endured the long journey home, the silence broken intermittently by Merlin urging them for a break as he had been left to walk back.
He watched her rush to Morgana and his eyes met hers over the shoulder of the King's ward.
He had to make up his mind. He had to decide whether he could watch her go. No, he corrected himself. He had to decide whether he could let her go.
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